Mad About Starbuck, Episode 9 Things were tense for me and Starbuck for the next couple of days. I guess neither of us could come to grips with what had almost happened. Yet we didn't want to talk about it either. It was all good, right? I mean it didn't happen, so why worry, right? So Starbuck and I went about doing our jobs. I know Aliana noticed our distance. She kept trying to show Starbuck or me some cute thing that Ila was doing, or try to engage is in a discussion about what she was doing in class. I know for myself I didn't mean to be so quiet and far away. I think I just needed some space. I needed time to reconstruct some walls within my heart. Aliana mentioned several times that we all needed to sit down and talk about what had happened, but frankly, things were just too busy at the moment. "We'll talk later, I promise." Starbuck would reply, and then throw me a look that said later probably meant not at all if he could help it. It's not that Starbuck was distant exactly. In some ways it was the opposite. He dogged our every step. He checked on Aliana and Ila repeatedly throughout the day, and night. Aliana just gave a little sigh every time that Starbuck showed up at her class. I knew what he was going through, so I made it easy on him. I was his shadow. He didn't have to look far to find me. I figured between the two of us we could take care of things. Well the emergency repairs didn't go quite as planned and our mission to clear the sector of mines kept getting put off. First it was a day or two. Then it was literally down to the centon as one seal after another would spring a leak. After waiting in the ready room for over 100 centons to see if the mission was a go, the bridge finally cancelled it until the next day, which was a good thing because I was really starting to feel the need to eat. I was starting to get a little woozy if I went too long between meals, but it was no big deal. Plus I still hadn't figured out how they thought putting a different type of lazer generator on our vipers was going to work against these things. When they went off, whether by impact of by lazer volley, it was pretty impressive. Whoever built these things sure knew what they were doing. I hazarded a quess that that was why we were planning on such an extended stay near those planets, to maybe make contact with the inhabitants if there were any. So far scans showed no sign of inhabitants, at least not an advanced society that transmits communications. I was headed to the mess hall when Starbuck caught up to me. "They changed the time on that mission if you're still interested. We are about to launch in 30 centons." Starbuck said. "You bet I'm still interested! Let me grab something to eat real quick." I answered, trying my best not to look green. It hadn't been easy hiding my occasional queasiness from Aliana. Taking meals in the mess hall had helped, but then I had to avoid Starbuck so he wouldn't catch on. "No time for that. Let's go." He headed off for the landing bay and I looked at the mess hall regretfully before turning to follow him. We made it to the launch bay as the others were beginning their preflight checks. Starbuck and Apollo paired up the pilots, Dietra with Boomer, Apollo with Lexia, and Starbuck with me. So far we had made a good duo and it was nice to hear Apollo and Boomer so casually name me as Starbuck's wingmate. I ran through the preflight check and felt my stomach grumble. I tried to rummage around for the emergency med kit, hoping to find something to eat in there, but I didn't have time. Once the preflight check was over Apollo didn't waste any time ordering us to launch. I was the last out and as the walls of the tube zipped past me, I felt my stomach lurch into my throat. Then everything went gray. I could hear Captain Apollo telling me to pull up, but I couldn't get my body to respond. I felt like I was in a fog. The color had bled out of my vision, and my controls appeared to be sectors away from me. I heard Starbuck yell my name once, then twice as I shook my head to clear it. The world cut back in in a burst of color and sound. I reached for the stick and pulled up overcorrecting and almost slamming into the back of Boomer before leveling out. "Reyana!" Starbuck yelled again. "What's wrong?!" Creativity is like driving a car at night. You never see further than your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way. E.L. Doctrow __________________________________ Do you Yahoo!? Yahoo! Mail - 250MB free storage. Do more. Manage less. http://info.mail.yahoo.com/mail_250 Yeah yeah, I should be doing homework for my oh so exciting state mandated college course to insure that I'm a good teacher, or at least a broke teacher. But that's no fun! Vaughn Mad