Battlestar Galactica: The Audio Plays Episode Ten: "Congratulations Colonial Fleet!" Story by Steven Today Script by Steven Today ROUGH DRAFT Circa 1979 FINAL DRAFT September 23, 1998 Battlestar Galactica characters, names, situations and the Battlestar Galactica universe are the property of Universal Studios. I nor this script are connected with Universal Studios in any way, shape or form. Story contents are Copyright 1979-1998 by Steven Today (krankor@megsinet.net) All rights reserved. This document must remain fully intact and may not be altered in anyway. It is strictly used for not-for-profit entertainment purposes and is not intended to infringe on any Copyrights. CONGRATULATIONS COLONIAL FLEET! FADE IN COUNT IBIS (VOICE OVER): There are those who believe that life here began out there, far across the universe. With tribes of humans who may have been the forefathers of the Egyptians, or the Toltecs, or the Mayans. That they may have been the architects of the great pyramids, or the lost civilizations Lemur or Atlantis. Some believe that there may yet be brothers of man who even now fight to survive far, far amongst the stars. [BATTLESTAR GALACTICA THEME] [STARRING THEME] [COLONIAL/TERRAN FLEET] ADAMA (BLUNT, VOICE OVER): It only has been a few sentaries since the Terran fleet has join ours. Though we are brother and sisters, both ancestors from the planet Kobol we are complete opposites in the way we think, work and play. This is understandable since each side was brought up in an environment that is alien to the other. Terrans had Earth while we had the Twelve Worlds. Was it by pure chance that our forefathers sent them, the thirteenth tribe, in a totally opposite direction than they had the first twelve? Or did the lords of Kobol do this on purpose as some sort of experiment, to see which would thrive and which would not. We may never know and perhaps it does not matter. What does is that both sides must work together if any of us are to survive. The Cylons have not been sighted in many sectars and we may at last be ride of them. Yet, I never thought I'd be saying this, we now face an even more deadly threat: The Droidons. Part machine and part organic who are bend in destroying all humanity. Just as the Terrans are our kin, so are the Droidons to Cylons. For now, there is peace. Thanks to Terran technology, specially Co-Captain Steve Taurus, we are able to easily counter act the Droidon threat by the use of Pulse Interfuse Generators. Because of his help in saving the fleet he has been temporarily named personal liaison between the two fleets. A remarkable man in all respects. He is our key and link to cooperation and hope, may we use it wisely. For now, we are all thankful and cherish the peace we now have. [COLONIAL VIPER/ TERRAN BATTLESHIP FLYBY] COLONIAL (ANNOYED, OVER RADIO): Where in Hades did you learn to fly Terran? A back of a mushy wrapper! TERRAN (ANNOYED, OVER RADIO): You should talk Colonial! You fly like a Carbon Deposit employee! COLONIAL (ANNOYED, OVER RADIO): Oh yeah! TERRAN (ANNOYED, OVER RADIO): Yeah! COLONIAL (ANNOYED, OVER RADIO): What say we meet aboard the Rising Star when get back? TERRAN (ANNOYED, OVER RADIO): You got it! [COLONIAL VIPER/ TERRAN BATTLESHIP FLYBY] RIGEL (FRUSTRATED): Ooo! [SLAMS FISTS] TIGH (CONCERNED): Problem Corporal Rigel? RIGEL (FRUSTRATED): Oh nothing, sir. TIGH (REASSURING): Come, come now. If you can't speak to your Colonel who can you speak to? RIGEL (FRUSTRATED): You won't like what I have to say, sir. TIGH (CONFUSED): I'm the problem? RIGEL (REASSURING): No, of course not sir. TIGH (CONCERNED): Then who or what? RIGEL (BLUNT): Permission to speak freely, sir. TIGH (CONCERNED): Granted. RIGEL (BLUNT): It is these fracing Terrans. They won't stick to their flight corridors, I had three near misses alone today. They're rude and they won't use any communications protocol. TIGH (UNDERSTANDING): I see. Well, that will all soon be corrected. Techs on both sides are working around the timepiece to get us a system that will link both flight controls and a host of other systems together. Also both commanders are working just as hard on protocol and procedure, one set that we can all follow. RIGEL (FRUSTRATED): None too soon, sir. TIGH (SURPRISED): This has really gotten to you. Hasn't it? RIGEL (FRUSTRATED): Let me put it this way. I would sooner take on both the Cylon and Droidon empires single handily then another sentary with those Terrans. TIGH (BLUNT): Look. You're shift is almost