Mad About Starbuck, Episode 8

I had been joking with Aliana when I said that we
might have some competition in Ila. That joke all too
soon became a reality. Starbuck had become smitten
from the first moment he saw his little daughter.  So
tiny and perfect, he seemed unable to resist her.

Dr. Salik had insisted that Aliana stay in the Med
Center for a few days to make sure that she and baby
Ila were okay, but if I didn't know better I'd guess
it was Starbuck who ordered that stay so he could be
with the baby.  They finally released Aliana, but
Starbuck still had a few days left on his
"confinement" and made Aliana and I promise to bring
Ila by everyday until they, as he said in his own
words, set him free.  They only let Starbuck go when
they did because we promised to take him in and keep
him rested and recuperating.  It's a good thing too
that we took him in because Ila seemed to have grown a
bit attached to Starbuck too.  Within days of him
recovering in our quarters she had him wrapped around
her little finger.  When she cried at night, no amount
of rocking or feeding from Aliana or I would quiet
her, but one little "Oh, what's wrong beautiful?" from
Starbuck and she would calm right down.   Starbuck
would lie on the couch for hours claiming his ribs
hurt, but one little mewling from Ila and he'd be half
way across the room before Aliana and I could even
register that she had made a sound.

Oh yeah, we were in for trouble I told Aliana one
morning as I heard Starbuck complaining to Ila about
what rotten mothers we were for leaving her lying in
her crib with a wet diaper.  It wasn't long before
Starbuck took to having Ila lay across his chest to
rock her to sleep and he didn't trouble himself to put
her down in her crib for the night.

We tried to explain to him about schedules and
routines.  We tried to explain that he was spoiling
her rotten.  But he wouldn't hear any of it.  He'd
just turn to Ila and talk about what "meanies" Aliana
and I were.

Aliana didn't really put up much of a fuss about it.
She was trying to recuperate herself.  Her experience
had left her tired and feeling ill much of the time.
I know she didn't sleep well because I could sometimes
hear her crying out in her sleep.  I tried to do what
I could around the place, cooking, cleaning, changing
diapers and cleaning clothes, but I was still on the
duty roster, and doing double duty with Starbuck off
the schedule.  It didn't take long for the fun of a
new baby to wear off and the work to start to wear on
Aliana and me.  We worked out sort of a routine with
Aliana taking over the days, and once I was off duty
taking over the nights, with Starbuck's chief duties
being to mess with the whole system.  I couldn't fuss
too much about it either.  Lords of Kobol help me, but
Starbuck looked so happy holding his daughter and I
wasn't going to be the one to break the spell she had
over him.  Anything that made Starbuck smile, made me
smile.

It wasn't long before Starbuck was up on his feet.
>From the stories I was getting from Boomer, Starbuck
was never one to be contained for long.  I would have
been thrilled with his speedy recovery, except that
wherever he went, Ila went too.  He wasn't on the duty
roster yet, but he certainly made the rounds of the
ship showing her off.  She became something of a
celebrity amongst the pilots.  I didn't know how to
tell Aliana, who was a bit protective, about how the
hotshots would pass her back and forth to each other,
fighting over who got to hold her.  Before she was a
sectar old I think everyone on the Galactica had held
her, and if Starbuck had had his way, most everyone on
the Rising Star too!  She was tossed around like a
triad ball almost every day.  She even spent time in
the officer's club.  Of course the moment Starbuck
walked in the door with Ila everyone put out their
fumarellos.  Aliana and I couldn't get Starbuck to
quit smoking, but apparently Ila could.

I kept telling myself not to worry about it, Ila
seemed to love it, and Starbuck loved her so much he
would let her come to harm.  Besides, when someone
commented on how cute she was, Starbuck would beam
with pride.  I actually caught him showing her his
viper one day, sitting there with her on his lap,
laughing as she reached out for the joystick.

It was then that I knew we had lost him.  Try as we
might, we would never hold his heart like she did.
Aliana seemed to revel in Starbuck's affections for
Ila, but I was starting to see a little green.   I
know, it was stupid, to be jealous of a baby.  But
Starbuck wasn't the one doing double duty and trying
to keep dishes and clothes clean.  Plus I couldn't
seem to shake from my head that traditional image of a
family.  Maybe it would have been easier to push aside
if Starbuck, Aliana and Ila didn't look so perfect and
happy together.  I felt myself slipping into old
patterns of picking up extra patrols and hanging out
with Boomer and Giles in the Officer's Club.

I knew why I was feeling this way. I knew whose fault
it was, Ila, perfect, beautiful, funny Ila.  Her first
smile was for Starbuck.  Her first upchuck was for me.
 Her first giggle, for Starbuck.  Her first night
screaming from a cold was for me.  Her first cooings,
for Aliana. Her first ear splitting scream was for me
when I got too close clipping her nails.  I wanted to
hate her, but, wow she was so cute when she giggled,
and so beautiful as she slept, sighing sweet baby
dreams.

So I tried to worm my way back in.  I wanted this
family and I had never lost to a woman before, I
certainly wasn't going to lose to one now!  So I set a
plan in motion.  I knew the time would come, and I
took advantage of the situation one night.  Aliana had
gone to bed early, tired from lack of sleep and
disturbed dreams.  Ila had a little cold and the
medicine the Doctor gave her made her sleep long and
hard.  It took Starbuck only a few moments to rock her
off to sleep.  I waited in ambush for when Ila closed
her bright blue eyes.

"Here Starbuck, let me put her down in her crib."  I
said, getting up from the couch to take her from
Starbuck in the rocker.

"That's okay, she can sleep here for a while."  He
continued to rock, humming a little as he rubbed her
back.

"But I have the humidifier going and, she'll get
better sooner if she's in there with it."

"Oh, okay, I'll go lay her down."  Starbuck started to
rise.

"No, that's okay, I'll do it."  I knew if he went in
there, he'd sit in the chair beside her, possibly fall
asleep and my whole plan would be ruined.  I got up
and gently took Ila from him.  Her body flinched until
I held her close and she settled into my shoulder,
content that everyone loved her, everyone would keep
her safe.  For a split micron I felt horribly guilty.
How could I try to take her away from Starbuck?  How
evil was I?  Is this how Baltar got started?

But I let it pass as Starbuck smiled at me.  Oh, I'm
sure it was for Ila, but I wanted to have that smile
be for me again.

I came out from the baby's room to find Starbuck still
rocking in the chair humming to himself.  I stood in
the hallway watching him, my heart aching for how
sweet he could be.  I wanted so desperately for him to
come to me, but I knew that wasn't going to happen.
He was under Ila's enchantment.   I'd have to go to
him.

I walked out into the room and without an invitation
crawled into Starbuck's lap.  I gently wrapped my arms
around his neck and leaned up to kiss his cheek.

"Hello."  He said, giving me a puzzled look.

"I'm not hurting your ribs am I?"  I asked as I
nuzzled into his neck.

"No."  He said softly, finally wrapping his arms
around me.  We sat like that for a few centons before
he spoke again.  "What's wrong Rey?"

I nuzzled in and kissed his neck, feeling the
goosebumps rise on his skin.  "I just want a little
babying too."

Starbuck gave a little chuckle as he pulled me a
little tighter and gave in to my kisses.  "Oh, is that
so.  Should I rock you and put you to bed too?"

"Mmm, that would be nice.  It has been a while." I
nibbled at his ear and was pleased at his slight
intake of breath.

"Do I have to diaper you too?"

I stiffened.  I started to get up from his lap
annoyed.

"Hey, I was just joking."  He said tightening his grip
on me.

"Were you?  That seems to be the only way to get a
little attention around here.  It's been fun playing
house, but I'm getting tired of playing the maid.  Now
let me up, there are dirty diapers that I should be
getting to."

Starbuck held tight and leaned down to kiss the top of
my head.  "Hey, I was just kidding.  I didn't mean it,
really.  Yeah, it has been a while and we're all
tired."

"Then I should let you get some sleep."  I mumbled,
softening a little.  I didn't want to blow this by
whining or nagging at him.  I just wanted some
affection too.

Starbuck didn't say anything, just held me tight until
I finally relaxed and stopped struggling to get up.
He kept on rocking the whole time.  I sighed and gave
in, settling back into his arms.  He felt good and as
his warmth enveloped me I realized just how long it
had been.  He started stroking my hair, and I decided
to bury my complaints for another time.  I had started
this with a goal in mind.  I leaned up and kissed his
lips, lightly at first, then more insistent.

He kissed back with just as much desire.   It didn't
take long for the kiss to deepen and before I knew it
we were both breathless.  I pulled back and flashed
Starbuck a seductive smile.  "Shall we get you to
bed?"

"Oh yes,"  Starbuck faked a yawn as he smiled back.
"Are you going to tuck me in?"

"That depends, do I have to change your diaper?"

Starbuck laughed.  "I'm a little old for that, but I
might need some help getting out of these clothes.
The maid gets a little testy when I just toss them on
the floor."

"Oh does she now?  Well, I'll have a little talk with
her about that."  I got up and reached out a hand to
help Starbuck from the chair.

He rose, taking me into a tight embrace, kissing me so
deeply my toes began to tingle.  He left me speechless
as he began to back us down the hallway to my room.