About Starbuck IX Chapter 1 Things were tense for me and Starbuck for the next couple of days. I guess neither of us could come to grips with what had almost happened. Yet we didn't want to talk about it either. It was all good, right? I mean it didn't happen, so why worry, right? So Starbuck and I went about doing our jobs. I know Aliana noticed our distance. She kept trying to show Starbuck or me some cute thing that Ila was doing, or try to engage is in a discussion about what she was doing in class. I know for myself I didn't mean to be so quiet and far away. I think I just needed some space. I needed time to reconstruct some walls within my heart. Aliana mentioned several times that we all needed to sit down and talk about what had happened, but frankly, things were just too busy at the moment. "We'll talk later, I promise." Starbuck would reply, and then throw me a look that said later probably meant not at all if he could help it. It's not that Starbuck was distant exactly. In some ways it was the opposite. He dogged our every step. He checked on Aliana and Ila repeatedly throughout the day, and night. Aliana just gave a little sigh every time that Starbuck showed up at her class. I knew what he was going through, so I made it easy on him. I was his shadow. He didn't have to look far to find me. I figured between the two of us we could take care of things. Well the emergency repairs didn't go quite as planned and our mission to clear the sector of mines kept getting put off. First it was a day or two. Then it was literally down to the centon as one seal after another would spring a leak. After waiting in the ready room for over 100 centons to see if the mission was a go, the bridge finally cancelled it until the next day, which was a good thing because I was really starting to feel the need to eat. I was starting to get a little woozy if I went too long between meals, but it was no big deal. Plus I still hadn't figured out how they thought putting a different type of lazer generator on our vipers was going to work against these things. When they went off, whether by impact of by lazer volley, it was pretty impressive. Whoever built these things sure knew what they were doing. I hazarded a quess that that was why we were planning on such an extended stay near those planets, to maybe make contact with the inhabitants if there were any. So far scans showed no sign of inhabitants, at least not an advanced society that transmits communications. I was headed to the mess hall when Starbuck caught up to me. "They changed the time on that mission if you're still interested. We are about to launch in 30 centons." Starbuck said. "You bet I'm still interested! Let me grab something to eat real quick." I answered, trying my best not to look green. It hadn't been easy hiding my occasional queasiness from Aliana. Taking meals in the mess hall had helped, but then I had to avoid Starbuck so he wouldn't catch on. "No time for that. Let's go." He headed off for the landing bay and I looked at the mess hall regretfully before turning to follow him. We made it to the launch bay as the others were beginning their preflight checks. Starbuck and Apollo paired up the pilots, Dietra with Boomer, Apollo with Lexia, and Starbuck with me. So far we had made a good duo and it was nice to hear Apollo and Boomer so casually name me as Starbuck's wingmate. I ran through the preflight check and felt my stomach grumble. I tried to rummage around for the emergency med kit, hoping to find something to eat in there, but I didn't have time. Once the preflight check was over Apollo didn't waste any time ordering us to launch. I was the last out and as the walls of the tube zipped past me, I felt my stomach lurch into my throat. Then everything went gray. I could hear Captain Apollo telling me to pull up, but I couldn't get my body to respond. I felt like I was in a fog. The color had bled out of my vision, and my controls appeared to be sectors away from me. I heard Starbuck yell my name once, then twice as I shook my head to clear it. The world cut back in in a burst of color and sound. I reached for the stick and pulled up overcorrecting and almost slamming into the back of Boomer before leveling out. "Reyana!" Starbuck yelled again. "What's wrong?!" I was too woozy to fight him at first. Instead I concentrated on keeping my vision clear and my feet going in the right direction. It wasn't my head or my stomach that had me quiet on the lift ride. It was the sinking feeling of the reality of the situation. They were going to pull me from flight status. I know a yahren ago flying a viper was the farthest thing from my mind. Now it was almost everything, I loved it so much. The only times I felt totally free and in control