But as Betty and Sharon stared in disbelief at Alice and
Apollo about to be wed by Adama, Sheba burst into the room
behind them, weapon drawn.

"How dare you look like me and try to marry the man I love
and prove that my father's always had a thing for
socialators!" she shouted.

Then she threw herself on Alice, weapon drawn.  The two
women struggled, rolling on the floor, fighting for the
laser, shooting wildly, until suddenly, one of them
screamed!

As everyone stared, one of the blonde women who looked like
Sheba rolled away from the other blonde who looked like
Sheba.

"I ... I didn't mean to kill her!"

[Commercial break]

As everyone milled about, Adama leaned over the apparently
dead body.  "Dr. Salik!" he shouted.  "She's not dead!"

Dr. Salik rushed to her side (he'd come rushing in during
the commercial break).  After examining her for a moment, he
announced, "She's not dead!
But she's in a coma.  It could last for a few hours -- or
the rest of her life."

Adama turned to the blonde woman who looked like Sheba, but
may have Alice.
"We have to know ... which one are you?"

"And," added Sire Solon, who had been present for the
sealing, "which one did you shoot?  And did you mean to
shoot her?  Was it self-defense or attempted murder?"

X-UIDL: D%1!!6:2"!RmY"!,Z:!!

but what if Sheba crashes it just to make everyone think it
was Alice...

Ah, but what most people don't realize is that Sheba never
really liked being a Viper pilot.  She just did it to
satisfy her overbearing and egotistical father, Cain.  But
now, she realizes that she has a chance to get out from
under his shadow and do what she really wants -- which is to
become a flower arranger on the Rising Star who spends her
evenings gambling away her mother's fortune.

So it's really Sheba who's the one claiming incurable
amnesia -- she receives a medical disability, signed by
Cassiopeia, who is actually Alice's cousin, who secretly
runs a private detective agency, but is aboard the fleet as
a socialator because that was her undercover identity at the
time of the Destruction, when she was investigating ...
well, something really big and important and top secret!
X-UIDL: Mn9!!S-1"!*?&#!o)S"!

Senmut pondered:
With all this muck coming up about Uri's past, it might be
interesting to wonder, re Baltar's treachery--- "What did
Sire Uri know, and when did he know it?"

Ah, the secret was out.  Muckraker ... uh, journalator
Senmut was on the trail.  His dumpster diving revealed that
Sire Uri was approached by the Cylons before Count Baltar
about betraying the Colonies, but was too lazy to follow
through.  So Uri put the Cylons in contact with Baltar, with
the proviso that whatever was done, he was to live and
escape, and his wife, the tragic, beautiful-but-aging,
ethical Siress Uri, who was running for the office of
Counciler, was to be "accidentally" killed in the chaos.

With this new information, Senmut tried to contact Commander
Adama -- but Adama, actually Uri's long-lost fraternal twin
and co-conspirator, would have nothing to do with him,
assigning Senmut to work for the IFB, reporting from the
Livestock ship.

Fortunately, Senmut was able to make a secret contact aboard
the Galactica, in the shapely shape of Athena, who had long
been wondering what was going on in the fleet.  Shocked to
learn that her real father had been assassinated and
replaced with Uri's brother, and suspecting that her brother
Apollo had gone over the edge, around the bend, and
otherwise nutso, she began a plot of her own...

X-UIDL: jo3"!c&H"!dl(!!gcf"!

Athena and Senmut meet for a long furlough on the Rising
Star, to plot their takeover of IFB so they can reveal a)
that Adama is an imposter and the real Adama was
assassinated by Uri, b) that Apollo has gone insane because
of the daggit eyes and the myriad clones of himself that he
saw, c) that Starbuck is catatonic from his inability to
follow each and every Apollo clone on their suicide missions
(much to the chagrin of two young ensigns), d) that Athena
has become the new fashion dictator of the fleet, and e)
that Senmut is entitled to the Colonial Pulitzer for his
amazingly insightful study of politics on the livestock
ship.

Meanwhile, back in the celestial observation dome of the
Galactica, Omega and Bojay discuss the recent events in the
fleet while waiting for Betty and Sharon to get home -- one
of them shirtless and sweaty from an exercise workout, and
the other fresh out of the shower with only a towel draped
artistically around his hips (small towel -- they have to
save fabric, which is in short supply just like everything
else).  What are they discussing?
Who cares?

Meanwhile, in life center, a blonde woman in a life pod
blinks her eyes, and slowly regains consciousness....
X-UIDL: dgk!!FjO"!=M?!!mSG"!

The blonde woman opens her eyes and claims that she is
neither Sheba nor Alice -- but can't remember who she really
is.  Cassiopeia, who as you recall, used to run a detective
agency until the Destruction, when she was undercover (lots
of them) as a socialator, suspects that all of this goes
back to the childhood abduction of a number of girls,
including Commander Cain and Sire Uri's daughters -- one of
the children, believed to be Sheba, was rescued a yahren a
later, but Cassie now suspects (as she has all along), that
they gave the kid to the wrong father.

