Date: Wed, 15 Jan 1997 From: Tina Vivian Not for everyone, but what the heck... Hidden Hunger (Starbuck's Lament to Cassie) __________________________________________________ One who told me I was much in need, Had never seen the time such caused me to bleed. For I had known the pleasure, that was, all, We both had known the love in folly's fall. Mine, in which, had resulted from longest time, Only other could claim before which was mine. But to feel previous fall spelled suffering for me, And I hurt the deepest, I was sure, than thee. But other left, as I knew other would, a kill in kind, Suffering down the tender heart of mine. Time is all - and the waiting was all, of need, Tender mercy'd heart - then - much afraid to feed. Feeding upon which made eternity but come, And one to me - could hardly say when it was done, For I, afraid to hurt, had been found afraid to care, And found but only nothing in my residing there. Knowing only then what I had built once meant, That alone, the soul was lifeless, empty, discontent... And then again, I was risking deep and awful shame, And true I was, in resisting thought of such a pain. But wrong! In thinking nothing given, nothing hurt. For I found a deeper aching and it burnt. No! My mind echoed and I found the Door to close. Barred the burden, locked it several, closing off my soul. The keys, golden words, I pushed farthest from my mind, Left behind, the keys I swore no one would find. For the words, I'd hear not often, slipped far and further from, As I closed myself about myself, my own kingdom to come! But one knocked upon the gold rusty gate outside the door, And peered into the fortress as I shivered near to floor. Oooo! I hear you - go away and Go Away! Peeking then, I squinted out the Door into the day. Light! Hurting vision and it caused me to cry. The one then saw and ran to rock me as they dry. Looking up I see kindly face smiling at the child, That I am, seeing I am drawn, and one touches, mild. One stares into my eyes, therefore exposed to all my soul - Sees the heavy laden Door, and wonders, where one goes; One is told the need of keys, and searched for them there, I stare, for one risks, the risk I would not fare. Incredulous, I nearly show the keys, not believing, Myself, and stop. One smiles, softly seeing - I, on my knees, begging savior from myself, And one draws me from my Door, and thus, thyself. One seeks to see that which makes up my true form, And pulls the keys, ripping them from my inner storm. In awe, I wonder at what one sees... I know one sees - And my soul, cold, is exposed to frightening breeze. Shivering, I regroup, and grasp to reclose my needs, Vainly, for I know one has the several golden keys. One waits to see rather if I come out - instead - And I shake behind the Door, hanging my leaden head. 'Your swords you cross before you in your own defense, Will see to your destruction and proceed to take you hence. Taken from this world, lonely, broken in thy self-contempt, If I cannot force sense on you, remain untrue, inempt.' Whispering, I hear the one who call on me to leave, Tempting, I listen to myself, and then, Clank! one key... 'A lie!' I told myself, of thinking I'd need no gain, For I caused myself to strike myself greater pain. Now my will forces me to rise, in a new defense. Casting off the bar, Prying open the rest! Shyly, calmly now, one's startled at what one sees, "I, the fool", say I, "No need no more of keys." I welcome one and risk the frightening thought, And wonder at the gift that one has brought. Calling, sweetly lifting, all the burden from my heart, Trying to speak, I'm silenced from a finger at lips part. Lighter fancy at the wonder to be truly free, Bravening to venture at what might never be - Dreaming in my fancy! Dare of being to dare, Courageous clinging on the silken strands of care. One who called out to me to come and truly know - I wander through the golden gate, and to one I go. Hand in thine, a stronger god they'd need break My will, causing me to change my fate! Nearer drawn, all in fancy be my love in thee, That caused the light that forced the blind to see. Resist no more the sweetest nectar spooned, To, once, a child who at every drop had swooned. To cast away strict caution, faithless sword! Gaurding all my dreams like priceless hoard. Were I to know the sword's defense struck at I! I have not given my treasure to such as thy... Now it's known only one can such secure, One must see the hoard to love it and of wound, cure. 'Trifle' I lighten at the brand new dawn, Once again, I shiver, but as new-born fawn. Fleeted heart, listen! The music one waves at me... We, our ideal pleasure, our love; all that would be! Casting away the mask, we join and together, beam, And I face the one who called me to dare to live the dream... - c. 1984 -- Tina Louise (ginger) Vivian........tvivian@ford.com ...... - Ford Motor Co. - WWW Organization - ...... **// Advanced Web Tech. - Web Creative Services \\**