was in my viper. I knew that between Aliana and Starbuck, they would probably insist that I never fly again. But that wasn't an option for me. I just didn't know how I was going to work all this out, but not flying was not an option. Starbuck had to literally drag me off the lift once we reached the corridor for the life center. "Rey, you're being stupid." He said to me as he pushed me through the doors. My luck was not with me that day as the Med Tech who was on duty was Starbuck's old flame, Cassiopea. I was starting to wonder about her powers of prediction as she seemed to always be on duty when Starbuck, Aliana or I made a visit to the facility. So far she had treated all of us civilly, unless you don't count when she cornered Starbuck on Aliana's first appointment. But I was pretty sure what was wrong with me would push her over the edge. She ran the preliminary scan while Starbuck waited nearby. Cassie shot me a knowing look as she read the results, but I wouldn't meet her eyes, hanging my head instead. "Starbuck, you're going to have to wait outside for a few centons." She finally said. "Why, what's wrong? It's not just a virus is it? Is it serious?" Cassie held up her hands to slow him down as he fired off questions. "No, it's not serious. I just need to run a few more scans that involve the Ensign disrobing. Now if you would wait outside." Starbuck casually answered, "I think I've seen it before." Then he flashed Cassie and me a smile. That's when I finally spoke up in an irritated voice. "Starbuck, wait outside!" His smile slipped and he flashed me a puzzled look. Cassie saved me by guiding him out the door and assuring him it would only be for a few moments. She called Dr. Salik over to look at the preliminary scans, still not speaking to me. Dr. Salik read the monitor for a moment, then turned to me. "In my office Ensign." The doctor ordered. He did not look pleased. I reluctantly followed him and Cassie into the room. The door closed behind me blocking off my last escape from the situation. The doctor took a seat and indicated a place for me to sit while Cassie stood. He took a few moments before he started to speak. "You already know the results don't you Ensign?" I gave a deep sigh before answering. "Yes, I do." "How many sectars do you think you are?" "Two?" I guessed. Dr. Salik shook his head. "Cassiopea, remind me to add basic biology to the Cadet training. No Ensign Reyanna, you are over four sectars along." He sighed while I just nodded my head knowing that was right. He went on, "This would have been an easy question before the destruction, but now, since we are so depleted in numbers, I'm not even sure if the council will allow it, which might explain your behavior." The doctor paused and took a deep breath before continuing. "I have to ask. Ensign, do you want to terminate this pregnancy?" The doctor's question shocked me. "What?" "Ensign, do you want to terminate this pregnancy?" He asked again in an official voice. "NO!" I shouted in indignation. "No, I don't!" I was shocked and horrified at the thought. "Then why in Sagan's sake did you not come to the Life Station right away?" He asked exasperated. "You would pull my flight status." I stated. "Yes we would have. It's dangerous for you to fly, as you discovered today. It's also very dangerous for your baby." The Doctor's look turned from sympathetic to cold and professional. "Do you realize that what you did could be seen as criminal? Under the fleet's new survival plan, you can serve time in the Brig for knowingly endangering your child's life." "I was fine until today!" I said. "I have flown almost every day without a single problem. I just didn't get a chance to eat today. Had I eaten, everything would have been fine! The baby is okay, right?" I said looking to Cassie. "Yes, the scans show a healthy baby. We'll need to run further tests to be certain." "Ensign Reyanna, you took a big risk continuing to fly. Things could have gone very wrong, in many ways. I'm told today you almost collided with another pilot." "Because I didn't eat and almost passed out. But had I eaten I would have been fine. Besides, risks are part of the job. That sort of thing can happen on a good day with nothing wrong with me!" "Which is why we pull pilots from the program once they become pregnant. Ensign, it is not up to me on your flight status. If you are. "Yes it is!" I interrupted him. "If you say I'm fine, then they'll let me fly. So my flight status is up to you! I'm fine. You said so yourself." "Ensign, you are not fine. You almost passed out on a routine launch. Do you want this baby?" "Yes, yes I do." I conceded, knowing that technically he was right. I had almost lost it today, and on a routine launch. What would happen