Title: Eternal Grudge
Author: Melissa
Rating: PG
Summary: "Anger is a stone cast into a wasp's nest" - Unknown
Disclaimer: I don't anticipate trouble but, if any should occur, the
Co-President of the OAD is a lawyer.

*******************

     Father, I don't know if you can hear me or not, but I hope that
you can. I wish I could tell you all this face to face but, again, our
enemies keep us apart. Well, maybe physically. They have never been
able to keep us apart spiritually. I know that you have always been
there. 
     When I graduated from the Scorpian Academy. 
     When I was assigned to the Pegasus. 
     When I was promoted to Captain of Silver Spar squadron. 
     When we were battling the Cylons on Molecay.
     You were with me.
     It all comes back to the Cylons. The Cylons. I regret that they
do not scream when they die. We hear their computerized voices giving
and acknowledging orders and, yet, they are silent when they are
destroyed.
     Such a pity. After seeing what they did to our home, what I
wouldn't give to hear the sound of a Cylon groaning in pain,
struggling to breathe, begging for it's life. If I had known what
was to come, I would've killed one with my bare hands and forced a
scream out of it. I may still, if I get the chance.
     I once heard you say that hate kept you warm. I understand
that now. It's the only thing I feel at this moment. I think that
Sheba expects me to be sad upon hearing of your death. She doesn't
understand the relationship that we had. She thinks it was similar
to the one she has with her father, Commander Cain. But it was
stronger than that. You and I didn't have the luxury of serving
together like she does with Cain, and yet I know that you have
been with me in every battle I have ever fought. Especially the
ones in my own home. _Our_ home... 'til Jacinda drove you away.
     Bile rises in my throat even now having to acknowledge her as my
mother. After leaving Libra and returning to Scorpia to enter the
Academy, I told every new acquaintance that she had died giving birth
to me which, in my mind, was the truth. I know that you would berate
me for being disrespectful, especially of the dead, but I've never
been able to forgive her.  and I never will. Honestly, I hope her
death at the hands of the Cylons was slow and painful. She deserved
nothing less.
     Why is it that those who work selflessly and tirelessly are so
often the most unappreciated? You took her from a poor home, a
meaningless existence, a life with no possible future. You gave
Jacinda everything. A home, a child, a reason to exist. I know that
she was lonely at times, but she knew when she took the seal that she
was marrying an important man who couldn't be home but a few days out
of every sectar. Besides, she had plenty to keep her busy with the
social circle you had brought her into. There were plenty of other
wives whose husbands were off fighting the war and they found
various activities in which to participate.
     And, while I missed you, I knew that the longer you were away,
the more stories you would have to tell. All those nights I would sit
on your lap as you told me of the great battles you had fought. I only
wish I could share my own stories with you now. You would be so proud
of me, Father. Unlike my... mother... who tried everything to keep me
from entering the Academy.
     Including taking me away from you. It all happened so fast, yet I
remember it with perfect clarity. You had taken Jacinda into the other
room, telling me you wanted to talk to her in private. Since you were
about to return to the Columbia, I figured you were going to appease
her with some quality time. Instead, I heard shouting and crying. I
came out of my room and hid at the top of the stairs. Then you came out
of the study and yelled, "He _wants_ to be like his father. He wants to
be a pilot and by the Lords he's going to be the best pilot in the
fleet! He's going to Merrick Military Institute and that's final!"
     Even now I can't help but smile. To be accepted into Merrick
Military Institute was a dream I had all through primary school. If
I only had been able to attend as you had wished, I can't imagine the
warrior I'd be now. Perhaps I would be in command of my own battlestar.
     But Jacinda destroyed all that. 
     After you left, she packed a few things, dragged me to the
landing port and we boarded the next shuttle to Libra to live with
her family. I remember yelling at her the whole time, telling her I
didn't want to go. But she said it was for my own good. She had lost
you to the cockpit of a viper and she wasn't going to lose her son as
well.
     I never saw you again after that. I talked to you a few times via
comline on occasions such as my natal day or Yule, but you were
forbidden to see me and I wasn't allowed to leave Libra 'til I
graduated from secondary school. I heard that this was arranged through
legists and social workers claiming that you had physically abused
Jacinda and feared you doing the same to me as well. I don't know how
many times they asked me and how many times I told them that none of
this ever happened. You were a Colonial Warrior who had worked hard for
