Date: Thu, 26 Aug 1999 I wrote this story in another fandom and I was requested to rewrite a few parts of it and post it here. It is now in the Galactica universe. I pray that I got all the editing correct. It is hard when you have to change men to women and women to men just to make it sound correct. For those of you who read this story written in the Emergency fandom please bare with it one more time. I only did this because I was asked to. Warning this story has an attempted suicide in it. Battlestar Galactica/Second Chance I still cannot believe it happened to me. I never have been one that is much on the spiritual side, but that has all changed. I feel like I have been given a rare opportunity that most people only dream about. Let me tell you what happened, but before I do I need to give you a little background information. About two years ago Sheba and I responded to a distress call involving a freighter with two children trapped in the ventilation duct. The exhaust was backing up so we knew that we had to hurry. When we arrived on the scene, we started working in conjunction with freighter maintenance, trying to free those two kids. We were to late. Both kids suffocated and I began my fall into the worst depression that I have ever experienced. All I could think about was the scared faces that were locked on those kids faces for the rest of eternity. I pictured Boxey trapped there. The feeling of helplessness that I felt was more than I could handle. Serina died several yahrens earlier. I was constantly looking working so I really did not have enough time to spend with Boxey. I was always on patrol or doing paperwork. Boxey was always in instructional period or with his friends. Sheba and I began to spend more and more time together off shift. We would find ourselves going out to triad games and concerts. We were having dinner with each other almost every night. This went on for over a yahren and a half. Then I began to realize that neither Sheba or I dated anyone else. The guys in the squadron always saw us together and just smiled that knowing smile. I was not even aware that I was in love with Sheba until one day I saw her talking extensively with one of the new med techs in the life station and I realized I was jealous. I did not know what to do about it. I found myself trying to separate myself more and more from her when she finally confronted me. She asked me why I was avoiding him? I did not know what to say. Then I looked in her eyes and a tear came down my cheek. Sheba's eyebrow shot up and concern washed over her face. She asked if she had done something to hurt me? What could I tell her? Would she understand? Would she hate me? Would our friendship be over? I decided that the truth was always the best thing. I told her. I could not believe her response. The utter look of shock that came over her face. Then that tender loving smile that I will never forget as she told me that she had loved me for quite a while now but was afraid to tell me. We were two people in love with each other but were both afraid to say anything. We had wasted so much time already. Our relationship grew stronger after that. We moved in together. We learned about each other in ways that I never dreamed could be so wonderful. Sheba knew my every quirk. She could bring a smile to my face when no one else could. I loved her. God how I loved her. I never thought that I could feel that way again after Serina. Lord knows that I never expected it to be with a warrior. Then the ventilation duct incident occurred. The death of those two children shook me to the core. I would go home at night and I could see them in my mind. They were always in my thoughts, and in my dreams. I could not forgive myself for not reaching them in time. In my minds eye I would see Boxey's face. I would go to sleep at night and wake up in cold sweats. The dreams would taunt me with his voice screaming at me, "You let me die, how could you let us die." Sheba was so worried about me but I did not care. I was sinking into a depression like I had never known. My job suffered, my friends suffered, my home suffered and Sheba suffered. I finally snapped. Sheba had to go to a meeting with the Commander on Tuesday. As I heard her make her way out of our quarters I got up and went into the latrine. I took out a bottle of anxiety reducers that Dr. Salik had given for all of the pent up emotions. I poured several out into my hand and swallowed them. I had to end this. I could not go on living like this anymore. I laid down on our bunk and fell asleep. The next thing I know I saw myself lying on the bed. I was floating above my body gazing down at myself lying there. I heard a voice say my name. It was my Mother. She was here with me. Mother had passed away several yahrens earlier when she had perished at the hands of the Cylons on Caprica.. She told me that she was here to show me a glimpse of the future that I was in the process of making for myself. I could not understand what she was talking about. She came over and took my hand and beckoned me to come with her. We walked into the light. When I emerged I was at a funeral. I saw Sheba, Starbuck, Jolly, Bojay, Greenbean, Dietra, Athena, Colonel Tigh, my Father and Boxey and so many people that I had not seen in such a long time. Friends that I have made throughout my life. Old academy buddies as well as something that I did not expect. There were several people there whose lives I had saved while rescuing people on Caprica after the holocaust. I was confused. My Mother told me to listen closely. I heard the minister talking about the life of Apollo. Then I realized