Life got a little better after that night and I found
I could actually enjoy Ila a little more knowing she
hadn't completely stolen Starbuck away from me.  As
Aliana started to recover she also got more of
Starbuck's attention and we all settled into a type of
routine.  I don't think Starbuck minded it one bit
having three women fighting over him.  Even Ila seemed
to understand that if you giggled at Starbuck just
right, he could make everything wonderful.


************

Soon Aliana was back on duty.  She had the opportunity
to go back to being a Viper pilot, but chose to teach
cadets instead, and volunteered some of her extra time
to the long-range star mapping.  I have to admit I
didn't understand it.  We had spent all those sectars
learning how to master a viper, and she gave it up
just to teach.  You know the old saying, those who
can't teach.  But after a few weeks I realized I was
the one who had it easy.  I just had to climb in the
viper and fly a patrol.  Not a lot of planning or
thinking involved with that.  Just do it and you're
done.  Aliana spent hours planning for each day of
class and almost every evening assessing the Cadet's
progress and how to teach to their weaknesses.  I soon
realized how hard an assignment she had chosen.  She
had to know everything, inside and out.  It was a true
challenge and I almost thought about joining her, I
like a good challenge, but I loved flying.  The
freedom of space was addicting. I liked the feeling of
being in control of my own destiny.  Soon Starbuck was
back on duty, and we could spend centars talking about
the thrill of flying.

We were all so busy with duties and raising Ila, that
time just flew by.   It was about three sectars before
I noticed that Starbuck had moved in.  I mean, it's
not like he announced it or anything.  And it's not
like he had a lot of stuff to move either, a few
uniforms and a couple of medals.  He traveled light.
It's just it was about three sectars before I realized
he hadn't spent a night away.  I'm sure Blue Squadron
was still leaving his bunk open for him, but I don't
think he was planning on using it.

I guess I should have paid more attention to that and
a few other things as well, but life was very busy.
We were blessed with a time of peace and it really
appeared that we had lost the Cylons for good.
Everyone in the fleet seemed to be getting on with
living.  We got on with our lives, and the center of
our lives was Ila.  She changed so quickly.  Before we
all knew it she was sitting up and starting to eat
real food.  It wasn't long before she was crawling all
over the quarters and trying to say words.  I thought
a nova had gone off in Starbuck's head the day she
uttered Dada.  He smiled for days and of course he had
to rub in that it was her first real word.

I guess in the midst of all the excitement I just lost
track.  I mean, aren't there supposed to be other
signs to let you know?  I just thought, "Oh well, must
be the stress, or I'm overworked or something.
Happens to a lot of female pilots." And left it at
that.  I'd just lost track that's all.  I was pretty
busy with duty and Ila, spending time with Starbuck
and helping Aliana with classes.

We began spending more and more time with Starbuck's
"family', as Aliana had come to call them.  We were
getting over our shyness around Commander Adama.  We
sort of had to as he was constantly inviting all of us
to dinner, via Starbuck, and Starbuck always said yes
for us without bothering to find out if we wanted to
go.  At first I felt like a fourth booster, not really
needed or wanted.  But the Commander always made a
point of including me in whatever they were talking
about, and Apollo seemed to go out of his way too.  It
didn't hurt that Sheba was usually there, as she and I
had become pretty good friends.  The few times
Cassiopeia was there were a bit awkward and Aliana
would hardly say a word, but the med tech was always
gracious.  A bit cold, but gracious.  I wanted to like
her but there were already three of us competing for
Starbuck's smiles.  No way was I going to put up with
a fourth!

We fell into a pleasant routine of hanging out in the
Officer's club after dinner, giving everyone a chance
to enjoy Ila, and giving Aliana time to unwind from
the day.  She spent most her time training cadets, and
rest of her time mapping the stars.  It seemed to help
her to bounce ideas off of the other pilots. Apollo
figured out that I rushed through patrols if they fell
during those times we would normally spend in the OC,
and he threw in another change in the roster, freeing
me up most evenings.    It still happened on occasion
that I'd have to fill in for someone, but most people
lollygaged out there anyway.  Just fly the perimeter
and get back.  Nothing to find out there with the
Cylons so far behind us.

It was one of those evenings that I got in early, or
late if you were to ask me, that I walked into one of
our famous debates in the Officer's Club.  Aliana was
at the table with textbooks strewn from here to there,
arguing with Boomer about the stresses of G forces in
space and how much a body can take.  Aliana's point
was there shouldn't be any G forces, it is a vacuum
after all, but Boomer threw in about planetary gravity
and thrust velocities that still affect a viper pilot.
 I had to throw in my two cubits about how it reminded
me of a roller coaster ride at the Agricultural Shows,
one minute weightless, the next your stomach in your
throat, and I loved it!

Starbuck sat bouncing Ila on his knee, playing his
famous game of "find the cubit", where he'd hide it
one hand, pass it back and forth between hands and
have Ila try to find it.  Without taking his attention
from Ila he asked, "How was it out there?  You were
running the rear flank quadrant, right?  Yes sweetie,
you found it!  Here's another shiny one for you!"

"Quiet."  I said having a seat and taking a swig of
Starbuck's ambrosia as I waited for mine to be
delivered.  "But boy are the planets beautiful in this
sector.  There's a blue methane giant that is just
stunning!  And that red dwarf star is so vivid."

"Well don't get pulled in by it's beauty," Sheba
commented, "the gravity well on that one will suck you
right in."

"My point exactly!"  Boomer chimed.  "In a viper you
don't have much artificial gravity so everything pulls
on you.  I could feel the pull of that star affecting
my engines."  He started flipping through a textbook
to show Aliana what he was talking about.  "It's in
this section."

"But we already covered that section.  I can't skip
backwards in the text book, it will confuse them."
Aliana rebutted.

"Well they obviously didn't get it.  There are more
dangerous things out there than just the Cylons.
Voids and novas, not to mention wormholes and
blackholes.  We're just lucky are sensors are advanced
enough to get us around them, but sometimes, well, the
sensors miss one."

"Yes, but that's why we run long range patrols, and
are trying to build our database of star maps."
Apollo added.

"Yes, but even then we stumble into one, like the void
around Kobol.  That almost swallowed you."  Boomer
replied.  "I'm just saying that these cadets need more
training on space anomalies or they're going to wind
up tangling with something that will get them hurt."

"Well I just know I'm glad that Aliana's not out
there."  Starbuck said, still smiling and playing with
Ila.

Aliana gave Starbuck a soft smile for his
thoughtfulness, but for some reason it kind of rankled
me.  "Why do you say that?" I asked.  "She's probably
the best one to be out there.  She knows more about
anomalies than you or me.  I think she almost ranks up
there with Dr. Wilker with all the studying she's
doing.  She would be the perfect one to be doing long
range patrols right now."

"Maybe scans from the bridge, but she shouldn't be
flying."  Starbuck replied, handing Ila a mushie to
chew on.

"Why not?"  I asked, having an inkling of where this
was headed.

"Well, she's a mother now."

Sheba caught the drift of the conversation and
couldn't help but to join in on the defense.  "So
Starbuck, are you saying women can't fly as well as
men?  Keep in mind I almost blasted your tail off the
first time I met you."

"No." Starbuck answered slowly.  He seemed to realize
he'd just wandered into enemy territory.  "I'm not
saying that at all.  You, well all of you here are
good pilots, as good as any man."  Starbuck held his
hands up as if in submission.  "I'm just saying she's
a mother now, that's all.  I'm glad that the Commander
put rules in about that that's all.  Don't you agree
Apollo?"

"Well." Apollo said slowly, as he thought about what
he would say.  "The Commander didn't exactly put rules
in about that."

I cut him off, "Aliana could fly a viper right now if
she wanted to.  There's no regulations against it."

"I think it's a good idea that she doesn't.  She's an
excellent instructor and I know they depend on her
skills down in the child care center as well."  Apollo
continued before I could interrupt, "but she's a great
pilot too and if she chose to fly we would value her
skills there as well."

"I'm just saying that since she's a mother she
shouldn't, that's all.  I mean it's not that she
can't, she shouldn't."

"Why shouldn't she?"  I said, feeling my anger
starting to rise.

"She a mother."  Starbuck said it in a tone like I was
stupid.  "What does that have to do with it?  You're a
father."

"Yes, well, kids need their mothers and it's safer
here on the Galactica.  And Apollo said it himself,
she fills a useful role so that others can go out and
fly."

Aliana finally joined in the conversation, "Yes, but
Starbuck, I chose not to fly.  I could if I wanted
to."

"Yeah, but you won't."

"Yes, but, that's my choice.  Nobody told me I
couldn't."

"Well, maybe they should, isn't that right Apollo?"

All three of us women shot Apollo an icy look.  "Oh no
buddy, you're on your own on this one."

"Come on Apollo, admit it, you didn't like it when
Serina became a pilot, and look how that turned out."

The room went dead silent.  Even I knew who Serina was
and the role she had played in Apollo's life.  I knew
from conversations with Boxey how much he missed his
mother.  I'll give Starbuck credit he had won the
argument at that moment as not a one of us wanted to
say anything after that bombshell.

