Date: 6 Jul 1994 From: Michele Martin Subject: Re: Face/Starbuck Hey all! Had to admit, I got a kick out of Liz's A-team/G:80 post. However, there were some flaws--not surprising since Liz never really watched the A-team, and has wisely chosen NOT to review the G:80 series. So, with her permission, I've revised and expanded upon the scene, just to annoy you and generally make things irritating. :) Here goes: (Cue scene: Hannibal, B.A., Face and Murdoch are standing in the Galactica's launch bay looking VERY confused, their backs against a shuttle, as a group of warriors uncertainly point their guns at the quartet. Whispers of "It can't be him." "Yes it is." "No way. He's toast." "But if any one could survive, it would be him." can be heard among the warriors.) Face (to his teammates): Will someone do something? I really don't like the way they're looking at us. B.A. (to Murdoch): You fool! I TOLD you not to experiment with those controls. Look what you did! Murdoch (to B.A.): Don't yell at me. It was _his_ (points at Face) idea! He's the one that told me how to fly that thing. Face (surprised): I did not. You just got into that seat and started pressing buttons like a lunatic. Murdoch (grinning): I am a lunatic. Have papers and all. And I'm positive _you_ were talking to me. Face: I was not! B.A.: The crazy fool's hearing things again! Hannibal (sharply): Guys! We'll argue about it later. Right now we've got another problem... B.A. (cutting in and waving a heavily ringed finger in Murdoch's face) I don't care if the choir of angels was singing in your ear. You better get us out of this or... (he smashes a jeweled fist in the palm of his other hand) Murdoch (looks at B.A. for a moment, shrugs and then nonchalantly steps forward, facing the warriors): Hi. (The warriors react, but keep their guns trained on the group. Face hides behind B.A. B.A. makes threatening growls) Hannibal: Um, Murdoch.... Murdoch (spreading his hands, smiling wide): Take us to your leader. Face (muttering): Oh, very good. Now _we_ sound like little green men. B.A. (angrily): He's gonna be green in a minute. Once I get my hands on him. Murdoch (still grinning): I knew we should've taken that left turn at Albuquerque.... Face (pressing forward and muttering): NOW he has us sounding like Bugs Bunny. (stands next to Murdoch) Ummm. There's been a mistake.... (The warriors take a collective step backwards at the sound of Face's voice. They look really confused and even less sure of themselves.) Troy (off stage): I don't understand it. Those earthers shouldn't've been able to fly the shuttle. Boomer (off stage, angry): I don't care! They're here, aren't they! And why did you leave it unattended anyway? You know it was against the commander's..... Dillon (off stage. The voices are getting closer now): We saw this huge... huge.... I'm not sure, really. It looked like a heavily armed landram. I think. Then there was this explosion. We thought people were hurt.... Troy (off stage, but still really close): The really weird part is that even though a few people were caught in the explosion, no one so much as got a hangnail. I don't get it. Someone should've gotten some broken bones. At the very least..... Boomer (getting more irritated as the voices get closer): Then what.... (The trio come into view. On seeing the quartet in the landing bay, they stop cold.) Troy (wonderment bordering on fear): By the Lords of Kobol... Murdoch (unable to resist): We come in peace. Or is that pieces? Face (hissing): Will you please stop that? B.A. (stepping forward): I'm gonna kill that crazy fool. Hannibal (reaches out a hand and pulls the angry B.A. back): Not now! Boomer (hesitantly stepping forward, eyes wide. The warriors slowly lower their guns): Starbuck? (The A-Team look at each other) Hannibal (venturing): Who? Boomer (grin spreading across his face as he rushes up to Face and throws his arms around him): It is you! By the Lords of Kobol! I'd recognize that confused look anywhere. (separating from a VERY confused Face) Let me look at you! By the Lords! You don't look like you've aged a day! How is that.... Face (sharply): Who are you? Boomer (stepping back): It's me. Boomer. Don't you remember? I know I've aged some.... Face (feigning understanding): Boomer! It's... it's good to see you? How long has it been? Boomer (smiling again. tears in his eyes): Fifteen yahren. Oh Lords, it's so good to see you. Hannibal (walking up to Face, whispering in his ear): I hope you know what you're doing. Face (smiling and whispering back): Got it all under control. (out loud to Boomer) Well, how is everyone? Troy (unable to take it): You've been gone 15 yahren and all you can ask is 'How is everyone?' Where have you been? Why are you with these people? How did you get to earth before us? It's the Ship of Lights, isn't it? Jamie's wheel of fire, right? They dropped you off, didn't they? Murdoch (light dawning): Oh-oh. Face (irritatedly to Murdoch): Shush! (back to Troy, pleasantly) Long, loooong story. I'll have to tell you sometime. Troy (firmly standing in front of Face): Oh no you don't. You pulled that man of mystery felgercarb on me the last time we met.... Face (confused) Felgercarb? Troy (really getting angry now): Don't pretend that you don't know what I'm talking about... Face: I don't. B.A.: Now _that_ fool is in over his head. Hannibal: Face, now might be the time to back out. Warriors, Boomer, Troy, Dillon (together): FACE?! Dillon (collapsing in laughter): Wotta name! Starbuck, what were you thinking when you came up with that one? Face (irritated): It's a hell of a lot better than Starbuck. Besides, it's just a nickname. Murdoch (thoughtfully): Actually, I rather like the name Starbuck. Has that certain literary feel to it. Face (angrily): MURDOCK! Voice from behind shuttle: Actually, I rather like the name Starbuck myself. It suits me. (All eyes turn to the source. A Face look-alike steps out from behind the shuttle and leans against it. He's dressed in a uniform similar to the other warriors, only it's dazzling white. The warriors let out a collective gasp and take more steps back. Troy, Dillon and Boomer look frozen in place, shock clearly etched on their faces.) Face (looking sick): Oh God. I knew it--Murdoch's insanity is contageous. I'm gonna wake up any minute now in a nice padded room... Murdoch: Unbelievable. There just isn't enough room in the universe for two of you, especially if his head is anywhere near as large as yours. Boomer (finds his voice): Starbuck? Starbuck (grinning crookedly at Boomer): That would be me. Boomer (pointing to Face): Then who's that? Starbuck (barely glances at Face and shrugs): Him? He's an idiot. Face: HEY! Starbuck: Truth hurts. Boomer (rubbing his temples like he has a headache): Is there something we should know? Dillon: Like do you have any relatives on earth? (points to Face) Is he... Starbuck (sighing): No relation. Thank God. I think it's nothing more than a cruel trick of genetics (evil grin) though it may be useful. (to the A-Team) Sorry about hijacking you like that. But we need you for a job. Troy (suspiciously): "We" who? Starbuck (starts to say something, thinks the better of it, and starts again): Actually _you_ need them for a job. These guys are gonna take out the Cylon baseship following you. (to the A-Team, smiling evilly) Aren't you? Face (weakly) Cylons? Guys, I think we're in trouble. Troy: There's a Cylon baseship following us? And you think _they're_ going to help? Besides, as I recall, we've faced lone basestars before and won. Starbuck: Yes, this is true. But I doubt you and Dillon could waggle a Cylon fighter if your life depended on it. And, this particular basestar is commanded by none other than Baltar, who, contrary to all reason and expectations, has not shriveled up and died but instead found a way off the planet Adama stranded him on. This particular basestar is also the latest in Cylon technology--bigger and nastier than any ones that have gone before it. They have been watching you for quite sometime and are prepared for just about anything you could throw at them. So it's time to turn to more, shall we say, unorthodox methods. And these men are about as unorthodox as you can get. Besides, I've been doing a little...oh, how shall I say it...poltergeisting in my spare time for our dear Count Baltar. His reaction to Lt. Peck should be very interesting.... Hannibal: How much are you and your...associates...willing to pay us for this little venture? Starbuck (conspiratorily): How would you like a chance to prove your innocence. That you were, in fact, ordered to rob the Bank of Hanoi by Colonel Morrison? Hannibal: How do you expect us to believe that you'll honor your part of the bargain? And just who are these people you seem to be working for. From the expressions on the faces here (points to warriors, specifically to Boomer, Troy, and Dillon), I take it you're not exactly with them. B.A. (stepping forward threateningly): Last thing I need is another trash talking fool. (points to Face, who's beginning to turn whiter than Starbuck's uniform) Bad enough I have to look at him. Now I have to look at you. Starbuck: You know, Sgt. Baracus, you're really annoying me. I think it would be better for everyone if you would just stop talking. (Suddenly, BA collapses in a heap on the floor). Murdoch: Hey! What did you do to my favorite big angry guy?! Starbuck: For centuries Earth alchemists searched for the means to turn lead into gold. I doubt, however, they ever truly explored the usefulness of being able to do the reverse. It should also save you the trouble of knocking him unconscious for the flight to the basestar, since I understand he's not fond of flying. Hmm, perhaps you knocked him in the head a bit too hard a few to many times. Now, about this mission... Hannibal (cutting in, smirking): So, you're asking us to risk our lives to save a bunch of people we don't know and in return you'll help us to clear our names? Sounds a tad bit onesided to me. Starbuck (shrugging): Well, consider it your good deed for the..what is the term...year. Hannibal: And if we refuse? Starbuck: Well, now. In that case, I could just land you in the middle of a heavily armed army base. So what'll it be? Murdoch ( to a pale Face): He may not have your knack at scams, but he does have a certain persuasiveness. Face: I don't feel so good. Hannibal (thinking about the "deal"): Okay, you're on. (smiling). Besides, we like a challenge. Right guys! (eyes sparkling). Murdoch and Face (to each other): Oh no. Hannibal's on the Jazz. Starbuck: I'm not even going to ask. Oh, one other thing. Boomer, old buddy. Where can I find Dr. Zee. Boomer (still trying to recover from shock): Um, Dr. Zee. Yeah, sure. This way.... Starbuck: Gotta talk to that kid about how to Win Friends and Influence People..... Comments, criticisms, addresses of psychiatrists are all welcome. Michele