Subject: Jolly Forgot the Kids -- Episode 101 Date: Mon, 04 Jun 2001 "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 101 Scene: In a secret, hidden place aboard the Galactica...the quiet underbelly...where no one knows, and no one goes...a place to hide, a place to think, a place to be alone... Two men are hunched over a small fire (don't ask where they got the wood or why fire control isn't detecting it and turning on the sprinkler system - I said, *Don't Ask!*). Omega finishes reading a report, and sets it aside. Omega: *Sigh.* Isn't that woman ever going to leave the Galactica? Boomer: I thought you enjoyed her company. Omega: I did...for a while. It got me off the bridge, gave me a little screen time. But sooner or later, I was bound to get tired of it. Boomer: Bound? She was into bondage? Omega: No, I mean...never mind. So what brings you here? Boomer: (Dismally.) Columbo is looking for me. He said he just wants the secret of my fumarellos, but I know better. He wants to blame me for the termination of Ganymede. Omega: This early in the investigation? Boomer: Yeah. Omega: That's a good sign! The initial suspect is never the actual killer in these kind of things! Boomer: Unless it's so obvious that there's no other choice, it's just a matter of proving it, of finding the little bit of evidence that does the trick and unravels the perfect crime... Omega: Are you saying you did it, and you're afraid he's going to find the evidence if he finds you? Boomer: No - because I didn't do it - but I don't want to give him the chance. How could Starbuck do this to me, turn me over to him like that? Omega: But he didn't turn you over. Boomer: How did Columbo find out about the fumarello? Omega: Didn't you read the report? There was a partially-smoked fumarello under the body. Boomer: The Colonel never lets us read those official reports. Unless I wanna be like Apollo and read all the top-secret stuff without clearance, I don't get to find out about it. Who's passing it to you, anyway? Omega: Uh, that's not important right now. Well, if it's any consolation, Columbo doesn't suspect you. He just wants to find out who got some of your fumarellos. Boomer: Officially, or unofficially? Omega: I think they're all unofficial, aren't they? Boomer: Good point. A third figure crawls out of a nearby conduit and joins them at the fire. Croft: Hi, guys. Omega: Hello, Croft. What brings you here? Croft: I got my new orders. Commanding finks! They're sending me to the Jolly and Cassie ship! Taking me off the prison barge and sticking me with the kids. Well, I'm not going! Omega: Seems to be a lot of that going around. Athena's not going, either. Boomer: Wait - Athena? They were sending Athena to the Jolly and Cassie ship? Omega: They were, until she quit the service. Boomer: She quit? She can't do that! She'll be devastated when it sinks in what she's done! Commander Adama and Apollo will be devastated! I've got to stop her... Croft: But how can you, from here? Boomer: Omega, you said I'm not a suspect in Ganymede's termination? Omega: Not according to the reports I've read. Boomer: Then I can leave here and go back to the inhabited parts of the ship and my duty. I've got to stop Athena! I've got to save her from herself! No matter what the cost! He quickly scrambles into the conduit and disappears. Croft: So how long do you figure on being down here? Omega: It's been too long already. Croft: Well, at least you get to look forward to an endpoint. I could be here for yahrens... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Tinia say, "And risk the flying darts? Not on your life!" Subject: Jolly Forgot the Kids -- Episode 102 Date: Tue, 05 Jun 2001 "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 102 Scene: Outside the O Club. Adama and Tinia approach. Adama: I don't know about you, Siress, but considering everything that's happening around here, I could use a drink. Tinia: I don't blame you. And I'll gladly join you. The door opens and Greenbean rushes out, nearly running them over. Greenbean: (Coming to attention.) Commander! Siress! Adama: At ease, Greenbean. What seems to be the problem? Greenbean: (Swallowing.) Sir, you don't want to go in there, sir... Adama: Why not? Is the bar out of ambrosa? Greenbean: No. Adama: Pretzels? Greenbean: No. Adama: Is Giles doing karaoke again? Geenbean: He was, until he got a dart in the end. Tinia: A dart at the end? Greenbean: No, a dart *in* the end. Somebody was drinking better than they were aiming... Adama: We'll be careful, then. Greenbean: That somebody was Siress Belloby, sir. Adama: We'll be somewhere else, then. Greenbean: But, sir, what about Starbuck? Adama: What about him? Greenbean: He's been mummified! Tinia: (Horrified.) Mummified! I didn't even know he was dead! Did someone kill him too? Maybe the same person who killed Ganymede killed Starbuck! Greenbean: No, not that kind of mummified- Adama: (Sternly.) If he's had too much to drink, pour him into his bunk or carry him off to Life Center, the same as usual. Greenbean: Not that kind, either - he's been twined! Adama: (Shocked.) Twined! Like a kobolian mummy? This is serious. Who's responsible for this outrage? Greenbean: Uh...I don't know, sir... (He takes off.) The door opens again, and Komma comes dashing out, nearly running them over. Adama: Komma! Komma: Commander! Adama: What's going on in there? Komma: Uh...Siress Belloby has really bad aim, sir... Adama: Does she have anything to do with Starbuck being twined like a kobolian mummy? Komma: Not that I know of, sir. Adama: So who does? Komma: (Tugging at his collar.) I don't know, sir. Gotta go! (He takes off.) Tinia: Adama, something's happened in there, that your crew seem reluctant to tell you about! I think we've got to go in there! Adama: And risk disaster by Belloby? Tinia: You're the commander! It's your duty! Adama: You're a council member! You go in! Tinia: And risk the flying darts? Not on your life! You get paid to take risks, I don't! The door opens, and a stampede of Black Ovines and Blue Squadron members run out, trampling the commander and the siress. The Ovines are followed by a mechanical daggit, which pauses at the fallen figures of the fleet's leaders - and then begins dragging them to safety, out of the path of running feet. Unfortunately, it drags them into the O Club...out of which suddenly come piercing screams... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "Space 'em all!" Subject: Jolly Forgot the Kids -- Episode 103 Date: Wed, 06 Jun 2001 "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 103 Scene: A small chamber in the underbelly of the Galactica, the dark and secret place, full of shadows, where a fire burns inexhaustibly despite nobody ever apparently putting more wood on it. Croft and Omega sit beside the fire. They look up at the sound of something opening and a shaft of light, quickly blocked. Then...a figured wrapped like a kobolian mummy drops in on them. Figure: Ooof! Omega: A kobolian mummy! Croft: How do you know? Omega: I saw the reports from Kobol! I also aced my classical history classes at the Academy. That is definitely a kobolian mummy. The figure begins to struggle. Omega and Croft stare in disbelief. Omega: It's alive! Croft: It's moving! Omega: It's making noise! Croft: I think it's Starbuck! Omega: I didn't know he was a mummy! That wasn't in any of the reports I saw! Croft: It must be recent. Let's get him out of there, maybe he can tell us how he got twined like that, and why he dropped in on us. They help Starbuck unwrap, with him sputtering all the way. Starbuck: Boyington, you give me back my fumarello- Oh, hi, Croft, Omega. Where am I? Croft: (Exchanging cautious glances.) You're here. Starbuck: I can see that. Croft: So why'd you ask? Starbuck: Where *is* here? Omega: Uh, we'd rather not say at the moment. But what happened to you? How'd you wind up like that? What did Boyington have to do with it? Starbuck: It's his fault. He is going to be so sorry. I'm going to kick sand in his face. I'm going to steal his girlfriend. I'm going to win all his cubits in our next Pyramid game. I'm going to spit in his ambrosa. I'm going to take his daggit! Croft: Daggit! But there are no more daggits! Omega: True. None of the real ones survived, and after Jolly and Cassie's kids disassembled Muffey, the Commander ordered that no more be created, ever. Wilker nearly got spaced for disobeying that order when he created Kanine! Starbuck: Well, he made one for Boyington and the Black Ovines, too! Space'em all! At that, a mysterious, distant howling sound echoes through the corridor and the chamber. All three gasp and cling to each other. Starbuck: What was that? Croft: (Swallowing.) I'm not sure. I thought I heard something when I was making my way through the conduits and corridors to get here, but this sounded closer. What is it? Omega: I...I think I know what it is... It's the Galactica ghost... Starbuck: The Galactica ghost? What's that? I've been on this ship for yahrens, and I've never heard of a Galactica ghost! How come I never heard of it? Omega: It's classified information...only a handful of us know the story. Croft: Some former commander or heroic fighter who died valiantly defending our Worlds and continues to try to protect us from beyond and won't leave the ship? Omega: No. Croft: Some incident between jealous crew that erupted into violence and left a psychic imprint on the place where the murder took place? Omega: No. Croft: A lonely soul who promised to wait for a lover to return, still waiting for the lost love who didn't come back from battle? Omega: No. Starbuck: (Breaking in.) Enough, already! So what is it? Before that noise gets any closer! Omega: It's the real reason that Commander Adama and Colonel Tigh threatened to space Wilker if he created any more daggits - and if Apollo and Wilker had known about it, they would never have created Muffey in the first place... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear...the story of the Galactica ghost. Subject: Jolly Forgot the Kids -- Episode 104 Date: Thu, 07 Jun 2001 "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 104 Scene: The chamber somewhere in the heart...bowels...underbelly...longissimus dorsi...well, *somewhere* in the anatomy of the Galactica, where Omega, Croft, and Starbuck are hunched together over a fire, fearfully glancing at the darkness around them, out of which occasionally sounds a distant howling moan, echoing eerily... Starbuck: (Hushed.) Tell us, Omega. Tell us about the Galactic ghost. Omega: (With a deep breath.) If you really want me to... Croft: (Looking around at the darkness.) For Pete's sake, tell us already! Starbuck: Who's Pete? Omega: That's another story. I thought you wanted to hear about the ghost. Starbuck: I do... I think I do... I guess I do... Well, not really, but it beats sitting here wondering how bad the story could be while something is out there waiting to pounce on us, rip out our hearts, tear us limb from limb and scatter our bloody pieces from one end of the Galactica to the other and space whatever's left. It wouldn't do that to us, would it? Croft, you wanna switch places? Croft: And leave me closest to the conduit to be the first one rent limb from limb by the Galactica ghost? No way! Omega, what's the story? Omega: All right, I'll tell you... It was a long time ago, on a dark and stormy night- Croft: Wait a centon, there's no weather on a battlestar! Omega: The story didn't start on the battlestar. Croft: Oh. Go ahead, then. Omega: As I said, it was a dark and stormy night, a long time ago. The Galactica was still in space dock, because it hadn't been completed yet. Croft: There's no weather in space dock, either. Omega: (Annoyed.) I didn't say the weather was on the Galactica or the space dock. The story doesn't start there! It starts on Caprica! On a dark and stormy night! Something in the fire goes "pop." The three men jump, yelping. There's a flurry of pops for about thirty microns, then the pops stop. Starbuck: I think the popcorn's done. He pulls the bag away from the fire and tears it open. They all start munching. Omega: Anyway, the pilot who was to be future first flight commander of the Battlestar Galactica, a man named Neit, was on leave before coming aboard the soon to be commissioned new battlestar. Starbuck: The first flight commander of the Galactica wasn't named Neit. He was named Anubis! I know that much about the ship's history! Omega: Anubis was the first flight commander, but he wasn't the first choice. Croft: Pass the sodium chloride. So what happened to Neit - or is that as relevant to the story as that dark and stormy night seems to be? Omega: (Voice dropping to a whisper.) On the night that Neit was packing, he left his barracks with his duffel, walking out into the storm - but he never arrived at the shuttle that was to bring him to the Galactica. He was missing, reported AWOL. A few days later, they found Neit's body, up in the Canis hills. Despite being a fully-trained, completely-armed, wilderness-experienced warrior who wasn't supposed to be there in the first place, he appeared to have been torn to pieces by wild animals. Reflexively, Croft and Starbuck glance around them, looking nervous. Omega: So Anubis, who arrived on the Galactica the day after Neit disappeared, took over the position of flight commander, temporarily. Starbuck: And it's Neit's ghost that's supposed to be haunting the Galactica? Why? Shouldn't he be haunting the Canis hills where he died? Omega: One would think so...but that wasn't all. The wounds on the dead man suggested he had been killed by dire daggits! Croft: Dire daggits! Haven't they been extinct on Caprica for millennia? Omega: Yes. There'd been no living dire daggits found anywhere on Caprica for over fifteen hundred yahrens, at that time. Starbuck: Wow... That's weird. Did they ever figure out where the dire daggits had come from? Croft: And do we ever get to figure out where the Galactica comes into this? And what this has to do with the Commander and Muffey? Omega smiles mysteriously. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear the rest of the story... Subject: Jolly Forgot the Kids -- Episode 105 Date: Fri, 08 Jun 2001 "This is newscaster Koppel, reporting. It's been fifteen sectons now since this all began. We don't seem to be any closer to an ending than we were then...and we've certainly got a lot more plot threads flying lose. We've had a murder. We've got missing mushies and missing personnel, too. There's an upcoming Council election. Adama's still ducking from Belloby. Athena's bolted with Amanda. Jolly and Cassie now have 2001 kids on their ship, although they're just fostering the Miri Feathers' children. They didn't actually adopt them outright. The Miri Feathers are in re-training. And there have been mysterious sounds noted in the conduits of the Galactica that have yet to be explained..