Ladies and gentlemen, here is proof positive that I've been working
to hard this week. Here's a little ditty I whipped up. 

Guilty Little Secret
By Lizbeth Marcs
March 2, 1997

Dedication: I dedicate with affection this little piece of utter 
nonsense and exercise in blowing off steam to all of us who've 
spent any time in the Battlestar Closet. Admitting you are 
powerless before your addiction is the first step to setting 
yourself free...and enjoying it for all it's worth. 

Starbuck was a good sneak. Everyone knew that.

As to *why* he was sneaking around Cassiopea's quarters would've 
been anyone's guess, had they been able to see him. But they 
couldn't. And for that a certain lieutenant was inordinately 
grateful. To make this little foray even more ridiculous was that 
Starbuck had permission to be in Cassiopea's quarters, even though 
the woman in question was currently on duty in the Life Center.

Foolish woman. She trusted him. But that was utterly beside the 
point.

The reason Starbuck was in Cassiopea's quarters was because he 
had asked to use her vid system.

As to *why* Cassiopea had a vid system while everyone else in 
the Fleet had to share a single vid screen with hundreds of their 
nearest and dearest, that's if they had access to a vid screen at 
all, is a story in and of itself.

Wilker had planned to test-drive a new system for the IFB and 
needed someone to be the guinea pig. Cassie graciously volunteered 
and it was installed in her quarters with great fanfare. She was 
excited about it. Her neighbors were excited about it. Hades, 
everyone who *knew* her was excited about it. Plans were made 
for massive parties where all could sit on the couch and vegetate 
before their favorite movies and reminisce about when they were 
kids and saw this particular story or how they had *such* a crush 
on that actor. People couldn't *wait.*

And then the system sat there. And sat there. And SAT there.

There was one small flaw in Wilker's plan. There were no vid discs 
to be found.

It was stupid, really. Wilker assumed that someone, somewhere 
thought to save at least *one* beloved movie. Except, no one did. 
Or at least no admitted doing so.

Which goes to show that you can't assume anything. Just because 
you build something, it does *not* mean they will come. 

In the end, Cassiopea did not get to test-drive a new state-of-the-
art professional-quality vid system. What she got was a very 
expensive paperweight. Or dust collector. Depended on your mood 
and point of view.  

Still, it wasn't as if Dr. Wilker's side project for the IFB was all 
that pressing. The network did have some vid equipment scavenged 
from the various colonies and managed to jury-rig the system into 
something that could record as well as store whatever the 
network decided to churn out. No one's fault really that the stuff 
they turned out was awful. Well, it *was* someone's fault, but the 
programming decisions of media moguls remains one of the great 
mysteries of the Universe, whether you live in the Fleet, or on the 
mythical planet known as Earth.

But, that doesn't explain Starbuck's current predicament.

The fact is, Starbuck was sneaking around Cassiopea's quarters 
and that state-of-the-art vid system was the reason. Of course, 
Cassie knew that, too. Not the sneaking part, of course. What she 
knew was that Starbuck wanted to use it. When she asked why, 
Starbuck made noises that he thought he found a vid disc. He 
wasn't sure. Could be a music disc. Could be a frisbee. Hard to tell 
really. There was no label, see, and...

"That's wonderful news!" Cassiopea clapped. "Why don't we find 
out!"

"I, ummmm, I don't have it on me."

Cassie deflated. "Well, I'm on late shift all week. Can it wait?"

Starbuck took a deep breath and dove in. "Look, you don't have to be 
there. Why don't I just pop it in and find out? If it's anything, I'll 
let you know and we'll have a party or something marking the 
occasion. I mean, it'll only take a few centons, so why not?"

Cassie bit her lip and after a beat agreed. But not before 
extracting a promise that if it *was* a movie, she'd get to see it 
when she got off shift. 

Starbuck quickly made the promise, especially since he had 
absolutely no plans to keep it. He felt bad about lying. He really 
did. It's just that he'd never live it down. He'd die of terminal 
embarrassment. Nope. Better to use it and high-tail it out of 
Cassie's quarters before a certain medtech's shift was over.