Apollo lowered his head for a moment, then walked over
and placed a hand on Starbuck's shoulder.  "Look
buddy, if I could have changed what happened, I would.
 But I would never have told Serina she couldn't be a
pilot.  It's what she wanted, and she died doing what
she wanted.  I argued with her about it being unsafe
and you know what she told me?"

Starbuck looked up at his friend and waited a moment
before replying, "What did she tell you?"

"We lost more civilians than pilots that day.  The
safest place to be was in a viper."  Apollo patted
Starbuck's shoulder and left the room.  Sheba waved
good bye to all of us and quickly followed.

"Oh you do know how to kill a mood, don't you Bucko."
Boomer said breaking the silence.

"Look, I'm just saying that mothers shouldn't be
flying."  Starbuck said handing Ila to me, and leaning
back to put an unlit fumarello in his mouth.

"Yeah, we know what you said Starbuck.  You should
apologize to him tomorrow."  Boomer added.

"Yeah, well.I know."  He looked sheepish.  "But I
still mean it."

"I'm with Serina."  I said softly.

"What's that?"  Starbuck asked.

"I'm with Serina."  I said more loudly.  "There is no
safe place in the fleet.  Every ship is up for attack
at anytime.  At least the Galactica is armed, but some
of these ships, they barely make light speed and break
down all the time.  They lose sections to solium leaks
and cracks in the hull.  At least I know my viper is
in tiptop condition and under constant repair checks.
I'm with Serina, the safest place is in a viper."

"And you would take Ila out with you on your next
patrol?"  Starbuck flashed me his pyramid smile, like
he had just won the hand.

"Yeah, I would.  She's safer out there than here."

Starbuck laughed.  "Yeah, I'd like to see you try that
one.  Col. Tigh would bust your rank so fast.  Heck,
you might even beat my record with that one.  Besides,
I don't think Aliana would let you.  Look, I'm just
saying I'm glad that Aliana chose to not fly, that's
all.  Ila deserves to have her mother taking care of
her."

"And her father."  Aliana added.

"Yeah, well, no one's safer than me and my famous
Starbuck luck.  Isn't that right beautiful?"  Starbuck
said tickling Ila under her chin making her giggle for
him.

I let the argument go that night.  I mean, it wasn't
my child we were talking about right?  I was just the
honorary aunt.  I knew Starbuck could be old fashioned
in his thinking, but very modern in his actions.  And
it was Aliana's choice.  No one was denying she was an
excellent instructor and seemed to have found her
niche in the fleet.  If she didn't want to fly, that
was her choice, but I'm not sure it would have been
mine.  But it was all hypothetical, right?

It's just, well, by the time I noticed I'd lost track
and started keeping track, there wasn't anything to
keep track of.  I suppose that should have been my
answer right there but, I felt fine, great in fact.
Aren't you supposed to get sick? I could have gone
into the Med center and found out for sure but I guess
I just didn't want to deal with it.  I loved flying.
I lived for flying.  I couldn't imagine a day not
flying.  So I just decided to lose track of the fact
that I'd lost track.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Fg = G(m1*m2/r squared)." I muttered and rubbed my eyes.
The Law of
Universal Gravitation. A basic lesson in physics that all
cadets needed to
thoroughly understand - or risk going splat into the nearest
object. Yet
there always seemed to be that recruit who just couldn't
quite grip that and
other concepts - who didn't seem to understand that it took
more than just
practice and flying skills to be a good pilot. If one wanted
to survive, one
needed a simple understanding of a few laws of physics.

So why did the smug, hotshot, loud-mouth recruit invariably
turn out to be
the one who couldn't add two plus two? With the current
class of new cadets,
make that two . . . two, "annoying, conceited,
I-already-know-it-all-so-why-do-I-have-to-listen-to-you"
recruits who
wouldn't shut their traps for a moment and who leered at the
teacher as if
she couldn't possibly know what she was talking about
because she . . .

I stared at the test scores in front of me and snickered. It
might be
unprofessional of me, but knowing those two had just failed
- miserably -
the first round of exams, left me quite elated. Their
behavior the past
sectar had bordered on insubordination and even harassment,
but I had chosen
to ignore it, as much as possible. I could have gone to
either Starbuck or
Apollo, could have gotten them removed or even brought up on
charges, but I
had had a suspicion that to do so would have gotten ugly.
One of the
recruits, Gollon, was the son of a council member. The
other, Rogus, was his
pal. And their attitude had clearly said, "I dare you to
report me." And I
had pictured a long, drawn-out messy ordeal , had I done so.

I tossed the sheet aside and savored the spiteful feeling
for a micron. They
would be hard pressed to argue against computer generated
and computer
graded test scores. And since either Apollo or Starbuck, as
lead flight
instructors, would handle class cuts, I figured that I had
seen the last of
them.

Good riddance.

I had told no one, not even Reyana, of my hassles with these
two. I
certainly hadn't told Starbuck, because I knew that he would
have flown into
an indignant rage. And maybe done something he'd regret
later. Like plaster
one or both of these two snit rads against a wall. But they
weren't worth
it. I had known from day one that they would never survive
the first round
of exams. So I had chosen to ignore them and their immature
behaviors, as
much as was possible.

Still, it felt good to gloat to myself, just for a moment.

I glanced at my chronometer; it was time to get Ila ready
for her 4-sectar
checkup. So I had better, more pleasant, things to ponder.
The recruits were
off at the laser range, and I had the afternoon free. So had
scheduled her
appointment for 1400 . . . about 10 centons, from now, I
noted.

I picked Ila up from where she had been lounging on the
floor playing
quietly with her hanging mirror and made a quick diaper
change. And not for
the
first time bemoaned the loss of disposable diapers - a
luxury that could not
(yet) be manufactured in the Fleet. As it was, we were
keeping the
Galactica's laundry crew busy recycling/cleaning  the meager
30 diapers that
we had.

I grabbed my supply bag, scooped Ila up and headed out the
door, singing a
quiet lullaby to her and drinking in her blue eyes. Lords,
but she looked so
much like Starbuck, with his light-colored hair and bright
eyes, quite a
contrast to my dark brown hair and brown eyes. "Fine with
me," I cooed to
her, "because your daddy really is something special."

Ila giggled and burped.

I walked slowly, hugging her to me and continued. "Oh, he
may pretend to be
the big macho pilot, waving his fumarello around, playing
Pryamid to all
centars, and drinking ambrosa whenever he can. But he's
really just a big
softy. It'd kill him if you called him 'responsible' to his
face, but he is
. . ."

My voice trailed off as thoughts took over. Not so pleasant
thoughts. Those
two cadets, Gollon and Rogus . . . on more than one occasion
they had hinted
that if I could "go for a guy like Starbuck," then how about
them? I didn't
help matters that I was still "just an ensign" and was
actually younger than
they were. And that this was only my second time teaching
recruits.


And it didn't help that they often made snide comments about
"teaching
instead of flying." Lords knew I wasn't going to justify
*that* argument
with them. I had survived the first sectar by reminding
myself that they
were just incompetent procines (as verified by their test
scores!). And, I
had to snicker once more to myself, it irked them to no end
when I failed to
respond to their comments.

But that didn't keep them from making each class a nerve-
racking experience.
At times, I had questioned my choice to teach recruits and
not flying. Or
maybe, I thought, I should just find a new area all
together.

To be honest, I had chosen to give up flying for two
reasons. One, because I
did believe that one parent risking their neck in combat was
enough, but the
other was simply that I felt more comfortable on the ground
. . . well, so
to speak, okay - on the deck of a ship. Reyana and Starbuck
might thrive on
that adrenaline rush of anxiety that comes with every launch
and landing. To
me, it was just that - a feeling of anxiety. While I was a
competent pilot,
according to my records, I just wasn't comfortable flying a
viper.
Lumbering, slow shuttles, yes, but Rey and Starbuck could
have the vipers!

Ila gurgled, chasing away the unpleasant thoughts. I stared
into her
peaceful face again, walking slowly down the long corridor
towards the
turbolift. "Thank you," I whispered. "You've brightened so
many faces on
this ship." Not just her "extended family" of Rey and
Starbuck, but also
Apollo, Athena, and all of the pilots who fought to hold her
(and Rey only
*thought* I didn't know how they passed her around). I felt
content when I
saw their faces light up. And, darn it, Ila had Starbuck's
flare for
flirting, even at only four sectars! She giggled and cooed
at everyone, and
they all just melted (including me).

One person, in particular, adored her, I knew. The
commander. At first, I
had felt a bit awkward, knowing that 'Ila' was his wife's
name, even though
we had chosen that name in her honor. But I remembered the
moment that we
introduced her as Ila to the commander. For nearly a secton,
she had been
"the nameless one," as we struggled to choose a name for
her. Starbuck, as
he recovered from surgery, had suggested "Ila." Given his
attachment to the
commander's family and his strong bond with Apollo, I
thought it was
appropriate. Still, when Adama had entered Starbuck's
recovery room just a
centar after our decision, I had felt a knot in my stomach.
What if it
brought back too many memories, I had wondered in
apprehension.