over, Corporal. Why don't you pack it in. RIGEL (CONFUSED): But my replacement hasn't shown yet. Who will watch the screen? TIGH (BLUNT): I will. RIGEL (CONFUSED): You sir? TIGH (ANNOYED): Don't act so surprised, Corporal. You think as soon as I joined the service I was made Colonel? I booked quiet a few hours in flight operations. RIGEL (EMBARRASSED): Of course not, sir. Sorry sir. TIGH (STERN): Now run along. RIGEL (EMBARRASSED): Yes sir. And Colonel. TIGH (BLUNT): Yes. RIGEL (PLEASED): Thanks for listening. TIGH (REASSURING): Anytime. [WALKS AWAY] TIGH (PLEASED): Now let's see what we got here, it should be a piece of mushy. [TYPING] TIGH (CONFUSED): Hey? Why did my screen go blank? [TYPING] TIGH (CONFUSED): Now I got it back but everything is upside down. [TYPING] TIGH (CONFUSED): And now it's. I don't even know what that is. OMEGA (CONFUSED): Problem Colonel? TIGH (CONCERNED): Look at my screen. Have you ever seen anything like this? OMEGA (HONEST): Actually I have, here. [PRESSES A KEY] TIGH (SURPRISED): You fixed it! OMEGA (SARCASTIC): Happens all the time with cadets. TIGH (ANNOYED): Wipe that stupid smile of your face, Omega. OMEGA (SMUG): Yes sir. [HATCH] STEVE AND RIGEL (IN PAIN): Ooof! STEVE (EMBARRASSED): I'm so sorry. RIGEL (REASSURING): No, that's all right. STEVE (EMBARRASSED): I didn't see you. I'm sorry. RIGEL (SURPRISED): You're Terran. Aren't you? STEVE (PROUD): Why yes. RIGEL (ANNOYED): You clod! Can't you watch where you are going? STEVE (CONFUSED): I said I was sorry. RIGEL (ANNOYED): Oh sure! And that is suppose to make everything right! STEVE (CONFUSED): I'm not sure what more I can do. RIGEL (ANNOYED): How about getting the feldercrab away from us! And take you, your fleet and the Droidons with you! STEVE (BLUNT): You don't like Terrans. Do you? RIGEL (ANNOYED): You got that right! STEVE (RESTRAINED): Look Mrs. RIGEL (ANNOYED): It's Miss, Miss Rigel you idiot! STEVE (RESTRAINED): Okay, Rigel. The name is Steve, Steve Taurus. RIGEL (ANNOYED): Like I care! STEVE (SURPRISED): Wow, you're a piece of work. RIGEL (ANNOYED): I will not stand here and be insulted! STEVE (RESTRAINED): Why not? I have. RIGEL (ANNOYED): Out of my way! STEVE (RESTRAINED): Look, I want to make it up to you. RIGEL (ANNOYED): There is nothing you have that would interest me! [STARTS WALKING AWAY] STEVE (RESTRAINED): How about a free meal. [STOPS WALKING] RIGEL (CONFUSED): Meal? STEVE (RESTRAINED): And I'm not taking the food supplements either of our fleets try to pass off as food. I'm talking real food. RIGEL (SKEPTICAL): And where do you get real food from? STEVE (SMUG): The best restaurant in the fleet. RIGEL (SURPRISED): The Rising Star? But it almost impossible to get reservations. STEVE (SMUG): Let's just say I have connections. RIGEL (SURPRISED): But it will cost a fortune. STEVE (SARCASTIC): I figured you'd jump at the change to bleed a Terran dry. RIGEL (BLUNT): You're right. You've got yourself a deal! STEVE (PLEASED): Fine, I'll pick you up here at- RIGEL (BLUNT, INTERRUPTING): Oh no, I want to be seen with you as little as possible. I'll meet you on the Rising Star. STEVE (PLEASED): Fair enough. Till then, Rigel. [WALKS AWAY] STARBUCK (BLUNT): So what happened last night Apollo? APOLLO (CONFUSED): What do you mean Starbuck? STARBUCK (BLUNT): We were suppose to double date. APOLLO (FALSE EMBARRASSMENT): Oh, that's right. Sorry, I must have forget. STARBUCK (INTERESTED): So where were you? APOLLO (BLUNT): I decide to go to bed early. STARBUCK (SMUG): Nice try, Apollo. But I checked your room, you weren't there. APOLLO (SHOCKED): How did you get into my room? It was locked. STARBUCK (SMUG): That's my secret. APOLLO (ANNOYED): You had you right! STARBUCK (BLUNT): Quit trying to change the subject. Venna is a nice girl, she was really disappointed. APOLLO (EMBARRASSED): I'm sorry. STARBUCK (CONCERNED): That is the third date you've stood up. You're really messing up my reputation. What's going on? APOLLO (BLUNT): Nothing. STARBUCK (STERN): Apollo, we've been friends almost for forever. If you don't want to talk about it or if it isn't any of my business, that is fine by me. But please don't lie to me. APOLLO (EMBARRASSED): You're right Starbuck, I'm sorry. I appreciate what you're trying to do with these dates but it just won't work. STARBUCK (CONFUSED): How do you know that? You've never shown up. APOLLO (BLUNT): Look, it is in everyone's best interest. STARBUCK (CONFUSED): How can you say that? You need someone, a companion. I can only do only so