>According to LizBeth258@aol.com: Hi All! Thanks to Michele, I got to rewatch G80. I know what y'all thinking. She probably *really* hates me and tried to poison my mind. Truth to tell, I asked. I wanted to see if it was as bad as I remembered. It wasn't. It was worse. *Much* worse. My curiosity has been settled for another 14 years. At least. Below is a list of observations about the series that I put together to save you from a fate worse than death: Watching the IFB mini-series "Galactica and Earth." No wonder why Our Heroes sabotaged the set. Read for your own enjoyment, or at your own peril. And if ever seized by the madness that led me to ask for 'em, do yourself a favor. Bring beer. Lots and lots and lots of beer. And Maalox. It's the only way you'll survive.... Galactica 1980 Observations (a musing in three posts) As my brother is fond of saying, science fiction or science fantasy television needs at least four things to be considered watchable: half-way decent special effects; actors that can be noticed in between said special effects; CON-SIS-TEN-CY; picking a universe and STICKING WITH IT! Though (henceforward called "BSG") had SOME problems with the "four cardinal rules" (and we all know the instances where they didn't quite manage the trick of it), at least an attempt was made to follow them over the course of the series. Galactica 1980 (henceforward called "G80") not only broke all four rules in every episode, it left them shattered into dust so fine the custodians couldn't find the pieces in Glen Larson's office even if they wanted to. Allow me to illustrate this in my "1,001 Reasons To Hate Galactica 1980:" The lettering of the opening title sequence is REALLY cheesy, especially when compared to BSG's opening title sequence. That over-emotional prologue by Commander Adama is, to put it kindly, unimpressive. I may have gotten sick of hearing "There are those who believe that life here began out there...", but it was *way* better than "The great ship Galactica, our home for these many years (Yes, he said *years*). We have endured the wilderness of space and now we are near the end of our journey. We have at last found earth." The original prologue was catchier, too. Patrick McNee's voice also had that sinister quality. Made you actually pay attention to the words. Lorne Greene's voice-over prompted me to giggle my fool head off. Considering Greene's baritone is no slouch in the "icicle fingers up the spine" department, that's a pretty neat trick. The new Imperious Leader also lacks McNee's sorely-missed British baritone. Ol' Impy sounds like a bad imitation of W.C. Fields. On drugs. Anyone else notice how all of the scenes shown in the opening sequence are from the original series? The Colonies obviously did not have Roadrunner cartoons. Warner Brothers, where are you when we *really* need you? (So much for Garibaldi's "second favorite thing in the universe.") The Colonists don't do costumes. Dillon actually said upon seeing a Broadway revue featuring actors costumed as cartoon characters: "Look! Dancing mammals!" They'd probably think the Muppets were real, too. Whenever I saw Dr. Zee in his *huge* room watching the television monitors, I found myself looking for clips from BSG. Well, they DID show everything but, including snippets from to demonstrate how easily the Cylons could blow up earth. Did anyone else get the in-joke that Lorne Greene was one of the stars in that natural disaster movie? (Ha-ha. Very funny, Mr. Larson. I get it. ) Personally, I think the 's in-joke of "Faceman Meets A Cylon" was funnier. Less subtle, maybe, but funnier. To hear Adama talk, the Colonies were mono-environmental planets with no polar ice caps and very little water. Poor earth is 3/4 water. They probably thought we had gills or something. The Galacticans do refer to their "home planet." Singular. They also call their home planet "Caprica." O.K., so far as it goes, except, I have to ask, what happened to the other Colonists? Maybe they got sick of the Capricans running things and took off for parts unknown. Maybe they saw the future and that it had Dr. Zee's face and thought it best to leave while they still had minds of their own. Adama had to have the concept of rain explained to him in "Spacecroppers"? It never rained on the Colonies? You're kidding, right? But it obviously *did* snow, I mean, Our Heroes knew what snow was in "Gun On Ice Planet Zero." So did Boxey, when he was 5. We also