When he arrived the appointed night, he did a quick search of 
Cassiopea's quarters. He knew Cassiopea wouldn't be hiding in a 
broom closet just so she could check up on his story. She just 
wasn't built like that. But still, Starbuck wanted to make sure that 
he really was alone. When he was certain that he was going to 
enjoy blessed solitude, he removed the eight precious vid discs 
from the inner pocket of his battle jacket. Starbuck carefully set 
them down on the vid machine and released a deep sigh. After 
studying the pile for a micron, he carefully lifted each disc one by 
one. He studied the labels as if they were the writings of the Lords 
of Kobol themselves before reluctantly selecting one. *Better 
make this the only one,* Starbuck thought. He longingly looked at 
the other seven. *Some other time,* he thought sadly as he 
inserted the chosen disc into the playback machine.

He didn't start feeling slightly foolish until he found himself 
rummaging around Cassie's efficiency for mushies and hot Co-Co 
and caught himself humming *that* tune. The feeling of 
foolishness quickly grew to feeling very dumb as he settled onto 
the couch, sill humming mind you, with steaming liquid and food. 
The very stupid feeling soon gave way to feeling incredibly stupid 
as he picked up the remote and pressed play. He nearly dropped the 
remote when a loud swell of music filled the room. He fumbled 
with the buttons until he found the volume and turned it down to 
almost a whisper. It was *then* he relaxed.

Starbuck wasn't sure how he'd react to the old vid show now 
playing before him. Would he use his now-adult perception to 
criticize it? Would he compare it to admittedly better movies and 
shows he saw after it had long disappeared from his life? Would 
he laugh at the dated clothes, sets and dialogue? Would he be 
utterly bored and find his mind wandering? Would he actually, 
perish the thought, compare it to real life? 

All these doubts played through his mind as the theme music 
dissolved into the opening prologue. "There are those who 
believe..." Starbuck felt a slightly guilty thrill at hearing that deep 
voice. "...that life here is mirrored out there, far across the 
universe." As the next line began, Starbuck started mouthing the 
words to himself. "That there is a lost tribe of humans who are 
searching for us. Some believe that even now..." Here Starbuck's 
voice joined in on the refrain that he thought was long forgotten. 
"...the brothers of man fight to survive somewhere beyond the 
heavens."

Despite himself, Starbuck whooped as the scene resolved into 
view. In this case, the opening shot was a *killer* gun battle 
between the heroes of this particular epic and the evil Solons. The 
leader of the human troop, Pheobus Adamson, from the battleship 
"Galaxy" lead his battered, brave crew from one cover to the other, 
using his wits, intelligence and natural leadership ability to keep 
the ragtag team intact. Naturally, there was the leader's side-
kick, Elija "Lucky" Landerson, a wise-cracking hero who kept 
everyone's morale up under heavy fire. And then, of course, there 
was the calm member of the group, Bob "Boom-Boom" Zalcansy, 
who managed to balance out the leader and his side-kick and 
provide some much-needed intelligence and maturity. Then there 
was the fiery, tough-as-nails-got-something-to-prove member of 
the troop, Lucy Bathsheba, who managed to knock out every enemy 
with a single shot without so much as messing her manicure.

Starbuck didn't need to be told what was on the agenda for this 
episode. He'd seen it enough as a kid. Okay, okay. He *memorized* 
it as a kid. The troop had to sneak into the Solon military outpost 
and blow it up. The cause was just, of course. They needed to knock 
out the radar and the zap guns so that a stranded fleet of medical 
ships could get through undetected. A colony of orphans was 
depending on it.

*Of course,* the adult portion of Starbuck's brain spoke up, *They 
could've flown around it. Space is a big place. They definitely 
could've found a route that was just as quick and that wouldn't've 
taken them anywhere near the Solon's outpost.* Starbuck told his 
adult brain to shut the frack up.

Naturally, while the star troopers were running around blowing up 
things, not to mention their share of Solons, the secondary story 
had the human element. Kayla Nominesky, the beautiful, brave 
healthtech who was usually stationed on the battleship "Galaxy" 
was working to keep the desperately needed vaccines stable. 
Someone had stored them wrong, see, and so the molecular 
integrity couldn't hold unless they were constantly watched and 
the nutrient mix adjusted. As she raced from one vaccine batch to 
another, she screamed at the fleet commander that they were 
running out of time. They had to chance the outpost now. *Orphans 
were depending on it!*

Meanwhile back on the planet below, things were not going so good. 
Phoebus had been hit, perhaps fatally, by a sneaky Solon. Lucky 
had to take the lead and complete the mission. Of course, it meant 
leaving Phoebus behind. No sooner had they left their fearless 
leader but the group had run into trouble, namely, 3,000 evil 
Solons standing between them and the radar room.