Starbuck, however, had shown no hesitation. He had grinned
at the commander
before he could say anything, had put on a serious air (as
much as was
possible from a bio-bed after a major surgery), and had
said, "Commander,
I'd like to introduce to you your goddaughter." he had
paused, watching the
commander's face, then had added, "Ila."

The wave of emotion that swept across Adama's face had been
visible;
surprise followed instantly by joy. He had beamed and
scooped her up from
Reyana's arms. Right then and there, we knew she had the
perfect name. We
had watched a tear slip down Adama's cheek as he had talked
to us about Ila,
about how he found this the perfect tribute to her - a
strong woman who had
been a devoted mother, with endless patience as she had
raised their three
children essentially alone, given the commander's military
status.

At that moment, our family felt complete. He was not the
commander, but
Ila's godfather and grandfather, too. As I had grinned
around at the faces -
Reyana, Starbuck, and Adama -- it all felt right.

I almost walked right past the turbolift doors, so lost in
thought was I.. I
backtracked three steps, then pressed the pad, waiting.
"Well, Ila," I
murmured, "you hardly had the perfect entry into this world
. . ." Both
parents kidnapped, threatened, almost killed . . ."But you
certainly make up
for the mong - sorry, sweetie, but no other word comes close
to being
appropriate - that we had to go through." I hugged her
against my chest as
the doors swooshed open, fighting back the emotions that
still surfaced from
time to time - the shadows of terror, eased but never quite
gone.

"Are you okay?"

I jumped and snapped my eyes up. So lost in my reflections,
I had not
noticed that the turbolift was occupied. And of all people .
. . "I'm fine,"
I answered, a bit more curtly than intended as I tried to
compose myself. I
forced a smile that felt fake, even to me. *Frak,* I
thought, and switched
my gaze to the door as it slid shut.

I heard the exasperated sigh and knew that it was deserved.
But I just
didn't feel up to talking with *her* at the moment.
Cassiopeia. Starbuck's
former lover. And the one person who still didn't quite
accept our
"eccentric" arrangement of Rey, Starbuck, Ila, and me. Or
maybe it was just
me. Who knows? Every time I ran into her, I felt -
irrationally or not -
that old jealousy and defensiveness flare up.

We tolerated each other, and that was about it.

Twenty microns. That's all it took to go from level Beta to
level Epsilon,
where the Life Station was located. I smiled at Ila and
counted silently in
my head, determined to get off the lift as soon as the doors
opened again.

I had only reached fifteen when the world exploded around
us.

A sudden shock that knocked us off our feet. I screamed and
gripped Ila with
all determination as I slammed into the wall. The lights
flickered, then
snapped out. A milli-micron later, my stomach flipped into
my throat as the
turbolift dropped, accelerating, as-- at that same instant -
- more
explosions rocked our universe, flinging us around like rag
dolls. I felt
rather than hear myself screaming, screaming . . .until my
head cracked
against a surface, and oblivion took over.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey, wake up over there.  You're drifting."
Starbuck's voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Oh, yeah, sorry Sir.  Guess I was just day dreaming."
 I took a look at my scanner and corrected my course.


"Hey, what did I tell you in class?  Quit calling me
Sir, and the cockpit of a viper is a dangerous place
to think.  My old flight instructor used to tell me."

I cut him off before he could go into his reminiscence
of some old war daggit he obviously admired as a god.
"Yeah, yeah, a pilot only flies in three vipers, the
one he trains in, the one he flies in and the one he
dies in.yeah, yeah, Can it Starbuck!  No one's dying
today.  The Cylon's are so far behind us they can't
even catch our ion dust!"

I took a look at my coordinates and made sure I was on
track.  Yeah, I guess I let my mind wander.  I know
it's a bad habit, but I had a lot to think about.  It
had been an incredible time lately.  I was learning so
much and finally really proving myself not only as a
pilot but also as a warrior.  I was being asked to
take on more duties that I didn't think I could have
handled a few sectons ago.  Plus my personal life was
fantastic!  I loved having a family.  Not just Aliana,
Ila and Starbuck.  Oh lords, Starbuck was more than
enough to keep me smiling forever.   Ila seemed to
have brought us a whole extended family.  Ila gained a
grandfather and I gained someone to look up to.  Every
duty I took I couldn't help but to think about how
maybe I could learn something new to make Adama proud.
 He wasn't just my commander anymore, he was, well, he
was more.

If someone had told me that life after the destruction
could actually be better, well, I wouldn't have
believed them for a micron, but it was.  There was
just one little problem, but I could avoid it for a
little while longer couldn't I?  It wasn't time to
worry about it yet.  I barely noticed it.  In fact,
there seemed to be even less to worry about with the
Cylon's so far behind us.

"I wouldn't hedge that bet just yet if I were you."
Starbuck said.

"Oh come on, everyone says you're an optimist, but
they don't know you do they?"  I said shaking my head.
 "You'd rather be fighting the Cylons wouldn't you?
Haven't settled your score yet have you, you old War
Daggit."

"Hey, I'm not old!  Besides, the long range recon
isn't overdue for no reason.  I've got kind of a bad
feeling about this."  Starbuck said, sounding worried.

It had been just a routine patrol for Starbuck and me,
that is until we were told to stay out, take another
look.  Long range recon was overdue and out of
communications range.
We were both a little anxious for the patrol to show
up so we could head back in.  We both wanted to get
some grub and spend some time with Ila.  Maybe I
should have been more concerned.  The long range recon
was significantly overdue with no word from them.  But
so far the sector had been devoid of anything
resembling a threat.  There was plenty of information
to keep the astronomers on the Galactica busy for a
while, but nothing that could be termed an obstacle to
the fleet.

I guess I should eventually learn.  For Starbuck
nothing is routine.  When it gets dull or boring, I
should learn to duck.

"Well so far all we've found even remotely hazardous
are these asteroids.  They are just weird."    I
answered.

We had noticed these small asteroids just floating
around, which in itself was a little odd.  Usually
asteroids have a little velocity on them.  They don't
usually just hang there waiting for you.  Plus they
all were equally shaped, not much larger than the
canopy of a viper.  They were so small that they
didn't show up on the Galactica's scanners.

"They have got to be part of some mining operation to
all be so similar in size," Starbuck said,  "and the
only ones I know who mine so sloppy are the Cylons, so
keep your eyes peeled."

"Well, couldn't an explosion create something like
this?"  I asked starting to run a scan on one we had
just passed.

"Nope.  They'd still have some discrepancies in size,
or at least some speed.  These chunks are just hanging
here, almost like someone placed them here."

Starbuck had that flight instructor tone to his voice
and I knew I was in for a lecture.  If I wasn't
getting a lecture from Aliana on space anomalies, I
was getting one from Starbuck on flight principles.
When he wasn't in the mood, I was getting one from
Apollo on responsibility or Boomer on the theory of
electronics, or Sheba on the elements of a good
command, or...I sighed.  I wasn't in the mood.  I was
lectured out.

"Well, so far the scans are coming up that they are
just rocks." I said reading off the results.  "Lots of
metals and ores, but just rocks.  Dumb stupid boring
rocks."  I droned.  I just wanted to be done. God I
could use a drink and some dinner.  I wanted to get
back and play with Ila.  Maybe get some work done on
that report on Viper repairs that I had been tasked to
do by Apollo. I looked back at the Galactica with
longing.

The Galactica was just starting to enter the debris
field.  It should have been no big deal.  The hull of
the Galactica is pretty thick and these rocks were
fairly small.    I watched as one of the asteroids
seemed to just bounce off the hull.  "Good," I
thought. "They're no big deal."

Then all hades broke loose.  There was a searing white
light and a blast rocked us as the starboard side of
the Galactica exploded.   I blinked away the spots of
light and saw the outer skin of the Galactica ripple
from the force of the blow.  Debris shot forth from a
gash in her side, flames and fuels leaking into space.


"HOLY FRAK!"  Starbuck yelled.  I just watched in
horror at the fireworks display.  Starbuck was turning
his viper to rush to her aid when I yelled at him to
stop.  "Don't get close to them, any of them!  They're
mines!  Lt. Starbuck to fleet.Stop! Halt all the
ships!"

"Oh Lords.."  I muttered realizing how many of those
things we had passed without paying much attention to
them.  Not many civilians realize that space isn't
empty.  It's full of all sorts of gunk, comets,
asteroids, debris, and gas clouds.  After a while you
just stop paying attention to every little piece of
rock you pass.

"How many of them do you see?"  I asked Starbuck.  "I
wasn't paying attention to them, I thought they were
just dumb rocks!"

"I don't know.  Six or seven hundred maybe.  Oh Lords,
if one can cause that big an explosion?  I can't find
them on my scanner."  Starbuck answered, his velocity
slowing to almost a dead stop.  He kept gasping as
more explosions, smaller than the first, were
happening on the starboard side of the Galactica.

"I can only pick them up if we're right in front of
them, but the scanners not showing me anything above,
below or behind.  I think they're kind of shielded.

I didn't have much time to puzzle out our exciting new
find.  Another ship farther back in the convoy
exploded in a bright red ball.  "FRAK!!!  Which one
was that?" I swore.

