Date: Tue, 31 May 94 22:11:51 EDT
From: LizBeth258@aol.com
Subject: Alternative G:80

Hi all!
It must be the beginning of summer in New England has fried my brain, but
this bit of weirdness occured to me. Since I love infecting (or is that
inflicting?) other people with my twisted sense of humor, I felt I HAD to
share this with you. You can all beat me up on the list or in private if you
want. (Special thanks to Chuck Norris, one of my first victims who had some
helpful comments. You can blame him too, by the way.)

While reading Epi-Log Journal 14, which has an extensive article on BSG, I
saw that Larson was joking that G:80 could either become a "computer
similution" of what would happen if the fleet DID find earth too soon or that
the whole thing was nothing more than Starbuck's worst nightmare come true.

In my own twisted mind, I have yet a third explaination. G:80 is nothing more
than a really bad science fiction mini-series broadcast by the IFB...

(Scene: Apollo, Sheba, Boomer, Cassiopea and Athena are sitting in various
sprawled positions around Cassiopea's quarters staring in disbelief at the
video screen. The floor is littered with popcorn and some empty cans of ale.
The sounds of a show's closing credits can be dimly heard in the background.)

Boomer (trying not to laugh): What the frak did we just watch?
Sheba (stunned): I'm not sure.
Boomer (fighting the laughter now): What really kills me is that we actually
were following this thing once a secton for the past few sectons and we STILL
couldn't figure out what we were watching! I feel like I wasted my eyesight.
Apollo (blinking like a deer caught in headlights): My father almost popped a
blood vessel when he found out he was a "regular character." I'm glad he
refused to watch it. He came off like he was senile. And that BEARD! It was
so obviously fake! If he actually saw any of it, he'd order the IFB studios
blown up.
Boomer (chuckling): Yeah, but he's not the only one who got pulled into this
mess.
Apollo (accusingly): At least your character was intelligent, sensitive
and....
Cassiopea (cutting in): Played by a good actor.
Starbuck (off stage): Don't remind me.
Sheba (smiling evilly): You can come out of the kitchen now. It's over.
Starbuck (off stage): I'm not going any where until that fraking music stops.
Athena (wonderingly): How did they find out Boxey's real name is Troy?
Cassiopea: It's called making a quick check with the personnel computer.
Apollo (grumbling): Poor Boxey. The actor who played him was simply awful.
Even I could see he was doing it for the money. At least the guy who played
Dillon has some promise.
Boomer (grining): You mean compared to the other actors? Well, at least they
came up with a semi-believable character with Dillon. But the Earthers.
Sheesh.
Sheba (disgustedly): And let's not forget the boy genius. What's 'is name?
Dr. Zero. Dr. Zen. Dr. Zed...
Starbuck (off stage): Dr Zee.
Sheba: You should know..... Dad.
Starbuck (poking his head into the room with a furious look on his face): I
can't BELIEVE this. I was blind-sided. I had no idea I'd wind up as a
character. I ought to sue for defamation. The Return of Starbuck, indeed.
Cassiopea (lightly): Can't. You're a public figure. They can do just about
anything they want to you. So long as it isn't malicious disregard.
Starbuck (strides into room and angrily shuts off the vid screen): That
wasn't malicious?
Apollo (still dazed): Sorry, Starbuck. Cassie's right. Besides, if you could
sue, you'd have to get in line behind my father and Boxey.
Sheba (amused): Before or after your father blows up the IFB studios?
Starbuck (grumbling): I'm gonna find the actor who played me and behead him
before he does me more damage. Anyone get his name?
Cassiopea (soothingly): Well, he wasn't THAT bad.
Starbuck (shooting Cassiopea a dark look): Did you hear those over-emotional
voice-overs? And what the frak is a 'year' anyway? That Angela woman isn't
even my type!
Sheba (archily while Cassiopea sniggers): You mean there's a woman out there
who ISN'T your type.
Starbuck (ignoring her): Not only that,  they left me stranded on a desert
planet! Like I wouldn't try and figure out how to fly that raider all by
myself. PLUS, they still had me involved with Cassoipea AND Athena. No
offense, Athena, but....
Athena (still dazed): None taken. I heard it and almost hit the vid screen.
But I was too stunned to even move.
Cassiopea (amused): He did bear a striking resemblence to you, Starbuck.
Maybe he's a relative.
Starbuck (grumpily): No way. Understand he's Gemonese. Maybe he's related to
you...
Cassiopea (absently): Lords, I hope not.
(Everyone gives Cassiopea a startled look.)
Cassiopea (shrugging): I thought he's was really good looking.
Starbuck (blinking): You're kidding, right? That perfect teeth, perfect eyes,
perfect hair, perfect sensitivity, cardboard....
Cassiopea (laughing): Don't worry. I find your physical flaws much more
charming.
Starbuck (grumbling): Thanks. I think.
Boomer (amused): Well, this is what we get for actually watching this
felgercarb.
Apollo (surprised): Are you trying to say we ASKED for this?
Boomer: We watched it, right? All through the Super Scouts, Spaceball and
that visit to that city with the Cylons. What was the name of it....
Athena (absently): Nu Yawk. I think...
Boomer: Right. Nu Yawk. All in all, pretty terrible. This should teach us all
a lesson.
Starbuck (sarcastically): And what lesson is that?
Boomer: In the future, we should stay as far away as possible from bad
science fiction.....

Hope this brightens your day!
Liz ;)
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"Commander Adama! You and your people have just found Earth and put an end to
your aimless wandering through the cosmos! What are you gonna do now?"
"We're going to Disney World!"
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