if a red alert occurred? I didn't want to think about that. It would kill me to have an alert and to not be able to fly. I wasn't willing to give up my pilot status without a fight. "Yes, I want this baby. That's why I've been taking care of myself. I have taken it easy and have had proper meals. I have been doing fine. I have flown every day with no problems but his one. There's no reason why I can't keep flying, at least routine patrols." Dr. Salik shook his head. "I am not having this argument with you Ensign." I started to protest, but he held up his hand commanding me to silence. "At least not until we finish with all of the exams. I will agree that up until this point you have flown with no problems, and have not endangered the life of your baby. I will see that no charges are filed. But I am not guaranteeing your flight status. This is something you will have to take up with the Commander, and I'm sure he's going to want to speak with you under the circumstances. The dangers are too great, not just to you, but to your child. So for now on, you are grounded." I sat there in angry silence. Dr. Salik gave me a sympathetic look before continuing. "You are not the first pilot I have had avoid me to keep their flight status. Believe me, I am not doing this just for my pleasure. Besides, you can always go back to being a pilot after the baby is born. And since you did avoid me for so long, well, you don't have as long to wait." "So there isn't some way you could maybe speed things up?" I asked jokingly. "No, unfortunately that is out of my control." The doctor said sighing and shaking his head. "You pilots are all alike. Speaking of pilots, why don't we have the father come in and we can explain things to him. I am correct in that it is Starbuck? I have seen you and he at most of Aliana's appointments." "Oh, yeah, um.do we have to tell him?" I asked dreading Starbuck's response. "Yes, yes we do. I'd say it's a discussion that's long overdue." Dr. Salik motioned for Cassie to go get Starbuck who was waiting outside the life center. "So there isn't some way you could maybe speed things up?" I asked jokingly. "No, unfortunately that is out of my control." The doctor said sighing and shaking his head. "You pilots are all alike. Speaking of pilots, why don't we have the father come in and we can explain things to him. I am correct in that it is Starbuck's? I have seen you and he at most of Aliana's appointments." "Oh, yeah, um.do we have to tell him?" I asked dreading Starbuck's response. "Yes, yes we do. I'd say it's a discussion that's long overdue." Dr. Salik motioned for Cassie to go get Starbuck who was waiting outside the life center. Starbuck entered the office with a look of apprehension. "Hey Doc, what's up?" I had hoped for a little more preamble, a little more time to word it just right, but the Doctor cut through the felgercarb as quick as laser through a raider. "Good news Lieutenant. You're going to be a father again." Dr. Salik said getting up to leave. "Really? Wow! I was worried that something was really wrong with you Reyana. This is great." I had a suspicion that Starbuck was offering up a false front for the doctor. He had on his card game face, the one he uses when he's losing and doesn't want anyone else to know it. I was pretty sure that inside he was cursing his luck, but I let it go. It was something we could deal with in private. "Yes, it is good news. Reyanna should be due in less than five sectars." I watched Starbuck's eyes go from his fake twinkle, to the hard glint they get when he's calculating a system. It took but a moment before he spoke. "Wait a minute doc, did you say five? Doesn't it take at least nine?" Dr. Salik rolled his eyes then looked to Cassie, "Could you start drafting that memo to the Commander suggesting a basic biology course for the pilots?" Cassie smirked, then left the office. "Yes Lieutenant, it does take nine sectars." The Doctor said, getting up to leave. "So why only five this time?" Starbuck asked confused. "Because Lieutenant, a certain Ensign is already four sectars along," The Doctor said. "I'll give you two a few moments to discuss the situation." Then he closed the door and left us alone. Starbuck's smile faded, and instead was replaced with a look of concern, quickly to be replaced by anger. I sat waiting for Starbuck to put the pieces together, cursing the doctor for dropping the bombshell. "You are four sectars along, and have been flying this whole time?" Starbuck said it like a question at first, then he said it again, as a statement with an edge to his voice. "You knew and you have been flying this whole time." I didn't say anything. Instead I was trying to think of a way out of this argument. I had been hoping that he wouldn't