In any case, who's after Starbuck? Is it a mob of enthusiastic local girls, hoping to snip a lock of his hair? Part 1 - Robert - May 11. 2009 Oh Starbuck, Oh Starbuck, let down your golden hair, so that Cassi may climb the golden stair. Part 2 - Bill - May 11, 2009 Loose not too much Starbuck, and show thy chrome, It'll be no use to thee in the celestial dome! Part 3 - Carla - May 11, 2009 Oh, wherefore art thou, Starbuck's curls? Were they braided and boxed by those pushy girls? Part 4 - Robert - May 11, 2009 Once thou are trapped in the brick jail Thou must charm the lasses, not make'em wail. Give up thy locks in thy present form Or risk facing the Commander's deadly scorn. Part 5 - Carla - May 11, 2009 Forsooth Commander! What hast thou done? Thine own locks golden have become. Hast thou taken Starbuck's tresses? What's next, Adama? Tinia's dresses? Part 6 - Robert (who is half asleep) - May 11, 2009 Oh Starbuck, Oh Starbuck, let go those fumerellos Adama, Commander, Sir, clothing you sell us? Apollo, Apollo, lost in his lair Oh Sheba, Oh Sheba, Starbuck's locks and your hair Oh Starbuck, Oh Sheba, arms intertwine Descend tower walls with hairnets enshrined. Beware of the dungeon, darkness entombs Where the fire breathing _____, its wrath doth looms Part 7 - Carla - May 12, 2009 "Father! Your hair!" Apollo leapt from the closet, his hand firmly clutching a silvery white object. "Starbuck's hair has been hidden right under our noses, or rather /above/ as your own hair it poses. "Sagan!" Adama reached up toward his ears, "We must find the villian who brandished the shears! Starbuck and Sheba are on a cold trail. No dungeon would serve any hairdresser well!" Part 8 - Robert - May 12, 2009 They reached the ground and released their hairnets Which flew up the wall faster than jets. "Oh Sheba, Oh Sheba, which way should we go." "Oh Starbuck my dear, I thought you'd know." "Then on to the forest, charge if we must. We know for sure we're not the ones who rust." Part 9 - Carla - May 12, 2009 "Starbuck and Sheba!" came a voice from the trees, "Why are you running through the Agro-Ship leaves?" Both warriors gasped and their weapons did grip, When out from the foliage they saw Baltar slip. "Yes! It was me! I took Starbuck's hair!" "I was tired of hearing, 'How shiny, how fair!' I distracted Apollo with a wardrobe defect, then hid the hair while Adama still slept!" "Now begone with you, heroes!" back Baltar scuttled, "Lucifer's promised to send me a shuttle!" He held up the blade that had shorn Starbucks head, And waggled it at Sheba's long locks instead. Part 10 - Robert - May 13, 2009 With a roar in the distance, Baltar turned on heel And ran through the trees by look and by feel. He ran and ran with pockets of hair To reach his hidden underground lair. As he reached his place, there was fire at the door With ashes strewn and dispersed on the floor. He walked by his pet who breathed fire once more Into the bedroom, where he heard another roar. Up on the dresser beside the gold locket Lay even bigger shears which he stuffed in his pocket. To cool down the flames, he turned on a fan And ran out the door with a more dastardly plan. Part 11 - Carla - May 13, 2009 "Where could he be?" Boomer ran with Apollo, "Poor Sheba transmitted that she couldn't follow!" The warriors joined Sheba in the Agro-Ship bay, She embraced the Captain and cried in dismay, "Oh, Apollo! It's Baltar! He must have a lair!" "I lost them as thoroughly as we lost Starbuck's hair!" Apollo held Sheba and firmly replied, "The hair has been found! Father's having it dyed!" "But what about Starbuck?" Boomer whirled in confusion, "Just 'cause he's bald doesn't mean we'd refuse him!" "Guys! I'm down here!" Starbuck's voice echoed weirdly, "Baltar's gone with his shears and left his pet to consume me!" Part 12 - Eugenia - May 14, 2009 "I'm