learn something else very important in "Spacecroppers." Galacticans don't get wet when it rains. Maybe they know how to stand in between the raindrops. The Colonies obviously didn't have highways, either. So, where did the hovermobiles drive? Besides, Apollo and Starbuck were not terribly surprised to see cars on Paradeen *or* Terra. I seem to remember Apollo asking one of the androids where they learned how to drive in "Greetings from Earth." I'd hate to think what he'd say if he saw Dillon at the wheel of a stolen police car in the pilot episode. Oh, and the Colonies didn't have revolving doors. Was it really necessary for Dillon to speculate they were "alien detectors"? Colonists don't have finger prints? Then what was the "hand scanner" Apollo and Boomer logged in on for "Murder on the Rising Star" for? Show? Damn. Galacticans are probably a palm reader's nightmare! ("According to your hand, you have no past, no present and no future. Twenty-five dollars, please.") Troy and Dillon, a.k.a. the "Wonder Duo," live on the freighter Gemini. What? Not good enough to be stationed on the Galactica? I *really* wanted to see more of Daggit Squadron, the crew we met in "Spacecroppers." They had *fun* blowing Cylons to smithereens, fooled around with the vipers so they could get more speed out of 'em and loved nothing more than taking on Cylon basestars for the hell of it. Suicidal nutcases all. Besides, they drove Adama, Boomer and the hanger crew *batshit.* The true spiritual children of Blue Squadron and Commander Cain. If only we couldda blown up the Wonder Duo... The Gemini has been renamed the Delphi (despite the fact "Gemini" is still painted clearly on its hull). It's where *all* the fleet children go to school. Is it me, or does that smack of putting all your eggs in one basket? If all the children go to school on the Delphi, how come there are only 137 of them? Seems to me that the fleet has brought the concept of negative population growth to new heights. Oh yeah, after the Gemini buys it in "Super Scouts," it makes a return appearance in "Spacecroppers." Maybe it's a ghost ship. Speaking of the Super Scouts (I can't even say it with a straight face), not *one* of those kids can act. Also, their jumps and runs look suspiciously like Steve Austin at his 1970s special effects worst. Maybe Oscar and the O.S.S. outta investigate. And why didn't any of the coaches demand that the Super Scouts be tested for steroid abuse after that surreal baseball game in the oddly-appropriately titled episode, "Spaceball." (I think I know where Mel Brooks got the idea for the title of his ill-fated take-off of .) I just *love* how those super abilities just appeared in the Wonder Duo about mid-way through the series. You'd think they'd've figured out that they had these incredible powers about half-way through the first episode. So, patrol vipers are two-man vehicles. Actually, that's a pretty good idea. One nit-pick here though. The cockpits are big enough for the pilots, barely. So, where did the Wonder Duo get their space suits while stranded in space during "Spaceball"? Better yet, how did they manage to get into them without opening the canopy? Maybe Galacticans are double-jointed all over their bodies. I used to joke about those precious "reach for the Emmy moments" and "wooden lines that go thunk in the night" in BSG. Watching this series convinced me that I hadn't seen nothin' yet. (Sez one precocious Galactican 10-year-old: "And this is where they quenched their thirst." I suppose it *sounds* more impressive than, "They stuck their heads in this pond and drank the water." Well, on paper, anyway.) Why does Troy have a mid-western American accent? Wolfe obviously survived his misadventure on Ice Planet Zero, changed his name to Xavier, returned to the fleet and made the rank of commander. Former con makes good, but breeding *will* show. Xavier manages to undergo plastic surgery, dye his hair and change his accent to a fake-sounding Russian one in the middle of the series. Speaking of re-appearing characters, Aurora does some hard time on planet earth as well. This time she shows up in "Spacecroppers" as the daughter of an up-to-his-eyeballs-in-debt sharecropper. Hmmm. Maybe the Ship o' Lights kidnapped her so she could serve as an advance scout. Someone should tell her that pigtails just don't *work* on her. Aurora used to be *much* more subtle to boot. (To Dillon: "Do you have a girlfriend? Because I think