"Lt. Starbuck to Galactica, order the fleet to a halt,
do you read?"

Rigel's voice came over the comline.  She didn't sound
calm like she usually did.  "Galactica to patrol one,
we read you.  Attempting to relay order.  Hold
position."

"Like I have a choice!"  Starbuck responded.

We hung there, stuck like rodents in a trap as we
waited for the Galactica to issue new orders.  We
watched helplessly as fire control aboard the
Galactica put out the flames.  As the smoke started to
clear, the extent of the damage was mind numbing.

"Uh Starbuck, I never really thought about it before,
but aren't our quarters." I trailed off, counting the
exposed corridors in my mind, one, two, ten.

"No.  We're farther forward."  Starbuck said, only he
didn't sound that sure to me.  "Besides, Ila's in the
child center and Aliana's teaching.

"Yeah."  I said back, knowing he was wrong.  Aliana
had the afternoon off.  The cadets were in blaster
training today.  I just wanted Starbuck to be right.

We hung there for what felt like forever, trying to
count the asteroids that were no longer harmless space
junk.  After what seemed centaurs, but according to my
chronometer were only centons, Col. Tigh's voice came
over the comlink.

"Patrol 2, we have received word from long range
recon.  They have suffered a casualty and apparently
the quadrant ahead is littered with these mines.  Lt.
Starbuck, you are ordered to proceed ahead of the
fleet a sector and attempt to clear the mines."

"How the hades am I supposed to do that?  And what
about the ones that are here?  They're all over the
place!"

"The fleet is at a dead stop now and it appears that
the mines are only triggered by impact.  How close
have you flown to them?"  Tigh asked, concern in his
voice.

"I hadn't really thought about it.  I thought they
were just rocks.  So are you suggesting I get close to
one, uh, Sir?"  Starbuck asked sounding perturbed.

"You have flown fairly close to a few and they have
not been triggered.  We think you should be able to
blast a way clear ahead, much as you, Apollo and
Boomer did in the Nova Madagon."

"You think?  These don't look like Cylon mines.  In
fact, they don't look like anything but rocks!"

"Only one way to find out Lieutenant.  You have your
orders.  Galactica out."

Starbuck let out a very audible sigh.

"He can't be serious?"  I said as I watched Starbuck
begin to maneuver his viper ahead of the Galactica.
"What the frak are they thinking?"  I asked,
bewildered at discovering that sometimes command
didn't know what they were doing.


"They're thinking we can handle this, that's what."
Starbuck said.  If I could have seen his face I might
have been able to tell if he was being serious or
cynical.

"But, they don't know do they?"  I asked, not really
wanting to know the answer.

"That's what we're here for, remember?  That's why
they call it recon.  Hang out here while I figure out
if this will work."  Starbuck said, advancing much
slower than we had all patrol.

"I'm going with you!"  I started to maneuver my viper
to follow.

"No you're not.  Hang loose here, that's an order!"

"You heard the Colonel, they're just mines.  Together
we should be able to clear this up in just a few
centaurs, right?"

"Look, I don't know why, but I don't have a good
feeling about this."

I didn't want to admit it, but the sound of Starbuck's
voice sent shivers up my spine.

"You never have a good feeling Starbuck, unless you're
naked with a fumarello and a bottle of ambrosia."

I thought it would get me a laugh, but he just ignored
it.  "Stay here, I mean it.  I'll see what I can do on
my own first."  He didn't give me a chance to argue as
he kicked in his boosters and sped off, dodging a
couple of the floating rocks.

He was half a sector ahead before he slowed.  "Okay,
so far so good.  I got kind of close to a few of them,
and no, they don't appear to have any proximity
triggers.  I'm going to start blasting away and work
my way back."

Before I could respond Starbuck sent off a volley of
laser fire at what appeared to be a harmless floating
hunk of rock.

A searing white light blinded me. The whole space in
front of me appeared to explode in a solid sheet of
white light.  I shut my eyes and involuntarily put up
my arms to block the blast wave that sent my viper
tumbling.   I tried to gain control, but I was flying
blind.  I blinked repeatedly seeing floating orbs or
light and dark in front of my eyes.  I struggled with
my maneuvering jets just to get myself to a dead stop,
hopefully before I hit one of those things.

"Starbuck, what was that?!"  I still couldn't see.  My
instruments swam in front of my eyes and I couldn't
even tell if they were working or not.

It took me a few more moments of blinking my tearing
eyes to realize he had not responded.

"Starbuck?"  Panic gripped me.  "STARBUCK?!!!"

A voice erupted in my headset.  "Galactica to Patrol
2, Report..Galactica to Patrol 2, report.  What in
Hades happened Lieutenant?"  It was Colonel Tigh's
voice, and he was yelling.

My heart stopped as the silence filled my ears.  I
could hear the hiss of the open com.  I listened
intently hoping to hear something, anything, maybe
even just Starbuck's breathing.  Nothing but the empty
hiss.


Our first real indicator of the severity of the damage
was the fact that the turbolift would not let us stop
on the deck that held our quarters.  I learned from
Boomer as Starbuck punched button after button, that
there were sensors on each deck's turbolift controls.
If those sensors registered an elevation in heat, such
as a fire, or a severe drop in temperature which
indicated pressure loss to hull breech, the sensors
told the turbolift to move on.  As Boomer continued
his lecture, I suddenly felt dizzy.  Right after the
sensation hit me, the turbolift began to ascend rather
than descend.

"FRAK!"  Starbuck swore, renewing his attack on the
turbolift controls.

"Lower decks have lost gravity," Boomer calmly
explained.

"Starbuck," Apollo said softly, laying his hand upon
his buddy's shoulder.  "This isn't the way to go about
this.  We should go to the bridge and let maintenance
repair try to get through, or."

Starbuck's assault on the controls must have had some
effect as the turbolift doors suddenly opened.  It was
a deck at least five above our quarters, but it was
closer than we'd been before.  Starbuck ignored
Apollo's words and strode down the corridor.  I looked
to Apollo and Boomer, who exchanged sighs with each
other, then strode after their friend.

It was a long trip to our quarters, not just because
of the worry.  We had to trek to nearly the front of
the battlestar, and then try three more lifts before
we could even get onto our deck.  Then there were the
blastdoors that had automatically locked down in
response to the explosion and subsequent hull breech.
At each door as Starbuck worked the manual controls to
gain access, Apollo gently reminded him that there may
not be atmosphere behind the door, or that the deck
may be exposed to space.  But Starbuck knew that if
that were true, the manual controls wouldn't work, not
without a maintenance override key.  At each delay in
our journey, Boomer checked in with the bridge.  Still
no word on Aliana and Ila.  Instead Boomer learned
that even more individuals were missing, around
forty-two people.  Cassiopea was one of them.  I wish
I could say that I felt bad about that, but all I
cared about at that moment was finding my family alive
and intact.  I was riding out "Starbuck's luck" for
all it was worth.

After what seemed like forever we finally reached our
quarters.  The corridor was deserted.  The main
lighting was out and the corridor was dimly lit by the
red emergency lights.  I could smell the acrid tang of
an electrical fire, but there was no smoke to be seen.
 Starbuck pounded his entry code on the door controls
and was pushing his way through the moment it began to
open.  His yells echoed through the main room.

Our quarters were a mess.  It looked like someone had
taken the room and shaken it upside down, then righted
it again.  Almost everything we owned littered the
floor.  Dishes had flown out of cupboards and
furniture that wasn't bolted down had tipped over.
Starbuck tore through the other compartments yelling
frantically.

I could sense that our quarters were empty.  They just
felt, well, empty.  I looked at the mess around me and
realized that we sure had a lot of stuff, and that I
didn't give a rodent's astrum about any of the stuff.
I guess your mind thinks about weird stuff rather than
the reality of the situation.  I wasn't thinking about
how we had lost Aliana and Ila, I was thinking about
how much useless felgercarb we had lying all over the
floor.  My eyes traveled over the walls to the
viewport, and that's when I truly comprehended how bad
this all was.  Through the viewport I could see debris
still streaming from the Galactica.  It was other
people's useless items drifting in space.  I swear I
saw a java cup, a chair, and somebody's shirt float by
the window.

That's when it hit me like one of those mines.  I felt
like my heart had been crushed.  What if Aliana or Ila
was just floating out there?  What if they drifted by
my window?

I was grabbing at my chest, trying to reinflate my
lungs when Starbuck came back into our main room.  He
stopped in front of me, his hands absently resting on
his hips as he looked down in thought.

"They're gone."  I whispered with what air I could
find.

Starbuck looked up at me, his eyes blazing.  "We don't
know that!"

Apollo started to speak, but Starbuck held up his hand
to stop him.  "Look, you can give up and go back to
the bridge anytime you want, but don't expect me to.
I'm not going to just sit in your father's comfy
command chair while other people are out rescuing my
family!"  Starbuck marched purposefully from the room.

I called after him as I followed, "Where are we
going?"

"I know this guy who plays pyramid."  Starbuck yelled
back at me.

"It's a hades of a time for a card game."  Boomer
replied and I knew that he and Apollo were in on our
misguided rescue mission.