piece it all together, that maybe he would believe that I just found out. But luck wasn't with me today. "How long have you known?" It wasn't a simple question. It had the tone of an order. "Look, you can save it Starbuck. The doctor has already lectured me." I sighed deeply. "How long have you known?!" Starbuck shouted cutting me off. I sighed again. I thought that at least I would have Starbuck on my side. He understood my need to fly. He of all people should understand what torture it would be to go the sectars watching others take the missions that should be mine. "Answer me!" He shouted. "A few sectars okay!" I shouted back up at him, angry that he didn't understand. "Why didn't you tell me?" Starbuck began to pace and I knew I was in for it. Pacing meant that ranting was soon to follow. "Why didn't you tell someone? I thought we had worked through this, I thought we were being honest with each other? Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you see a doctor?" "I didn't want to stop flying. I wanted to tell you but they would pull my pilot status." I answered softly, not sure if he really wanted an answer. Starbuck stopped pacing for a moment and looked at me. His eyes softened for a micron and he nodded slightly. I relaxed for a moment in relief. I knew he would understand. But then his eyes went cold and he was the professional Lieutenant that I knew as my flight instructor. "There are reasons for that. You know that. Look what happened today." Starbuck's voice began to rise. "You knew you were carrying my child and you still took patrols. You volunteered for every mission!" "I wanted to fly." I said trying to keep calm in the face of his anger. "You know that flying is dangerous in your condition, and you still took every mission offered! You knowingly endangered my child!" Starbuck's voice reverberated off the walls of the small office. "Don't yell at me!" I said loudly. Starbuck's voice went even louder as he said, "I haven't begun to yell! What were you thinking?" He began pacing again. "I just wanted to fly." I said, so softly it was a whisper. "You're not flying anymore!" He shouted at me. "Why not?" I said rising to my feet. "The doctor said I'm fine." "Fine? Fine? You call what happened today fine? You nearly crashed on take off then almost collided with Boomer? How is that fine?" Starbuck asked sarcastically. "I just needed something to eat. I flew yesterday and everything went great!" "Well you're not flying anymore. EVER!" Starbuck yelled. "Wait a minute? I don't think so! I can still qualify for shuttles. And I get my flight status back as soon as I deliver." I said slightly confused. "I don't care what doctors have to say about it. You are not flying anymore. Not now, not ever. Not a viper, not a shuttle, nothing EVER!" "You can't do that!" "Like hades I can't! You are about to have my child. You're about to be a parent!" "So are you and I don't see you pulling yourself from the duty roster!" I yelled back. "That is different!" He said. I noticed he had widened his pace path, a sign that he was more than a little upset. "How?! How is that different?" I yelled. "I outrank you. I have more experience. One of us has to be around for the kid." Starbuck said, but I noticed he said it much quieter than anything else he had thus far in our discussion. "And it's safer not flying, is that it? I've got news for you Starbuck, the safest place in this fleet is in a viper." I waited for Starbuck's response, but instead he was silent. I hoped that meant he was listening to me. "Do you know how many people we lost on the last attack on the Galatica? Or how about the attack on the Agro ship?" I couldn't bring myself to mention what had been on our minds for the last few cycles, that we nearly lost Aliana in Ila in a turbo lift of all god forsaken places. "That was over a yahren ago. We still lose pilots on a regular basis!" "Since when? Things have been quiet lately and we haven't lost anyone in sectars!" Starbuck stopped pacing, and slowly approached me. He leaned over me, his eyes narrow and cutting. His voice was low and menacing, as he asked, "And if things weren't quiet, would you have still flown?" I glared back at his icy blue eyes, so cold and sharp. I was mad and breathing hard. I knew he wasn't going to like my answer, and yet he above everyone else in this fleet should understand my answer. He was known for taking every dangerous mission. The phrase `suicidal' had no effect on him or his courage. Starbuck's patience was thin today, and he didn't wait for me to decide how to word it so he would understand. He moved closer to me, nose to nose, and yelled, "Would you have flown?!" "Yes!" I yelled back. Starbuck reached for my jacket, taking the material in his