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 105 Scene: Still somewhere aboard the Galactica. The popcorn is gone; the fire is dying. Omega picks up an illuminator and holds it so the others can see his face. His voice echoes eerily as he continues the story. Omega: The story isn't over. See, Anubis was supposed to be only temporarily in charge of the squadrons. A new flight officer, Lupercus, was assigned. But... (Dramatic pause.) He never made it to the Galactica either. He was killed on a training flight with a group of Academy cadets - accidentally shot out of the sky by his own people...over the same hills where Neit died. He managed to eject. His personal landing chute was found, billowing among the trees. But his body never was... Starbuck: Shouldn't he be haunting the same hills, too? I mean, if he was going to haunt anything? Or is neither of them haunting the Galactica and this has nothing more to do with the Galactica ghost than that dark and stormy night stuff? Omega: Patience... By then, there were people starting to think the Galactica might be cursed in some way, to lose two assigned flight officers before they could even come aboard. Neit was Scorpian, from their old royal family, in fact, and Lupercus was Arien. But Anubis was Caprican; nothing happened to him. Pilots from the other Worlds refused to be assigned to the Galactica, and the new battlestar finally went out with a completely Caprican crew. To this day, most of our crew is Caprican. Didn't you ever notice or think about it? Croft and Starbuck: (Together, looking at each other.) No. Omega: Oh. Anyway, the story was hushed up, but it still seemed...prudent...not to have senior officers from other worlds in command of this ship. After a couple of yahrens, people forgot the story, of course, or it was so blown out of context that nobody knew where it had started, but by then it was habit - tradition - that the command staff of the Galactica has always been...Caprican. Croft: Well, that explains that odd little detail. But what about the ghost? Can we get back to the ghost? Omega: Back to the early days, the newly christened and launched Galactica was having a few problems. Croft: Technical problems? Omega: Among other things. Anubis had a lot of problems as flight commander. He didn't get along well with his pilots, so there was a lot of grumbling. Soon some of the crew were claiming they'd seen Neit and Lupercus roaming some of the lower corridors, like they were running from something. And they reported hearing the what sounded like daggits, barking, barking in the deep. Starbuck: How deep are we? Croft: Deep enough. Go on. Omega: In a battle, Anubis was hit, took a lot of damage, got hurt pretty bad. It was the yahren-anniversary of the death night of Neit; some people thought there might have been a little friendly fire involved. On his death bed, back in Life Center, Anubis asked for a mystic to hear his death admission. The mystic was supposedly very shaken. It was yahrens later, in his own death admission, the mystic finally reported what Anubis had said - that he had wanted to be flight commander of the new battlestar so bad, he had been responsible for the deaths of both Neit and Lupercus. Starbuck: How? Omega: Supposedly, magic, according to the mystic. Croft: I don't believe in magic. Starbuck: Neither do I. Omega: You believe in Iblis, don't you? The other men shudder. Starbuck: That's different...that's just evil. Omega: The other option, since Anubis's father was a Colonies-famous geneticist, is that he had cloned a pack of dire daggits on Caprica from old DNA samples. The family estate included part of the Canis Hills - and they got loose - twice - or were deliberately sent hunting. Croft: The Hounds of the Canises... Omega: (Shrugging.) After that, supposedly, there were people who claimed to have seen the ghosts of three pilots, racing through the lower corridors as fast as they could, and hearing the sounds of dire daggits howling as if chasing their prey. You'll notice we don't use this part of the ship much, except for storage. Otherwise we wouldn't be able to use it for hiding, now. Croft nods thoughtfully. Starbuck: So which one is the Galactica ghost? Neit, Lupercus, or Anubis? And I still don't know what this has to do with the Commander's ban on building daggits. Omega: There was a commander who once brought his pet daggit aboard. Spectral dire daggits supposedly hunted it down along with a couple of unfortunate techs who'd been assigned to walk it every cycle -- right in the middle of officer's territory. The theory was that the ghosts of the dire daggits, if that's what they were, still pursuing the ghosts of their victims and the man who created them, could also smell real daggits, and hunted them down as the mortal enemies they had been in real life. Starbuck: Even if there's any truth to that, we never saw these...ghost dire daggits...any time that Muffey was aboard. Hmm. Muffey wasn't real, maybe they couldn't smell it. So other droid daggits should be fine too. Croft: Or the ghost dire daggits don't really exist and it's about time that foolish superstition was brought to an end! Starbuc: You wanna check out the conduits and corridors where we heard the noises? Croft: (Eyeing the entry hatch.) Uh...maybe later. Starbuck: Say, if Adama knew about these ghost daggits, and thought they might come hunting down a droid daggit and anyone who happened to be with it, why didn't he get rid of Muffey sooner? Omega: (Shaking his head.) Sorry, Starbuck, that's one question I have no answer for. Croft: I can think of one. More popcorn, anybody? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Giles say, "It's not against regulations to kiss a cadet." Subject: Jolly Forgot the Kids -- Episode 106 Date: Sat, 09 Jun 2001 "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 106 Scene: The simulator training room. Greenbean is instructing a number of the Miri Feathers pilots in some practice runs. Greenbean: All right, cadets- Gabrielle: Hold it! I am not a cadet. I am a commander and a princess. Orinoccoa: And I am a queen. Show some respect. Greenbean: Uh, okay, all right, cadets and commander and queen- Avona: Stop right there! None of us are cadets, buster. This is a remedial training class, that's all. We're not beginners! Greenbean: I gotta call you something! (Looks around in desperation.) Giles, where are you? You're supposed to be helping out here! Giles: (Voice from somewhere.) Huh? Oh... Giles pops up from behind the farthest simulator, looking slightly rumpled. Behind him, Sancroixa slips into the simulator, grinning and a bit flushed. Greenbean: (Glaring.) This is the last time I agree to take on training with you! Giles, get out! Giles: You can't throw me out! Greenbean: Get out or I'll put it in the official report that you were smooching behind the simulator! Giles: Hey, it's not against regulations to kiss a cadet! Sancroixa's grin fades. She steps out of the simulator and taps him on the shoulder. Giles turns. Sancroixa: (Decking him with a left hook.) We told the man we're not cadets. As Greenbean considers the possibilities of conducting the class full of leather-n-feather clad women all by his lonesome, a conduit in the ceiling suddenly gives way, and Boomer comes crashing down in the midst of the simulators. Greenbean: Boomer! What are you doing here? Where have you been? And could you possibly get lost again while I finish this remedial training class solo? Avona: (Excited.) We're doing solos already? Greenbean: No, I'm teaching solo! Boomer: Well, unless Athena's here teaching or simulating, I won't be sticking around. Greenbean: She's not here doing either. At least not that I've seen. There's no Athena among you, is there, cad...uh, pilots? The women look around at each other, all shaking their heads with various negative sounds. Greenbean: See? Boomer: (Sighing heavily.) I'll have to continue my search elsewhere. I guess I'll be going... Greenbean: Could you take Giles with you and drop him off at Life Center? Boomer: Is Athena there? Greenbean: (Shrugging.) She might be. Boomer: Okay. Boomer quickly slings Giles' unconscious body over his shoulders and heads out the door, leaving Greenbean alone with the ladies. Greenbean: Well, I guess we can get on with the class. Now don't be afraid to ask questions, ladies. I'll help you all, and I'm definitely available afterwards if anybody needs any personal help or time in the simulators or a review of the basics, and I'm certainly willing to help with your G-suit fitting session- He's interrupted by a knock at the door. Dietra, Sorrell, and Brie walk in. Greenbean: Hi! Can't talk now, we're in the midst of simulator runs- Brie: We know. Colonel Tigh sent us to handle the simulators. Greenbean: But that's my job! Sorrell: You've been replaced. Out, blondie. Greenbean: But...but... Dietra: Don't worry, Greenbean. We'll take over from here. We saw Boomer and Giles -- these pilots are obviously too much for you guys to handle. Greenbean's lip begins to quiver as he looks out over the Miri Feathers. Then, kicking along like a little boy who just lost his best shooter in a game of marbles, head hung low, shoulders slumped, he heads for the door. Brie: Oh, come on, Dietra, maybe we can find a reason for him to stay. What do you think, gals? Can he stay? The Miri Feathers start to cheer. Greanbean turns around hopefully, and is immediately swarmed by the ladies. We hear a yelp. A moment later, Sancroixa jumps up, holding an item of men's apparel. Sancroixa: So this is how G-suits come off! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Belloby say, "You were wearing your spiked heels again, weren't you?" Subject: Jolly Forgot the Kids -- Episode 107 Date: Sun, 10 Jun 2001 "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 107 Scene: Siress Belloby's temporary quarters aboard the Galactica. Belloby walks in and begins rearranging the massive pile of pillows on the sofa when Cordelia skips into the room from the outside corridor. Cordelia: Hi, Auntie Belloby! Belloby: Hello, Cordelia. Where've you been? Cordelia: (Quite cheerfully.) I went to the landing bays to see if my beloved sweet Apollo had come back yet. Belloby: Has he? Cordelia. No. But I'll check again later. Can I help you, Auntie Belloby? Belloby: Sure. Why don't you finish rearranging these pillows for me. Cordelia: (Brightly.) Okay. Cordelia skips across the room, but trips on a rug in front of the sofa and falls into the pillows, completely disappearing from sight. Belloby: Oh, and Cordelia- Now where did she go? Sweet kid, but not a brain in her head... Can't keep a thought for more than two microns. I can see why she and Apollo get along so well. The door page sounds. Belloby answers. Melbrook: Hi, I'm Sire Melbrook, and I'm campaigning to be re-elected to a seat on the Council of Twelve, where I have served with devotion and skill for the last six sectars. Belloby: You've met me, I'm Siress Belloby- Melbrook: Frakkin' glad to meet you - I hope you'll vote for me - excuse me... He vanishes from sight; his aide steps in. Aide: That was Sire Melbrook, he was frakkin' glad to meet you. Please remember to vote for him next secton in the election. The aide followed the sire, leaving Belloby standing alone at the door. Belloby: I hate politicians. Cordelia manages to stick her head out from the pillows, feathers stuck in her hair, and spitting out another feather. She gets a hand free and starts waving. Cordelia: Auntie Belloby, can you help me? I'm stuck in the pillows... Belloby grabs her arm and manages to pull Cordelia out of the pillows. She is covered with feathers and there is a veritable featherstorm by the time she's free. Belloby: (Glancing at her bare feet.) You were wearing your stiletto heels again, weren't you? Cordelia: Yes, but my dear beloeved sweet Apollo likes them so much! Belloby: Well, find them back - and try not to rip the other half of my pillows with them, would you, dear? Cordelia: (Valiantly.) I'll try, Auntie Belloby! She throws herself back into the pillow pile. Her feet, the only part of her that can still be seen, wave wildly as she swims her way through the feathers. Coughing, Belloby turns on the vidlink. Belloby: Might as well see what's on IFB... Tinia: ...And I'm Siress Tinia, and I hope you'll vote for me in the election, so I can continue to do what I do best - represent you, and maintain the intimate...uh, close working relationship I've established between the military and civilian parts of our people... Belloby: Blech. Political advertising. Who wants to hear that? What's on the other channel? Thank goodness IFB has two tracks of programming now... (Switches stations.) Geller: ...Hello, let me introduce myself. (Chuckles.) Although I'm sure, to most of you, I need no introduction, since I've served you nobly and with dedication since we left Carillon... Cordelia: (Appearing from amidst the feathers.) Auntie Belloby, I can't find my other shoe, I think it fell between the cushions. Belloby: Great. Now the cushions will be ripped too! Cordelia, hon, you've got to get rid of those stiletto heels! The door page rings again. Belloby opens the door to see: Domra: Good aftermidday, Siress. My name is Domra, and I'd like to talk to you about the future of our fleet- Belloby seals the door in his face. Belloby: Politicians! Councilors! They're everywhere! There's no way to get away from them! Cordelia: (Shaking herself to get feathers out of her hair and clothes. The videolator zooms in on the expected location. Quick - what color are her eyes?) You know the old saying, Auntie Belloby - if you can't beat 'em, join 'em! Belloby: Join 'em-! Join 'em... Cordelia, dear, that is a fine idea! Cordelia: (Looking alarmed.) Am I supposed to have those? Belloby: This once, I'll overlook it. (Chuckling.) And then, I'm going to put in my name and run for a seat on the Council of Twelve! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Reese say, "I can play that card too." Subject: Jolly Forgot the Kids -- Episode 108 Date: Mon, 11 Jun 2001 Grumble, grumble... We had a computer crash over the weekend, had to restore the entire system and reload everything. Everything. I was not a happy camper... Not even a Jolly one. I had a very rough next segment of the challenge, but that's gone. I'll try to reconstruct and polish... -- Sharon ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 108 Scene: The launch bay of the Galactica, where Boomer is about to board a shuttle. Reese runs into the bay. Reese: Boomer, hey, Boomer! Boomer: What is it, Reese, and make it quick. I've got to the get to the Rising Star to find Athena. Reese: Even though one of you is likely to get bumped off if you do convince her to come back here and rejoin the military and the two of you get married and one of you has to become the Bonanza bride or Bonanza groom? Boomer: Why does that make me think of Commander Adama? Reese: Well, his wife died, too...ooh, twice, come to think of it... Boomer: Reese, you're crazy. And besides, even if there's such a thing as a Bonanza bride, there's no such thing as a Bonanza groom. When grooms are killed, it's offstage and usually before the series - like Vela's husband, and Serina's first husband, and Sarah's husband- Reese: Remember what Koppel said... Boomer: That's all just videolator talk. Reese: Yeah? What about Serina? Boomer: When she realized what she was in for if she stayed for a series, she wanted out. I don't want out. Reese: What if Athena does? Boomer: I'll talk her out of it. Or else I'll marry her and then she can leave in some tragic fashion. I'll get some nice angsty scenes like Apollo does and they'll fall all over themselves finding women to throw at me so I can reject them in my grief and determination to be true to Athena. After all, now that he's gone, somebody's gotta be the tragic romantic hero. No reason it can't be me. Reese: Well, it could be me, now that Sheba's dumped me! I mean, that's pretty tragic stuff! And I do a lot of pretty heroic stuff every day in this fleet. Boomer: Sorry, you're just a security officer. It takes a warrior, a brave heroic pilot, to really be a tragic romantic hero. Now if I only had a brother or sister or other family member to wander around looking worried about me...especially if that other family member turned out to be a ship commander or Council member or other big name in the fleet... Of course, once I'm married to Athena, that'll make Adama my father-in-law, that should count for something... Reese: Is this a good time to mention that Sire Melbrook is my father's cousin, twice removed? Boomer: I'm not surprised. But so what if he is? Of course, I could pull a Starbuck ploy and turn out to have been orphaned at a young and tender age, maybe have a relative show up - maybe Tigh's actually my illegitimate father...or Sire Solon could be my long-lost uncle...maybe I could discover that one of the children on the Orphan Ship is actually my niece or nephew, and I could bring them here to raise, like Apollo did - no, scratch that idea. One too-cute kid was more than enough... Reese: The Destruction orphaned me. So I can play that card too! Boomer: (Getting irritated.) You're still not a pilot. And we're the stars. Reese: Just a centon, buster. Where is it written that only warrior pilots get to be stars and tragic heroes? This entire fleet is full of people who lost everything in the Destruction. Some of us are pretty darn tragic too! And now that Apollo's gone, we deserve to be heroes just as much as you do! After all, that whole Cylon daggitfight stuff is going to get pretty old in a big hurry! And then what'll you do for drama? Boomer: That's why we pilot warriors also play triad, and go on missions to find seed and fuel and other supplies, and go out to rescue our buddies from primitive planets, and discover traitors in our midst at great risk to our own lives, and struggle among ourselves to love and fight, and save the fleet from other forms of destruction! Reese: I really hate you guys, you know that? A technician comes running up to Boomer and Reese. Technician: Did you hear the news? We just got word from Captain Apollo! He's coming back! He'll be landing back on the Galactica within the centar! Reese and Boomer look at each other. Boomer: Well, so much for becoming the new tragic romantic hero... Reese: Yeah. None of us stand a chance at much of anything as long as he's around. Him and Starbuck... Boomer: I may as well get on that shuttle and go find Athena. Say, you came looking for me, what did you want? Reese: Awh, nothing important. See ya later at the O Club. There'll probably be a party for Apollo's safe return. Boomer: Right. See you there, if I've found Athena by then. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Salik say, "I doubt it would have killed him." Subject: Jolly Forgot the Kids -- Episode 109 Date: Tue, 12 Jun 2001 "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 109 Scene: Life Center -- which is, amazingly, still intact after the most recent round of physicals. Tinia paces, wringing her hands. Dr. Salik enters from a private room. Salik: Siress Tinia... Tinia: (Rushing to him.) How is he? How's Commander Adama? Will he be all right? Is he dead? Salik: (Reassuringly.) No, no, he'll be just fine. None of the darts were poison-tipped or barbed, and we were able to remove them all with no problems. He may not want to sit down for the next few days, and he'll have to sleep on his stomach, but he'll be fine. Tinia: Thank the Lords of Kobol! After that daggit dragged us in there, and Belloby let fly that round of darts, and he threw himself in front of me to save me, I feared the worst! Salik: Considering his behavior around Belloby, I'm not sure that was intentional. But I doubt it would have killed him, Siress. Even coming from Belloby's hand. He's tougher than that. He's survived worse wounds than a few darts in the butt. Tinia: I know that's how you all see him, as the tough, strong, hardened warrior who's saved us all - but I've seen his tender, caring side. I know better. Salik: That would be the side Belloby hit? Tinia: Yes. Med tech Nova rushes in. Nova: Dr. Salik! Have you heard the news? Captain Apollo is returning! He'll be aboard in less than a centar! Tinia: That's wonderful news! We must tell Adama. He'll be so relieved to know his son is safely returned! Adama appears in the doorway of his private room, wearing a hospital gown. Adama: (Agonized.) Did you say Apollo was returning? Nova: Yes, that's what they've reported from the bridge! Adama: No, it can't be! Belloby and Cordelia are still on the Galactica! He mustn't return, not yet! Salik: Commander, you're just distraught from your recent brush with death...uh, darts. You need to rest. On your stomach. Adama: (Hollowly.) Death by darts... I would gladly endure it all again, to save my son... And yet now he flies back into the heart of danger...when I have tried so hard to send him to safety... Tinia: You know, Adama, you could order Apollo to active duty anywhere in the fleet. Why are you so concerned about this girl being on the Galactica? Send Apollo to the Electronics Ship. Put him in charge of the prison barge. Let him command the Orphan band. Adama: I tried to send Athena to another ship for her own safety - and she quit the service. Tinia: But she did leave the Galactica. According to my agent, she's now on the Rising Star, safely away from any effect of the House of Somers! Adama: This isn't your agent Ginger again, is it? Tinia: No, she had her chance. Besides, now Uri knows her. So we're using agent Jennifer. Adama: Agent Jennifer! I've never heard of her. Can she keep her eye on things? Tinia: She doesn't have to. The men can't keep their eyes off her! Salik: True...I saw her play Triad once, against a male team. In high heels. Most of the time she just stood there and breathed, while her partner handled the ball. Most lopsided match and highest ratings IFB ever had. Tinia: I remember. Her team won. So you see, Adama? Go ahead and reassign Apollo! So what if he resigns? It's only temporary! And I know he'll come back. He always comes back! If necessary, we can even assign Jennifer to guard him from Cordelia! Adama: Hmm... Salik: See, Adama? The situation isn't so bad. But for now, I'm prescribing bedrest. You can deal with Apollo when he gets back... Adama: Ah, Tinia, what would I do without you... (Puts his arms around her.) Uh, to advise me, of course, and to maintain the appropriate and open channels between the military and civilians... Salik: (Shaking his head.) Adama, Adama, who do you think you're fooling with that felgercarb? And Siress, just because that gown opens in the back doesn't mean that's how you give a man a physical exam. I'm the doctor here, not you. Tinia: You know, I did once consider a career in medicine...maybe it's time I brushed up on my anatomy. Adama: I wouldn't mind brushing up on that myself. They vanish into the private room and close the door. Salik: (Sighing.) At least I know he'll stay in bed... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Tigh say, "If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe it." Subject: Jolly Forgot the Kids -- Episode 110 Date: Wed, 13 Jun 2001 "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 110 Scene: The landing bay, where a multitude has gathered to witness the safe return of the brave and heroic Captain Apollo. With Adama still in Life Center, Colonel Tigh is there to welcome him back, along with some of the bridge crew. Tigh: ETA, Rigel? Rigel: According to the bridge, five microns and closing, sir. We should be seeing the ship in about five microns. Tigh: I wish we didn't use the same term for time and distance measurements. CORA appears out of the stars visible beyond the bay entrance. She comes in for a perfect landing, smooth and easy. Then Cordelia rushes into the bay to join the crowd. Cordelia: My beloved sweet Apollo, has he landed yet? The Viper suddenly careens sideways, takes out half the left side landing lights as it barely misses Tigh and crew, turns itself around in a spectacular 180 by 180 (backwards and upside down), and screeches to a halt that has everyone running for cover and holding their ears. Head Tech: C'mon, people! Get that Viper turned right side up! Get a med team standing by! Get that pilot out of there! Fire control, be ready! Damage control, check the energizer lines and replace those lights! And get the painters out there to fix those scratches in the floor before the next scene! In a flurry of activity, technicians rush out to surround the Viper and start repairing the damage. Moments later, with six or seven techs rushing from one side, the Viper is righted, but still facing the wrong direction. The canopy opens, and Apollo stands up, taking off his helmet. He stares out through the bay entrance. Apollo: What happened to the rest of the bay? Was there a battle? What other damage was there? Tigh: Apollo! We're over here! You did a one-eighty! Apollo turns. Apollo: Oh, there you are! Hi, Colonel. Where's my father? I need to talk to him... Tigh: He's in Life Center at the moment- Apollo: Life Center! What happened? Oh, no, I should never have left... I should never have come back... This is what happens when I disobey orders... Apollo rushes past the gathered personnel and vanishes into the nearest turbolift. Cordelia runs after him. Cordelia: My sweet Apollo, I'm here! Welcome back! I'll see you later! Tigh: (Shaking his head.) If I hadn't see it with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe it... Rigel: Believe what? Tigh: Adama may be right about Belloby and Cordelia - did you see that landing? Rigel: It was hard to miss. I'm surprised he missed all of us! Tigh: True. We've got to find those mushies and get those women off the Galactica! Rigel: That may be harder than you think... Tigh: Why? Rigel: Siress Belloby just filed for a seat on the Council. Tigh: She couldn't have a chance of winning...could she? Rigel: She's already promised to do away with campaign advertising on IFB and end door to door soliciting for votes. Tigh: (Slowly.) On a platform like that she could actually win. (Contemplates.) Tinia lording it over the bridge and telling me what to do and showing up in the O Club with Adama... Or Belloby sending Adama and half the crew into hiding in panic while she chases the young male pilots and throws darts at the rest... There's got to be another option, there's got to be! Rigel: There's always Sire Melbrook, Sire Geller, and Sire Domra. Tigh: (Deep sigh.) We're doomed... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Salik say, "Mid-therapy is not a good time to interrupt somebody." Subject: Jolly Forgot the Kids -- Episode 111 Date: Thu, 14 Jun 2001 "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 111 Scene: Life Center. Salik and Nova are reviewing daily reports when Apollo rushes in. Apollo: Dr. Salik! Where's my father? Is he all right? Salik: Welcome back, Captain. Yes, your father is just fine. Apollo: Where is he? I need to see him! Right now! Salik: You can't! Apollo: Why not? I thought you said he was all right? Salik: He is...but he's...undergoing therapy at the moment, and can't be disturbed. Apollo: But I thought I heard one of your med techs say that Siress Tinia was with him! Salik: Uh...yes...that's true... Apollo: So why can't I? Salik: Well...mid-therapy is not a good time to interrupt somebody. You'll have to wait. (Aside.) Adama would have my hide otherwise... Apollo: (Plaintively.) I came running all the way here from the landing bay, after nearly being killed in a Viper wipe-out... Salik: (Perking up.) A Viper wipe-out? Really? Well, then you absolutely have to be examined! Thoroughly! From head to toe. Externally and internally. I'm sure by the time you've been thoroughly examined, your father will be finished with his...therapy, and you'll be able to see him. Med tech Nova, please take Captain Apollo to Dr. Paye, and tell him the captain needs a thorough examination due to a crash landing. And I mean thorough. Nova: Yes, doctor. Salik: And by the way, considering how long you've been gone, you should have gone through decontamination. I'll bet you didn't, did you? Apollo: (Meekly.) No, I was so worried about my father that I didn't even think of it... Salik: Well, think of it now! And stop endangering the fleet by running off like this after every mission without decontaminating! How many times do we have to tell you pilots that? Who knows what you might have brought back from wherever you've been? Nova, make sure he goes through decontamination too. (Sighing deeply.) If it's not already too late. Apollo: I won't do it again... Salik: That's what you always say. Where have you been, anyway? Apollo: Uh...I've been- Salik: Never mind. Questions and debriefing can wait for Colonel Tigh. Get to that decontamination and examination. Nova? Nova: Right this way, Captain... Salik sighs with relief as Nova leads Apollo off to another chamber. Nova returns a few moments later. Nova: Dr. Salik, has anyone seen Dr. Quincy recently? Salik: Last I saw, after we finished the children's physicals, he was looking for Captain Columbo to deliver the autopsy report on Ganymede the couturier. Nova: He never arrived! Captain Columbo just called, he's been waiting centars for that report, and he never got it. Salik: Is Quincy still on duty? Nova: Yes, doctor, I checked. He should still be on duty for the next three centars. Salik: (Frowning.) I'll write him up for that. In the meantime, why don't you check Quincy's duty log, and call up the report from there. I know it won't have his signature, but I'll review the report and confirm it. Nobody can read my handwriting either. Nova: I already checked for the autopsy report. It's not in the computer! Salik: What? You mean Quincy didn't put it in the computer? That's against procedure. Nova: But he must have - there's a hardcopy file there, but it's empty, and all Dr. Quincy's notes are gone. And his personal computer log was open - it's as if someone deleted the report and took the file information, but didn't have time to do anything else. Salik: (Troubled.) I don't like the sound of that. Tell Captain Columbo - and call security. Nova: Yes, doctor. (Pausing and sniffing the air.) I think I smell fumarello smoke. Salik: Hmm, Adama must be finished with his...therapy. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama say, "Find that daggit!" Subject: Jolly Shrunk...uh, Forgot the Kids -- Episode 112 Date: Fri, 15 Jun 2001 "This is Newscaster Nessman, taking over for Newscaster Koppel, who seems to have been reassigned yet again to cover breaking events on the Prison Barge. What they're breaking, and why, we haven't figured out yet. But as soon as we have more information, you can be sure we'll pass it along here on IFB. In the meantime, we're passing along the sixteenth-secton episode of our ground-breaking series. Well, not exactly ground-breaking, as there isn't any ground in space. Not exactly asteroid-breaking either. Or comet-breaking...or ion-breaking, for that matter. Or vacuum-breaking... I guess you'll just have to take my word for it, then, won't you? Or else, judge for yourself, because here it is, our latest episode of Jolly Shrunk the kids...uh, no, Jolly Flunked the Kids...uh, Dunked the Kids?...Debunked the Kids?...Plunked the Kids?...Skunked the Kids?...or was it..." "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 112 Scene: Life Center. Adama hobbles out of his room, leaning on Tinia's arm, joining Salik and Nova. Adama: Dr. Salik, I want Major Boyington and Dr. Wilker here, and I want them here now! Salik: Why? Adama: I have my reasons! Get them here! Salik: Nova, take care of it. Nova: Right, doctor. (She leaves.) Salik: Adama, now that we're alone, I can maybe understand you wanting to talk to Wilker, but why do you want Boyington here? I've never known you to call for Boyington. I didn't think you even knew his name. Adama: Salik, when Tinia and I were in the corridor outside the Officers' Club, and were trampled in the mad rush to escape Belloby's dart-throwing, something dragged us inside. That something...was a daggit. That daggit...was Boyington's. And I believe it was created for him by Wilker. Salik: Ooooohhh! Apollo enters from his room. Apollo: Father! Adama: Apollo! They hobble together for a quick hug, then just as quickly break away as Salik clears his throat. Apollo: I'm sorry, Father... Adama: I'm sure Dr. Salik won't tell anybody about that PDA, son. Apollo: No, I'm sorry for disobeying orders. I came back without finding Starbuck. I deserve the fullest extent of a military tribunal. (Starts taking off shirt.) I deserve to be punished. I deserve to be flogged. Adama: Apollo, we don't do that anymore. Keep your shirt on. Apollo: (Disappointed.) Oh. Audience: (Disappointed.) Oh. Nova and Boyington enter. Apollo sits down, looking depressed. Nova: I found Major Boyington, sir, but Wilker seems to have vanished. Adama: I expect Boyington can tell me what I need to know. Major, where did you get that daggit, and where is it now? Boyington: What daggit? Adama: The one that dragged me and Siress Tinia into the O Club and into the path of Belloby's darts! Boyington: I didn't see any daggit. Adama: I did. And so did Siress Tinia. Both of us saw it; it must have been there. Boyington: I think you must be mistaken, sir, there was no daggit in the O Club. Adama: You're concealing the daggit, aren't you? Boyington: No, sir, I'm not concealing a daggit. I would never do that. It's against standing orders. Adama: You have a history of defying authority and violating orders. Why would I believe you now? Apollo: (Jumping to his feet.) Father, when did you give any orders about standing? I'm sorry, did I violate orders again? Adama: Sit down, Apollo... No, wait. I have new orders for you, Apollo. Major Boyington says there is no daggit - but I know better. Somewhere on this ship, is a daggit. Somebody's hiding it. I want you to find that daggit! Apollo: But I violated orders, how can you give me a new assignment when I haven't been disciplined yet? Adama: Consider it a chance to redeem yourself. We'll discuss whatever you did, later. But finding that daggit should be discipline enough for anybody. Apollo: Thank you, Father. I won't let you down again. (Leaves.) Boyington: He won't find a daggit, sir. Adama: You don't know my son. Boyington: You don't know my daggit. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "I need all the help I can get." Subject: Jolly Forgot the Kids -- Episode...113 Date: Sat, 16 Jun 2001 "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 113 Scene: The launch bay, where a number of technicians are working over various Vipers, including SAM and the mysteriously modified CORA. Among the Viper techs, making their special guest appearances, are Maggie and Vaughn. (Don't say you didn't ask for it... ;-) ) SAM: I see you've had a little work done since last I saw you. CORA: Yes, a little augmentation. Do you like it? SAM: Hard to miss, frankly. Your rear's almost twice as large as mine. CORA: I wish somebody would notice my mind and not my behind. But yes, I've got room to spare. Jealous? SAM: Why would I be jealous of an extra seat? You're never gonna fit in the launch tube now! CORA: Of course I'll fit. You don't think Wilker would have made these kind of modifications just for me without considering that, do you? He knows how to launch me! And now I'm the ideal quick passenger and rescue vessel. SAM: Hmph! If you had some of my upgrades, you'd be almost perfect, wouldn't you? CORA: If I had some of your upgrades, I'd be second grade! And when are you gonna get that muck out of your exhaust? That Dago-bah scent is Bah-humbug! SAM: Fossil. CORA: Swamp rat. SAM: Bimbo. CORA: Astrum. Tech Maggie: (Peering around the Vipers.) Is somebody here? Hmm, I could have sworn I heard voices... Tech Vaughn: (Peering around the other side of the Vipers.) Yeah, me, too... Clattering and pounding sounds echo through the bay. Both techs jump. Vaughn: What was that? Maggie: It came from over there! The Viper techs follow the sounds to a wall panel. Maggie: Sounds like somebody got trapped in the wall again. Vaughn: Yeah. I wish these guys would just use the corridors like everybody else. Pulling out their handy magnetic spanners...uh, couplers...uh, screwdrivers...well, tools of some sort, they unfasten the wall panel and pull it off. Starbuck: Help! (Falling out.) I'm saved, I'm saved! I'm out of the conduits! They can't get me any more! They've been chasing me for centars... Oh, thank the Lords of Kobol... I don't know what happened to Croft and Omega...lost them somewhere around that last turn... Ladies, you saved my life! You don't know how grateful I am... Maggie: Starbuck! You're alive! We heard you were mummified and we assumed the worst! Vaughn: We're so glad it's not true! Here, let me help you to a seat. Starbuck: Gee, thanks for the welcome, I was beginning to think I'd been forgotten. Maggie: You, forgotten? Vaughn: Never! Starbuck: You're both so sweet. Maggie: Let me get you a drink...water, caff, ambrosa? Vaughn: Let me dust you off...you've got something in your hair. Starbuck: Just your fingers, ladies...but I appreciate the help. Maggie: Let me get you a clean uniform. Vaughn: Let me help you change into that uniform. Maggie: Let us both help you out of this one. Starbuck: (Lovin' it.) I need all the help I can get. The two techs quickly guide the pilot away toward the Vipers. Behind them, unnoticed, an eerie growl echoes through the conduit, and for just a micron, a pair of glowing green eyes can be seen in the darkness. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Starbuck say, "I tell you, it was the Galactica ghost!" ------ Subject: Re: Jolly Forgot the Kids -- Episode...113 Date: Mon, 18 Jun 2001 From: BDconwayBCo@netscape.net (B. Conway) Sharon wrote: > Starbuck: You're both so sweet. > Maggie: Let me get you a drink...water, caff, ambrosa? > Vaughn: Let me dust you off...you've got something in your hair. > Starbuck: Just your fingers, ladies...but I appreciate the help. > Maggie: Let me get you a clean uniform. > Vaughn: Let me help you change into that uniform. > Maggie: Let us both help you out of this one. > Starbuck: (Lovin' it.) I need all the help I can get. Goodness me! Sharon, how did you get those two techs to cooperate long enough to write this scene? I was expecting a knock-down, drag 'em out fight to rival the one between Cassie and Sheba in yet another fine serial on this not-to-be-rivaled fanfic list! What restraint Techs Maggie and Vaughn must possess to be able to control themselves long enough to actually share Lieutenant Starbuck between them. So do we find him in disheveled little bits in a future episode and the two techs smiling in most self-satisfied fashions like the felines who caught the souris? Barb ------- Subject: Re: Jolly Forgot the Kids -- Episode...113 Date: Mon, 18 Jun 2001 From: "The Hutchisons" Believe it or not, but Viper Tech Vaughn and I are SOOOOOOOO devoted to a certain brash, impulsive, blue-eyed, gorgeous --oh, yeah, the point -- pilot that we willingly will SHARE him. And no commitments expected, just LOTS of fun! Viper tech Maggie ------- Subject: Re: Jolly Forgot the Kids -- Episode...113 Date: Mon, 18 Jun 2001 "All I ever needed to learn, I learned in kindergarten." Like, sharing? Like, he's got two arms, why shouldn't there be a woman under each one? Like, they can take shifts and one will always be abe to keep an eye on him? Thanks, Barb and Maggie -- now, who else is volunteering for a guest appearance? ;-) -- Sharon ------ Subject: Re: Jolly Forgot the Kids -- Episode...113 Date: Mon, 18 Jun 2001 From: Vaughnnie > Believe it or not, but Viper Tech Vaughn and I are SOOOOOOOO devoted to a certain brash, impulsive, blue-eyed, gorgeous --oh, yeah, the point -- pilot that we willingly will SHARE him. And no commitments expected, just LOTS of fun! < > Viper tech Maggie Boy do I have her conned! Hee hee hee...yeah, I'll share him, well, at least until I can get him alone! But until then I will share...honest...Hey Maggie, wait a minute...Maggie you're supposed to share! Hey, I get to run my fingers through his hair at least once or twice! Hey...I get to take his jacket off this time. MAGGIE!!!...It's my turn to gaze into his eyes... Share him OR ELSE!!! Oh poor Starbuck...there's just not enough of him to go around, and after Maggie and I get done, there will be even less! Viper Tech Vaughn ---------------- Subject: Jolly Forgot the Kids -- Episode 114 Date: Sun, 17 Jun 2001 "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 114 Scene: The briefing room of the Galactica, where Adama, Tigh, and Apollo are plotting the search for the Black Ovines' missing daggit. Adama: And then, son, you'll search the conduits throughout that level. There's no telling where Major Boyington may have hidden that daggit. Apollo: I'll search every conduit on this ship until I redeem myself in your eyes, Father. And I'll keep going until I've proven myself worthy to be called your son again, and to be a Colonial Warrior, 'til I've regained your faith me, and- Adama: Thank you, Apollo, I know you will. Now please, shut up and start searching. That daggit must be found, the sooner the better. Reese and Starbuck appear at the door. Reese: Commander! Colonel! Captain! We found Lieutenant Starbuck! Tigh: I didn't know we were looking for him. Adama: Starbuck! Where were you? You look as disheveled as if you'd spent centars crawling through the conduits of this ship and then spent more centars being taken care of by some of our Viper techs! Starbuck: Actually- Adama: (Holding up his hand.) I don't want to know. Apollo: I do! Which techs? Oh, wait, Cordelia wouldn't like that... Adama: (Sternly.) Apollo, remember your mission... Now, Starbuck, what happened? Starbuck: I was...somewhere else on the ship, where I may need to be able to go again some day, with...some other guys I may run into some day, when suddenly we were invaded by wild dire daggits and pursued into the conduits! We ran as fast as we could, we crawled as fast as we could, we slithered on our bellies as fast as we could - but they kept gaining on us! They had evil eyes and huge fangs and sharp claws and moved like shadows of the night! They were dire daggits! And they were after us! Apollo: In the conduits? Father, are those the same conduits you just told me to search for that missing daggit? Adama: Not those conduits, Apollo, the other conduits. Apollo: I'm glad we cleared that up. Tigh: But...there are no dire daggits. They became extinct millennia ago! Starbuck: Except for the pack on this battlestar! Adama: There are no dire daggits living on this battlestar! Starbuck: No, not living! But they're definitely here! I tell you, it was the Galactica ghost! Adama: There's no such thing as a Galactica ghost! Starbuck: Oh, yeah? Then what was that thing that chased me through the conduits for centars? That barked and growled and bayed and howled and yipped and yowled? That only paused long enough to tear apart Omega and Croft and that's why it didn't get me? Adama: Omega and Croft! Are you sure? Starbuck: I was there, I should know! Well, maybe not at that exact micron, but I'm sure that's what happened. Hmm, I guess I won't run into Omega and Croft again after all, will I? Adama and Apollo exchange troubled glances. Adama: Now I've gotta find somebody else to take over the Jolly and Cassie Ship... Tigh: Just as importantly, who are we going to stick with...uh, assign to making sure Siress Belloby's needs are met? Reese: I'm outta here... (Flees.) Starbuck: Me, too. But keep in mind, she's kissed me before, I've done my duty... (Also flees.) Apollo: Hmm, that would put me near Cordelia...but she probably wouldn't like it if I was meeting her aunt's needs... Could I be assigned to meet Cordelia's needs? Adama: No. Colonel, assign-- Tigh: Commander! I just got a message from Rigel! They've found the Black Ovines! Adama: Good! Where are they and how soon can they be here for questioning? Once I've got them under my steely gaze, they won't hold out for long. They're bound to tell me what I want to know... Tigh: No, they won't! Adama: What? Tigh: It seems they've all relocated to the Miri Feathers ship - and Commander Gabrielle has given them all sanctuary! Adama: She can't do that! The fleet's under martial law! I'm in charge, and I want them here! Tigh: Uh, technically, she can do that, sir. Since they deliberately left the Colonies to establish their own world, the Miri Feathers aren't really Colonials. Our martial law doesn't apply to them. The Black Ovines are out of reach - and their little daggit too, if I'm any judge of Boyington... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Tigh say, "She's got a point." -------- Subject: Re: Jolly Forgot the Kids -- Episode 114 Date: Mon, 18 Jun 2001 >>Apollo: In the conduits? Father, are those the same conduits you just told me to search for that missing daggit?