(This, of course, would explain why Sheba wants to be a
flower arranger on the Rising Star, and why she's so whiny
and thinks she's entitled to things, but probably doesn't
explain the hair flipping thing.)

In yet another time honored tradition of soap operas, the
discovery that his sweet little girl is still alive changes
Uri's character.  Determined to make amends for the lost
yahrens, he gives away his entire fortune (to his daughter's
great disgust -- told ya she was Uri's daughter).  He also
turns himself in to security, revealing that he is
responsible for everything that's gone wrong in the Colonies
for the past 25 yahrens.

Meanwhile, over on the senior ship, Starbuck has decided to
accost Chameleon and get ... the truth.  "If Uri can reveal
his paternity of the woman we thought was Sheba, and change
because of it, why can't you admit I'm your son?"

Behind the curtain, Blassie listens intently....

X-UIDL: W_@"!P_-!!]$$"!BRD!!

While Starbuck and Chameleon argued, Blassie slipped away
and sent a secret message to a shadowy figure known only as
"M".

As the beginning of their plot to take over IFB, Athena
caused Senmut's report on white rabbits on the livestock
ship to be released on every ship in the fleet.
Unfortunately, some of the rabbits were released too.  (The
plotting duo had planned to use them as couriers.)

Meanwhile, back on the Galactica, Apollo woke up from his
fit of insanity, muttering, "Lo, in the eyes of daggits I
have seen a vision, and it has told me many things, of seas
and ships and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings...."

At the same time, on the Rising Star, the woman once known
as Sheba, whose real name turned out to have been Val (short
for Valium), but who has decided she wants to be called
Britney (except by Bojay, who can call her anything he
wants), delivered an ultimatum to her real father....


And Chameleon answers Starbuck in that time honored
soap tradition..."Look, son, I was with so many women
that half the kids in this fleet could be mine.  But
your mother never told me about you.  Instead she
married another man and passed you off as his son.  Oh
she and I always had unrequited love and I would flash
her knowing looks every chance we got, or everytime we
could monopolize the cameras with our looks, but the
truth is, Baltar was the man she married.  Oh, and you
had a twin."

"Baltar naturally preferred your twin, so you were
sent off to an orphanage with that silly Umbra story
to explain why you were being dropped off like a lost
dagget.  To be quite honest, I think I preferred your
twin too."

Starbuck goes into an angsty pout.  "What's not to
like about me, we are almost exactly the same?"

"Well, your twin had money and was better at cards.
Sorry son, I do have my standards you know."

"Hey, I think I like him better too.  Can he afford
all the ambrosia I can drink?  Where can I find this
guy?"

"Ahh, see, I thought you were him.  So I don't know."

Siress Blassie, still behind that curtain, laughs an
evil laugh...just because she does that occaisionally,
like tourette syndrome or something.  Just happens...

Oh, and she knows where Starbuck's twin is.  Only he's
not a twin...I think it was triplets.  One for each of
those blondes on that ice planet.

X-UIDL: +1o!!5of"!"4k!!WlJ!!

Later, as Starbuck left, she snuck after him.  "Starbuck,"
she called, "there's something you need to know."  Looking
around furtively, she whispered, "I couldn't help
overhearing what Chameleon said.  I want you to know, your
twin brother's name is ... Bart.  I don't know where he is,
but that's his name."

Elated, Starbuck left the senior ship.  Watching him go,
Blassie smiled smugly.  She'd lied about not knowing where
he was, and she'd lied in not telling him there were
triplets, not merely twins.

She went to her quarters to make another report to "M".
Unfortunately, while on the way, she tripped over several of
the escaped LEPUSES! and fell, hitting her head, and being
knocked unconscious.  Too bad she'd taken the back corridor
that's seldom traveled...

Meanwhile, Apollo, who's still seeing visions, is accosting
Adama and Uri.
"I know who you are, and I know what you did!"

"I know you let those women into the replicator room.
I demand to have all these Apollo's removed from the
Galactica!  I am the original.  I know it!"

"Son, I have sent well over half of them on suicide
missions, what more can I do?  I can't help that Women
have taken over the fleet and the last bastion of Male
domination is aboard the Galactica.  I have to appease
the public, I have to appease the Council of 12, which
is now made up of women, well except for Snemut and
Eric which are desperately trying to keep the women
focused on real matters of the fleet, not just who's
dating who and how to break them up.  Why if we
suffered a Cylon attack right now I'm afraid that the
women wouldn't let anyone launch to protect the
fleet."

"Uh Sir, no, it's actually because they'd like a
different launch scene.  They're claiming the one we
have has been overused and well, it doesn't show
enough skin."  Colonel Tigh spoke up.

"Uh, Tigh why don't you have your uniform top on?"
Adama asks.

"Oh, and the council of 12 has issued a new uniform
regulation.  All men must go topless.  Apollo, off
with the shirt."

"That is it!  I have had enough!  Come on Starbuck,
Come on Boomer.  These women must be stopped!"

"Oh good, finally some action!"  Says Starbuck,
placing a fumarello in his mouth and dragging the
still having a fit Boomer along.

Meanwhile, back in the dome....