We found a lift that was responding.  Apollo, Boomer
and I followed after Starbuck as he took command of
the controls.  He took us back up to bridge deck, but
when the doors opened, Starbuck headed in the opposite
direction, towards the back of the Galactica.

I tugged on Boomer's jacket to get his attention.  I
was too afraid to talk to Starbuck.  He had a crazed
look in his eyes that I was hoping was divine
inspiration, and if it wasn't, well, I didn't want
that look descending upon me.

"Hey Boomer, isn't the bridge that way?"  I pointed to
the front of the Galactica.

"We're headed to the control room."

I mentally kicked myself.  All that time in the
Mechanic's program and how quickly I forgot everything
in my haste to be a pilot.  The control room is where
the real action is on the Galactica.  It is the true
nerve center of the old girl.  The engines are
controlled from there, as well as maneuvering and
organizing any repairs she needs.  The control room
would know exactly what decks had been effected, right
down to the very door panel and corridor juncture.

"Boomer, they're not going to tell us anything."  I
said, remembering how Mechanics and Engineers
preferred to do their work without the interference of
the Bridge Officers.  The second they saw our flight
jackets, we might as well talk to that damn electronic
Daggit, it would probably have more answers.

"I know a guy who plays pyramid," Starbuck stated
again.  "He's a mechanic."

"Starbuck there are hundreds of mechanics.  They
outnumber us two to one at least.  There's no
guarantee he'll even be on shift, let alone in the
control center."  I hated myself for throwing logic
into his plan, but I was getting tired or traipsing
all over the Galactica with no progress.

"He'll be easy to find.  I owe him money."  Starbuck
came to the doors to the control center.

The doors opened to reveal a buzz of activity that
would rival any bee hive.  Of course, unlike the
bridge, I had never seen this place calm and quiet.
It was always in motion.  Sleep periods did not affect
the control center.  Engines didn't sleep.  Plus at
any one time the Galactica is always in need of about
a thousands things that could stand to be repaired or
replaced.

There is a command structure of sorts within the
control center, but you'd be hard pressed to figure
out on first glance who is in control.  Head mechanics
tend to get just as grimy as the lowliest snipe, and
rank doesn't really matter sometimes.  Whoever has the
best solution for fixing what's wrong tends to be in
charge.

As Apollo went wading into the swarm of activity in
search of an officer, Starbuck simply grabbed the
first person who walked by.

"Hey, where's Hermes?"

"Who wants to know?"  The guy answered, annoyed at the
interruption.

"I owe him some money."

The man looked up from his data pad and noticed the
Lieutenant insignia and the patch for Blue Squadron.

"You must be Starbuck.  I heard he got you good."

"Yeah, he got me, and I'm here to pay up.  So where is
he?"

The guy eyed me and Boomer, but I guess we passed his
in depth security inspection as he replied, "Deck 25,
section 3, junction 7."  He walked away from us
without another word.

Starbuck turned around to leave, but Boomer grabbed
his arm.  "Wait for Apollo, he may know something."

We saw Apollo deep in discussion with someone, then
nod and head our direction.  Starbuck's foot was
tapping in impatience.

"Well?!"  Starbuck barked as Apollo approached us.

"They have found some survivors.  The decks below the
childcare center and a couple of lifts maintained air
pressure.  About thirteen people."  Apollo briefed us.

"Who?"  I asked hopeful.

"They didn't have any names yet, they haven't even
gotten to them yet.  It's just a rough count."  Apollo
swallowed before he looked Starbuck hard in the eye.
"The rest are unaccounted for, and they have confirmed
what decks and junctions are affected by the damage.
It doesn't look good."

Starbuck just nodded, and headed out the door.

All I could think about as we followed him on another
trek to reach some guy that he owed money too, was
what I was going to do with Starbuck when he finally
slowed down and faced reality.  I mean, would he slow
down, or would I spend the rest of my time with
Starbuck trying to catch up to him, trying to get him
to face his feelings and deal with the loss?  I had
figured out by now that Starbuck didn't face head on
any emotion that was strong.  He kind of sidled up to
his sadness like one would a wild animal you were
trying to befriend.  More often than not his painful
emotions scampered away, and Starbuck didn't usually
follow.

How much time would I have with Starbuck if Aliana and
Ila were gone?  I knew from the beginning that I
couldn't have won over and held Starbuck without
Aliana.  In some weird way, it was a package deal.
Between the two of us we met the myriad of needs that
Starbuck had.  I couldn't do it alone, I knew that.
Eventually Starbuck would need those other needs met
and he'd move on.  Or maybe even worse, he'd look at
me and miss Aliana.  He'd look at me and only see
pain.

I couldn't even touch what losing Ila would do to him.
 She hadn't been with us long, so maybe it wouldn't
affect him that much.  As I thought it, I knew I
couldn't handle that.  If Starbuck became blas‚ about
Ila I'd have to make him feel pain.

I had a lot of time to ponder all this as we wound our
way to the location of Hermes.  Lifts were down,
corridors cut off.  We finally came upon blast doors
that wouldn't open for us.  Through it all Apollo and
Boomer stayed with us.  I suppose when this was all
done and over with, they'd really be the ones to catch
up to Starbuck and help him slow down.


We finally found a group of mechanics working away on
controls to a blast door.  They were suited up for
open space and ready to begin repairs on a corridor
seal.

"Hermes!"  Starbuck called out and one of the
mechanics turned around.  "Hey Hermes, I need your
help."

The mechanic came towards us, cursing up a storm.
"This corridor is sealed off!  Had you shown up two
centons later I'd be having to retrieve your dead
astrums."

"Yeah, well, that's what we're here about.  I'm trying
to find someone, they should have been on their way
from the childcare center to deck with the VIP
quarters."

"Well, I heard we had some people stuck in a lift in
that area, that might be them.  We'll get to them when
we can."  Hermes said, and turned back towards the
blast door.

"You need to go get them NOW!"  Starbuck reached out
and yanked him around.

"So what's it worth to you Starbuck?"  Hermes replied
calmly as he turned back to us.

"What?"  Boomer gasped horrified.

"Look, I'm busy here with my own rescue operation.
And you've owed me money for three sectars now!"
Hermes said pointing an accusatory finger at Starbuck.

"Look here Sargeant!"  Apollo said.

"I'll give you three sectars pay."  Starbuck replied
cutting off Apollo.

"What guarantee do I have I'll get it."  Hermes said,
ignoring Apollo and Boomer.

"A yahren's pay."  Starbuck upped the ante.

"Yeah, make it a lifetime's, makes no difference if
you don't pay me!  Like I said, they're working on it.
 Why don't you toddle off to the bridge where you
won't get dirty  We're working on it."

Hermes started to turn away, when Apollo sealed the
deal.  "I have cubits on me now, and I'll see that his
pay is garnished until you're satisfied.  Now where is
this lift?"

"I don't want you're money, I want his!"  Hermes
suddenly realized the stern look on Apollo's face.
"Geez, okay, okay.   You don't need to put me on
report or anything.  You officers are so testy.  I
told you, they're okay.  Alright, come on.  But I'm
serious Starbuck, you owe me and I'm not going to just
let it go."  Hermes recounted the whole pyramid hand
as he led them through various twists and turns to a
turbolift .    He also kept repeating that the
mechanics had everything under control as we passed by
exposed wires and cables spitting sparks.

After passing at least three other turbolifts he found
the one he claimed had people in it.
Hermes opened the panel to the lift's controls,
inserted his mechanic's override key and began typing
commands on the datapad.

"Do you need some help?"  Starbuck hovered over his
shoulder.

"Nope, these things are pretty easy when they're
intact.  Lots of safety features on them.  I mean,
we've had lifts before we could even fly between
worlds.  There it goes."

We could all hear the motor to the lift engage and the
lift begin to rise.

"That's all there is to it?"  Starbuck asked.

"Like I said, there's lots of safety locks.  They lost
gravity, but the magnetics are still working.  Gravity
or lack of atmosphere doesn't affect those.  Okay,
she's moving.  You know, you pilots really should have
to take a basic engineering course.  I mean you live
on this tub too, aren't you the least bit curious how
she works, I mean.Oops, uh oh."

"Uh oh?  What uh oh?!"  Starbuck looked ready to
strangle Hermes with his bare hands.

"They just regained gravity, that's all.  I could feel
the magnetics stall for just a second.  Thought they
were going to fall again, but they grabbed hold.  Here
it comes."

As if nothing had gone wrong, the doors to the lift
whooshed open.

"Thank the Lords of Kobol!"  A man said as the doors
opened.  He reached to help two other men from the
lift.  "It was starting to get cold in there.  We were
wondering how long it was going to be and couldn't get
the communit to work."

"Well, there you go Starbuck.  You know where to find
me if you ever want to *really* pay up."  Hermes
turned to head his way back down the corridor.

Starbuck grabbed Hermes arm before he could take a
step.  "That's not them!"

Hermes looked ready to take a swing at Starbuck.
"Look, I told you I had my own rescue I was working
on!  We have people trapped in quarters all over this
hunk of junk.  This is the area you told me they'd be
in.  I've got to get back to work!"

"I'm looking for my..my..my wife and baby."  Starbuck
held on fast to Hermes arm.

