From: Mr Wayne Killion and Wayne Coleman Subject: TRANSCRIPT-RIGEL Date: Fri, 21 Aug 1998 >From the archives of Therapseuchos Killiow Subject: Bridge Officer Rigel Session 1 Bridge Officer Rigel had made this appointment late yesterday afternoon. Luckily there was an opening in the schedule. I have a meeting with the Chief Medical Officer and Commander Adama later in the day. I didn't schedule anything this morning so that I could prepare the meeting this afternoon. The door Comm buzzed and I went to greet her. On time. Transcript of session: Rigel: Thank you for seeing me on such short notice. Killiow: No problem. I had some open time this morning. Please, come in and sit down. As we walked toward the counseling area, I grabbed my electronic notebook off my desk. We sat down in chairs across from each other on opposite sides of a glass table. Killiow: So how are you doing today? Rigel: O.k. I guess. I really do not know where to begin. Killiow: That's ok. Begin wherever you wish. Rigel: All right. Last week I started having re-occurring dreams about the holocaust. I can see myself over and over on the bridge of the Galactica watching the Cylons attack the fleet and Caprica. In this dream I continue with my duties, trying to pay as much attention to the scanners and Comm traffic as I can. Then my heart feels like it stops. I look up at the monitor just in time to see a Cylon fighter blow the tailwing off a viper. The viper loses control and goes into a spiraling spin. I can hear the pilot cursing at the controls. He never saw what was about to happen. He crashes into the bridge of the Battlestar Triton. There is a massive explosion on the Triton, and then it's gone. Killiow: Were you on duty when the attack came? Rigel: Yes Killiow: Then you know the Galactica was nowhere near the fleet when the Triton was destroyed. How is it you remember this so clearly? Rigel: I'm not sure. I guess it's from the stories I heard from the pilots who survived. Killiow: Why the Triton? If I remember the reports correctly, the Galactica was deploying away from the rest of the fleet when it was destroyed. Is that right? Rigel: Yes, it is. Killiow: Is there some significance regarding the Triton that you're aware of? Rigel: Yes, my husband was a on the Triton. Killiow: I see. Would you like to talk about him and what happened? Rigel: Well his name was Brillus. We met at the Academy on Caprica. He was an exchange student from Taura. Killiow: How did you meet? Rigel: We were in astral cartography together, it was the second half of our third year. Our instructor, Sire Goeller paired us up for a project on mapping the Dravon asteroid belt. We spent quite a bit of time together, and we fell in love. The first thing I noticed about him was his green eyes. They swept me off my feet. He had dark black hair, and handsomely chiseled features. I miss him so much. He came from a very well to do family, with a long history of achievers. There are contributions from his family in all of the sciences, the arts, music, politics, literature and space exploration. His great great great grandfather flew the first exploration mission to the Gorin Belt, which began the colonizing and the unification process. He was ready and willing to make his mark, until........ Killiow: How long before you started dating? Rigel: We had dinner that night, and walked along the lake in the moonlight. It was beautiful, not a cloud in the sky, all of the moons were visible and stars for as far as the eye could see. I knew that night, he was the one for me. I never believed in love at first sight, but it does happen. Killiow: How long before you decided to Seal. Rigel: We met in the spring, and it was late in the following winter season, that was our last year at the academy. He asked me and of course I said yes. When my family found out who he was and who his family was they were ecstatic. We set a date for after graduation. Neither of us expected to get posted to the same ship, but when we were both assigned to the Galactica, it seemed as though the gods were smiling on us. I was assigned to core control and he was assigned to interstellar helm and plotting, both of which were bridge assignments. Most of the time the duty schedule, had our off duty hours and days relatively the same. We had plenty of time to spend together. After several sectons on the Galactica we asked Commander Adama to officiate our Sealing. We were married among the stars in the observation lounge near the rejuvination center. The ceremony was beautiful. We were in the Loren sector, near the Gemices nebulas. Twin nebulas that spiraled out in beautiful shades of purple, orange, yellow and violet. The gas