much. You need a wife. Boxey needs a mother. APOLLO (BLUNT): I know, but it is pointless. First there was Serina, Sheba and a host of other women I've loved. But they are all dead and it is all my fault. I'm a jinx. [STARBUCK LAUGHS] APOLLO (ANNOYED): Glad you find it so funny. STARBUCK (REASSURING): Look, I'm the king of luck. My whole life is centered around luck and chance. But you, you're the logical and practical type. There is no suck thing as luck to you. So what are you really afraid of? APOLLO (ANNOYED): I thought I explained that. Of loosing another woman I love. STARBUCK (BLUNT): Look Apollo- [PEOPLE CELEBRATING] APOLLO (CONFUSED): What is that noise? STARBUCK (CONFUSED): Sounds like a party. But that is impossible, I'm always the first invited. APOLLO (BLUNT): Come on. [WALKING VERY QUICKLY] STARBUCK (CONFUSED): What is all the celebration about? PARTIER #1(EXCITED): The destruction of the colonies. PARTIER #2 (EXCITED): Yeah. It is the anniversary of forming the fleet. APOLLO (UPSET): What! You are celebrating the final destruction in the yarhen 6570! You are celebrating the destruction of our twelve worlds! You are celebrating the destruction of our civilization! What are you? Cylon Sympathizers? PARTIER #1 (EXCITED): No. PARTIER #2 (EXCITED): But that is what we are celebrating. STARBUCK (CONFUSED): What? PARTIER #1 (EXCITED): You see. We have not had Cylon contact in some time. They have retreated. PARTIER #2 (EXCITED): We are finding more and more Earth like planets not counting the Terrans. PARTIER #1 (EXCITED): We are making new advancements. Before the destruction of our twelve worlds the only advancement were made were for war purposes. But now we are making other advances besides war. PARTIER #2 (EXCITED): We are becoming civilized. APOLLO (ANGRY): Civilized! Celebrating the destruction of your world is being civilized? Yes! We haven't have Cylon contact because the Droidons are on our tails! This is not civilized! We were never civilized! Civilized people don't fight in wars! PARTIER #1 (ANNOYED): Warriors always take longer to enjoy life. APOLLO (ANGRY): Enjoy! You enjoy running? PARTIER #2 (EXCITED): Aaah. It's a living. STARBUCK (SOOTHING): Relax Apollo. We could use some enjoyment. APOLLO (ANGRY): Enjoy! I can't enjoy these uncivilized people! PARTIER #1 (OFFENDED): Warriors are uncivilized. APOLLO (ANGRY): Why you. PARTIER #1 (FRANTIC): Aaah! Get off me before I call the militia! Help! Militia! Militia! I'm being attacked! PARTIER #2 (FRANTIC): Now who is being uncivilized? STARBUCK (URGENT): Apollo. Get off him. Here comes the Militia. APOLLO (ANGRY): Get away Starbuck! STARBUCK (UPSET): Hey! Apollo! MILITIA #1 (STERN): What is going on here? MILITIA #1 (STERN): Get off him Warrior! APOLLO (ANGRY): Oh go away! MILITIA #1 (STERN): Get off him or we will fire! APOLLO (ANGRY): There are more Warriors here than Militia. STARBUCK (BLUNT): Apollo, we are not with you. MILITIA #1 (STERN): Get off him or we will fire! APOLLO (ANGRY): Fine! I'll take you on myself! MILITIA #1 (STERN): Have it your way. VOICE (ORDERING, OFF SCREEN): Hold it Militia! CROWD (SHOCKED): Commander Adama! MILITIA #1 (SHOCKED): Sir, I was just going to- ADAMA (UNDERSTANDING, INTERRUPTING): I know. Just doing your duty. ADAMA (STERN): Front and center, Apollo. APOLLO (BLUNT): As soon as I settle something. ADAMA (STERN): Front and center Apollo! This is your father speaking. APOLLO (BLUNT): Sorry but they need to show an example. ADAMA (ANNOYED): I don't know what you are talking about Captain. But this is your commander ordering you front an center! APOLLO (HALFHEARTEDLY): Yes sir. ADAMA (ANNOYED): Over here. [WALKING] ADAMA (CONFUSED): What the frac is going on? APOLLO (DEFENSIVE): He called warriors uncivilized! ADAMA (ANNOYED): So you jumped him? APOLLO (DEFENSIVE): It is not only that. The civilians have been saying things to us. Putting us down. It has been building for awhile. ADAMA (ANNOYED): And you couldn't turn your head? We're suppose to be protecting them. Not attacking them. This sole act has proven to them that we are uncivilized. You should have just walked away. APOLLO (FRUSTRATED): You're right. I'm sorry father. But it is just that we have been out here so long and have lost so much. I've got so much on my mind. ADAMA (UNDERSTANDING): I know where you are coming from, son. It has been hard on all of us. But we have to stay strong and stick together. APOLLO (FRUSTRATED): I know, sir. I'd just love to get my hands on who decided to have