From: "Killion, Mr Wayne" Date: Wed, 16 Sep 1998 Subject: Transcript Greenbean I cannot remember if I sent this out before I feft for the reunion so I am sending it again. Let me know how you like it. By Wayne Killion and Wayne Coleman >From the archives of Therapseuchos Colemac Subject: Ensign Greenbean Session 1 On orders from the ship's medical command, Ensign Greenbean was referred to me for counseling. A preliminary report from medical was sent yesterday, and I did have some time to review it. Colemac: Good afternoon. Please, come in and be seated. Greenbean: I really don't need to be here. Colemac: Then why did you come? Greenbean: Command's orders. Coleman: So why did medical feel that you need to see me? Greenbean: I haven't been feeling well lately, and it's not completely physical. Colemac: Would you like to tell me anything about it? Greenbean: It's mostly just been an upset stomach. I have been under a lot of stress lately. Colemac: What's causing you all this stress? Greenbean: Worrying about pretty much the same stuff that everyone else is. The Cylons finding the fleet, finding someone to union with, finding Earth. Colemac: Are those the only things that concern you, or are there other things to? Greenbean: Well, yes, there is kind of. Colemac: Would you like to tell me about? Greenbean: In the age and society that we come from, it's kind of embarrassing. Coleman: No one here is your judge, and I'm not here to ridicule you. Greenbean: Well, I have had problems with eating disorders in the past, and they're beginning again. Colemac: What kind of disorders? Greenbean: It started Yahrens ago when I was in school. I used to be overweight. The kids always teased me about it. Colemac: How did that make you feel? Greenbean: It hurt. They made me feel less than human, like an outcast. I used to go home crying from school all the time. My mother would ask me what was wrong and I'd just tell her I had a bad day. There were quite a few of them. Colemac: Did you ever tell your Mother what was happening? Greenbean: No, not when I was in the early years of my education. My father passed away when I was very young. Mom was always very protective of me. I was afraid she would go to the school and cause an unnecessary scene. I didn't want to be embarrassed, or labeled a "mama's boy", because that's what would have happened. Colemac: I see. Greenbean: I know Mom loved me, but she kind of tended to build things into a great deal more than what they really were. Colemac: You were afraid that's what she would do if she went down to the school? Greenbean: Yes. Colemac: So what did you do? Greenbean: It wasn't until the eighth yahren of my education, that I really started thinking about doing something about it. Colemac: Like what? Greenbean: Changing my diet and losing some weight. Colemac: What kind of changes did you make? Greenbean: Extreme ones. I quit eating for long periods of time, and then when I would eat, I would purge myself of what I did eat, because I didn't want it to turn to fat. I did loose a lot of weight, and very quickly, but it did take a toll on my health. Colemac: Did you get sick from this? Greenbean: I became so conscious of it that it got the point where the site or smell of food made me sick. Colemac: How long did this go on? Greenbean: Well my weight came off by the cargo load. I finally got so thin, and my body was so deprived, that I passed out one day, and wound up in the Caprican life center. That was when everyone found out what was going on. Colemac: What happened then? Greenbean: Well I was pretty scared about being put in the life center. My metabolism was so messed up I almost died. They told me that I was Bulimarexic, and that I needed to get help, both physical and emotional, or that I would die. Coleman: Getting and accepting help is choice that everyone has to make for themselves. I've seen people who needed it, but didn't want it. What made you decide to accept the help then? Greenbean: Truth? I'm not really sure. Everyone was really nice to me, and told me that I had value, and a contribution to make somewhere, and at sometime. I really had a hard time believing that. Coleman: You said you had a hard time believing that, did you ever accept it? Greenbean: What? Colemac: Believing is one thing, accepting is another. You can believe something is true or not, and it may or may not be. People have the conscious choice whether or not accept what is true or false. You said you had a hard time believing that you had value and a contribution to make and that you were an essential part of society and culture. How did you accept that? Greenbean: I didn't want to believe it to be truth, and I think that I did not want to accept it as truth. Colemac: Why did you feel you had no value as a human being, and there was nothing for you to contribute? Greenbean: I'm not really sure. I guess it was because I felt like I was never going to measure up and be good enough. My mother always told me that I had a lot of potential, and that I would go far, but that's something all moms say. Colemac: We all have potential. Once again, it our choice as to what to do with that potential. Greenbean: No one ever told me that. Colemac: How were you as a young child? Greenbean: I was average, but then I started gaining weight when I was about eight or nine. That was couple of yahrens after my father died. Colemac: Do you think that had anything to do with it. Greenbean: I don't think his death had anything to do with it, no. Colemac: What about after his death, when he wasn't there anymore. How did that affect you? Greenbean: At first it wasn't easy. Father died in a freighter crash off the third moon of Libra. It was an engine malfunction the computer didn't pick up in diagnostics. It was a no-fault situation. After that, a lot my friends started acting weird, like they didn't know what to say or do, and they would quit asking me play with them, and do things as much as what they used to. I missed my father a lot, and spent quite a bit time growing up alone. Come to think of it, it was after Father died when Mother started getting really protective. Not in a way that was obnoxious or controlling, but she became a great deal more observant of where I was going, who with and for how long. I look a great deal like my father, and I think I was the one piece of him that she still had, and she was afraid of loosing all that she had left of him. It was difficult seeing other kids with their parents. Watching things they would do together, especially where their fathers were involved. I do remember my father, he was a good man, and he loved me very much, and I loved him. There is no mistake or question about that. Colemac: Do you feel that there was a lot that you missed by not having your father around? Greenbean: A lot. They were all taught how to plays sports, how to pilot, hunt, fish, and just deal with a lot of things in life in general. I didn't get that. I stayed home depressed, and ate all of the time. Colemac: So, do you think that's kind of where your eating problems started, with the depression you felt as a child after your father died? Greenbean: Most likely, I would say that's it. To this day, I still think about him, and I still miss him. I would love to talk to him about so many things. Colemac: Can we go back to your gaining weight for just a while? Greenbean: Sure. Colemac: Let me see if I'm hearing all of this correctly. When your father died, you friends changed on you, and you went through a depression, and food became a comfort as so to speak. Am I pretty much right. Greenbean: Yes. Colemac: And when you got older, you decided that you didn't want the weight that you had gained anymore right? Greenbean: That's right. Colemac: What made you decide to not think about it anymore, and start doing something to change the situation? Greenbean: I was tired of being alone. I was tired of being ridiculed, the butt of all the jokes. I wanted to be treated like a human being again. Colemac: And you thought that by losing the weight, you be accepted and validated? Greenbean: Validated? Colemac: Yes, validated. You wanted people to recognize your humanity, and validate you as a person. Remember you said you felt less than human? Greenbean: Yes. Colemac: Your basic humanity was taken away from you because of the way people treated you over your weight. Did you feel that if you lost the weight that you would fit in with other groups of people? That's what it sounds like you were aiming for. The weight was the problem right? Greenbean: Now that I think about it, that sounds pretty much about right. Colemac: So is there something going on right now, which you feel is trying take away, or infringe upon your basic humanity and value? Greenbean: I don't know. Colemac: Well, we've gotten a good start on this. Would you like to take some time to think about it for awhile? Greenbean: I think that might be a good idea. Colemac: It'll give you a chance to look at what's going on around you, and some time to think. Greenbean: I'd like that. Colemac: How about if we meet again next secton? Greenbean: Sure. End of session. Lonnie Wayne Killion DPWL WAN Admin/IMO/ Information Systems Security Manager BLDG #308 Fort Myer 101 Fenton Circle Arlington VA 22211-1199 E-Mail killionw@fmmc.army.mil