Date: Sun, 28 Jan 1996 From: LizBeth258@aol.com Subject: SHE'S BAAAAAAACK! Hey All! Apologies to all who have written and not heard back..... But since I've been out of work and had moved back in with Mom and Dad (Bless their patience....) my signing on has been a spotty proposition at best.... But the good news (or bad news, for those of you who were relieved by my absence if only because you didn't have to hear me prattle on) is that I just got a new job! (HOOOORRRAAYYYY!) Yes, I am now working for a publication called "Medical Imaging News" (any subscribers out there?) under the title "Assistant News Editor" (translation: I am reporter with snazzy title...hehe) The bad news (or good news....) is that my access online will be spotty for another month while I get settled in my new quarters in Providence, R.I. (or thereabouts). To celebrate, I just thought up this little scenario over a cuppa coffee (I bet some of you can see this coming)..... Scene: Cassie and Starbuck have been given the harrowing prospect of sampling the local cuisine of the latest human-infested (INHABITED! I _meant_ inhabited) planet that the Fleet has crossed. After a day of bad smells and churning stomachs (they haven't been able to bring themselves to actually sample any of the food, even though the scanner says it's not poison...) they walk into a place and order something called "flavor of the day" to drink. Cassie (sniffing suspiciously): The scanner _says_ it's safe, but I dunno.... Starbuck (tentatively lifting cup to lips): Look, the scanner could say "Corrosive -- use only clean rust off viper" and I still wouldn't care. I'm hungry. I'm thirsty. And I'm tired. Cassie (watching Starbuck worriedly as he sips drink): Well? Starbuck (eyes poping open): WOW! (He gulps down half the cup, which is steaming hot) Cassie: STARBUCK! (She ducks as several people look in her direction) That's gotta hurt.... Starbuck (enthusiastically,like a chipmunk on speed): This is terrific! Better than...better than...better than....(words have failed him) Cassie (tentatively): Sex? Starbuck (brightens): Oh yeah! (Cassie wilts. He doesn't notice.) This has to be the most _amazing_ thing I've tasted. It's rich tasting, almost....sinful...yeah, defintely sinful. And it _really_ wakes you up! We gotta get some of this stuff back to the Fleet! I feel like I'm ready to stay awake for the next week! Cassie (sardonically): So I see. (She looks suspiciously in her cup but doesn't taste.) I wonder what it's made of.... Starbuck shoots out of his seat and grabs a flyer out of a holder. He puzzles over the semi-foreign words for a few moments and then announces his findings.... Starbuck: Beans! Cassie (startled): What? Starbuck (blinking): I'm drinking a bean. Cassie: What kind of bean? Starbuck: Dunno. I _hate_ beans. Cassie: You weren't hating it a few moments ago... Starbuck (leans over and whispers): Beans give me gas. Cassie: You and half the Fleet. Starbuck: Yeah. Can you see it now? I'd become famous for inflicting a plague of beans on the populace. Cassie: Can't see it. Can imagine the smell though. (She winces) By the Lords of Kobol...all those people crammed into those tiny spaces on the ships.... Starbuck: What's worse....you can't exactly open a window. Cassie (looking around): Doesn't seem to be bothering anyone here though. Starbuck: They could just have a different digestive system than we do. Cassie: They better...they _are_ drinking beans. Starbuck (brightening): Hey! I gotta idea! Cassie: Starbuck: How about raising some credits by opening our own bean joint? Cassie: I _thought_ we decided bringing these beans back to the Fleet was a _bad_ idea? Starbuck: No! Not in the Fleet! Here! Cassie (weakly): Here? Starbuck: Yeah! We could start with one place and then expand! Who knows _where_ it could lead! Cassie: Judging by your track record for get-rich-quick schemes, I shudder to think. Starbuck: I even have a perfect name for our own business! Cassie (sighing): "Our" business? Starbuck: Okay. My business. Cassie (resigned): What's the name. Starbuck: "Starbuck's." Cassie: Your imagination for this sort of thing truly astounds me. Starbuck (sniffing): And why not? _I_ think it's a catchy name. Besides I like this drink. You don't. So the business _should_ be named after me. Cassie: Starbuck? Starbuck (dreaming of the cubits rolling in): Yes? Cassie: Starbuck, if you put the cup down now and walk out the door with me, I won't be forced to sedate you, drag your unconscious body back to the shuttle and explain to Adama that I was forced to do what I did because of a bean. Starbuck (looks at Cassie and back down at the cup. He reluctantly puts it down): Okay. You win. We're leaving. Cassie: Thought you'd see things my way. Starbuck and Cassie leave. A college student watches them go with a thoughtful look on his face.... College student: "Starbuck's" Coffee? (He brightens) I _like_ it! Revealed at last! NOW we know who's responsible for this plague of coffee shops...... Liz ;) lizbeth258@aol.com