you're cute!") Obviously, Aurora's taste in men has seriously degenerated during her stay on earth. Oh well, at least she went for Dillon instead of Troy. I'm glad to see "Spacecroppers" had a social conscience and let us know in no uncertain terms that prejudice is a *bad* thing. But, did we really need a five-minute run-down on the history of Latino culture to drive the point home? We actually get to hear Adama muse that it was *such* a coincidence that the Cylons decided to go after the agro ship in "Spacecroppers." Then we actually had to hear Dr. Zee inform Adama that it was *no* coincidence. Well, duh! Use some common sense, commander! In "Spacecroppers," we get to see the Galacticans' unique ideas on how to plow a field. Using laser guns is a good idea. Neat. Efficient. Fast. And it attracts *lots* of attention. Anyone else notice in "Spacecroppers" that the whole battle sequence to protect the agro ship was completely lifted from "The Magnificent Warriors," in which vipers also fight to protect the agro ship? Not only are they incapable of doing completely new special effects, they have to rip off stuff from one of the worst BSG episodes ever made. Now that I think about it, all the great special effects were stock shots from the original series, complete with silhouettes of Our Heroes in the cockpits of their vipers during the launch sequences. Of course, I have a feeling that Larson got some heat because of that. Notice the battle helmets' style drastically changed in "Spacecroppers" to a more rounded, softer look. We also started getting full-faces during the launch sequences instead of those one-size-fits-all side profiles. Speaking of stock shots, in the ones overlooking the bridge, Omega is *still* at his beloved rotating console. Oh, and the music took a nose-dive, too. (Those electric guitar licks replaying the original series' theme have *got* to go.) Adama dropped 100 I.Q. points between BSG and G80. He also sprouted a glue-on beard. And Lorne Greene seems to have misplaced most of his acting ability in the intervening year between BSG and G80. In fact, the best acting job is delivered by William Daniels, a.k.a. Dr. Mark Craig from and the voice of KITT the car in , in a guest shot in the episodes "The Night the Cylons Landed" and "So This Is New York." Of course, he's hiding under an inch of clown makeup. Maybe he was hoping no one would recognize him. The only weird factoid I can add to Daniels' odd guest shot on G80 is that Ed Begley Jr., who co-starred with Daniels as Dr. Victor Ehrlich in , played Greenbean in BSG. Wonder if they ever talked about "the Cylon threat" while working in a certain Boston hospital operating room. The honor of "worst acting job ever to grace a television series" is awarded to WOLFMAN JACK! He appeared in "So This Is New York." He won a one-way ticket to oblivion... Of course, it could be because ol' Wolfie looked decidedly drunk throughout his science fiction acting debut. In a way, it's pretty fitting that he's wearing a Henry VIII costume throughout his whole appearance. My favorite part about Wolfie's guest shot is that he was actually explaining what a solar flare was to the Cylons. Again, I say, hunh? They've never seen a solar flare before? It isn't so much that he was actually explaining it. It was *how* he explained what it was ("It's like when you eat spicy food..."). This is a minor nitpick in the grand scheme of things, I know, but, Wolfie actually instructs a New York City cab driver to go to the International Trade Center. *No* Manhattanite would do that. They'd say, "Take me to the Twin Towers. Now." Asking to go to the International Trade Center is like saying, "I am a tourist. I am very lost. Please, circle the same city block 50 times so you can collect $50 for a $5 fare." BTW, the security *sucks* in the Twin Towers. There isn't even a night watchman at the console and the front doors are unlocked. Yup. That makes sense. Y'know, this really, really bugged the hell out of me when I saw this. The Wonder Duo get trapped in one of the Twin Towers' elevators on the 30th floor because of the security system. They need to get to the 70th floor. So what do they do? They crawl to the roof of the elevator car and jump up 40 floors going *one* *floor* *at* *a* *time.