Battlestar Galactica: Distant Memories The telecom chime next to his bunk was always the first sound Cain heard each morning, when it was time for him to begin a new daily cycle. Always at precisely 0540 according to Colonial Military Time, not a centon sooner or later. That would always give him the twenty centons he routinely needed to wash himself in his private turbowash (a luxury aboard a battlestar granted only to commanders), dress and be on the Pegasus bridge by 0600. And from there, he would plot the venerable battlestar's next move. As he acknowledged Colonel Tolen's telecom chime, he swung his legs out of his bunk, rubbed the stiffness in the back of his neck, and as his eyes wandered about the interior of his quarters, he suddenly caught sight of the digital chronometer on the wall. One that not only accurately told him the time of the cycle, but also flashed the readout of what date it was. As his eyes fell upon the device, he saw that the readoudded, "I'm curious. If the war were to end tomorrow, then what would you do with your life?" Cain shrugged, "Probably stay in the Service." "Doing what? The kind of work someone like that Colonel Hengist does now? You wouldn't last half-a-micron in something like that." "I don't think if the war were ever won, that it would mean we'd lower our defenses for eternity," he said as they resumed walking along the Parade Grounds, "I'm not a Utopian thinker, Bethany. If the Cylon Empire fell, there'd probably be another new enemy to take its place someday, and we'd have to be prepared to face that enemy." "You wouldn't last in that kind of a military either, Cain," Bethany didn't let up, "I think I know you well- enough by now to realize that it isn't just your knowledge of combat tactics that you take pride in. It's the thrill you get from the success of a combat mission. The constant activity of battle. Heading a viper squadron or commanding a battlestar in a peacet Battlestar Galactica: Distant Memories The telecom chime next to his bunk was always the first sound Cain heard each morning, when it was time for him to begin a new daily cycle. Always at precisely 0540 according to Colonial Military Time, not a centon sooner or later. That would always give him the twenty centons he routinely needed to wash himself in his private turbowash (a luxury aboard a battlestar granted only to commanders), dress and be on the Pegasus bridge by 0600. And from there, he would plot the venerable battlestar's next move. As he acknowledged Colonel Tolen's telecom chime, he swung his legs out of his bunk, rubbed the stiffness in the back of his neck, and as his eyes wandered about the interior of his quarters, he suddenly caught sight of the digital chronometer on the wall. One that not only accurately told him the time of the cycle, but also flashed the readout of what date it was. As his eyes fell upon the device, he saw that the readout had just changed from the time to the date. And then, he suddenly froze in his position as he saw what the date was. DAY 238. The 238th day in the standard Colonial yahren. "My God," he whispered. "How could I have lost track?" For everyone else aboard the Pegasus, the 238th day of the yahren held little meaning. No one in the crew had been born on that day, so it would not be the occasion for a Natal Day celebration. Nor was it remotely close to any of the days of celebration and remembrance in the traditional Colonial calendar, or even to any of the dates deemed significant in traditional Colonial religion. But for Commander Cain, today was a day that did have significance. A day that he had always found time to remember for so many yahrens because for him, the 238th day of the yahren always held special meaning for him. Slowly, he made his way over to his desk, and gently sat down in his chair. And then, with some hesitation, hime military would be no different than having a job like Hengist's to you." Cain stopped walking and looked at her again, "Maybe you've got a point, Bethany," he said, "Maybe I don't know what I'd do with my life if there was no more war. But then again, do you know what you'd do, if you couldn't act on a stage anymore? I've seen the way you throw yourself into a part, and it's with the same passion that I admit I feel in a combat situation. Not because I'm bloodthirsty, or insensitive to the human tragedy of people dying in this war, but because this is the thing I excel at better than anything else I'm capable of doing." "I understand," Bethany said gently, "Believe me, I do." "There's one part of your question, I can answer though," Cain seemed to be gathering his inner strength for what he was about to say next, "I may not know what I'd do from a professional standpoint, but I know what I'd do with my spare time. And that's spend more of it with the people I love."t had just changed from the time to the date. And then, he suddenly froze in his position as he saw what the date was. DAY 238. The 238th day in the standard Colonial yahren. "My God," he whispered. "How could I have lost track?" For everyone else aboard the Pegasus, the 238th day of the yahren held little meaning. No one in the crew had been born on that day, so it would not be the occasion for a Natal Day celebration. Nor was it remotely close to any of the days of celebration and remembrance in the traditional Colonial calendar, or even to any of the dates deemed significant in traditional Colonial religion. But for Commander Cain, today was a day that did have significance. A day that he had always found time to remember for so many yahrens because for him, the 238th day of the yahren always held special meaning for him. Slowly, he made his way over to his desk, and gently sat down in his chair. And then, with some hesitation, he turned on the switch that would activate the holograms. Messages sent to him that he'd kept stored in his data base, because they gave him a permanent visual link to the people who'd sent them. People he was now parted from, and in all likelihood irrevocably. He glanced down at the monitor, and frowned as he realized he'd forgotten the right sequence for the holograms. He would have to take a guess on which one was the right one, because it had been so long since he'd last looked at the one he was looking for. He pressed the buttons and an instant later, the face of a beautiful woman with an impish smile formed. "I'll never forget you, you old war daggit. Hurry back." "Frack," Cain clenched his