his family and no one had any right to question what you did in your
own home. I know that you and she argued and that occasionally she
needed to be kept in line. I know that I certainly deserved any
punishment I received.
     Without discipline, there is chaos, and without you there, chaos
reigned in our new home.
     I hate that I wasn't big or strong enough to fight her myself and
find a way back to Scorpia. Every day at that secondary school was
torture, knowing that I could be in a flight simulator instead of
learning useless Libran history. And there was no use in voicing my
distaste, as there was soon a new man to take your place in her bed.
He was a foreman at one of the Colonial shipyards, a respectable job,
but he was no warrior. And Lords forbid if I ever brought up the
subject of going to the Scorpian Academy when I was older. Appareantly
he had applied three times and was never accepted. Fool. Why would
they accept someone like him? His only redeeming quality was that he,
like you, knew when Jacinda needed to be put in her place. 
     He never laid a hand on _me_ though. I'm not sure why in the
beginning. I was only fifteen-yahrens-old when they were sealed and
he was certainly capable of overpowering me then. I'm pretty sure he
realized that I would be leaving the centon I graduated secondary
school and it established a non-verbal agreement from the outset. I
stayed out of his way, he stayed out of mine. On the day of
graduation, I skipped the ceremony, packed a small bag and returned
to Scorpia, never looking back once. 
     Upon entering the Academy, I tried to find you. One of my
instructors had served with you on the Columbia, Captain Stoyan.
He said that you had volunteered for a deep space exploration mission
and had left just a few sectars ago. While I was a bit disappointed,
it became my goal to graduate from the Academy early and be a
full-fledged Colonial Warrior by the time you returned. I would
request assignment to the Columbia and you and I would serve side by
side as we had always planned. 
     But unfortunately, I was posted to the Galactica. Honestly, I
didn't think that way when I first received the assignment. You had
told me about Commander Adama and the respect you had for him. Seeing
as you hadn't yet returned, I boarded the battlestar, eager to prove
my worth and take my place amongst the other pilots in defense of the
Colonies. Little did I know all the obstacles that would be placed in
my path.
     One big one in particular. I proved myself to be one of the better
pilots and thought that that would insure my quick promotion to a
higher rank and the leadership of a squadron. Little did I know that
favoritism would keep me from what was rightfully mine. Commander
Adama's son, Apollo, had no more experience than I and was no better
warrior. But of course, _he_ was promoted to Captain and leader of Blue
Squadron. I know that I raised some eyebrows when I requested a
transfer to Red Squadron, but there was no way I was going to take
orders from Apollo.
     Brynn wanted _that_ job. I was hoping to surprise you with a new
daughter-in-law upon your return but Apollo took that from me as well.
It wasn't long after his promotion that Brynn showed her shallowness by
leaving me for someone she said "could offer her more". I know you
would be disappointed that I requested a transfer off the Galactica for
such a frivolous reason, but I could see that my future was bleak on
Adama's ship.
     Besides, if I couldn't be on the Columbia, the Pegasus was my
second choice. And I had hoped that perhaps you would consider
transferring to the Pegasus as well when you returned.
     "Do your duty, and leave the rest to the gods*,." you once told
me.
     I guess your gods had a bone to pick with you. So many battles, so
many narrow escapes... how ironic that you would be stricken by an
enemy you could not see. A virus that took your eyesight and forced you
back to Scorpia. I remember the message I received from your new wife
telling me that you did not want visitors. Not even your own son.
Especially your own son.
     I respected your wishes, and it is one of the few regrets I have
in my life. I know you were too proud to have anyone see you, but no
prouder than I ever was to be your son. Then... and now.
     You taught me that a true warrior doesn't let his guard down,
ever. That wisdom has saved my life on more than one occasion. That
and all that I have learned from Commander Cain. 
     You were right Father. He is the best commander in all the
Colonial Fleet. His intelligence and bravery are matched only by his
enthusiasm and his loyalty to those that serve with him. I've told the
commander that I thought you and he were kindred spirits. Upon hearing
of your death, he said he hopes that you will meet in another place
some day.
     Father, I owe everything to you. I wouldn't be the man I am today
without you. I promise to honor your spirit and continue to make you
proud.
******************************
*Quote by Pierre Corneille, "Horace"
                                                                                             
The End