fist like he wanted to shake me. His right hand pulled back and I closed my eyes bracing myself for the slap. Starbuck reached for my jacket, taking the material in his fist like he wanted to shake me. His right hand pulled back and I closed my eyes bracing myself for the slap. He abruptly let go as the door suddenly opened. I nearly stumbled as I turned away from him. I turned towards the door where I was expecting the doctor, or at least the medtech, but instead it was Aliana. "What is going on! I can hear you two in the corridor!" Aliana admonished us. Starbuck and I stood there with our backs to each other, each too lost in our own anger to attempt to speak. I finally found enough control to ask Aliana what she was doing here. "Ila has an appointment, remember? You two were supposed to be missing it because of a mission. But I walk in to the life center to hear the two of you shouting through the walls. What is going on?" I turned to look at Starbuck. He ran his hand through his hair and was taking slow deep breaths. I felt bad that I had made him so angry. That had not been what I wanted to happen. I just wanted him to understand. I guess I expected some sympathy for having my pilot status pulled. I hadn't wanted the lecture. I had known what I was doing was wrong technically, but I thought Starbuck would support me, or at the very least, understand. Aliana was patient, looking from one of us to the other trying to piece together what had each of us so upset. I finally figured out that Starbuck wasn't going to answer, so I did. "I'm pregnant." I stated. "That's great!" Aliana started to say excitedly, then she saw me stiffen and Starbuck shot her an icy look. "What's wrong? You should be excited." Starbuck answered her, his voice hard and cold. "Ask her how far along she is, just ask her?" Aliana gazed concerned at Starbuck, then turned to me, that motherly look in her eyes. I didn't have to say anything, she saw it in my face. "Oh, Reyana, you shouldn't have." Starbuck began pacing again, his voice rising. "She knew she was pregnant and hot shot here has been flying missions!" "Oh come on Starbuck, you can't blame her!" Aliana said in my defense. "You know how much she likes to fly. She was probably just trying to get in one last mission before they grounded her. You would do the same thing and you know it." "Not for four sectars I wouldn't!" Starbuck said shouting. "Calm down Starbuck." Aliana said, then she turned to me. "You've known for four sectars? Why didn't you say anything?" "I didn't want to lose my pilots status." Aliana shot me a disapproving look, but I kept going. "I was fine, well, until today. But I was fine. I mean, I knew I'd have to stop flying vipers eventually, but I just wasn't ready to yet. And I was fine." "You almost crashed on take off!" Starbuck yelled exasperated with me. "I did not almost crash! I just blacked out a little. I was fine!" I was beginning to yell again. "But you are okay?" Aliana asked. I nodded my head. "You know you shouldn't have kept flying, but I understand. But you know you can't keep flying now, right? Not until the baby is born." Aliana explained for me. "Yeah, I know. But Lieutenant Starbuck has ordered me to not fly again, ever!" I said throwing him a nasty look that he threw right back at me. "Starbuck, you can't just order that." Aliana said in a reasonable tone. "Like hades I can't!" Starbuck said and started pacing again. Aliana reached her hand out to him in the small office and made him stop. "Look, Starbuck, you know she likes to fly. You can understand why she did it, right? You might do the same thing if you thought you'd never fly again?" Starbuck continued to glare at me and Aliana, then he softened a little as he said, "Yeah, I can understand wanting to fly. I can't understand endangering my child to do it!" Starbuck's voice started to rise again, but Aliana motioned to him to calm down. "But yeah, I can understand. I would hate to not fly again." Aliana turned to me. "Starbuck is just worried about you. You really shouldn't have flown that long once you knew." "I'm sorry." I said. "I really didn't think I was hurting anyone. I was fine." Starbuck started to open his mouth to react, but I cut him off. "I know, until today. I should have told you at least." "Yes, you should have." Starbuck stated. "But I still want to fly. Shuttles at least." I hastily added. "NO!" Starbuck stated for the record. "Aliana, would you try and talk some sense into her." "I think I'm on her side on this one." Aliana said softly. Starbuck flashed her a look, then started to work back into a rant. "I can not believe you said that! You're the one who agreed you probably wouldn't fly again!" "That was my choice Starbuck, and I'm still not sure