"Are you sure they were in this area?  Because a
couple of sections before this are completely." Hermes
hesitated when he saw the anger on Starbuck's face
quickly turn to anguish.

"They have to be here!"  Starbuck tightened his grip
on Hermes sleeve.  "Where are the other people that
are trapped?  They might be my family"

Before Hermes could reply, Apollo stepped in.  "How
can we help?"

Hermes looked to Apollo, then back to Starbuck, then
back to Apollo.  Hermes quickly assessed the situation
and came to the conclusion that perhaps we could be of
assistance.  Or at the very least he could get us off
his back.  Hermes held up his mechanic's override key.
 "Here, take this.  You're officers right?  You have a
few brains between the four of you.  Don't go using it
willy nilly.  We have whole corridors exposed to the
big outdoors.  Do you have a data pad on you?"

Boomer held up his pad for Hermes to see.

"Okay, just make sure there's atmosphere behind
anything you try to go through, because that key will
open anything regardless of what's behind it."
Turning back to Starbuck, Hermes started to slowly pry
Starbuck's hand off his sleeve.  "You saw what I did
to the lift controls, right?"  Starbuck nodded.  "So
you get it's not that hard.  Why don't you start with
the lifts.  That's pretty safe."

"Are there more people trapped in turbolifts?"  Apollo
asked, trying to give Starbuck at least some hope.

Hermes turned to Apollo with an expression of
cynicism.  "Sure. Yeah.  Okay.  Look, I've got to get
back."  He disengaged from Starbuck and took a big
step away.  As he fled down the corridor he called
back softly.  "Good luck."

Luck, how many times had luck pulled us through.
Starbuck's luck they called it when the impressively
impossible came through.  It's all we had left, but I
was willing to bet on it.  Starbuck's luck had worked
for us before, surely it would again.  Or can luck be
all used up, like the mythical three wishes from the
Genie?

As we headed down the corridor to the lifts we had
passed earlier, I tried to count how many times we'd
relied on luck.  "That rocky planet.  Kidnapped by
those thugs.  Cylon pursuit on land.  Oh, that fire on
the Rising Star.oh frak, that's more than three."


Cassie startled me awake as she handed the breather to
me for my turn.

"Did you drift off?"  Cassie asked, turning on the
small penlight and shining it on my face.

I squinted from the sudden brightness in the pitch
black.  "Yes, I guess I did.  It could just be from
the bump on my head."

There had been only two breathers in the emergency
kit.  Without question we worked together to put a
breather on Ila first.  It engulfed her whole head,
but we repeatedly checked to make sure she was getting
enough air.

That left the other breather for us to share.  The
leak of air was slow.  Yet when we both were quiet, I
could hear it just above the pounding of my heart.

"How long will the emergency breathers last?"  I
asked.   We had been told in pilot training they were
only good for a centaur, but I was hoping since
Cassiopea was a medtech, she might know the real
capacity of the breathers.  I was hoping it would be
longer as it had already been 30 centons since the
lights went out.

"About a centaur.but."  Cassiopea hesitated.

I took a deep breath, not wanting to ask, but knew I
had to.  "But what?"

"It's less time with us sharing and," she took a deep
breath before going on, "if we really are losing air,
the cold may get to us first."

"They'll find us."  I said and thought to myself, `at
least they'll find us and Starbuck will know what
transpired.  He won't have to wonder what happened to
us, like he has wondered all these yahrens about his
parents.  He won't lose us in a million blasted bits
like the friends he's mourned.  He'll find us whole.'
For some strange reason it gave me a small bit of
comfort and I snuggled Ila in closer.  Maybe at least
I could see that she survived.

As if she read my thoughts, Cassiopea moved closer to
me, wrapping her arms around mine adding her body heat
to keep Ila warm.

"They'll find us."  She said.


We all watched Hermes' retreating back.  Boomer turned
to assess the injuries of those we had just rescued,
but they appeared to be okay other than a few bumps
and bruises. Before Boomer even finished giving them
the directions for the quickest way up to the Life
Station, Starbuck was in motion.

"Starbuck, slow down."  Apollo called to him.  He
shared a worried look with Boomer.

I think we were all a little tired from our constant
hiking around the Galactica.  We had retraced our
steps at least a dozen times, and that was after
Starbuck and I's escapades out on patrol.  Add to that
the anxiety and fighting off the despair of the
situation.  I was worn out.  I can only imagine how
exhausted Starbuck must be after being unconscious.
We had yet to assess how the radiation had affected
him.

"We can't slow down.  If Hermes is right and those
corridors are exposed to space," Starbuck hesitated
and I realized that he had been listening all this
time.  He'd been listening and he was losing hope.  I
couldn't bear that and felt my adrenaline surge.

"Then we'd better hurry.  We passed a lift not that
far back.  Come on."  I said as I charged off.  I
didn't even bother to check to see if they were
following.

It didn't take long to get to the next lift.  Starbuck
was right behind me and we wasted no time getting the
control panel open and inserting the override key.
Just like the other lift, it easily engaged and began
to rise to our level.  But when the doors tried to
open there was a hideous screech of metal on metal.
They opened just a fraction and air rushed in where
there had been none before.

Starbuck went to pry the doors open but the they did
not move.  Apollo leaned in to add his strength and
the doors screeched apart.

That's when I realized just how tired Starbuck was.
He just didn't have much strength left.  Boomer and I
exchanged looks thinking the same thing.  Starbuck was
going to collapse soon.  Maybe that was a good thing.
Surely the Life Station would have something to help
him deal with the loss, or if nothing else, numb the
shock a little.

I mentally slapped myself.  I couldn't think that way.
 They had to be alive, they had to be here.  Nothing
else was acceptable.  If they were gone, well, how
much ambrosia does the Officers club have?  Would it
be enough?


"It's empty."  I stated after a glance into the lift.
I quickly removed the mechanics key and headed off to
the next lift.

It took a little bit longer to get to the next lift.
Starbuck had started to lag behind.  I kept looking
back to check on him, but his face was too painful to
bear.  I didn't dare get close to him.  I was afraid
we'd both break down.  Apollo and Boomer kept urging
us on like the true loyal friends they were.

When we got to the next lift, I opened up the panel
and said a little prayer before inserting the key.
"Yeah, I know god, I've promised to be good before,
but this time I really mean it.  Just let them be
here.  Let them be alive."

I held my breath as the lift began to rise.  I noticed
what Hermes had been talking about when the gravity
engaged, the lift hesitated, dropped for a few feet,
then the magnetics caught again.  When it dropped, we
all heard something hit the deck.

"Hey, I think someone is in there."  Boomer said.


It seemed to take forever for the lift to finally
reach our level.  As the doors parted, I realized we
had all been holding our breaths as we collectively
sighed in despair.  The ceiling panels to the lift had
fallen.  That's what we had heard bouncing around
inside.

"Okay," I said, "okay, there's more to try."  I said,
reaching for the mechanic's key.

Starbuck's hand reached out to stop mine as I was
disengaging the key.  "What's the point."

I looked at Starbuck for a moment.  He suddenly
appeared really old.  His eyes were lined in pain.  I
shook his hand from mine and reached for the key.

"Rey, their gone.  Even if they had life masks, they."

I didn't let him finish.  I must have been more tired
than I realized.  I didn't even think about my
actions, I just hauled off and slapped him.  His head
snapped back, and I would have done it again but he
grabbed my hand.  He glared at me for just an instant,
then his eyes went back to that pained look.

"Don't you dare!"  I yelled.  "Don't you dare give up,
not you, not ever!"  I yanked my hands from Starbuck's
grasp.  I turned and started to walk away.  Over my
shoulder I continued to yell, "Fine.Fine, give up,
there's a nice comfy chair for you on the bridge.
When I find Aliana I let her know where you are!"

All I could see was red, or was that from the
emergency lighting?  I don't know.  I just know I had
to find Aliana.  As long as I was still breathing, I
had to keep looking.

I eventually registered the footsteps behind me.  They
had decided to keep going.  Without slowing I said,
"Hey Boomer, what did the bridge say when last you
checked in?"

"They have found some more survivors but they haven't
found Aliana or Ila.  Cassiopea is still missing too."
 He answered.

"But they found some, right?"

"Right."


The next lift was in an area with exposed wires and
ceiling panels that had come down.  Light panels were
dangling precariously and small bits of metal debris
littered the floor.  I started to work on the control
panel, but the access cover was partially welded in
place.  I pulled at it but just couldn't get a good
grip on it.  Apollo and Boomer finally made it to me,
with Starbuck dragging behind.  Starbuck leaned
against the wall as Boomer dug out a utility knife and
began to pry at the cover.  As Boomer worked away at
it, I hazard a look in Starbuck's direction.

His adrenaline had worn off and he looked haggard.  I
had never seen him look so old and it frightened me.
Maybe the radiation from the blast had harmed him more
than he was letting on.  I also realized, not for the
first time but the first time it really sunk in, that
Starbuck is quite a bit older than me.  Would it be an
issue in years to come?  I guess I forget since he
sometimes acted so immature.

Starbuck noticed my intense gaze.  "I'm okay."  He
said, pulling himself together a little.  "It's just
been a long day."