from the alpha nebula, mix with the Trontium particles from the beta nebula and the charges create electrical pulses which light up both nebula. The gas then separates and the gets pushed back out, creating the same effect, over and over, like clockwork. It was beautiful. When Commander Adama began the ceremony, I was so scared. Holy Frak what in Hades am I doing? I wanted to run but the heart would let me. Perspiration began rolling down my neck and I started fidgeting. Brillus took my hand and squeezed it. I looked up and there it was, that little mischievous smile. I DO!!!! I yelled. Commander Adama chuckled told me that it is usually best to wait for the question. He did get the question, and we both said I do. Brillus pulled me into his arms and kissed me. I was never more certain of anything in my entire life. Killiow: It sounds wonderful. Rigel: It was. We decided to take our Unification retreat right away and took off for Libra. Libra was so beautiful at that time of year. Brillus found this tropical retreat that I had never heard of. It was a large island called Trafalgar not to far off the main continent. As our shuttle cruised over the island I was totally amazed. I had never seen so many Rungi trees in all my life. They were breathtaking. Killiow: I'm sorry, what's a Rungi tree. Rigel: They are trees that have been terraformed to all different sizes. They have large trunks that are just perfect for leaning against. The leaves are blue with yellow and orange veins running through them, and are about two and half meters across. They hold their shape, and stay flat, just slightly curling up and inward. They provide a beautiful canopy. The water on the shore line was the clearest blue that I have ever seen. You could see the domesticated Hull fish playing out in the water, and were very friendly with the guests. They'll swim up to the boats and do tricks for anyone willing to feed them. Killiow: Sounds like the ideal spot to go. Rigel: It is. Brillus and I spent two sectons there and decided to go back for our fifth anniversary. But, I guess that's not going to happen now. Killiow: Are you doing all right? Rigel: I'm fine, really. Killiow: So what happened after the Unification? Rigel: When we arrived back on the Galactica, the Council had completed the peace talks with the Cylons, and the agreement had been accepted. I thought it was great news, but Brillus was a bit skeptical. He was sent to the Triton on Temporary duty. It was only suppose to be for two sectons. They were running a bit short handed in the preparations for the peace accord with the Cylons. Everyone was busy on all of the ships, and a lot of people were pulling double duty, and filling in other duties as well. We kept in touch everyday though. Then the attack came. I sat at my station praying that we would all make it through. My heart sank when I saw the Atlantia go up in flames. I got sick as I heard Commander Adama order the Galactica away from the battle. I didn't want to leave him, if only we'd stayed; we might have done something. I feel like I've abandoned him, and it's my fault that he's dead. It shouldn't have happened. I never got to see him again, I never got say good bye, and I never got tell him I love him, one last time. I never saw him again. Killiow: Did you find out what happened? Rigel (Shaking and crying severely): Yes, it's just like I told you in the dream. One of our fighters slammed into the bridge. The ship was so heavily damaged, it caused a chain reaction along the main power conduit, right down the center axis of the ship. The Triton split apart and went up like a supernova, and I didn't do damn thing to stop it. Killiow: Are you feeling guilty for his death? Rigel: It's not a feeling, it's a fact. If we had stayed things might've been different, he would still be alive today. He was good man, a man of peace, compassion and values. He was a dreamer. I let him die. Killiow: No, you didn't let him die. None of us let any of those people die. If anyone of us could have changed what happened, we would have. There's not one person I have spoken with who doesn't feel the same. Rigel: But, if we hadn't deployed away from the fleet... Killiow: We would all be dead. Commander Adama made the right decision. Who would be left to protect the ships that are left? Adama would be dead, and so would all of the people on those two hundred and twenty other ships out there. From what you've told me about Brillus, I don't think he would blame you. Rigel: I didn't say Brillus blames me, I blame me. Killiow: You said he was a very compassionate and caring man. What do you think he would be doing if the situation were reversed? Rigel: He'd