<< >>Adama: Not those conduits, Apollo, the other conduits. >I'm still laughing! why is Apollo soooo funny when he's so. . . uh . . dense? Oh, he's just...earnest...naive in certain ways...with a one-track mind at times...going in a circle... I blame it on the Cordelia Proximity Factor. -- Sharon Subject: Jolly Forgot the Kids -- Episode 115 Date: Mon, 18 Jun 2001 "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 115 Scene: The briefing room of the Galactica, where Adama, Apollo, and Tigh still contemplate the search for the missing daggit. Adama: I don't care if Boyington and his squadron have gone to the Miri Feathers ship. We've got to find out what happened to that daggit. Apollo: What about the one that Starbuck saw? Adama: Uh, that was something else... Apollo: What was it? Adama: Never mind. Just find Boyington's daggit - if it's still on this ship - and find Wilker, so he never builds another one! I'm going to give him a piece of my mind... Apollo: Do you have some to spare? Adama glowers, but before he can respond, Gabrielle appears at the door, along with several of the Miri Feathers, all heavily armed with spears, blades, slings and arrows. Gabrielle: Never mind, Adama, Dr. Wilker's on our ship too. Adama: What?! Gabrielle: (Shrugging.) He said he needed a new lab, since he'd had bad luck with the last couple. Explosions, fire damage, smoke, floods- Adama: Floods? Gabrielle: Floods in space, weirdest thing - warriors who can't find their way around the inside of a toaster, much less a Cylon, that sort of thing. And since we have the parts and the technology, he said he'd be glad to help us set up our own squadron of Vipers. Tigh: That traitor! Adama: And Boyington is with you too? Gabrielle: (Grinning.) Yup. Adama: And his little daggit too? Gabrielle: Nope. No little daggit too. The men exchange glances. Tigh: Does that mean it's still aboard the Galactica? Adama: It must be... Gabrielle: Um-hm. That's why we're here. To help find it. Adama and Tigh exchange glances. Adama: What are going to do if you find it? Gabrielle: Take it off the ship. I mean, that's what you really want, isn't it? The daggit gone from the Galactica? So does it matter if it's on our ship, or disassembled into spare parts and the fur hanging on your wall like a trophy and the rest melted down for funky new Colonial awards and medals? Tigh: She's got a point, Adama! Apollo: (Eyeing the spears, blades, and arrows.) True. Several of them, in fact. Gabrielle: Besides, we can use the practice. We haven't been able to track anything since we left our planet! Adama: After what you've done in shielding the Black Ovines and Dr. Wilker from my wrath and the consequences of their daggit action, why should I let you help track it down? Gabrielle: (Grinning.) Have you got any better trackers on board? Tigh: She's got another point, Adama. Gabrielle: Will you quit looking at my chest? Adama: (Sighing.) For the good of the fleet, I'm going to take you up on your offer. Captain, you'll work with Commander Gabrielle on this assignment. Apollo: Awh, dad... Adama: (Sternly.) Apollo... Apollo: But I'm in charge, right? Gabrielle: Hey, it's your ship. Whatever. But you really think the Miri Feathers are going to listen to you if I tell them otherwise? Apollo: Well... Gabrielle: C'mon, Apollo, let's stop worrying about who's in charge and go find that daggit. Apollo sneezes, but nods and follows. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Gabrielle say, "This is where the daggit was last seen." Subject: Jolly Forgot the Kids -- Episode 116 Date: Tue, 19 Jun 2001 "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 116 Scene: The O Club, scattered with the usual assortment of karaoke singers, peanut tossers, baharri guzzlers, ambrosa downers, vinya sippers, tailhook skimmers, card players, dart throwers, and general scum and villiany and the barflies that tend to congregate in places of scum and villainy. Enter Apollo, Gabrielle, and several Miri Feathers. The women are instantly the focus of slack-jawed attention from the guys and narrowed glares from the gals. Apollo: You're sure *achoo* this is where we should start? Gabrielle: Well, this is where your father said the daggit was last seen, for certain. Apollo: True. Gabrielle: So this is where we start tracking. Apollo: Makes sense. *Achoo!* Gabrielle: You really oughta see somebody about that sneeze. Apollo: (Manfully.) After I find the daggit as my father ordered, and redeem myself in his eyes. Tarlik, one of the pilots: (Sidling closer.) Say, uh, Apollo, old buddy, mind introducing me to your friends? Apollo: Get lost, Tarlik. Tarlik: Awh, come on, be a sport... Apollo: The last time *achoo!* I played sports with you, I would up with a black eye, two broken ribs, significant contusions and bruising, a sore little tootsie -- and we had to wear those stupid plaid Triad trunks! You think I'm gonna introduce you to Gabrielle and Sancroixa and Mississippia? No way! Tarlik: (Throwing his arm around Apollo's shoulder.) Hi, Gabrielle and Sancroix and Mississippia, glad to meet you. I'm Lt. Tarlik. Apollo and I go way back. We're buddies and everything and do all kinds of things together, like introduce each other to wonderful women, and you're certainly in that category - double-h for hubba-hubba. And by the way, I've got a couple tickets to a concert on the Rising Star, are any of you doing anything tonight? Mississippia: We're tracking daggits. (Looks him up and down.) Close...very close...but no fumarello. Apollo: *Achoo!* You heard the lady, Tarlik. Get lost. Sancroixa: (Studying her sling.) Yes, get lost - then we can track him down like a daggit and have a little target practice. Tarlik slinks away, looking mortally offended...well, gravely offended...make that seriously offended. Some guys just can't be killed no matter how much you'd like to. Gabrielle: You don't have any allergies, do you? Apollo: Not that I *achoo* know of... Gabrielle: I mean, the way you're sneezing. You know, if you're allergic to leather or feathers, I can always take 'em off... Men in bar: Yeah, yeah! Slurp, slobber, drool... Gabrielle: ...and change into something else, like my Sagittaran desert robes, which cover me from head to foot in layers and layers of fabric... Men in bar: Awh... Gabrielle: ...until all that's left showing are my eyes and my hands, almost like a modified ancient kobolian mummy, which is supposedly what the Sagittarans modeled the outfit after. They tried to hold on to the old customs longer than any of the other Colonists, and they considered their world to be the closest in climate to that of old Kobol, you see, and if it was good enough for the ancient Kobolians... Pilot #1: Forget it. Pilot #2: Who cares about history? Pilot #3: *Snore...* Suddenly, there is a loud crash; a ceiling panel shatters; a large form drops from the ceiling directly onto a table, tipping it over and sending drinks, cards, and pretzels flying. Pilot #1: Flying furniture, flying drinks, flying cards, flying pretzels, flying body! Pilot #2: This can only mean one thing! Pilot #3: It's a brawl, it's a brawl! The bar immediately breaks into a full-fledged, old-fashioned, fists a'flyin', western saloon style...brawl. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Apollo say, "Who is that flying body, anyway?" Subject: Jolly Forgot the Kids -- Episode 117 Date: Wed, 20 Jun 2001 "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 117 Scene: The O Club, which has just had an unexpected arrival from above, and broken into a brawl of truly Gunsmoky, Bonanzan, and Shanghai Noonish stature. Apollo: Wait! Stop your brawling! *Achoo!* Who is that flying body, anyway? Croft: (Staggering out from behind the fallen table, wild-eyed.) It was the daggit, it was the daggit! Apollo: What? The daggit, you say? Croft: Daggit. Daggit... Apollo: The daggit's in the conduits? Croft: (Nodding vigorously.) Daggit. Conduits. Gabrielle: So what are we waiting for? Let's go! Miri Feathers, come on! The three women quickly replace the table, set some chairs on top, secure all weapons, and hop into the conduits, vanishing from sight. Men in bar: Awh... Apollo: (Looking up dubiously.) Say, *achoo* didn't Starbuck say the ghost daggits were in the conduits? Croft: (Nodding again.) Ghosts. Daggits. Conduits. Apollo: He said the daggits tore you to pieces. How come you're here if you've been torn to pieces? Croft: Pieces. Omega. Daggits. Apollo: The daggits got Omega? Croft: Daggits. Omega. Apollo: They didn't get you? *Achoo* But Starbuck said- Pilot #1: (Swatting Apollo.) Will you quit asking stupid questions? Pilot #2: (Swatting Croft.) And will you start answering with real sentences that make sense? Croft: (Annoyed.) Now cut that out! All right, if you want the short, quick version... Starbuck, Omega, and I were hiding out in the hidden, secret depths of the Galactica. So was Boomer, for a while, but he went hunting for Athena. Something started howling at us. We decided discretion was the better part of staying alive, so we stopped dancing and left our hide-out. We spent a couple centars making our way through the conduits and corridors, being constantly pursued by the mysterious baying and sound of multitudes of padded footsteps. Apollo: Starbuck told us about that, yes. Croft: Then we started seeing eyes. We started going faster. The eyes got closer. We'd about had it with the eyes. Pilot #1: Isn't it usually the eyes that have it? Pilot #2: (Swatting Pilot #1.) That's the ayes, you idiot. Pilot #1: Hey, cut that out! Apollo: Now you know how I feel. *Achoo.* Keep going, Croft. Croft: We did. We finally split up, hoping at least one of us would make it back to civilization. Well, splitting up wasn't the initial plan. Starbuck said he was going to go for help, and left us. The last I saw of Starbuck was his backside heading head-first down a slide in the corridor. Apollo: *Achoo.* That's not quite the way Starbuck told it. What about Omega? Croft: He started throwing pieces of leftover popcorn behind us, hoping they would delay the ghost daggits. Pilot #1: Do daggits eat popcorn? Pilot #2: Do ghosts eat popcorn? Pilot #3: Where'd they get popcorn? Others in room: Shut up! Croft: Anyway, we finally split up, deciding that it wasn't such a bad idea after all. I haven't seen him since. Apollo: But you saw the ghost daggits in the conduits. Croft: Yup. Apollo: The ones the Miri Feathers just headed into. Croft: Yup. Everyone in the room looks up at the hole in the ceiling as mysterious, unintelligible screams suddenly echo forth from somewhere in the conduits. Apollo: I suppose I should investigate... Apollo and Croft: (Exchanging glances.) Nah... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Rigel say, "Will you quit bleeding on me?" Subject: Jolly Forgot the Kids -- Episode 118 Date: Thu, 21 Jun 2001 "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 118 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica, where Adama and Tigh are back on duty. Tigh: Do you think they'll succeed, sir? In finding Boyington's daggit? Adama: I have faith in my son, Tigh. Rigel: Tigh's your son? Adama: No, I mean, Colonel Tigh, I have faith in my son Apollo. Rigel: Oh. A ceiling panel suddenly comes crashing down, followed by a body, which lands on Tiki. Omega sits up, looking dazed. Tigh: What the- Omega: I'm...on the bridge... That's my chair. That's my console. That's my commander. That's my colonel. That's my...hey, who are you? Tiki: I'm Tiki! I'm your replacement. Get off me! Omega: Hey, nobody replaces me! Tiki: Oh, yeah? Omega: Yeah! Tiki: Well, I did, so there. Now get off me! Omega: Not until you say you didn't replace me! Tiki: But the Colonel said- Omega starts bouncing on the ceiling panel, which is what Tiki is under. Tiki: All right! *Gasp.* Nobody can replace you! Omega: That's right. (Gets off the panel and walks over to Adama and Tigh, dabbing at the blood on his chin.) Sirs, I'm reporting for duty again. Tigh: And where have you been? You were supposed to be providing...escort duty for Siress Belloby! Omega: Uh...she went out for fumarettes, and when she didn't come back. I went looking for her. (Blood continues to flow and starts dripping.) Tigh: You've been missing for days. Omega: She can be a very difficult woman to find. (His chin is quite smeared by now.) Tigh: Save it, Omega. Starbuck told us where you were. Do you know what's been happening? Omega: Absolutely. I've read all the reports. (Blood starts dripping.) Tigh: You're a flight officer. How did you get all the reports? Omega: Uh...that's classified, sir. (Rigel starts noticing blood dripping into her elaborately coiffed braids.) Adama: Never mind that for now, Tigh. Starbuck reported you were dead, that you'd been torn to pieces by ghost daggits. Omega: And I almost was, too. But I managed to lose them in the s-curves. Turns out spectral daggits aren't very flexible. Rigel: (Shouting.) Will you quit bleeding on me? I paid sixty cubits for this hair-do! Adama: Are the spectral dire daggits responsible for that wound, Omega? And stop bleeding on Rigel. Omega: No, sir. I mean, yes, sir. Adama: No, the daggits aren't responsible, or no, you're not going to stop bleeding? Tigh: Yes, the daggits are responsible, or yes, you're going to stop bleeding? Omega: Uh...I'm confused, sir. It must've been the fall... Adama: True, true, we've been awfully hard on you, considering you've just been hiding out in the depths of the ship for days, been pursued by ghostly dire daggits through a maze of conduits and corridors, and dropped through a ceiling panel onto one of your fellow officers, and been yelled at for bleeding on Rigel's hair. I think you'd better report to Life Center immediately. Omega: Yes, sir. Tigh: In the meantime, Tiki, would you please replace flight officer Omega? And Rigel, why don't you go wash that gunk out of your hair before it clots? Rigel: Yes, sir. Tiki: (Who has finally crawled out from under the ceiling panel.) But I got squished when he dropped on me! And I think there's a drop of blood on me somewhere too. Don't I get to go to Life Center and clean up? Tigh: But then who'd be on duty? Somebody's gotta be on duty. As Omega and Rigel leave the bridge, three Miri Feathers warriors enter, leather, feathers, spears and all, intently staring at the decking. Adama: What are you doing here? Avona, one of the Miri Feathers: We're on the path of the elusive Boyington daggit, the most mysterious and endangered of the entire daggit species. Now if you'll excuse us, Adama... The three women circle the bridge, studying everything, then leave through the side entrance. Tigh: Commander, when was Boyington's daggit ever on the bridge? Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Journalator Nessman say, "What are you doing here?" Subject: Jolly Forgot the Kids -- Episode 119 Date: Fri, 22 Jun 2001 "This is journalator Nessman, here with the latest update on the news in the fleet. First of all, we have reached the seventeenth secton of the fleet's longest running space soap serial, and we now have two tracks of programming. We're also running episodes of the Starbuck/Sheba Challenge and the saga of the mysterious lost Moonbase Alpha and how our brave commander and crew are dealing with it - and they with us. We know you're enjoying that. In addition... Enter three Miri Feathers from stage right, spears at the ready, stealthily creeping behind the journalator. Nessman: Hey! What are you doing here? This is supposed to be a closed set! Nilea, one of the Miri Feathers: Ssss! Be vewy, vewy quiet. We awe hunting daggits! Nessman: (Wide-eyed) Ooooh! The women exit stage left. Nessman: (Turning back to the camera, blinking.) Uh, th-th-that's all, folks...except for- "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 119 Scene: Life Center. Salik is at a computer console, studying the complete reports of the last few days; Nova hovers nearby to offer assistance. Salik: There's got to be something here, there's got to be. Whoever's responsible for Dr. Quincy's disappearance can't have completely erased all his data... Nova: What if it is all gone? Salik: We'll have to do another autopsy. Nova: Ewh, I hate doing autopsies! Salik: We may not have any choice. Omega enters, dripping all the way. Omega: Doctor! I've been injured! I need help! Salik: (Looking relieved.) I'll be right there. Nova, you'll have to- Nova: Already on Omega, doctor, don't let us interrupt you... Omega: Get off me! I need a doctor! Salik: Nova, go tell Dr. Paye to prepare to perform an autopsy. You'll assist, of course. I'll take care of Omega. Now get off him. Nova: Oh, pooh. I never get to have any fun. Salik: Now, now, Nova, you know that poohs, like daggits, aren't allowed on the Galactica by order of Commander Adama. All right, Omega, what seems to be the problem? And could you please stop dripping on the floor? Omega: Uh, that is the problem. Salik: Oh. Well, let's take care of it. There is a sound in the ceiling above them; suddenly, a panel collapses and somebody, twined and wrapped like a mummified kobolian, drops into Life Center in front of them. Salik: Lords of Kobol, it's a mummified kobolian! Omega: It's moving! Starbuck, is that you again? Form: (Mumbling.) Wtheevispins...