"Well make yourself presentable, okay?  I don't want
Aliana seeing you that way."    His eyes sparked a
little at my jab letting me know he was okay, just
tired.   "Maybe lose your shirt or something, you know
how she likes you without a shirt.  Maybe lose the
pants too."

"Uh guys, could we focus here?"  Boomer said.  He
always seemed to get uncomfortable when we flirted.  I
guess he was one of the ones who couldn't quite figure
out how two women could share Starbuck.  Of course he
had said once, "Who would want to?  He's goofy
looking."

I snapped back to our situation.  I guess I was tired
too, I was getting punchy.

Between the two of us we got the panel off.  The
controls inside were a mess, but we were able to get
the override key in and figure out some of the wiring
to get the lift moving.  But we couldn't sustain the
movement.  We could hear the lift motor engage, rise a
few feet, then the controls would disengage.

"Frak, is it dropping down each time the motor stops?"
 I asked.

"I don't think so."  Boomer got up and went to the
doors, evaluating if he could pry them open and check
on how close the lift was.

"I wouldn't do that Boomer."  Apollo added, taking his
turn at the control panel.  "I don't think there's
atmosphere in that lift chamber.  If it's been opened
to space, we could all be sucked out."

"Check the data pad, what does it say?"  Boomer asked.

"I can't tell.  The controls are too fried."  Apollo
responded.

"Keep trying then.  We should be able to hear when the
lift gets close, right?"  I added.

"Maybe,"  Boomer said.

We heard the lift motor engage again and then a sound
of something hitting a deck.  It sounded heavy and
yet, soft.  Not like the sound of metal or debris.

"There is someone in this one!"  Starbuck said coming
over to help.

Boomer started looking around the corridor for
something to use to pry the doors open.

It had to be a rough ride inside that lift as the
motors would engage for a short time, then disengage.
As the lift got closer we could hear that it did drop
a small bit each time the motors stopped before the
magnetics halted it.

Finally we heard the lift at our level, and the seals
started to engage.  The loud sucking sound let us know
that it had been in an area lacking air.

Boomer stood by ready to pry open the doors, but with
little difficulty the doors slid apart.  Starbuck was
there ready to help whoever was there.

>From the darkness of the lift we heard a light woman's
laugh.

"Starbuck, how is it that you always seem to be in the
middle of everything?"  Cassiopea  said standing
there.

Starbuck brushed past Cassie to Aliana who was on the
floor of the lift.  I just stood there in shock.  We
had really found them, but how did Aliana and Cassie
wind up in the lift together?

I guess Starbuck went into true hero mode because I
heard Aliana say, "Starbuck, I'm okay, you can put me
down."

Starbuck came out of the lift carrying Aliana, who was
carrying Ila.  The sight of the life mask on Ila sent
us all into shock.  She looked so tiny beneath the
mask.  And there was blood all over her.

"Oh my god."  I shuddered.

"She's okay.  It's my blood."  Aliana said quickly.
"She's just a little cold.  In fact, I'm okay.  It was
just a cut on my head.  You can put me down Starbuck."

"Not on your life!  I was appointed head rescuer by
the Commander.  I'll put you down as soon as we get
you to the Life Station."  Starbuck quickly headed
down the corridor with Aliana in his arms.

I noticed Cassiopea watching them retreat.  I looked
to her and saw a wistful look on her face.  Boomer's
voice broke the spell.

"Are you okay?  Do you need help?"

"I'm fine Boomer.  Had you guys been a few centons
later it would be a different story.  I'm just cold as
we were losing atmosphere."

Apollo took off his jacket and put it around her
shoulders.

"We should get you to the Life Station too."  I added.


Boomer looked ready to carry her, but she quickly
stepped away and said, "I'm fine.  Really.  I'll go to
the Life Station, but only because they may need some
help with the others.  How bad is the damage Apollo?"

As we followed after Starbuck, Apollo briefed
Cassiopea on the incident and the damage the Galactica
received.  Starbuck has an incredible sense of
direction, as we made it to the Life Station in record
time, only encountering on blast door closed to us.
At each paus in our journey I'd take an opportunity to
check Aliana's and Ila's condition, but Cassiopea kept
assuring me that they were fine.

When we reached the Life Station we found out Aliana
and Ila were okay, just a mild case of hypothermia
that was cleared up in a few centaurs under warming
blankets and Aliana just had a bump on the head.
Starbuck had actually been hurt worse than they had,
having received a rather healthy dose of radiation,
about the same as ten chest xrays.  It was easily
fixed with a couple of pills and dietary supplements.


I left Starbuck to watch over Aliana and Ila once I
had been assured they were fine, and I headed back to
our quarters to enjoy a good soak in the tub.  I was
dead tired, and well, had gone through a lot that day.

While the water ran in the tub, I let my tears fall.
Would I ever feel safe again?   If we weren't safe on
the Galactica taking a turbolift home, then where were
we safe?  Certainly not in the colonies, on a
beautiful warm day, waiting to celebrate an armistice.
 Not even on the most heavily armed fortress we knew
how to create.  Would I always have to sleep with a
blaster under my pillow and a whole med kit on my
back?  What were we thinking bringing children into
this chaos?  Would I live long enough to keep Ila
and.and.safe until they could fend for themselves?

By the time the tub was full I had finished with my
self pity.  My mother would have been ashamed of me.
"Pull up your bootstraps!" she always said when I'd
come to her with my teenage dramas.  "The only one who
can change the universe is you."

I climbed out of the tub, dried off, put on my uniform
and reported to the bridge for duty.  I had a lot of
work to do if I was going to change the universe.  The
only way I was going to ever feel safe was if I made
myself, and the whole fleet besides, safe.  The only
way I knew to do that was in a Viper, so that's where
I planned to be, always.



I showed up on the bridge just in time to volunteer
Starbuck and myself for a mission to go out and try to
clear a way through those rocky mines.  The Galactica
had blasted a few away as they had neared the fleet.
They were no match for the old girl's fire power, but
we were a big convoy and there are several unarmed
ships.  Dr. Wilker was also on the bridge lobbying for
a mission to retrieve one of those deadly gems so he
could study it.  I finally got to see the temper that
so many had warned me the Commander could possess.  Up
till now he had been, well, fatherly with me and
Aliana.  Remind me never to cross the Commander.  He
damn near threw Dr. Wilker off the bridge himself.

Long range scans had shown planets beyond the asteroid
mine field.  According to scans they looked to be
highly promising for supplies, especially rich in
ores.  With a gaping hole in the Galactica, we were in
dire need of some ores to get her patched up.  It was
decided that as soon as the Galactica was ready to
reach light speed again, we would blast the stray
mines from the sky with our vipers.  The mechanics
needed to seal off the hull, pressurize a few
corridors, patch what could be patched, and we'd be
ready to go.  If I knew the mechanics, it would only
take a couple of days.

If the planets turned out to be as sweet as the long
range scans were showing, we would park ourselves
there for about a Sectaur.  Just enough time, I
thought.  I sure could use a nice planet side vacation
before the felgercarb hit the ventilation system.  I
mean, how long could I go?  Viper pilot was a pretty
male dominated profession until recently.  How long
would it be before someone deemed me unfit for duty?
Hades, I was probably already past the point of no
return.  One more important mission is all I really
wanted, well, that and an ambrosia on the beach
watching a sunset.

I headed back to our quarters with one hades of a
headache that I was trying to ignore.  It had indeed
been a long day, and while it had ended good, I just
couldn't seem to get my shoulders to unknot.  I would
walk past a turbolift and then shudder.  It could have
all gone so very very wrong today.  What would I do
without Aliana?

And yet I knew, someday I would have to face that.  I
had already lost everyone else I could ever count on.
It was just a matter of time.  The only real question
was how much time would I have before it happened.

The thoughts running through my mind must have shown
on my face.  Starbuck was there on the couch when I
walked through the door to our quarters.  I thought he
was asleep, so I tried to tip toe past, but as soon as
I got close to him, I saw that his eyes were open.  He
was just lying so still I didn't notice.

He turned to me and at first I thought maybe he was
asleep, his eyes were that far away, but then there
was a moment of recognition.

"Are you okay?"  He asked.

I took a deep breath and sighed.  "Yeah.  Just a long
day.  Are they asleep?"  I said indicating Aliana and
Ila's rooms.

"Last I checked."  Starbuck answered.  His eyes
scanned me again.  "You should get some sleep."

"How many times are you going to check on me?"  I
settled into the nearest chair.  "You should be
sleeping yourself."

Starbuck chuckled at the ceiling before he replied.
"Yeah I should.  I guess I don't want to miss
anything, you know."

He looked over at me again from his prone position on
the couch.  He may have been flopped down on the couch
but I noticed he still had his boots on.  It spoke
volumes to me.  We usually ditched our boots first
thing coming through the door and padded around the
place in our stocking feet.  I guess for us it was a
sign that we were off duty.  Starbuck wasn't off duty
tonight.

"Yeah I know."  I didn't know what to say after that,
but I don't think it would have mattered.  We both
knew what the other had to say.  We lay there silent,
staring off at those gray walls.  Eventually sleep
came, stealing away our precious moments.