probably be blaming himself, just like I am. Killiow: Would you want him to do that? Rigel: Absolutely not. It wouldn't have been his fault if the situation were reversed... She began at that moment to realize the moment what she was doing, and knowing Brillus so well, she knew what he would want her to do. Killiow: What would you want him to do if the situation were reversed? Rigel: I would want him to continue on. If I know him, he would be trying to find ways to help people, somewhere in the technology or science arena. He would be working on scanners with more power and a longer range, and spending all of his off duty hours in front of it, looking for food and fuel, Comm signals from other worlds, things like that. He'd probably be working on ways to conserve energy, and work on engine designs and enhancements. It wasn't his area of specialization, but he would be getting into it. He'd probably be working on ways to produce higher yields on the agricultural ships. That's just the way he was. If it was there, and it needed fixing or improving, he wanted to know how it worked, how to fix, and how to make it bigger better and faster. He wasn't one for waiting around. He'd be taking the initiative. He loved challenges, and hated being told he couldn't do something. When someone would tell him he couldn't, he would do it anyway, just to prove them wrong. Killiow: A couple of laws of science for you. Opposites do attract, but on the flip side, things that very similar, or that are of the same tend to congregate together. Were you two opposites, or similar? Rigel: A lot of it depended. We never competed with each other, we complemented each other, and he was never insecure about high-grade average. We were pretty much about the same. His strengths made up for my weaknesses, as my strengths made up for his weaknesses. Like I said we complimented each other. We each had our tastes in art, food and music, but we enough to appreciate each other's individuality. I'm known as Rigel, he was known as Brillus. We took the best of what we had and put it together. Killiow: It sounds like you two were very mature and levelheaded about the relationship. Rigel: We were. Killiow: I like that about the two of you putting your best together. Do you think you've still got a lot of the best of him in you? Rigel: Definitely. He will always be a part of me, the best of him and all. Killiow: If you listened to the best part of him that's still with you, what do you think he'd say? Rigel: He'd say it wasn't my fault, and that I needed to be strong. That he would always be with me no matter what. He would tell me that I have a lot of friends that survived, and that I wouldn't be alone. He would tell me that he loves me. Killiow: If he was still alive, and standing here telling you all of that could you accept it? Rigel: Without question. Killiow: So how about the best part of him that's in you now. Can you accept what he's saying to you from within? Rigel: He'd never lie to me, or hurt me. I think I could. For the first time she smiled. She said she felt relieved, and for the first time, didn't quite feel so guilty. Killiow: So what are you thinking now? Rigel: O.k. maybe it wasn't my fault. Yes, he'll always be with me, but still miss him so much. It's just not the same. Killiow: I know. It's going to take some time to adjust, and grieving process has to take its course. Why don't we stop for now, and you take some time to think about we've talked about today. We've covered quite a bit of territory. How about if we get together next week, oh say the same time, and talk some more about how you're doing? Does that work for you? Rigel: That'll be fine. Killiow: The healing process is going to take some time. So if things don't seem to be happening instantaneously, don't worry about it, it's normal. But the important thing is that you're taking steps. A lot of people are afraid to do that. It takes courage, especially to ask for help. We all could use a little sometime. Rigel: I may need more than a little, I may need a lot She smiled again. Killiow: I'll be here. END OF SESSION. SUMMARY of Subject Rigel by Therapseuchos Killiow Bridge officer Rigel appears to be a very capable and levelheaded individual. I have no doubt that she will recover from the guilt that she has placed upon herself. Given that she approached this office on her own accord shows a willingness to want to heal. Unfortunately no amount of counseling can heal the wounds of losing a loved one. Time is the only thing that will lessen this blow. The hurt will always remain to some degree but time will heal the wound. END of Transcript Lonnie Wayne Killion E-Mail killionw@fmmc.army.mil