* ("I'm a doctor and you're gonna be dead," in mummified kobolian.) Salik and Omega untwine the person - it's Dr. Quincy. Salik: Quincy, what where you doing in the conduits in the ceiling? Quincy: I didn't! Somebody grabbed me. I never saw who! The next thing I knew, I was twined like a mummified kobolian and being carried somewhere! When I get my hands on whoever did this to me... Omega: We've got to tell Commander Adama. And Captain Columbo. Salik: Your report is missing, Quincy! On your autopsy of Ganymede. They erased it off your computer, and your notes are gone. Fortunately, you can now tell the Commander and the Captain personally... Quincy: (Looking blank.) But...I don't remember... Salik: You don't remember how Ganymede the couturier was killed? Quincy: I...I must have bumped my head somewhere in the conduits... Salik: There, there, it'll be fine. You can just redo the autopsy. I'm sure it'll all come back to you. Nova: (Rushing in and shrieking.) Doctor! The body is missing! Ganymede is gone! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Apollo say, "Good thing we found a bed to break our fall." Subject: Jolly Forgot the Kids -- Episode 120 Date: Sat, 23 Jun 2001 "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 120 Scene: A corridor of the Galactica, where Cordelia is wandering, blissfully unaware of all that's going on around her. She carries a flower with hundreds of petals, and is slowly picking them... Cordelia: He loves me truly... (Drops a petal with a smile and satisfied sigh.) He loves me not... (Drops a petal with a deep, sad sigh.) He loves me deeply... (Drops a petal with a smile and satisfied sigh.) He loves me not. (Drops a petal with a deep, sad sigh.) He loves me madly... (Drops a petal with a smile and satisfied sigh, then suddenly falls against the corridor wall, looking dizzy.) Passing crewman: (Concerned.) Siress, are you all right? Should I call a med tech for you? Cordelia: Oh, dear...it's happening again... No, I don't need a med tech. I'm fine, really, don't worry. Auntie Belloby warned me that too much sighing would make me lightheaded. But how can I not sigh when I contemplate my dear sweet beloved Apollo? Passing crewman: Was that lightheaded, or empty-headed? Cordelia: Umm, I forget. Aren't they the same? Passing crewman: Uh...yeah... If you're sure you'll all right... (Quickly leaves.) Cordelia: That's the third time this has happened. (Looking at her flower.) And I'm not even half done with the petals! How will I ever know if Apollo truly loves me? Apollo: (Appearing around the corner.) Cordelia! Cordelia: My dear sweet beloved Apollo! (Runs toward him.) The two of reach each other, fall into each other's arms - and fall. The floor panel beneath them collapses, and they drop out of sight... Scene: Pilot's individual quarters, only available to senior officers and crewmen for whom private quarters are necessary for advancement of the plot. The ceiling panel collapses onto the bed, followed by two people, Apollo and Cordelia. Apollo: Whoah! Good thing we found a bed to break our fall! Cordelia: (Bashfully.) Now, Apollo, you know my auntie Belloby wouldn't approve of us being in bed together before our sealing. Apollo: I know, and I respect that. *Achoo!* Here, let me help you out of bed. Sheba comes out of the turboflush, wrapped in a towel, still dripping from the turboshower. She sees them and shrieks. Sheba: What are you doing in my bed with another woman? Apollo: Hi, Sheba. Uh, sorry, we just dropped in... Sheba: And decided to use my bed?!? Apollo, how callous! How cruel! You had to know I was in the turboshower. You had to see my clothes laying around. You did this on purpose! You're just trying to rub my nose in your new relationship and my current lack of one! Cordelia: No, no, really, we just dropped in! Just microns ago! Sheba: And you didn't even call ahead to ask if I wanted company! Cordelia: (Tearing up.) Oh, no. Apollo: Now look what you did, Sheba, *achoo!* you made Cordelia cry! Meanie! Cordelia: No, it wasn't that, I crushed my flower. See? Now I'll never know if Apollo loves me! (All the poor petals are scattered on Sheba's bed and floor.) Sheba: And you made a mess, too! Get out! No more dropping in, ever! You're not welcome here any more, Apollo, and she never was! And will you quite sneezing? Apollo: But, Sheba, look at the ceiling - *achoo* - we didn't mean to- The Somers Proximity Factor strikes again. As Apollo tries to apologize, he trips over the flower stem, grabs at anything he can to catch himself - and snags Sheba's towel. She yelps in absolute outrage, racing back for the turboshower in the altogether, as Apollo fumbles his way out of the towel, which naturally fell on his face and wrapped itself around his head. Cordelia: Sheba, we're so sorry, let me get you some clothes... Cordelia grabs the outfit Sheba had laying out on the bed (now somewhat rumpled), and follows Sheba. She stumbles over Apollo's fallen body, and winds up sprawled on the floor, crumpling Sheba's outfit, catching the hem on one of Apollo's boots and ripping it, and ending up with much of the rest of the dress in the puddle of water that dripped while Sheba was standing there. Cordelia: (Holding up the soaked, damaged dress, which was once a Ganymede original.) Oh, dear, I think it got wet... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Sheba say, "Aren't you supposed to be somewhere, Apollo?" ~ ~ ~ Adama steps forward: Now, as you all know by now, the writer will be gone for the next week, but fear not, you will not be left bereft... -- Sharon Subject: Jolly Killed The Kids - Ep. 121 Date: Sat, 23 Jun 2001 Ops!! That's suppose to be 'forgot' right?? Well, since I am Sharon's Administrative Assistant in the real world, I am now serving in that capacity while she is out of town soaking up the sun at the lake. Now *I'M* in charge of the disk!!! Oh what *I* can do now!!! And after 2 days at Randy's mother's farm with no water and no sewer!!!! Which means the bathroom is in the bushes!!! Of course SoS spent two days trying to help *fix* it!! But I have the disk!! Oh what havoc I can wreak!!!!!!! Now we shall continue with the next spellbinding chapter of Jolly, I forgot the Kids. No, wait, Jolly I shrunk the kids...no, I blew up the baby?? No that was Disney. Well, you know what it is, says Starbuck's social secretary. (Eat your hearts out Vaughnie and Maggie!!!!!) Lady Rae, running with the disk and scissors... ******************************* "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 121 Scene: Sheba's quarters, where Sheba has just bolted for the turbowash after losing her towel. Apollo has that wet sopping towel wrapped around his head, and Cordelia is sprawled across Apollo and the floor, clutching a torn, wet, crumpled Ganymede original gown. Apollo: (Finally wrestling his way clear of the towel.) So that's how a kobolian mummy feels! I don't think I like it! *Achoooo!* Cordelia: Oh, Apollo, I'm sorry I fell on you... (Begins to wipe Apollo's face with the remains of the dress.) Apollo: No problem, Cordelia. I'm happy I was able to break your fall... *Achoo!* Thanks for the handkerchief... Sheba: (From turboshower.) Aren't you supposed to be somewhere, Apollo? Somewhere other than in my quarters with another woman? Apollo: Oh, that's right. I've gotta finish tracking down Boyington's daggit. *Achoo* But first I'll have to find Commander Gabrielle, wherever she and her warriors have gone. Cordelia: Oooh, that sounds dangerous! Apollo: No, she may carry a sharp spear, but she's not dangerous to us. It's not like she bites or anything. Cordelia: No, I mean the daggit! Apollo: I don't think it bites, either...although Wilker could have made some modifications. After all, thinking about it, Muffy did bite Cylons... *Achoo!* Sheba: (Reappearing, wrapped in another towel.) So why don't you get back to your duty and find that daggit and get out of my quarters? Apollo: Come to think of it, Sheba, aren't you supposed to be somewhere carrying out your duty, tracking down Belloby's mushies? Sheba: Well, it's kinda hard to get dressed when there are a pair of strangers lying on your bedroom floor! Apollo: We're not strangers! And you're supposed to be mushie-hunting! You shouldn't have been here at all! *Achoo!* You're being derelict in your duty! Sheba: You take that back! Besides, look who's talking, you sneezing daggit non-tracker! Cordelia: You're the one who's tracking down my Aunt Belloby's mushies? Wonderful! Are you having any luck? She's so looking forward to those mushies being found. Sheba: No, I'm not having any luck. Because people keep getting in my way and saying and doing stupid things! Apollo: What's that supposed to mean? Sheba: Like I really need to explain to you how stupid it is to drop in on me like this without calling first? And like I have to explain why I need time to recover when people tell me dreadful lies about my father being back when he's not? Cordelia: That's terrible! Apollo, did you do that? Apollo: I never said Cain was back when he wasn't! Cordelia: See, Sheba? Apollo didn't do that. He couldn't do that. He's too sweet and kind and wonderful. And he's not going to get in the way of you finding Aunt Belloby's mushies, either, because he wouldn't do that. So you can go ahead and find the mushies. And when you do, my aunt and I can move back to our home on the other ship, and... Apollo: Wait a centon - if Sheba finds the mushies, you have to leave the Galactica? Cordelia: Well...yes, I think so... Apollo: Sheba, I take it all back. Don't hurry in finding those mushies on my account. *Achoo.* You certainly need time to get over a crisis like this. In fact, I think you should take at least several more days. Maybe you should even take a furlon - get away from it all, forget it all. Maybe even forget it forever. *Achoo.* Don't do anything that would result in Cordelia having to leave the Galactica. Cordelia: Apollo, you'd do that for me? Have one of your pilots disobey orders to keep me here? Oh, you must really love me! Apollo: Madly, deeply, truly - I'd do anything... Sheba: I hate to interrupt this moment, but is that my dress? My Ganymede original, that you're using as a floor wipe and kleenex? Cordelia: (Apologetically.) Oops... Sheba: (Flings herself to floor and gathers ruins of dress to herself.) My...my Ganymede original... The only one I had in my closet. My favorite, my newest, my most wonderful...and now he's dead, there'll never be another... Cordelia: (Distressed.) Oh, I know exactly how you feel! If I lost any of my Ganymede gowns, I'd be...I'd be devastated! Wait! I have an idea! Sheba, I feel so terrible about using your gown for a mop, how about if you come over to my quarters, and pick out something from my closet, a Ganymede original to take the place of this old thing, anything you like... Sheba: (Stopping sobbing.) You have Ganymede originals? Cordelia: Dozens of them. Sheba: And I can have any one I want? Cordelia: Sure! Two of them, if you like! I know you and Apollo used to be close. I do want us to be friends. Sheba grabs Cordelia's hand and pulls her to her feet, heading for the door, which has only just been repaired from the slamming she gave it back in episode 90. The sopping ruins of the gown splatter onto Apollo's face as Sheba negligently tosses it away. Fortunately, Sheba hangs onto her towel this time. Apollo: Hey! *Sniffle.* Was that really necessary? Sheba: Friends it is. Let's go, kiddo. No time like the present - and I love presents. Never put off 'til tomorrow what you can borrow today. Oh, Apollo? Take your time getting up - but be gone by the time I get back. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Paye say, "But the guy said he was family!" Subject: The Continuing St-or-y - Jolly did something... Date: Mon, 25 Jun 2001 And now, back to our st-or-y: "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 122 Scene: Life Center. Security is running around; Salik and Quincy are going over their computer records. Nova is trying to be everywhere at once. Captain Columbo, cheap trenchcoat, cheap fumarello, and all, is questioning Dr. Paye. Columbo: So let me get this straight. You let some guy -- a complete stranger -- walk in here, give you a sob story, and walk out with the corpse. Is that what happened? Paye: But the guy said he was family! How was I supposed to know? Columbo: Well, the fact that Ganymede was Caprican and this guy was Scorpian should have a been a tip off that they weren't even in the same tribe. Paye: Well...they coulda been half-brothers... Columbo: (Waving his fumarello.) Possible. But not too likely, you have to admit. And definitely worth investigating before you released the body. Paye: (Wringing hands together and looking ready to cry.) Well...yeah... It's just...it's just that so few of us have any family left, when this guy came in... Columbo: (Putting a comforting hand on Paye's shoulder.) You thought what you would feel like, in Ganymede's situation, and how you'd want a brother to come claim you, even though you weren't here to even know about it. Paye: Well, I never had a brother, but I did have a sister, and...yeah, that's about it. Columbo: I understand completely, doctor, and I don't hold it against you. But if Dr. Quincy doesn't regain his memory, you understand the disappearance of the corpse could wind up a very significant issue - and the fact that you had a hand in the disappearance, wittingly or not, looks bad. Paye turns green, coughs at the smoke from Columbo's fumarello, then faints. Columbo: (Looking around.) Could someone help this man to a bed, please? Several security rush to the rescue and pick up Paye from the floor, to carry him to a life pod. Salik and Nova rush over to see what's going on. Meanwhile, Commander Adama walks in to check on Columbo's progress in the investigation. Salik: Sorry, Captain - Paye hates cheap fumarellos. Adama: Any progress, Columbo? Columbo: Not yet, sir. (Cocks his head.) Did you just see something unusual, Commander? Adama: How did you guess? Columbo: (Self-deprecatingly.) A little something I've learned over the yahrens. What did you see? Adama: Believe it or not, and I find it hard to believe, I just saw Sheba running around in a towel. Salik: Sheba, in a towel? Now why would she do that? Nova: A lot of women feel that way, now that Ganymede's gone, that they might just as well run around in a towel... Columbo: Do you feel that way, Med Tech Nova? Nova: Me? No, I'm just a med tech, when do I have a change to dress up? And I wear a uniform all the time, I don't really need anything fancy like a Ganymede gown. Columbo: So you don't mind that he's dead, do you? Nova: (Freezing and going pale - that's what happens when you feeze.) That's not what I said! I'm a med tech, of course I care that he's dead! I didn't do it! I didn't do it! (Runs out.) Three Miri Feathers warriors, half-dressed but fully armed, enter Life Center, and begin a sweep of the room. Columbo: I suppose you're reacting to Ganymede's death too? Thamesa, one of the Miri Feathers: Who? Columbo: Ganymede, the couturier. (Pause.) The dead dressmaker. (Pause.) The one whose body disappeared from here this very afternoon while the doctor who performed his autopsy was lying unconscious in a conduit, twined like a kobolian mummy, suffering from a minor case of amnesia. Thamesa: Amnesia... I heard of her. Didn't Captain Apollo date her on Terra? Columbo: No, it's a loss of memory. What about Ganymede? Thamesa: Never heard of him. Now if you'll excuse me, we have a daggit to find. The Miri Feathers leave Life Center. Columbo: (Scratching the side of his head.) Imagine that, a red-blooded human woman who hasn't heard of Ganymede of Couturiers of Caprica. Now I think I've seen everything. Adama: Not quite everything. You didn't see Sheba drop her towel. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama say, "I knew there was a risk, and it was a risk I wasn't prepared to take." Subject: Jolly Forgot the Kids 123 Date: Tue, 26 Jun 2001 "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 123 Scene: Life Center. Columbo, Salik, and Adama stand in the midst of barely organized chaos, talking. Columbo is smoking or chewing on his fumarello - again, still, some more. Adama: (Coughing.) Excuse me, Captain, would you mind not blowing that smoke in my direction? I can't stand the stuff, makes my eyes water and my lungs burn and makes my uniform smell like I've been wearing it for a secton. Columbo: That's just because these are cheap fumarellos, not the good mummified kobolians. But speaking of wearing and not wearing, where are Ganymede's effects and apparel? Did Paye give that to the complete stranger too? Salik: Uh, I'm afraid so. Columbo: Hmm. Say, doc, do you happen to recall that trim around the cloak he was wearing? Salik: Umm...yes, it was rather memorable - fur of some kind. Adama: Fur? Salik: Yes. Dyed a deep glossy black, I believe. Long strips of it, interspersed with rows of hera's-eye tail feathers. Columbo: That's the way I remember it, too. Adama: Fur? Columbo: That's what the man said. Does that have some special meaning to you, Commander? Adama: Fur? No, why would fur have special meaning to me? What kind of fur was it, Salik? Salik: I'm not really sure. I assume it's a synthetic daggit fur - the same kind we used on Muffey, only longer and glossier. Adama: Daggit fur... Columbo: Commander, I hope you'll pardon my saying so, but you're certainly reacting as if this fur has some particular personal significance to you. Adama steps forward for an aside soliloquy. The lights go down, except for one shining directly on the troubled Commander of the Galactica. Background music is low, haunting, and majestic, appropriate for a commander's soliloquy. Adama: Daggit fur. After all this time, why did it have to be daggit fur? I made sure we didn't bring any daggits with us when we evacuated the Colonies. I knew there was a risk if we did, and it was a risk I wasn't prepared to take, even though it meant no child of the Colonies would ever again have a daggit for a pet. Even though I knew I'd be challenged about bringing ovines and porcines and bovines and avines and other Colonial fowl and animals, and not bringing daggits. Adama: (Continuing.) There was nothing I could do about my son having Wilker make a daggit for his son, except order Wilker never to create another one, on threat of being spaced. It was already too late, then. Wouldn't have been a great loss, anyway, if anything had happened to Muffey, and we did finally get rid of the kid after all. Adama: (Still.) But it had to be daggit fur... Who else but Ganymede would wear daggit fur? Who else would want to? Who else could get away with it? And he was wearing it the day he was terminated... Could it have been...them? Was it murder, or vengeance from beyond the Pyramid? Adama: (Yet again...) Maybe it's been a mistake, to conceal the terrible history of the Galactica ghosts and the pack of spectral dire daggits that have pursued those poor souls through the depths of this battlestar for the last five hundred yahrens. It's what every commander has done for that five hundred yahrens, passing the information along directly from one commander to the next, but... Have I been derelict in my duty to the men and women in my command? Should I have been more open about the history of this ship to protect the people who now depend upon her for their safety? Is it time to change? To open the archives of all that's happened? Adama: (Yawn.) And yet, can it be to their benefit to know all the secrets, not just of the spectral dire daggits and the history of Neit, Lupercus, and Anubis, but also of- The camera crashes over, and we are suddenly viewing Adama sideways. Adama: Hey, get up, videolater, I'm doing a soliloquy on deeply emotional and dramatic issues relevant to the survival of the fleet here! Videolator: Uh, sorry, I was falling asleep... Do you think maybe we should be getting back to the episode? Adama: This is most of the episode. Videolator: Oh. Adama: Well, you've broken my concentration now. We might as well get on with it... Adama steps back into his previous position, the lights come up, the commander's soliloquy music gives way to the normal soundtrack. Adama: Daggit fur? No, why would daggit fur mean anything to me? Other than how unusual it is to find anyone from the Colonies wearing fur, in this day and age...and something resembling daggit fur at that. Unusual, very unusual. How did you say Ganymede was terminated? Columbo: That's the thing, the autopsy report is gone, the body has vanished, and the man who performed the autopsy has partial amnesia. We have no way of knowing how he died. Adama: We have to find that body... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama ask, "Shouldn't you be with the Miri Feathers, hunting the elusive Boyington daggit?" Subject: Jolly Forgot the Kids - Episode 124 Date: Tue, 26 Jun 2001 Like sand through the colonial hourglass, so too are the days that Jolly forgot those #@#!#$*&*+_()$%^@** kids!!! Now look-ee here!!!! How *irresponsible* can one fully grown, overweight man be?!?!? How could a man his size be overrun by a bunch of kids??? Let me tell you, in *my* day, we would *never* let our youngsters run loose like this man has!!! My husband, Lords rest his soul, would have *never* for one micron turned his back on our 22 kids!! No sir-ree!! He would have stood there, firmly and made those kids march to his tune, let me tell you!! He would have had a switch in hand and made those youngins mind him, make no never mind about that! Now this upstart Colonial Warrior, suppose to be trained in discipline and order, is letting these kids run amok through this fleet and get into all kinds of mischief! And he's a sargent, no less, and is letting a bunch of hooligans create havoc in this fleet. *WELL*!!! That would have never happened in *my* day. My mother worked her fingers to the bone to keep us children in line. Trudging over 100 metrons uphill, in a blinding snowstorm, with holes in her shoes, the only protection from the cold she had was a threadbare shaw draped over her thin shoulders, as she took us in an orderly fashion to school. What is this world coming to? Next thing you know, these upstart youngins are going to overthrow Adama and be in command of the Galactica. I can just see it now, children flying vipers, defending us from the Cylons. Oy Vy!! Yes, madam, I'm sure we would all *love* to hear about your views on order, discipline and child-rearing, but we do have a show to do. So *GET* *OFF* *MY* *SHOW*!!! Now, as I was saying. It is time for another thrilling episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids." I am your guest host, Sire Geeiwishihadabetterjobthatpaidmorethanthiscrap and am filling in this secton. The vacationing Siress Sharonwhothinksthatshecanenjoysomevacationisoutofhermind of Maplewood on the colony of Canceria, who was taken away last week screaming out of control in that strait-jacket is making a full reovery and will return from the next secton to assume her usual role as Chief Trouble-maker and Havoc-wreaker. I'm also happy to report that the eight orderlys that tried in vain to restrain her are also making a full recovery. Now on with our show... (Okay gang, I got to have *some* fun at 5:30 in the morning, perspiring with no a/c with more over 90 degree temps expected today. The heat made me do it. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!!!! -- Lady Rae) "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 124 Scene: Still in Life Center. There are sudden sounds from above, and everyone looks up. Gabrielle: (Dropping in lithely from the hole in the ceiling.) Hi, everybody. Adama: Commander Gabrielle! What are you doing up there? Gabrielle: Hunting daggits, of course. Didn't Apollo tell you we'd gone into the conduits? Adama: (Looking up as Sancroixa and Mississippia drop down to join Gabrielle.) Isn't Apollo with you? Gabrielle: No, he didn't follow us. I assumed he'd gone to update you on the search. Adama: He seems to have...overlooked that detail... Gabrielle: I'm sure he'll get around to it. Adama: I'm sure. So how is the hunt progressing? Gabrielle: (Sort of embarrassed.) Well, so far we haven't found any daggits - but we think we accidentally hit somebody with an arrow. It's amazing how many people are crawling around in those conduits! Adama: You think you hit somebody...? (Closes eyes and sighs deeply.) Was it serious? Gabrielle: I didn't catch his name; he kept on going. Adama: At least there's that... Have you given up on searching the conduits? Gabrielle: Nah, we just we'd drop in for a quick snack and then head back up. We haven't had a challenge like this in ages! I mean, even when we had Cylons land on our planet and try to take over everything and wipe us out, the kids thought it was all a big game and took 'em out before we had a chance to practice tracking. (Shrugs cheerfully.) Kids. What can you do? Adama: True... Gabrielle: Let's go, Sancroixa, Mississippia. If I remember my map, there's a mess hall not far from here. We can grab some lunch, fill up our water jugs, and resume the glorious hunt for the Boyington daggit! The other Miri Feathers react with cheers and start dancing around, spears held high. Staff and security start ducking aside. Salik: Hold it! This is Life Center! We're here to save people, not stab them! Gabrielle: Uh, sorry, doctor. We tend to get a little carried away at times. Let's go, warriors... More subdued, or at least carrying their spears set on "safety," the three Miri Feathers warriors head out of life center. As they do, Apollo comes in. Adama: Captain! Shouldn't you be going along with the Miri Feathers, gloriously hunting the elusive Boyington daggit? Apollo: *Sniffle.* I would, but I'm *achoo* not feeling very well... Adama and Salik exchange glances. Salik: I *told* you not to forget decontamination, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you pilots always know better. You're always in a hurry. You're always skipping decontamination because it's too much trouble... and you've probably infected half the ship by now! Apollo: *Achoo.* Dr. Salik, can you save the lecture *sniffle* until later, and give me something before my head explodes? Salik: Is that from the illness or your pilot's ego? (Relents.) Oh, all right, come on this way. We'll put you in quarantine and start figuring out what's wrong with you. And Nova, start inoculating everybody in the room against everything we've got. Maybe the scattershot approach will work... Nova: Right away, doctor. Greenbean and Giles appear at the door; Greenbean is leaning heavily on Giles. Giles: Doctor Salik! Somebody! Help! Greenbean's been shot! Amid myriad cries and exclamations, Salik and Adama rush over. Adama: What happened? Greenbean: (Piteously, moaning.) I...I was in the conduits, taking the shortcut to the O Club...when suddenly...suddenly...something bit me in the end! I broke off the tooth when I crawled away...and escaped. I think I scared it...when I yelled... Was it the Galactica ghost? Starbuck...told us...about the daggits in the conduits... Salik helps him to a bed and begins investigating the wound. Giles: I told you, Greenbean, it can't have been a daggit ghost. There's no such thing! Salik stands up, solemnly holding up a broken arrow, with the emblem of the Miri Feathers. Salik: Somebody's gotta tell those women to be more careful! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Columbo say, "I think I know who killed Ganymede." Subject: Jolly Forgot the Kids - Episode 125 Date: Thu, 28 Jun 2001 It's Thursday and time again for IFB's longest running soap opera, "Jolly Forgot the Kids" "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 125 Scene: Yes, we're still in Life Center. Salik is helping Greenbean. Paye comes wandering back in, having recovered from his faint. Columbo, who has been talking to Adama, stops suddenly, then stoops and picks up something from the floor. Columbo: Say, Dr. Paye, did you by chance drop this little amulet in the all comings and goings and hubbub around here? (Holds out an amulet on a chain.) Maybe when you fainted? Paye: Oh, I don't think so... (He gropes around his neck and then reaches into his pocket, looking puzzled.) Hmm, I guess it must be, I seem to have dropped it... Thanks for finding it. I didn't even realize it was missing. Columbo: I trust you understand why I have to have you look at this and confirm that it's yours? Paye: Of course. (Takes amulet.) Yes, this is definitely mine. That's my house crest on the back. Columbo: Thanks for confirming that, doctor. Glad I could be of help. You should hang on to your amulets, doctor. Paye: I will...and I guess I better get back to work, I understand Apollo needs a check-up and we have to start those inoculations... Columbo: Right. (Turns to Adama.) I think I know who killed Ganymede. Adama: You do? Who? Columbo: Let's just say, there's a few little details I want to check, and then I'll be able to tell you for certain. I'll get back to you... (Leaves life center.) Salik: So, Adama, who's going to tell the Miri Feathers to stop shooting people in the conduits? Adama: I'm not going to tell them. You tell them. You're the doctor. You have to clean up after them. Salik: I'm not going to tell them. You're the commander. It's your responsibility. Besides, they've got sharp pointy things and they're not afraid to use them. Gabrielle: (Voice yelling out in corridor.) I said, quit looking at my chest! A scream echoes in the corridor. Adama: She's got good hearing. Lt. Tarlik staggers into life center, doubled over, obviously in pain. Tarlik: (In a high, squeaky voice.) I've been shot, I've been shot! Salik: Where? Tarlik: Where it hurts the most! Adama: By Commander Gabrielle? Tarlik: Yes... Adama: Why? Tarlik: All I did was ask her if she needed any help over there on their ship - and she used her sling shot on me! Adama: Were those your exact words? Tarlik: Well, not exactly...I might have referred to helping her move her things around and being a great mover and shaker and being available for any heavy lifting or heavy breathing or anything like that... Adama: Moving her "things" around? A mover and shaker and a heavy breather? Tarlik: Well... Adama: And that's when she shot you? Tarlik: Yes... Doc, make the pain go away... Adama: She's got good taste. Salik: And good aim. All right, Lieutenant, right this way... Adama: At this rate, she's going to fill up life center faster than the Cylons do... As if on cue... Tigh: (Over loudspeaker): All pilots report immediately to the launch bay. We are picking up Cylon Raiders, closing on the Fleet. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Bojay say, "Sheba, you can't fly like that!" Subject: Jolly Forgot the Kids - Episode 126 Date: Fri, 29 Jun 2001 07:21:01 -0700 (PDT) Well, children, it's then end of another week, (T-G-I-F!!!!!!) and I must bid Adeiu to you and you and you and you (Sound of Music is playing in my head!). My time as your "guest poster" of JFTK has been a memorable one, one that I shall never forget (Is it getting a little *deep* here?) but I must relinquish my duties back to the "mini-cheese" (office joke) aka Sharon Monroe (who may be Starbuck in disguise, we are still working on that angle) who returns to her position Saturday after returning from her *vacation* at the lake. Old Irish curse - May you look like Sparky the lobster. So with this, I now post today's exciting thrilling and heart stopping episode of Jolly Flunked the Kids. It's "forgot" you idiot!!! My apologies. We now join "Jolly Forgot You, Idiot". Lady Rae, taking her last liberty ******************** "This is journalator Aphrodite, taking over for journalator Nessman, who is currently on the Agro Ship, reporting on the current status of our flocks, herds, and crops. I, on the other hand, am reporting on the latest Cylon attack. Even as we speak, our noble pilots are gathering in the bay to launch into ferocious battle to defend our lives. The adrenaline pumps in their toned young bodies and their heartbeats race as they wait breathlessly for the beginning of the combat that will decide not just their fates, but ours. The tension and heat build in their well-trained muscles as they prepare to put the skills of a lifetime to test, yet again. The sweat gathers on their foreheads and trickles down their throats, dampening their hair and running in rivulets down their chests to slowly pool in their navels... Is it getting warm in here? Excuse me, I'm going to have to go take a cold shower - while I'm gone, why don't you all watch the eighteenth secton anniversary episode of... "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 126 Scene: The Galactica launch bay, where warriors are hopping into their fighters and preparing to launch, to defend the fleet from this latest Cylon attack. Bojay and Starbuck hop into their adjoining Vipers, Starbuck lingering long enough to bestow kisses of gratitude and farewell on the four female Viper technicians working on his ship. Starbuck: Thanks for working on my ship. Gals, you're the greatest. Meet you on the Rising Star, later? Four Techicians, also known as Maggie, Vaughn, Patti, and Cathy: See you there... Bojay: Why can't I get treatment like that for my Viper? Starbuck: 'Cuz you don't give your techs treatment like I do. Awh, come on, Bojay, you know I've got a reputation to maintain. Bojay: Yeah, I know. Glad to see you back in action, buddy. Starbuck: Hey, I'm always in action. Unfortunately, this time it's with the Cylons. At least I've got tonight to look forward to. Sheba rushes into the bay and to her ship, on the other side of Bojay's, wearing a towel wrapped over her g-suit. Bojay: (Shocked.) Sheba, you can't fly like that! Sheba: (Climbing into her cockpit.) I'm wearing my g-suit. That's all I had time to put on. Who cares what I'm wearing over it? I don't. My Viper doesn't. The vacuum of space doesn't. The Cylons don't. So why should you? Bojay: Because I'm your wingman! I've got to fly beside you into combat with my last image of you being wrapped only in a towel over your basically sheer g-suit, every curve of your body outlined tightly and revealed by the terrycloth fabric of your towel, your long legs as good as bare all the down to your sweet little tootsies - and you expect me to be able to fight with that picture in my mind? Sheba: You can't fight because you've got my toes in your mind? Bojay: Well, I know where I'd rather have them... Sheba: Bojay...I didn't know you thought of me that way... Bojay: How could I not, at this moment? Sheba: Gee...I...I never thought of you that way... Bojay: I know you didn't...that's why I never said anything... Sheba: Bojay, when we're back from this mission, we're going to have a nice long talk. I think it's time we reconsidered our relationship. Maybe it's time we were more than just wingmen and shipmates and good friends who can tell each other every...little...thing. Starbuck: Hey, Sheba, isn't this kinda the wrong time to be talking about something like this? Sheba: You know me, Starbuck, I get all mushy before a mission. I need a something special in my life to cling to as I go into battle with my life on the line. I like a guy who can be romantic at a time like this. Apollo rushes into the bay and jumps in his Viper. Apollo: Hi, guys, did you save a few for me? Starbuck: I thought you were sick, in quarantine! Apollo: Ah, just turned out to be a little Aquarian sinus bug. So, what's going on? Starbuck: We're waiting for Cylons to attack, and Sheba and Bojay just decided to discuss their love life when they get back. Apollo: I thought Sheba didn't have a love life. Sheba: I will now. Bojay knows how to be romantic. Apollo: Are you implying that I don't? Sheba: If the boot fits... Apollo: Hey, you're not that easy to be romantic with! Especially while facing battle! And it's not easy to get romantic in the middle of a daggitfight when the person you're talking to is taking pot shots at Cylon tankers. Sheba: Is that a shot at my father? Apollo: (Mimicking.) If the boot fits... Tigh: (On speakers.) This is Colonel Tigh, from the bridge. Do you pilots realize that your every word is being picked up on our internal comm system by special feed to IFB, and permanently preserved for posterity for the entire fleet? Now shut up, get out there, and fight! Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Rigel say, "There's a shuttle missing!" Subject: Jolly Forgot the Kids -- Episode 127 Date: Sat, 30 Jun 2001 "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 127 Scene: A shuttle at the edge of the fleet, currently occupied by Chameleon and several of children from the Jolly and Cassie Ship. The youngsters piloting the shuttle do a flyby of one of the ships that nearly scrapes the paint off and scares the bejeezus out of the helmsman on the ship. Spif: Like this, Grampa Cham? Chameleon: (Swallowing hard to avoid throwing up.) Son, you're gonna grow up just like Starbuck! You already fly like him! I'm amazed Colonel Tigh hasn't court-martialed him by now... Spif: Awh, I wanna grow up like Papa Jo! Chameleon: Well, if you want to grow up like Jolly, you'll have to return to the Jolly and Cassie Ship, study hard, be good, and have some more mushies! Lots more mushies! Spif: I can do that! Dennis: Will he still fit in a cockpit? Chameleon: Your Papa Jo does! But for now, I really think we should go back to the Ship - with the Cylon attack and all. Cassie and Jolly aren't going to be happy that I let you take the shuttle out, when I was supposed to be child-sitting. You said it was only going to be a three-centar cruise... Dennis: Don't worry, Grampa Cham, we'll explain everything. We'll tell them we twined you like a kobolian mummy and held you hostage and wouldn't untwine you unless you agreed to take us out for a spin around the fleet. Chameleon: Oh, you'll tell them the truth. Spif: Yup! Okay, Grampa Cham! Let's go home! Children: Woo-hoo! Dennis: (Jarring something on the control panel.) Oops... Chameleon: Uh...where are we going now? We're heading away from the fleet - and the Cylons are still attacking. Dennis: Umm, I'm not sure. Chameleon: Well, this isn't where you're supposed to be going. Please turn around now, children, and take us back to the fleet. Spif: Umm, I think we're out of control... Chameleon: Oh, dear, Jolly and Cassie really aren't going to be happy about this... Scene: Meanwhile, on the bridge of the Galactica... Tigh: (With satisfaction.) It appears all of our fighters are returning, Commander. No casualties. Adama: Excellent, excellent. Rigel: Sir! We have a problem! Adama: Is one of our brave fighters under a vile sudden sneak attack by an enemy that was playing dead, which will necessitate a heroic emergency counterattack by my son and his wingmate, to save him or her from utter destruction? Rigel: No, sir, the Cylons have abandoned fight and are retreating in their usual fashion. Adama: Was one of our warriors injured and now has to limp back to the battlestar, struggling to hold his or her ship together long enough for a dangerous and dramatic landing, while we wait here with growing tension? Rigel: No, they're all just fine and dandy, sir. Adama: Has there been a unexpectedly discovered stellar anomaly that will test the skills of our finest warriors as they risk studying it and enduring its unknown mysterious effects upon them? Rigel: No, that's Star Trek, not Battlestar Galactica. Adama: Then what is it? Rigel: There's a shuttle missing! Adama: A shuttle! Which one? Rigel: One of the Jolly and Cassie shuttles. Adama: (Looking at Tigh.) A Jolly and Cassie shuttle? Tigh: The children? Adama: (Closing his eyes dramatically.) Lords help them all... Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Avona say, "We put thirteen arrows into it, and it got up and ran away!" Subject: Jolly Forgot the Kids -- Episode 128 Date: Sun, 01 Jul 2001 "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 128 Scene: The bridge of the Galactica. Adama: Summon all pilots to a briefing as soon as they land! Order all squadrons on standby- Tigh: Sir, how can they be on standby if they're all at a briefing? Adama: Um, we'll have the briefing in the launch bay! Order all Vipers immediately repaired, refueled, and rearmed, get all our techs- Tigh: Sir, half the techs are working on Starbuck's Viper as it is. Adama: The female half? Tigh: Of course. Adama: Threaten to have 'em all reassigned to Yellow Squadron if they can't do their job, where they'll never have another appearance in this serial as long as it lasts! Tigh: I'll do that, sir. Adama: But if they get everybody's Viper ready in record time, they'll all get rotated to private duty on Starbuck's ship. Every one of them. In turn. They'll each get a chance to be Starbuck's one and only Viper tech. For a night. Rigel: Sir! Request permission to transfer to Viper technician status for a day! Adama: Denied. Rigel: Rats! Tigh: Where? Rigel: There! An arrow clefts the air; with a dramatic squeak, and after five centons of melodramatic, overdone, hysterical posing in the midst of the general mayhem, the rodent finally kicks the bucket - which, of course, spills the contents. The bucket of 5W-30, set aside by a certain technician who shall remain nameless, for lubrication work on the bridge, spills and become a spreading pool across the bridge, causing a very attractive if not very bubbly small water...uh, oilfall from the command dais down to the middle level, down to the bottom level, before finally making its gurgling way into a conduit grill. Adama: All right, who did that? A gaggle of Miri Feathers enter the bridge. Adama: Commander Gabrielle! Did you find the daggit? Gabrielle: Not yet. Although we did get something. Adama: I know - Greenbean came to Life Center after you left, with an arrow in his backside. So did Tarlik, with some stone damage to his frontside. You've got to be more careful about your aim. Gabrielle: Got 'em both, didn't I? I'd say my aim's pretty good. But no, this wasn't one of your pilots. Oh, by the way, you'll find Corporal Komma somewhere between delta and gamma levels. He and Seina were playing touch-me-touch-you, and he got stuck in a conduit. He's gonna need some help getting out. Right now, he's like an ursine of little brain in a lepine hole after too much huney. Adama: Tigh? Tigh: We'll get someone right on it. Hmm, maybe some of the 5W-30 is going that way... Adama: So what did you get? Gabrielle: Avona, it was your team, you tell him. Avona: We got a daggit. Adama: (Eagerly.) You did? Where is it? Hey, I thought you said you didn't get the daggit! Avona: Well, we saw it...and we tracked it...and we shot it... But then... I mean, we put thirteen arrows into it, and it got up and ran away! Adama: You must have missed it in the twisting conduits and corridors. Avona: No, we definitely hit it. It howled and collapsed and fell over and everything. And then it got up, shook itself, and ran away! Adama: It must have been bleeding. Did you follow it? Gabrielle: That's just it, Adama. There was no blood. When we got to where the carcass lay, or did lay, briefly, all that was there were our thirteen arrows, nicely laid out in a pattern -- the points weren't even broken off! Adama: What kind of pattern? Gabrielle: The sigil of old Caprica... The bridge crew falls silent, all looking at Commander Adama. Adama: Tigh, call that briefing. It's time to tell...the secret. Tune in for the next exciting episode of "Jolly Forgot the Kids" when we'll hear Adama ask, "Starbuck, did you send around a memo?" Subject: Jolly Forgot the Kids -- Episode 129 Date: Mon, 02 Jul 2001 "Jolly Forgot the Kids" - Episode 129 Scene: A briefing room, where Adama has just explained the five-hundred-yahren old story of the dire daggit pack haunting the depths of the Battlestar Galactica, and the tragic tale of what happened to Neit and Lupercus, and the evil tale of Anubis and his geneticist father who cloned the murderous pack from old preserved DNA - and we all know what happens when villainous scientists decide to play cloning games with old DNA, right? And nobody wants to know what else might be running around the depths of the Galactica, right? (At least, not this episode...) Adama: (Taking a deep breath.) And that is why we don't use certain parts of the battlestar for anything but storage, and why we hear mysterious sounds from below, at times, and why we're not supposed to use the conduits that lead down to those levels, and why we sometimes see what appear to be men running from what appear to be dire daggits, and why I didn't allow the rescue of any daggits from Caprica when we escaped, and why I ordered Wilker not to make any more daggits afterward. Any questions? Giles: Commander, how come I've never seen these dire daggits? I mean, I use those conduits all the time - everybody does, they're quicker and easier than actually trying to figure our way around the maze of corridors on this ship... Adama: You got lucky. Any other questions? Greenbean: Sir, if that's the case, how come you let Boxey have a daggit? Adama: Um, well... (Tugging at his collar.) Um, I guess it was a case of the lesser of two evils. Any other questions? Greenbean: The lesser of two evils? But that doesn't explain- Tigh: Sit down, Greenbean. Next? Greenbean sits down gingerly to protect his wounded end. Bojay: Will this briefing last long? Sheba and I have some things to discuss and this is really cramping our style. Sheba: *Giggle.* Tigh: (Under his breath.) She's giggling, sir. Have you ever heard her giggle? Adama: (Also under h