a celebration of the destruction. ADAMA (CONCERNED): Oh would you? Well, he's within your grasp. He is me. APOLLO (SHOCKED): What! ADAMA (DEFENSIVE): Moral was breaking down. This whole Terran thing has added the pressure. The incident here proves that a celebration is needed to break the monotony. To relieve the pressure. APOLLO (SHOCKED): Why not celebrate the establishing of the Quorum of the Twelve in 4991? Or of ultra light drive in 4980! Or- ADAMA (STERN, INTERRUPTING): Those are fine for the educated upper class. But these are lower class. Average people. I had to find something that they would ALL know and relate to. The only thing I could come up with was the final destruction. APOLLO (DEFENSIVE): No one celebrates a destruction! ADAMA (STERN): Look around you and you will. APOLLO (CONFUSED): But this is so. So. So. ADAMA (BLUNT): Uncivilized? No one is civilized in this fleet until we find earth or a new home. Now go back there and apologize. APOLLO (FRUSTRATED): Yes sir. [WALKING] APOLLO (BLUNT): Look, I'm sorry for roughing you up. PARTIER #1 (ANNOYED): You'd better be! APOLLO (BLUNT): Look here you- ADAMA (STERN, INTERRUPTING): Apollo! APOLLO (FRUSTRATED): Come on, Starbuck. [WALKS AWAY] [COLONIAL/TERRAN FLEET] STARBUCK (URGING): Here's her comm number. Go ahead, give her a call. APOLLO (STERN): For the last time, Starbuck. No. ATHENA (RELIEVED): Apollo, Starbuck. I've been looking all over for you two. APOLLO (CONCERNED): What's up, sis. ATHENA (BLUNT): Special flight detail. APOLLO (PLEASED): Sounds like a mission for me. Any excuse to get off this fleet and away from this insaneness. STARBUCK (INTERESTED): What's the mission? ATHENA (BLUNT): It deals with the celebration. APOLLO (ANNOYED): Oh no! I want no part of it! ATHENA (CONFUSED): Huh? STARBUCK (HONEST): Apollo's having a little trouble accepting the basis of the celebration. APOLLO (ANNOYED): It is madness! ATHENA (BLUNT): Regardless, we need someone to fly down to a nearby planet to bring back a new life form to symbolize the celebration. APOLLO (DEFIANT): I will have nothing to do with it! STARBUCK (PLEASED): I'll go. APOLLO (ANNOYED): Starbuck, you can't go. STARBUCK (CONFUSED): Why not? APOLLO (ANNOYED): You can't just hope in a Viper and go off planet hunting! STARBUCK (CONFUSED): Again. Why not? APOLLO (ANNOYED): For one thing the regulations specifically states you need the squadron commanders approval. And there is no way you're going to get it from me. ATHENA (SMUG): Not a problem, authorization has already been given. STARBUCK (PLEASED): Great. When do I leave? ATHENA (BLUNT): You don't. STARBUCK (CONFUSED): What? Why? ATHENA (BLUNT): Apollo is going. APOLLO (DEFIANT): No way! I said I'm not going. ATHENA (BLUNT): Sorry Apollo, but I have orders that you are. APOLLO (DEFIANT): We'll see about that, I'll go talk to father! ATHENA (BLUNT): No need to, the orders come from him. APOLLO (DEFIANT): I still refuse! STARBUCK (CAUTIOUS): Come on Apollo, why get everyone in the fleet mad at you and risk a court Marshall? APOLLO (FRUSTRATED): All right I'll do it, but not for the celebration. Just to get away from all this foolishness. ATHENA (BLUNT): Here are your orders and the details of your mission. You'd better get prepped. APOLLO (FRUSTRATED): Thanks. For nothing. [WALKS AWAY] ATHENA (CONFUSED): What's eating him? STARBUCK (BLUNT): Long story, he's dealing with some issues. ATHENA (CONFUSED): Huh? STARBUCK (BLUNT): It's a guy thing. ATHENA (UNDERSTANDING): Oh. [COLONIAL/TERRAN FLEET] [SHUTTLE FLYBY] [HATCH] RIGEL (CONFUSED): It sure is taking a long time, Athena. Are we almost there? ATHENA (IMPRESSED): Wow, Rigel. You're really decked out. You going on some date? RIGEL (SMUG): Yeah. One does not dress casual for dinner on the Rising Star. ATHENA (BLUNT): A shame we're headed for the Battlecruiser America. RIGEL (CONFUSED): This shuttle is suppose to go to the Rising Star. ATHENA (BLUNT): I know, but we've been rerouted to the America. RIGEL (CONFUSED): By who? ATHENA (BLUNT): Some officer named Taurus. RIGEL (CONFUSED): Steve Taurus? ATHENA (BLUNT): Yeah, that's it. RIGEL (ANNOYED): I should have known. ATHENA (BLUNT): Now please take your seat, we're about to land. RIGEL (ANNOYED): I'll kill him, I swear I'll kill him! [SHUTTLE LANDS] [GALACTICA] STARBUCK (HOPEFUL): Are you sure you don't want me to come along with you Apollo? I'm sure I could get the Colonel to approve it. APOLLO (BLUNT): Nah, we haven't spotted Cylons or Droidons for a while. I'll be fine. STARBUCK (PLEASED): Well, when you get back there will be a little female surprise waiting for you. APOLLO (ANNOYED): Please stop trying to fix me up, Starbuck. STARBUCK (PLEASED): Don't have to anymore. Some of the girls heard about what you're mission is and thing you're so brave and thoughtful for going. When you get back you'll have a pick of the litter. APOLLO (CONFUSED): All this over a plant? STARBUCK (PLEASED): Well, I kind of exaggerated in a few places. APOLLO (CONCERNED): In what places? STARBUCK (PLEASED): Like how you're going down to a Droidon occupied planet and right through a sector occupied by Cylons just so they fleet has a plant for the celebration. APOLLO (ANNOYED): Starbuck! You had to right to- OMEGA (BLUNT, OVER LOUD SPEAKERS, INTERRUPTING): Seed Viper One, you are cleared for takeoff. Launch when ready. APOLLO (ANNOYED): We'll take about this when I get back! Now clear my back! STARBUCK (SMUG): Yes sir. [RUNS AWAY] [VIPER LAUNCH] TIGH (BLUNT): Commander, Apollo is away. ADAMA (PLEASED): Good, it shouldn't take too long. [AMERICA] [CHIME] STEVE (BLUNT): Coming. [HATCH] STEVE (PLEASED): Rigel, you made it. RIGEL (ANNOYED): Like I could get lost with an escort. STEVE (BLUNT): That will be all, Enforcers. ENFORCER (RESPECTIVE): Yes sir. [WALKS AWAY] STEVE (PLEASED): Come on in. RIGEL (ANNOYED): Why in the Frac should I? STEVE (SARCASTIC): It beats standing out in the hall. RIGEL (ANNOYED): It is all in your perspective. STEVE (SARCASTIC): Come on, I won't bite. RIGEL (ANNOYED): I'm willing to debate that. STEVE (REASSURING): Please. RIGEL (ANNOYED): Okay. [HATCH] RIGEL (ANNOYED): This closet is your home? STEVE (BLUNT): I guess your quarters are bigger. RIGEL (HONEST): I guess not. STEVE (PLEASED): Well, I've got all the comforts of home here. Over there is my bed. Over there is the cooking area. And through there is the turboflush. RIGEL (SARCASTIC): How quaint. So let me guess, you tricked me in here hoping to get some Ambrosia in me so you could have your way with me. Well, you better think twice. STEVE (HURT): Rigel, I'm hurt. I'm the liaison between our two fleets. That is the last thing on my mind. RIGEL (SKEPTICAL): And the first would be? STEVE (REASSURING): To have and enjoyable evening with great company and good food. RIGEL (PLEASED): Speaking of food, we'd better start heading over to the Rising Star. STEVE (BLUNT): The Rising Star is not on the agenda for the evening. RIGEL (CONFUSED): You said we were going to have dinner on the Rising Star. STEVE (BLUNT): No you said the Rising Star, I said the best restaurant in the fleet. RIGEL (CONFUSED): But the Rising Star is the only restaurant in the fleet. STEVE (PLEASED): Welcome to Restaurant Steve Taurus. RIGEL (SHOCKED): You must be kidding. How could you even consider anything being better than the Rising Star. STEVE (BLUNT): Like I said before, we'll be eating real food tonight. RIGEL (DEFENSIVE): The Rising Star is real food. STEVE (BLUNT): Yeah, like one percent real the rest is food additives. Where as mine is one hundred percent real. RIGEL (SHOCKED): You're kidding. STEVE (SMUG): Look for yourself. RIGEL (SHOCKED): Wow. Where did you get it? STEVE (SMUG): Ironically, some people in my fleet actually do like the food preserves. I swap mine for their real food. I get just enough for two meals. RIGEL (THINKING): Wait a minute, now I get it why you invited me. Look, just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I'm going to cook tonight's meal. STEVE (BLUNT): Of course not, I won't dream of it Tonight I'm going to be waiter, chief and busboy. You won't have to lift a finger. RIGEL (THINKING): Hmmm. A man who thinks he is a cook, this will be go for a laugh. STEVE (SMUG): That reminds me, I'll be the entertainer tonight to. RIGEL (ANNOYED): I think I can do without the entertainment. STEVE (SMUG): Your loss. Now, this food will not cook itself. [VIPER FLYBY] APOLLO (BLUNT): This is Seed Viper One to base. I'm coming up to a planet at omega one delta seven. OMEGA (BLUNT, OVER RADIO): We copy. APOLLO (BLUNT): I'm scanning it now. [SCANNER] APOLLO (BLUNT): Scan indicates Delta class, planetoid. Breathable atmosphere. Vegetation scale is high. All vitals are good. Request permission to go in. OMEGA (BLUNT, OVER RADIO): Permission granted, Seed Viper One. Send out a marker beacon so we can keep a track on you. APOLLO (BLUNT): I copy that. [CLICK] APOLLO (BLUNT): How is that? OMEGA (BLUNT, OVER RADIO): We're picking you up loud and clear, proceed with caution. APOLLO (BLUNT): Copy base. [VIPER FLY BY] APOLLO (BLUNT): Penetrating atmosphere, readings improving. OMEGA (CONCERNED, STATIC, OVER RADIO): Base to Seed Viper One, we're losing both vocal and electronic fixes. [SCANNER] APOLLO (BLUNT): Scanner indicates the atmosphere is a natural buffer. OMEGA (CONCERNED, HEAVY STATIC, OVER RADIO): We can barely read you. APOLLO (BLUNT): Repeat base. Base please repeat your last message. Galactica. Galactica. I guess this is going to be a lonely trip. [VIPER FLYBY] [GALACTICA] TIGH (BLUNT): Commander, we've lost all contact with Apollo due to interference with the planet. ADAMA (CONCERNED): What about the marker beacon? TIGH (BLUNT): It's dead, sir. ADAMA (CONCERNED): And trajectory? TIGH (BLUNT): It doesn't show a hint of damage. Should we send out an escort? ADAMA (CONCERNED): No, they would just be lost in the interference as well. Besides, there is no indication of distress. Monitor the situation and keep me informed. TIGH (BLUNT): Yes sir. [AMERICA] RIGEL (IMPRESSED): Well, I have to admit, it smells good. STEVE (PLEASED): Then dig in. RIGEL (SUSPICIOUS): Why aren't you eating? Why you in such a hurry to get me to eat? I knew it! This food drugged! STEVE (SARCASTIC): Yep, you caught me. I invited you in a crowded hallway, allowed you some time so you could tell all your friends where you were going, allowed you to come over on a crowded shuttle, have you escorted to my very door all so there would be plenty of witness around when you disappear. RIGEL (EMBARRASSED): I'm over reacting. Aren't I? STEVE (SARCASTIC): Why would you say that. [EATING] RIGEL (IMPRESSED): Mmm. This really is good. STEVE (PLEASED): Thank you. RIGEL (IMPRESSED): Please give my compliments to the chief next time you see him. STEVE (PLEASED): I'm sure you'll see a lot of him. RIGEL (STERN): Let's get one thing straight. This is a one time deal. STEVE (ANNOYED): Okay, that's it. I've been abused, cut down, mock and outright been hated. I invited you here as a guest, I think I deserve a little respect. So is it because I'm a stranger or because I'm Terran that you feel you have the right to take pot shots at me? RIGEL (EMBARRASSED): Actually, a little of both. Look, I'm sorry. I know I've been rude tonight, I didn't mean it. It is just I'm not use to men just walking up to me and asking me out. STEVE (BLUNT): I think you are mistaken, this is not a date. RIGEL (CONFUSED): How can it not be? I'm a woman, you're a man. You asked me out to dinner. STEVE (BLUNT): You got everything right but the date part. I saw there in that hatchway someone who was having a bad day. Someone stressed out. Someone needing a change of pace. Someone who needed to be pampered for one night. That was the extent of it. RIGEL (EMBARRASSED): This is most embarrassing. STEVE (BLUNT): Yes, for me. I'm sorry I mislead you, I didn't mean it. Hey. Where are you going? RIGEL (EMBARRASSED): I've ruin your entire evening, I should leave. STEVE (REASSURING): Please, stay. Finish your meal. RIGEL (CONFUSED): You really want me to stay? STEVE (HOPEFUL): Yes. If you leave now we'll always feel awkward when we meet in the halls. RIGEL (PLEASED): Okay. STEVE (BLUNT): I can't change being Terran but I can clear some of the mystery of who I am. You willing to listen to a long and boring story? RIGEL (PLEASED): I'd love to. [VIPER LANDS] APOLLO (PLEASED): Wow, this is a lovely planet. Everything is so green and lush. I can just grab the nearest new plant and. Wait a minute. What is my rush? To get back to that celebration? I think not. I think I'll do a little exploring, stretch my legs and take in some fresh air. [WALKS AWAY] [AMERICA] RIGEL (UNDERSTANDING): So that is why Battleship pilots take the flight corridors that they do. It makes so much sense now. How could I have missed that? STEVE (REASSURING): Don't beat yourself over it. As liaison I find that the problems we face aren't really problems but miscommunications. Just by explaining a little about the Battleships you have come to an understanding. RIGEL (IMPRESSED): Your job must be real exciting. STEVE (BLUNT): Actually, it is quite dull. The people I deal with are so head strong they refuse to listen to logic and reason. RIGEL (BLUNT): Like me? STEVE (REASSURING): Nah, your a breath of fresh air compared to them. That is both Terran and Colonial. RIGEL (IMPRESSED): Well, from what you told me about you and your world I guess I've been all wrong about Terrans. STEVE (SMUG): Is that an apology? RIGEL (HONEST): Absolutely. STEVE (PLEASED): Accepted, consider the entire matter closed and forgotten. RIGEL (RELIEVED): Thank you. STEVE (PLEASED): Well, these plates won't get into the basin cleaner all by themselves. RIGEL (BLUNT): Her, let me do that. STEVE (STERN): No, you are my guest. RIGEL (URGING): But you've been so good to me tonight. STEVE (UNSURE): Er, your hand. It's on mine. RIGEL (UNSURE): Yeah, you grab the same plate as I was. STEVE (UNSURE): Your hand is still on mine. RIGEL (UNSURE): I know. Your hand, they are so warm and soft. STEVE (UNSURE): And yours, they are so soft and smooth. RIGEL (HONEST): I have to make a confession. You are a very handsome man, I'm glad you asked me here. STEVE (HONEST): As handsome as you are beautiful. RIGEL (BLUNT): You're just saying that. STEVE (REASSURING): No, the honest truth and I'm glad you accepted coming here. RIGEL (UNSURE): You're arms, they are a around me. STEVE (CONCERNED): You want me to remove them? RIGEL (PLEASED): What I want you to do is pull me closer. STEVE (PLEASED): How is this? RIGEL (PLEASED): Yes, that is nice. The perfect position to. [THEY KISS] STEVE (SURPRISED): You kissed me. RIGEL (CONFUSED): Shouldn't I have? STEVE (PLEASED): My only regret is that it wasn't longer. RIGEL (SLY): Let's see if we can't rectify that. [THEY KISS] RIGEL (PLEASED): How was that? STEVE (CONFUSED): No. This isn't right. This can't happen. RIGEL (CONFUSED): What do you mean. Hey. Why did you push me away. STEVE (BLUNT): Please leave. RIGEL (CONFUSED): Leave. Now. You must be kidding. STEVE (BLUNT): I'll ask you again, please go. RIGEL (CONFUSED): What did I do wrong? STEVE (BLUNT): You did nothing wrong, this is all my fault. RIGEL (CONFUSED): You make it sound like this is all a mistake. STEVE (BLUNT): It is. RIGEL (BLUNT): No it isn't. STEVE (STERN): Look, either you leave now or I'll summon the Enforcers. RIGEL (ANNOYED): Fine! You want me to leave? I'll leave. Gladly leave. [HATCH] RIGEL (ANNOYED): What is your problem Steve Taurus? [HATCH] STEVE (SCARED): I'm in love. [TERRAN/COLONIAL FLEET] [WALKING] APOLLO (PLEASED): It is so beautiful here and. [STOPS WALKING] APOLLO (SHOCKED): What the. Look at all those Droidon ships. There must be at least a thousand of them. They are all being fueled and ready for battle. But why? The Galactica's scanners will. Pick up nothing. They lost track of me even with a homing beacon. No one knows they are here. Not even a probe could detect them. I have to warn the Galactica. DROIDON (ROBOTIC): Negative, we will. APOLLO (CONFUSED): Who or what are you? A mutant Cylon? DROIDON (ROBOTIC): More like their brothers. I am a Droidon. Now if you would drop your- [LASER] [SMALL EXPLOSION] APOLLO (SMUG): Ha. Just like Cylons, too much talk and not enough action. DROIDON (ROBOTIC): Actually, I thought that was a human trait. APOLLO (SHOCKED): More Droidons! DROIDON (ROBOTIC): Now drop the weapon or we shall terminate you. [DROP PISTOL] DROIDON (ROBOTIC): This way. APOLLO (FRUSTRATED): Looks like the fleet and I will share the same fate. [WALKING] [GALACTICA] TIGH (BLUNT): Commander, it has been twenty sentons since we lost contact with the Captain. Are you sure you don't want to send out any ships to investigate? ADAMA (CONFUSED): Why the rush Colonel? TIGH (UNEASY): It's the civilians. They are very eager to get the plant growing. ADAMA (STERN): I understand, but I'm not going to let civilians dictate military policy. We will wait exactly one sentar after the disappearance of the Captain. Understood? TIGH (BLUNT): Yes sir. [TERRAN/COLONIAL FLEET] [HATCH] DROIDON (ROBOTIC): Oh Imperialistic Commandant. We have brought the human to you as ordered. IMPERIALISTIC COMMANDANT (ROBOTIC): Good. I gathered you are from the Battlestar Galactica. APOLLO (FALSE SURPRISE): The what? IMPERIALISTIC COMMANDANT (ROBOTIC): There is no need to lie, human. We know all about your Battlestar from your deep probe seven. APOLLO (CONFUSED): But deep probe seven was lost in an ion storm. IMPERIALISTIC COMMANDANT (ROBOTIC): Affirmative, but we found it fully intact From the information gathered from it we learned your Battlestar's trajectory. One which will bring it right past this planet. When it does the Assaulters you saw outside will launch onto it. Not only will they destroy it but yours and the Terran's fleets as well. We launch in less than a quant. APOLLO (CONFUSED): A quant? IMPERIALISTIC COMMANDANT (ROBOTIC): Oh, that is equivalent to one of your. Negative, that would be telling. All you need to know