that this was my funeral. These people were here saying goodbye to me. I never realized that so many people would show up for one man. My Mother took my hand and we stepped back into the light. This time when we emerged I was in my Father's house. He was crying. He was crying out to God saying, "Why God? Why Apollo? This is my worst nightmare come to life. This isn't right, a Father never expects to bury their child before them. My son is gone. I feel so alone." I wanted to reach out and hold him at that moment. I shouted, "Father I'm right here. Please Father don't cry!" He couldn't hear me. He sat down on the couch and stared blankly out into space. Mother took me by the hand and led me back into the light. Stepping out of the light I saw Boxey. Athena was holding them. He was crying in her arms. He kept asking her what he could have done to make Daddy happier. Did he leave me because I was bad? Athena was trying so hard to console them but it was too much for her as well. The tears were coming down her cheeks as she said to him, "No my darling, Daddy did not leave you because you were bad. Daddy will always love you no matter what. I am sure that he is watching over you even now." Boxey seemed to take a little bit of comfort in this. I saw him look up at me almost like he could see me and say, "Daddy, I'll miss you." My heart broke. I wanted so much to tell Boxey that I was okay. My Mother took my hand and led me back into the light. This time we emerged in the squad room. I saw all the guys sitting around the table talking. Starbuck was asking Boomer when Sheba was coming back. Boomer just told him that he did not know. Sheba had requested an indefinite period of leave after Apollo had died. They all looked so sad. Mother led me back into the light. We stepped out and I was in my quarters. The room was dark except for a small light in the bedroom. I looked around the house and saw food that was sitting on the counter in dishes that had not been touched. Mother took me into the bedroom and I saw Sheba. I could not believe what I was witnessing. Sheba's hair was in total disarray. She sat on the floor in a uniform that had obviously been on her for days. Slowly she rocked back and forth holding a picture. It was the one that we had taken together the night of our first real date. Sheba was crying. I could barely make out what she was saying. I moved closer and I heard her. "Why? Why did you leave me? We said that we would stay together forever. God I miss you. I've never felt so alone. I loved you so much, and it hurts so bad. I feel like I'm dying inside. Why? Why did you leave me." My Mother led me back into the light. Emerging we were in the fleets memorial archives. Here people would gather to pay respects to those that have passed on. She pointed to row after row of plaques and asked me if I knew what they meant. I was clueless. She told me that these are the people that would have lived if I had remained alive to save them. I could not believe it. She took me by the hand and led me back to my plaque and stopped. Next to my plaque was a new plaque with Jolly standing in front of it. I could here him speaking. "I wish I hadn't teased you so much. I know I probably contributed to this and I am so sorry. I couldn't understand." Jolly got up and started to walk away and I saw for the first time that the plaque belonged to Sheba. NO I cried. Not Sheba. "PLEASE GOD NO". This cannot be happening. I flung myself on the plaque and passed through it. The tears flowed down my cheeks like rain. What have I done? "OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE." My Mother took me by the hand and we walked back into the light. Next we were in the life center. I saw my body lying in a bed. Dr. Salik as telling Sheba I was in a coma. That the best thing that she could do for me was just to talk to me. My Mother took me by the hand at turned me around to face her. She told me, "Apollo you have been given a unique opportunity to glance at a future that can be. Now listen to me and understand what I'm telling you. Each action that you take produces a reaction. Either a positive or a negative. Every life that you touch affects people. It changes the destiny of their life. It is not always in a big way but never the less it has a profound affect on them. You must weigh in the balance all the effects that your death would bring to those people around you, and those you have not yet met. Is this what you want? "Heavens No," I gasped, "Please send me back. I want to live." I promise that I will try to be better." She told me that I always had the power to go back all I had to do was want to. I turned to tell her thanks but she was gone. As I started to descend back into my body I heard Sheba speaking to me. Gentle words of love and encouragement coming out of her mouth. She was telling me that she was so glad that she had found me when she did. How much she loved me and could not bare the thought of losing me. Then she began to quietly sing to me. I heard the words coming softly from her lips as tears came down her eyes... In the stillness of starlight I can see you face, In the quiet of the evening, I feel your touch of grace. I smiled and rejoined my body. I slowly squeezed her hand. She cried out to me, "Apollo. Oh thank God, I was so worried. I thought I was going lose you. I love you." "I know I said, I love you too, and I always will. I'm sorry to put you through this." "I'm just glad your back with me," replied Sheba, "I'm home to stay, I replied, I am home to stay." The End. Wayne Killion E-Mail: killionw@fmmc.army.mil http://www.ixpres.com/mitiori/lit/wayne.htm