Starbuck bit his nails as Lucky pulled an unexpected talent for 
leadership out of his hat and came up with a plan that just might 
work even as the medical fleet ran out of time and started moving 
forward. Would they manage to destroy the radar? Would they 
manage to silence the zap guns, even now sending their deadly rays 
into space narrowly missing the ships, not to mention the 
beautiful Kayla? Would they manage to save Phoebus? Would they 
get the vaccine to those orphans in time? 

Does a Cylon rust in water?

Too soon, the closing music swelled as the final voice-over 
played, "Fighting the Solon tyranny, the battleship "Galaxy" leads 
the way to find the lost tribes humanity, somewhere among the 
stars." 

Starbuck reluctantly shut off the vid system. He looked longingly 
at the blank screen and then looked at his chronometer. For a 
moment he struggled with himself. He had a half-centar to get out 
of Cassie's quarters.

The battle was lost before it was started.

With a flourish, Starbuck popped in another disc. *I'll just watch 
part of this episode,* he thought to himself. *Lords know when I'll 
get a chance to do this again. I'll just keep track of the time and 
get out of here before she gets off shift. No problem.*

This episode was a good one. Surprises were in store for Our 
Heroes as they conducted an exploratory into a uncharted section 
of space looking for clues to the lost human tribes. A general, long 
thought dead, turns out to be alive and running a guerilla war 
against a hidden Solon outpost. He decides that between his crew 
of star troopers and the "Galaxy," they could take out the Solon 
outpost. Meanwhile, the commander of the "Galaxy," Moses 
Adamson (yes, Pheobus Adamson's father!) is hesitant because he 
knows that there are three Solon battlecruisers in the star system 
next door. Instead, he wants to bring the general home and come 
back with reinforcements to knock the outpost out. But, of course, 
the general won't hear of it.

A power struggle ensues as Moses' good sense beats against the 
general's ambition. Meanwhile, it turns out that the beautiful 
Kayla is a bit distracted from her duties because, surprise, 
surprise, she was engaged to the general when he disappeared! 
Needless to say, Lucky, her sometime paramour, was heartbroken 
at this development. Starbuck really liked the episode because it 
was the one that introduced Lucy, who was the general's niece.

A tearful Kayla had just entered the general's quarters when 
Starbuck heard a sound. He sat up and looked around to find 
Cassiopea standing inside an open doorway. *Oh Lords,* he 
slumped. *I'm dead.*

Cassiopea looked at the vid screen before looking back at *her* 
sometime paramour. "Dare I ask where you found this?"

Starbuck smiled weakly. "My personal belongings?"

"Un-hunh. Dare I ask what this is?"

"Battleship Galaxy."

"Battleship what?"

"I think I need to explain," Starbuck began. He took a deep breath 
when Cassie raised a questioning eyebrow. "It's a show that was 
on CapriNet when I was a kid."

"Oh?" Cassiopea prompted.

"Well, I mean...oh, frack. This is really hard to explain..."
 
"Try." If Starbuck was listening, he would have heard the amused 
tone. He wasn't. He was trying to figure out how to explain his 
affection for this cheesy space opera with not-to-convincing 
computer effects and somewhat wooden dialogue. 

"Well, see, when I was a kid, I dunno, I just wanted to be special, 
you know?" When he was met with silence, Starbuck dove in. "Well, 
since I was pretty much on my own as a kid. I didn't *have* anyone 
around to tell me I was special. Well, anyway, once a secton, I was 
allowed to watch anything I wanted on CapriNet. Well, this show 
came on one night and I just thought it was the most *amazing* 
thing I'd ever seen. I mean, there was *nothing* like this on 
CapriNet, not then I mean. Not like later, when I got older."

"Go on." Cassiopea was curious despite herself.

"Well, anyway, I got hooked. Next thing I know, I *had* to see it. 
Every secton. When it wasn't on for one reason or another, I got 
cranky." Starbuck took a breath. "I think I liked it because then I 
could *pretend* to be one of the characters. I could *pretend* I 
was a hero going out and defeating Solons and finding the lost 
human tribes. I could be smart, I could be handsome, I could be 
witty I could be a hero and that I could be special without even 
breaking a sweat." Starbuck shrugged in embarrassment as he 
added, "I guess, they kind of became my family."

Cassiopea sat beside Starbuck on the couch. "What happened?" 

"It got cancelled after one yahren," Starbuck said. "You know the 
drill. Not enough people were watching it and those who were 
watching were the wrong sort of  people for the adverts. The show 
was to expensive to produce. The usual stuff. I was heartbroken. 
For awhile, I still made up stories on my own, but it just wasn't 
the same. I guess as I got older, it just kinda faded from memory. 
Real life caught up to me, I suppose."