not his pet!" a voice did roar. Starbuck shook with fright all the more. Out of the lair's dark and dreary infernal Strode an outraged fire-breathing Colonel. "Tigh, here? But why?" Boomer stammered Feeling as if he had been hammered. "And with Baltar?" Sheba and Apollo cried. Elegantly Tigh shook his head and sighed. "Starbuck, long ago in the Empyrean 'verse, To Baltar with sartorial impulses he did immerse." "Excuse me, is anyone going to help me out? How long do I have to scream and shout?" Part 13 - Carla - May 14, 2009 "And what about my missing hair?" Starbuck cried from under there, "Get us out and call for Salik, Tigh needs therapy or at least a tonic." "Boomer!" Apollo's face was grim, "You and Sheba find a way in! I'll track Baltar and bring him down, before another victim's found!" "No, Apollo!" Sheba's eyes were tearful, "Why do you have to be the hero?" "Baltar might just take /your/ hair!" "Lords knows where he'd go from there!" Part 14 - Robert - May 14, 2009 Apollo ignored her and set off on his quest. He knew he was the one that knew the best. The fire inside torched through his eyes For he carried with him a very big surprise. When he found the traitor with so many lives He'd take all the hair and give a bee hive Quite the stinger that was due to Baltar. Apollo'd take that man and tie him to the altar. The Lords of Kobol would have a feast. Then there would be no more of that maniacal beast. Apollo continued his stomp through the deep dark woods Not being on guard as a Colonial should.... SHA-WOOOOSH!!!!!!!! Part 15 - Carla - May 14, 2009 SHA-WOOOOSH!!!!!!!! The shiny shears flew by in a blur. Apollo's eyes barely sensed where they were. "Baltar! Stop this barbery, you cad! What gain from a pile of hair could be had?" "You don't understand!" Baltar hefted the shears, "I must have the hair! I'll now lower /your/ ears!" "But Baltar!" Apollo dodged, rolled and weaved, "My hair /and/ Starbuck's wouldn't look good with green!" "Fool!" Baltar cried as he swung once again, "The hair's not for me, nor for any human! Lucifer said if I brought them some hair, the Cylons would let me get back in my chair!" Part 16 - Eugenia - May 14, 2009 "Baltar, have you lost your mind? Are you a fool? That IL series Cylon, Lucifer, has made you his tool!" "I don't care if that is true, Now, hold still while I trim your beard too!" Apollo dodged, retreated to save his mane From Baltar who came at him like a man insane. "If from your hair you are split, Then all your strength will follow it." Starbuck arrived to face the foe, His hair shorn, yet ready to go. "You know how long this will take to grow back? As a barber, Baltar, you are a hack." Part 17 - Robert - May 14, 2009 The daggit charged in, missing spots of fur. No one could help but to hear his loud Grrrrrrrrr. The butcherous barber Baltar did quite a job Not only chopping the fur, but dials and knobs. Part 18 - Carla - May 14, 2009 "Starbuck! Starbuck!" Cassie shrieked, "Save me from this Cylon freak! Starbuck turned and gave a gasp, To see his girlfriend in Lucifer's grasp. Starbuck raged and charged at the IL While with Baltar, Apollo and Sheba did grapple. "Baltar, now we've got your shears!" "/Now/ who's getting lowered ears?" "Don't bruise my girl, you pile of bolts!" Starbuck pulled at Lucifer's cloak, "I'll turn you into robot chowder, Release her now, or I'll cut your power!" Part 19 - Carla - May 14, 2009 With sparks still flying the drone once more charged, Pausing near Baltar to stomp quite hard. "Muffy! Muffy! What's Baltar tried? Dad, can we fix him?" Boxey cried. "Look out, kid!" Starbuck's cranium glistened, "Back away quickly. Don't think, just listen!" Boxey stepped back as Lucifer fell, Under the paws of the boy's trusty pal. "Muffit! You've saved me!" Cassiopiea shrilled, "Oh, and you /too/, Starbuck! I'm really just