about that. But this is Reyana's choice. She has to make her own decisions. Besides, if you tell her she can't do something, she just wants to do it more." "I don't do that!" I replied. "Look, you two need to calm down and talk about this together. And I mean talk, not yell for all the Galactica to hear you!" Aliana threw both of us a stern look. "Ila has an appointment now, and it looks like the two of you can attend. I expect you both to be on your best behavior." We both nodded our ascent, but were slow to follow her. Before she opened the door she turned to both of us, reaching to bring us to her in a hug. "This is happy news!" Starbuck and I both gave in to her hug, but I could tell that the conversation was not over. Starbuck was too tense, and I knew I would not relent. I knew this wasn't an issue that would be resolved soon for either of us. I was finally called up to the Bridge for that conversation with the Commander later that cycle. He was not pleased with me, especially my admission that I knew I was pregnant for a good two sectars and still didn't tell anyone. But he also was very understanding. He said that women were new to military, and that they should have thought ahead for options for women while they were pregnant. He admitted they had been short sighted, just assuming that once a woman became a mother, they would only want to stay home and raise children. He told me a story about his own wife. How she was very involved in charity organizations and he finally had to hire a nanny for his children because his wife was so busy. Now mind you, this was all volunteer charity work, she didn't get paid, so she would tell people she wasn't employed and stayed home. Adama said that at times he thought he might have actually seen more of his wife if she had gotten a full time job. Then he would know what time she got off work! He offered me a position with the shuttle pilots. I would keep my rank and my position would be held for my return to Blue Squadron, if I wanted it. I told him yes, that I would definitely want my pilot position back. He was very fatherly at that point, telling me to take my time, to think about it and talk it over with my family. I thought it was sweet the way he referred to Aliana, Starbuck and me as family. It almost felt like now it was official. Hard to describe it I guess, like somehow, for the records, there was no breaking us up. Starbuck just happened to be on the bridge as I came out of the Commander's office. He was leaned back against a stanchion with this haughty look on his face like, "I told you so!" The look quickly faded as he saw how relaxed and chummy the Commander and I were. Starbuck's look soon evolved into the angry glare he'd had ever since finding out I was pregnant. He overheard the Commander as he shook my hand and told me that my pilot's position with Blue Squadron would be waiting for me for when I was ready. I was hoping that Starbuck had some business to detain him on the bridge, but as my luck would have it, he was leaving just as I was, and we ended up sharing the lift together. Starbuck waited until the doors closed before starting in on me. "What's this about your position waiting for you?" I sighed, not wanting to have this fight again, not here. "The Commander said they were going to hold my position in Blue Squadron open for when I return." "And what makes you think you're returning?" Starbuck asked sarcastically. "Starbuck, after I have the baby I can return to being a pilot. It's no big deal." Starbuck flashed me a glare. "I promise I'll take a long maternity leave. I won't take *every* mission. I'll just do the routine patrols, okay?" "A yahren, I'm just asking that you take a yahren off." Starbuck stated looking straight ahead at the closed doors. "Oh come on Starbuck, three sectars should be long enough." "A yahren, I am just asking for a yahren!" Starbuck said angrily. "Starbuck, you're not being fair." "Fair to you, fair to me or fair to the baby?" Starbuck asked. I didn't know what he was getting at so I didn't say anything. I could tell Starbuck was thinking too, as he ran his fingers through his hair. He took a deep breath and let out a heavy sigh. "Look, I'm not trying to be unfair to you. I just want my child to have a mom and a dad." He said, more calmly than he had spoken to me in a while. "I do to Starbuck, but there's no reason why our child can't have that, and have both parents be pilots." I tried to sound calm too. "The duty rotations change all the time. There are long recons and double patrols, not to mention training and simulator time. How are you going to do that and be there for the baby too?" Starbuck continued trying to reason with me. Something about his assuming I would be the only one who