"So what about the discs?" Cassiopea asked. "How'd you find 
those?"

"I didn't." Before Cassie could ask, Starbuck added, "Before the 
Destruction, I was on leave and I was wondering around the 
shopping district of Caprica City. I wandered into a vid store 
figuring I could rent a disc for the night. Then I saw they had eight 
discs of "Battleship Galaxy." Turns out they were the only eight 
episodes released. Well, I bought all eight of them, brought them 
to my rented room and watched them all in one sitting. I guess I 
forgot how much I liked 'em. Well, anyway, I brought them back to 
the Galactica with me and hid them in my personal stuff. I figured 
I'd get a chance to see 'em again." Starbuck shrugged, "But then, the 
Colonies got wiped out and there they stayed."

"So why the sneaking around?" Cassiopea pressed. "You *knew* we 
needed to test the vid system. We were scrounging all over the 
place for vid discs, *any* vid discs. Yet you said nothing. Why?"

"Well, I know it's just a stupid show," Starbuck said. "I mean, its 
science is not very accurate and the writers' understanding of 
"Space and How It Works" is laughable. I guess, I just didn't want 
anyone to laugh. I mean, I *know* it's not the Lords of Kobol's 
Greatest Hits. It's a space fantasy opera. I guess I just didn't want 
anyone to think...oh, I don't know what they'd think. I guess I just 
didn't want anyone to find out."

Cassiopea nodded. "Fair enough." Then a wicked grin spread across 
her face. "Can I see an episode?"
************

A secton later, Apollo joined Starbuck at there table in the 
Officers' Club. He looked around conspiratorially before leaning 
over and whispering, "I understand you have a certain show in your 
possession."

Starbuck looked at his wingmate in horror.

"Don't deny it," Apollo said. "Cassie told me."

"Why that little..."

"Can I see it?"

Starbuck stopped cold. "What?" he asked.

"Can I see it?" Apollo said. "When I was a kid, "Battleship Galaxy" 
was my favorite show..."

"Did someone say "Battleship Galaxy"?" Apollo and Starbuck looked 
up to find Boomer standing over their table. "That was a *great* 
show."

Sheba sauntered up behind Boomer and asked innocently, "What's a 
"Battleship Galaxy"?" 

"One of the best shows in the universe," Boomer said. He thought 
the better of it. "Well it was, when I was a kid."

"And Starbuck's got copies!" Apollo said enthusiastically.

Starbuck was getting ready to slink under the table when Boomer 
exclaimed, "My hero! How'd you manage that?"

Despite himself, Starbuck was beaming. "Long story."

"I gotta see this show," Sheba muttered.

"And that means a party." The newest voice belonged to grinning 
Cassiopea. "My place. Pick a date and time. And bring food." With 
that, she left the room, muttering about errands to run.
*******

It was like a movie premiere. Scratch that. It was *better* than a 
movie premier. Cassie's quarters were packed with scores of 
people, most of them Caprican, waiting to see their favorite show. 
Starbuck, the hero the centar, got to play host. The problem was 
that the hostess, one Cassiopea, said she'd be late and that they 
better not start without here. She explained that she had a last 
minute errand to run, but that she wouldn't be long. 

When the exciting muttering turned into a low-grade roar, Cassie 
appeared with an older man in tow. The gathering quieted as 
Cassie introduced her guest. "Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to 
introduce you to Tailsen, the actor who played Elija "Lucky" 
Landerson." The man blinked in surprise as the room roared a cheer 
and rushed up to shake hands with him. Soon, the actor's confusion 
was washed away as his smile turned genuine and he met the fans 
he didn't know he had. 

Cassiopea stood apart from the tangle of bodies. She took a shot 
that someone from the original production survived and was 
disappointed to find that only one did. Still, she was glad it was 
Tailsen. She decided that Lucky *definitely* her favorite 
character. She spied Starbuck working his way free of the crowd 
and watched him stand by the window with a dreamy look on his 
face. Cassiopea went to his side and said, "I take it your meeting 
went well?"

Starbuck shook himself and looked around the room in wonder. "Can 
you believe it?"

"Believe what?" Cassiopea prodded gently.

"He said I was his hero."
*********************

May we all be so lucky. 

With affection to all (and you know who you are),
Liz ;)
lizbeth400@aol.com