thrilled!" She smiled quite weakly as she glanced at his dome, Pondering how long before new hair would grow. Part 20 - Eugenia - May 15, 2009 "Yargh!" Baltar screamed, "I'll not admit defeat If I am to ever regain my Cylon seat!" Starbuck taunted, "Baltar, once again you have lost. A colonial warrior you never should have crossed." Starbuck savoured his fumarello with a jaunty smile, His wonderfulness sure to raise Baltar's bile. Apollo sighed, "No credit to Sheba or Muffit? Or anyone else when you had to bluff it?" "Baltar, in the LifeStation, this I found. Is it Sum thing of yours? Not quite sound?" "My blanket!" Baltar snatched it from Cassie, Put it over his head, "Thank you, kind lassie." Part 21 - Carla - May 15, 2009 "Baltar! Enough!" Adama's tone was quite stern, "This Crossover madness has taken a turn, You're scheming in one, then you're mad in another, Where will it end? With an eee-vil twin brother?" "Adama, you wound me," Baltar's voice was now muffled, "Why would I /choose/ to have brain cells so ruffled? I've tried and I've tried to be one of the guys, but then you accuse me of treachery and lies!" Starbuck guffawed as he choked on his smoke, turned and swung quickly, at the blanket did poke, "Take that you hair thief, and take one more too! I'd still have /my/ hair if it wasn't for you!" Part 22 - Robert - May 15, 2009 Out of the woods, ran a very tiny person With very big shears and very loudly cursin' Up to Starbuck he went Cut the cloth off his pants Sheared the hair off his calf And tried to cut the other half. Starbuck screamed in pain As the blood left a stain. "Good job, Mini-Me," Baltar cheered. Adama saw it. He scowled and he jeered. The little man waved. He turned and he mooned. The women all screamed, none of them swooned. The tiny one ran away as fast as he could The Colonials chased him as they knew the should. The tiny one hid in a thicket of trees He rapped on a hive and out stormed the bees. Part 23 - Carla - May 15, 2009 "Oh my God!" Adama cried as he ran with the others, "Baltar's raided the lab and grown a small brother!" "Bees!" Sheba shouted, "we must stop, drop and roll!" The group dove and wallowed in a nearby mud hole. "My legs!" Starbuck sputtered, "at least it feels soothing, but Baltar and friend will be in for a bruising!" He rose and staggered as the bees swarmed on by. Cassiopeia giggled as his pants she did spy. Apollo coughed mud as he studied his friend, "I see that your pants will need more than a hem." He coughed once again, composure still tight, "Er, perhaps if you tugged your loincloth to the right." Part 24 - Eugenia - May 15, 2009 Baltar, left forgotten and alone in the glade Watched the ruckus he and friend had made. The little man, who wasn't a man, but a boy, Leapt out of the foliage in joy. "Dad, can we leave? Are we done?" "When your mother gets here off we will run. A merry chase to them you gave At times it was a close shave." Apollo thought the Lords of Kobol with him joked Starbuck's pants always got ripped and soaked. The women hovered and cooed, Hoping to see Starbuck increasingly nude. Part 25 - Carla - May 15, 2009 "Everyone! Please!" Colonel Tigh's voice was crazed, "Lucifer's gone! Let's find where they went!" Adama paused briefly, shook mud from his robe, "Tigh, what makes you think that he wasn't alone?" "Father! The hair! It's still on your head! It may function as bait for the Cylons instead!" Adama paled ashen at Apollo's loud tone, then stole a glance o'er at Starbuck's mud dome. "Let's not be rash," Adama hurriedly replied, "We must find Mini-Baltar, and keep him confined! After we've done that we'll speak of the hair. for now is the time to find villians' lairs!" Part 26 - Robert - May 15, 2009 Thousands more bees were chasing each man Faster and faster each one of the ran The clothing was being torn from goodness to shreds