* When they get to the top, they not only are *not* sweating, they're not even breathing hard. Remember when Apollo and Starbuck found themselves in the same situation on Carillon? They blew the elevator control panel away and hot-wired that baby to take them wherever they wanted to go. I guess I now know why we call the original crew Our Heroes. The Wonder Duo manage to leave a trail of destruction wherever they go in New York City, most of the time while wearing white tuxes. The clothes don't even so much as get slightly smudged. Amazing, considering they were nearly mugged in Central Park, entered a burning building, crawled up an elevator shaft and scampered around the rooftop of one of the Twin Towers in an effort to blow the Cylons to smithereens. A major league nitpick with "The Night the Cylons Landed." How many of us saw that airplane hijacking to Cuba coming a mile away? Raise your hands. I thought so. Unanimous vote there. Especially since the Wonder Duo went through the trouble of looking up "hijacking" on those nifty wrist-watch dictionaries. What about those New York cab drivers! When was the last time you got one that actually spoke English? The best part about those new human-looking Cylons is that they really aren't shy about broadcasting their own impressive abilities. I fully expected the New Age Cylon to beat his chest and declare "I am created in man's image..." Actually, he did do that, minus beating on his chest. I think they based these new guys just a little *too* much on Baltar. The poor centurions. The one we got to see in the Cylons tour New York City episodes got to repeat over and over again to his human-looking superior, "I will protect you." If these new Cylons are so great, why does he need a centurion to protect him? Especially since the New Age Cylon can shoot flames from his fingertips. Now that, I have to admit, is *way* too cool. The scary part about this whole two-part episode is that the Cylons manage to move around in earth culture *much* better than the Wonder Duo. Sad, when you really think about it. Good thing they landed in the middle of New York City on Halloween. I have to wonder something. If a microwave oven can play hell with a Cylon's circuitry, why didn't the Colonies know about it? Obviously Galacticans don't like to nuke their food. An Air Force colonel actually admits to a New York City cop that he's chasing aliens through Manhattan. Unh-hunh. Let's try that again. Nope. Didn't make sense to me either. Obviously, Agent Mulder is using the wrong Deep Throat to get information for the X-Files. Did anyone else notice that the tyke Troy saves from a burning building in "So This Is New York" is wearing *exactly* the same outfit the Terrans wore in BSG's "Greetings From Earth" episode? You know the ones I'm talking about. The shiny metallic-looking jumpsuits that make the wearers look like baked potatoes. Troy, a.k.a. Boxey, didn't get *any* smarter as an adult. Neat trick, considering the character was 5 in the original series. The Wonder Duo not only lack common sense, they lack fashion sense to boot. (Bell-bottoms? Ugly "leather" jackets?) The Wonder Duo also wear the same clothes through most of the series. Don't these guys *ever* change clothes? And what about the Super Scouts? They wear the same scout uniforms during their *entire* stay! The must smell riiiiiiiipe! The Wonder Duo are incapable of being inconspicuous. You'd think they'd get the hint that they were doing something wrong after being chased by the cops *and* the Air Force for the billionth time in a single episode. Of course, the Wonder Duo could be getting into so much trouble because they keep "borrowing" the local law enforcement's cruisers at the most inopportune times. Like while the cops are questioning them. Why, oh, why did Adama and Dr. Zee keep the Wonder Duo on earth when their faces were plastered all over every newspaper and television broadcast in North America as "terrorists?" On second thought, *none* of the Galacticans know the meaning of the word "subtlety." When Dr. Zee decides to sneak some quick visits to earth, the ship he uses looks like a bad rendition of the U.F.O.s from "Close Encounters of the Third Kind," including bright lights, bells, whistles and eeeeeerie fog. Gee, think it'll attract attention? Notice how things "just happen" to the Wonder Duo while they're on earth? You know, things like accidently robbing a bank and joining a Broadway chorus line for a rendition of "Goodship Lollipop." Whenever the Wonder Duo cross the street, it seems like they almost *always* forget to look both ways and nearly get themselves