is soon you and your fleets will be no more. APOLLO (CONFUSED): But what good will it do? You attacked our fleet with a larger force but our Pulse Interfuse Generators rendered you Self Tracking Attack Computers useless. You were totally defenseless. IMPERIALISTIC COMMANDANT (ROBOTIC): Correct. But since our last encounter we have reprogrammed our pilots with new data. We have given them a complete library of battle tactics, maneuvers and insight that they can mimic human fighter utilities. APOLLO (SMUG): But there is no replaced for experience and practical use. IMPERIALISTIC COMMANDANT (ROBOTIC): Again you are correct. But with our vast numbers even you will admit we will have a superior advantage. APOLLO (BLUNT): Yes. DROIDON (ROBOTIC): Oh Imperialistic Commandant. I have here the human's laser. IMPERIALISTIC COMMANDANT (ROBOTIC): Place it on the table before me. DROIDON (ROBOTIC): Affirmative, oh Imperialistic Commandant. IMPERIALISTIC COMMANDANT (ROBOTIC): Come forward human and let me have a scan of you. [WALKS UP] IMPERIALISTIC COMMANDANT (ROBOTIC): Ah, a Captain. APOLLO (SMUG): The last Captain you will ever see! IMPERIALISTIC COMMANDANT (ROBOTIC): Put your laser down! Droidon! Get his weapon before he can- [LASER] [SMALL EXPLOSION] DROIDON (ROBOTIC): Warning! Warning! The human is attempting to- [LASER] [SMALL EXPLOSION] APOLLO (SMUG): Got him. [HATCH] APOLLO (EXCITED): Oh no! More! [LASER BATTLE] [HATCH] DROIDON (ROBOTIC): He has escaped! After him! IMPERIALISTIC COMMANDANT (ROBOTIC, HEAVY STATIC): Negative. Do not pursue. Continue with the plan. DROIDON (ROBOTIC): Your plan is working, oh Imperialistic Commandant. We only learned the general area of where the Battlestar's fleet is in from the probe. The human has escaped and is heading for his ship. Soon we will know their exact location. DROIDON (ROBOTIC): But your life systems are failing oh Imperialistic Commandant and your Kelpton brain is dying. IMPERIALISTIC COMMANDANT (ROBOTIC, HEAVY STATIC): A small price to pay. Is the tracking unit aboard the human's ship? DROIDON (ROBOTIC): Affirmative. IMPERIALISTIC COMMANDANT (ROBOTIC, HEAVY STATIC): Then as my final command. You are to track the human's ship back to his fleet and destroy every ship. DROIDON (ROBOTIC): Affirmative, oh Imperialistic Commandant. [SHORT CIRCUIT] DROIDON (ROBOTIC): The Imperialistic Commandant is terminated. [CLOSE CANOPY] APOLLO (RELIEVED) Good, no pursuit. I have to warn the fleet. [VIPER LAUNCH] TIGH (BLUNT): Commander. It has been a sentar and still no contact with Apollo. ADAMA (STERN): Launch a probe to that planet. TIGH (BLUNT): Yes sir. [VIPER FLYBY] [DROIDON ASSAULTERS FLYBY] TIGH (URGENT): Commander! The Captain's ship has cleared the plant. ADAMA (RELIEVED): Good. As the probe launched? TIGH (BLUNT): Negative sir. ADAMA (PLEASED): Good, cancel it. Apollo can find his way home. [VIPER FLYBY] [DROIDON ASSAULTERS FLYBY] APOLLO (UNSURE): Hmmm. Something isn't right. There were scores of Droidons down on that planet yet I was able to escape. Stranger yet was there was no pursuit, the scan is clean. But I have a hunch. [SCANNER] APOLLO (BLUNT): Just as I feared. A scan on my ship reveals that I have some kind of tracking device. It all makes sense now, they don't know where the Galactica is. They are probably tracking me just outside of my scan range. Well, I'm not going to be the one to lead them to the fleet. [VIPER FLYBY] [DROIDON ASSAULTERS FLYBY] TIGH (BLUNT): Commander, Apollo has altered course. He is heading away from us. ADAMA (CONFUSED): What? TIGH (BLUNT): Deep scan indicates an unbelievable number of Droidon Assaulters clearing the planet. ADAMA (CONCERNED): They are heading for us? TIGH (BLUNT): No, we are still out of the scan range of their ships. ADAMA (PLEASED): Good. Alter course and lead us as far away from the Droidons as possible. TIGH (BLUNT): But sir, if you alter course Apollo will never be able to find us. ADAMA (STERN): With that many enemy craft on his tail it is for the best. TIGH (BLUNT): We could launch interceptors. ADAMA (CONFUSED): And reveal our position? TIGH (CONFUSED): What will it matter? Thanks to the Terrans we have the technology to destroy a Droidon force of this size with only a handful of fighters. ADAMA (STERN): The Droidons are a formidable foe. Do you really think they would come out of hiding if they didn't have the edge? And I mean more than just surprise. TIGH (BLUNT): You're right, Apollo is as good as dead. [VIPER FLYBY] [DROIDON ASSAULTERS FLYBY] End