Cannibal bees, they wanted to be fed The men and the women, no one was spared They weren't going to stop, even if dared. Cassie and Sheba, Dietra and Bree Had barely enough covered from heads down to knees. Giles and Greenbean couldn't spare a small peek Losing their strength, making them weak Muffit was not touched; he wasn't alive So he went over and sat, eating the hives. The bees became madder, time for the kill They poured out the honey, onto the ground it did spill The people got stuck with nowhere to go The bees dove on in to finish their foe Just as they were getting ready to feast From out of the woods came a very strange beast. Part 27 - Robert - May 17, 2009 The bees turn and flew as fast as could be As the tall beast emerged, taller than trees. Everyone stopped and froze in their tracks Whomever did this must be a strange quack. Bad enough to have Baltar and Mini-Me. First there were two. Now there are three. This mighty tall one was Baltar the Beast Whose hunger demanded a mammoth of feast. RROOOOOAAAARRRRRRR! Part 28 - Carla - May 17, 2009 "Starbuck! Oh, Starbuck!" Cassiopeia mourned, "I'm covered with honey, and my dress is all torn!" Starbuck's brow furrowed as he waded through honey, "I'll help you, Cassie! Don't worry, I'm coming!" "Starbuck! Apollo! Stop fooling around! Let us move quickly until Baltar's been found!" Tigh's voice was strident as he slapped at a bee, then up swelled his glands as his neck size increased. "He's allergic to bee-stings!" Med-Tech Cassie moved in, snatched a first aid kit and found a syringe, "Hold still, Colonel Tigh. This won't hurt too badly," she into his thigh with the needle struck madly. "Get back, Giant Baltar!" Adama did shout, "We'll deal with you later, when the needle comes out!" "AAIIIEEE!" Tigh was heard as the probe was withdrawn, "I'm feeling much better, now let us move on!" RROOOOOAAAARRRRRRR! Part 29 - Eugenia - May 18, 2009 "Wait just a micron!" Baltar did scream. "This isn't real! It must be a dream! Why do I always end up with relatives strange? Why isn't Starbuck a girl for a change? "Or Apollo acting evil or weird? After all he has the beard. I've had enough. I'm going back to my lair To sort out these shiny locks of scalped hair." With a wild yell, Baltar ran out of sight Leaving the rest to deal with their plight. Starbuck smiled. "You know he has a point About all the craziness in this joint. "What unseen and omnipotent force Dissolves my pants as a matter of course?" "Starbuck, don't tempt the powers overhead, or you'll be coughing up worms," Cassie said. Part 30 - Carla - May 18, 2009 "More Crossover madness?" Adama spoke sadly, "If I were back home on Caprica, I'd transfer out gladly." "Father, don't say that!" Apollo was shaken, "Our will to survive, Baltar hasn't yet taken!" "But what of the Cylons?" Tigh's swelling had eased, "They're wandering the Agro-Ship with the Baltars and bees!" "And what of my hair?" Starbuck felt his smooth dome, "Will I have to make do until new hair has grown?" Adama reached upward, touched the hair on his head, recalling he'd hurried and worn Starbuck's instead. "Commander! Commander!" another voice cried. Adama turned with relief until Wilker he spied. "I have a solution!" said the diminutive doctor, "It'll bring Baltar back, he'll be three men no longer!" Wilker moved forward, but stumbled and fell, and into the honey flew the vial he held. Part 31 - Carla - May 18, 2009 "Look out!" someone shrieked, "the honey, it's moving! Run for your lives! It's mutating, evolving!" "Oh my god, Doctor Wilker! Man, what have you done?" Adama's words faltered as they started to run. "It's alright!" said Wilker, "the honey is safe! There's an anti-aggression drug put into place!" "But that was for Baltar!" Cassiopeia shivered, as from her slight frame, honey ran like a river, "How do we know whom