would have to change schedules and juggle duties made me mad. "So how are you going to do it?" I spat at him. "Are you going to take a yahren off? Is that it? I take the first yahren off and then you take the next one, because that's the only way I'm going to consider this." Starbuck closed his eyes and shook his head. "You know I can't do that." "Why not? Just because you outrank me? You've got more time in, is that it?" I was starting to get really angry. "Yeah, something like that. It's safer for me to be a pilot than for you." Starbuck reasoned. "Oh that's a laugh! You're the one who keeps getting shot up, not me!" The lift doors opened on the floor for the Officer's Club and Starbuck literally bolted from the lift. "Hey, you started this fight, don't you walk away from me!" I yelled at him as I came out of the lift. Starbuck stopped, and spun around to walk right up into my face. I could tell from his eyes that he was mad, more than mad, livid. But he closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them and spoke softly. "I just want you to think about this, to think about the baby. I'm not asking this to be mean, I'm asking this because." Starbuck swallowed, blinked, then opened his eyes again, "Because I want us to always be together. I don't want our child to lose either of us." I felt my anger slip away, at least for the moment. I answered him softly, "I know Starbuck. I'll think about it. But my not flying doesn't guarantee anything. You should know that." He nodded his head to what I was saying, but I could tell he wasn't listening. "It ups the odds. Just think about it." I nodded okay. Starbuck turned and stalked off for the Officers club. I let him go. He needed time to think, to be mad, to vent. I figured odds were good that Apollo or Boomer would there and be able to talk some sense into him. I headed back to our quarters thinking about all he had said. I thought about it, I really did. But it didn't make much sense to me. In fact, the only real conclusion I could find to our problem of both of us living to see our child graduate from school would be for us to get off the Galactica and settle on one of the backwater agro worlds we passed from time to time. And even then, we would run the risk of starving to death, let's face it, we weren't farmers. Or the Cylons might happen upon us and destroy our world again. No place in the fleet was completely safe. I honestly felt safer in a Viper than sitting on a ship at the mercy of the fates. I was still thinking, just like I promised, when I entered our quarters to find Aliana waiting for me. "So how did it go? Commander chew you out?" "No, actually he was really nice about it. Said he'd save my position in Blue Squadron until I'm ready to come back." "That sounds great!" Aliana looked at me, really looked at me, then asked, "So what's wrong?" I sighed a heavily and ran my hand through my hair. "Starbuck." I said, hoping that would answer everything. "What about Starbuck? He's not exactly thrilled about the baby is he?" "No, that's not it. Kind of the opposite. He doesn't want me to fly, ever." I said feeling the impact of those words, to never fly again. It would be hell. The thought depressed me in a way I had not felt in a long time. "He'll calm down. He's just upset that you flew this long. He's just worried about you and the baby." Aliana said reassuringly. "I don't think so. I don't think this fight will be over anytime soon, and it's already getting old." I said flopping down on the couch and turning on the vids. "So where is he? On patrol?" "Nope. Avoiding me." I answered quickly losing myself in whatever program the vid landed on. It took me a while to notice that Aliana wasn't in the room anymore. I found out later that Aliana tracked Starbuck down and tried to talk to him, but unfortunately she actually ended up agreeing with him. She felt for him and the position he was in, we now all were in. How do we keep our children safe, the fleet safe, and still maintain our family? She came back and tried to talk to me, but I just shook my head at the idea of not flying again, and stated my point that none of us were safe until we found earth or shook the Cylons, or, well, I didn't know what would make us safe. We thought we were safe in the colonies and look what happened. Aliana ended up agreeing with me too. I guess that's when I should have realized that we were in for it. That this was the price we would pay for our happiness, the constant fear that one day one of us would be gone. Odds were good that we were going to have children that would one day have to face a life without a family. It made me want to cling to the life I had now even harder. I was bound and determined to have it all for as long as I could.