run over. It's shades of Spock in . Anyone else hoping Dillon will yell, "Yeah, well double dumb ass to you!" Anyone notice how Dillon is the *smart* one? He comes up with the best ideas *and* the best lines, such as they are. Do I smell nepotism in Troy's captain rank? Of course, it isn't so much that I *like* Dillon or anything. It's just that the more I see and hear Troy, the more I despise him. Xavier is smarter than all of 'em. He may be a *bit* misguided, but my estimation of him increases dramatically when he emphatically states that he doesn't trust that juvenile delinquent-in-the-making, Dr. Zee. As for the rest of the bad guys, they aren't so much evil as they are dumb as dirt. And speaking of dumb, throughout the entire series, we get a montage of stupid looks trying to pass themselves off as looks of shock as Troy and Dillon once again fly those bloody motorcylces, using the L.A. freeway system as a runway. Oh, and lets not forget those even dumber looks people have crossing their faces when they wake up after being freeze-dried by the Wonder Duo. Is it me, or do the "guns that freeze-dry earthlings" look suspiciously like Lady Derringers? And what is it with Dr. Zee? That space mutant turned Ship o' Lights offspring is a *really* annoying kid. Why does anyone listen to him? Anyone else get the feeling that Our Heroes would've thrown him out of the closest air lock the micron he stuck his ugly snoot into their business? Speaking of Dr. Zee, is it me, or does his wig look like it belongs on top of a Ken doll? Wonder if the hair is the only resemblance. Jamie may be a terrible reporter, but at least she has a sense of humor. She needs it. Especially since she has to keep saving Troy and Dillon from themselves. And speaking of Jamie, in the Nazi episode, she was dressed as a male soldier. Good idea. Except that Jamie pretending to be a man is as convincing as the male impersonator, "Bob," was in , or, as Captain Blackadder himself would say, "You look like a giraffe wearing sunglasses trying to sneak into a polar bears-only birthday party." One more thing about that Nazi episode. Why are the signs in English? For that matter, why are the *troops* switching back and forth between what *sounds* like German and English? As for possible romantic entanglements, one thing is clear. Jamie has the hots for Dillon, Troy's got a thing for Jamie and Dillon's got a gleam in his eye whenever he looks at Jamie. Love triangle anyone? Another thing about Troy's attraction to Jamie. It comes in shades of Freud. Troy, baby, wasn't mommy a reporter too? Whatever happened to those endearing colonialisms, i.e., yahren, centar, centon, felgercarb and, my personal favorite, frack? No one uses them anymore, not even when they're on the Galactica. (No shades of Michael: "Apollo, what exactly *is* a centon?") After viewing the whole series, I am left with one inescapable conclusion. Lorne Greene needed the money. I'm also left with a second inescapable conclusion. The original cast is probably thanking their respective gods that they really weren't involved with the whole thing. Even Herb Jefferson Jr.'s and Dirk Benedict's roles were pretty limited in the grand scheme of things. Speaking of original cast members, it's *really* kinda strange that Starbuck had more screen time in *one* G80 episode than Boomer did in the *entire* series. Especially since you have to consider that Starbuck's daggit food by the time G80 rolls around and Boomer's still alive. Dr. Who-style special effects were used for the "time tunnel." Actually, now that I *really* think about it, that criticism isn't fair to Dr. Who or the BBC... They really, really, *really* wanted to use those nifty white uniforms again. Personally, I didn't buy the reason why the uniforms turned white either during their time-traveling escapades. And why *did* the white uniforms have bell-bottoms? And last, but not least, WHERE WAS CASSIOPEA?! (You were expecting that one, weren't you?) She *wasn't* a colonial warrior, so, was she killed? Was she dumped on a planet? Did she marry someone else? What? She just, just *disappeared!* Then again, she probably took one look at the Wonder Duo, decided the fleet was doomed, and hightailed it offa the Galactica to join Starbuck on the Ship o' Lights... Well *somebody* has to make sure he behaves. Well now. That sums it up. Have I dissuaded you yet? Y'all feel free to add something if I actually missed a spot! :) Liz ;)