the honey might harm? It's shed all the mud, and now moves to take form!" "Run, Muffy! Run!" Boxey held to his dad, as the daggit, Apollo and Sheba all ran. Tigh clutched the first aid kit and also kept running, "The bees! They've come back! They're attacking the honey!" scooped up Baltar's blanket and tossed it discretely, "Starbuck! Your pants! Put this blanket on quickly! Part 31A - Robert - May 19, 2009 CUT!!!! The director rushed over to the main man, Dirk He knew it would this was trouble and would cause an irk "The toupee they sent you is the wrong color I ordered them to fix it but they really did bother." Dirk opened the box and said quite a dinger. He looked to the director and pointed a finger. "I'm real easy going. The women love me so. But I refuse to wear green hair with a glow." The director nervously nodded while he still had a chance. "I'll fix it myself, and even buy you new pants." Dirk raised his hand to his head to rub it through... Oh wait he was bald and didn't know what do do. ACTION!!!! We now return you to your regularly scheduled Starbuck's Hair Show. Robert (It's been one of those days. This is good stress relief.) Part 32 - Carla - May 19, 2009 Lorn . . . er . . . /Adama/, whirled round in confusion, "First Crossover Madness, and then this intrusion!" "Look!" Starbuck stretched, Baltar's blanket wrapped round him, "What's that in the trees? Something's moved and disturbed them!" The group did then gasp as they saw what approached, Big Baltar was back, bee-keep's mask at his throat. "Quickly, Commander! We must give him the treatment!" Wilker scooped up some honey, made for the large miscreant. "Wilker! Be careful!" Tigh clutched the first aid kit, "The bees want the honey! You might never make it!" To prove Tigh's prediction, the honey, it moved, right through the doc's finger, to the deck it did pool. "Look out, Doctor Wilker!" another voice pleaded, "The bees have won out and the honey's receded!" The small man turned grimly, assessing his plight, When round his small frame, Big Baltar's fingers did light. Up he was lifted, the bees pushed aside, to look face to face into Big Baltar's eyes. "You will be useful," the mutant's voice boomed, "We're off to the lair, the Baltar's you'll improve!" Part 33 - Robert - May 20, 2009 Big Baltar had turned but stopped in his tracks. No one could see past his big back. Off in the distance a loud buzzing was heard Anyone in the way was not too be spared. Bee buzzes of gossip had moved very quick To spread the word on the new honey slick. The buzzing became louder. It was harsh to the ear The louder it grew, it did instill fear. The light became dark as it arrived overhead. The humongous Queen Bee was here to be fed. Everyone cowered and attempted to skatter But the Queen Bee's hunger was all that mattered. Part 34 - Carla - May 20, 2009 "How is this possible!" Adama was stunned, "The Queen Bee is . . . but /how/ was this done!?" The pitch of the buzzing began to fall lower, as the Queen Bee did land and the swarm nearby hovered. "A-daaam-maaaa! It's m-eeeeee-eee!" Mutant Belloby gushed, "I hope that my bees haven't caused you a fuss!" "Belloby! Wha . . . ?" Adama was speechless, "Has Baltar done this? What is the reason?" Belloby smiled, at least that's what was hoped. It was hard to distinguish her lips from her nose. "Eeeeeewwwwww!" Starbuck murmured, and scratched at the blanket, wishing right now for some ale in a tankard. "Never mind how this happened!" Belloby sighed, "I just want the honey, so please stand aside!" Adama and Tigh exchanged a quick glance, "Sir, to save Wilker, the honey's our chance!" "Tigh! Let me handle this!" Adama coughed, tried to smile, "Belloby, perhaps we could work together for a while?" "A-daaaaaa-maaa! You must want back Wilker so badly!" "For just a small favour, I shall help you out gladly!"