teeth. On this of all days, the last thing he wanted to see was Cassiopeia's image. Not that he'd lost sight of the special place she would always hold in his heart, but because it was so inappropriate. He looked back down at the monitor and pressed another s Her expression didn't change as she looked at him in silence for several microns. When she finally spoke, her words were cautious and carefully measured. "Who are the people you love?" Cain looked her in the eye, "Right now there's only one person who fits into that category," he said, "That's you, Bethany. I love you." Bethany tried to keep the waves of emotion she was feeling go through her in check, "Can you tell me why you love me, Cain?" her voice was still level, "It's not that I don't appreciate what you say, but...." "But because of my past reputation with other women?" Cain finished the thought for her, "Is that it?" "Cain, it's not that I don't trust you," she tried to sound reassuring, hoping desperately that she wouldn't say something she'd later regret, "It's just that I have to hear you tell me in your own words, why you feel this way about me. I......" she took a breath, "I need to hear you open up with all the details, Cain." e turned on the switch that would activate the holograms. Messages sent to him that he'd kept stored in his data base, because they gave him a permanent visual link to the people who'd sent them. People he was now parted from, and in all likelihood irrevocably. He glanced down at the monitor, and frowned as he realized he'd forgotten the right sequence for the holograms. He would have to take a guess on which one was the right one, because it had been so long since he'd last looked at the one he was looking for. He pressed the buttons and an instant later, the face of a beautiful woman with an impish smile formed. "I'll never forget you, you old war daggit. Hurry back." "Frack," Cain clenched his teeth. On this of all days, the last thing he wanted to see was Cassiopeia's image. Not that he'd lost sight of the special place she would always hold in his heart, but because it was so inappropriate. He looked back down at the monitor and pressed another set of digits, and waited for the next image to come up, hoping it would be the right one. The next image came up. The smiling, adoring expression of his daughter. "Happy Birthday, Father. I love you." Cain allowed himself a half-smile. Sheba had sent that to him when she was a senior at the Academy, and he'd gone off on his latest routine patrol with the Fifth Fleet. To Cain, that greeting was the last thing that captured the innocent quality of his daughter as a child. When he'd returned, and she was an Academy graduate, the child was gone, and the young woman with the tough-as-nails determination to duplicate his greatness was all there was now. But even though seeing Sheba's greeting could produce a warm feeling in him, it still wasn't what he was looking for. He looked back down, and realized that the third set of digits had to be it, and he pressed them. This time, the face that formed was a face nearly identical to Sheba's, except for th He let out a light chuckle and gazed skyward as if he were looking for help from the Almighty, "Why," he said aloud, "Why do I love you. Well, that's a good question." "I have to know, Cain," her voice was gentle, but no less emphatic, "Tell me, and then I'll be glad to tell you something as well." Cain forced himself to look at her, trying not to shuffle his feet or make any other kind of awkward gesture. "Bethany," he finally spoke in the most firm tone he could manage, "I love you because you're not like any other woman I've known, and because you have a mind that works just like mine in a lot of ways. You're the only woman I've ever met that I can envision having a meaningful relationship with because I feel totally comfortable thinking of you as an equal." As soon as he had finished, Bethany put her arms around him and for the first time kissed him on the lips. "Thank you for saying that," her tone was contented, "That you think of me as an equal. Heariet of digits, and waited for the next image to come up, hoping it would be the right one. The next image came up. The smiling, adoring expression of his daughter. "Happy Birthday, Father. I love you." Cain allowed himself a half-smile. Sheba had sent that to him when she was a senior at the Academy, and he'd gone off on his latest routine patrol with the Fifth Fleet. To Cain, that greeting was the last thing that captured the innocent quality of his daughter as a child. When he'd returned, and she was an Academy graduate, the child was gone, and the young woman with the tough-as-nails determination to duplicate his greatness was all there was now. But even though seeing Sheba's greeting could produce a warm feeling in him, it still wasn't what he was looking for. He looked back down, and realized that the third set of digits had to be it, and he pressed them. This time, the face that formed was a face nearly identical to Sheba's, except for the eyes. The resemblance was so great, and so powerful, that Cain could understand why he'd never been able to lean on his daughter for support during those terrible, difficult, times for him. The very sight of Sheba could only make him think sadly of all the many yahrens of waste, and all the yahrens of guilt he carried in his heart. "Goodbye, Cain," there was a faint, pleading edge in the soft voice that belonged to a woman named Bethany. "I'll be thinking of you every night.....like I always do." He pressed the button that would freeze the image, allowing him to look at her face and study it. My God, he thought with horror. How could I have missed it? The sad loneliness she had to be feeling those last yahrens as the furlons became shorter, and the time we spent together was even less than it had ever been. And the fact that Sheba wasn't going to be around for her any longer, and was going to follow in my footsteps. God, what kind of torture did I ng you admit that vindicates everything I've been thinking about you." "What have you been thinking?" he asked as he refused to let go of her. She smiled brightly, "That there was more to you than just the man everyone read about in Soldier's Review. That underneath all that egocentric braggadocio, you have a loving, sensitive side too." "Only when I'm with you," he smiled back, "Only with you." "That's all that matters to me," Bethany said, "Because that part of you is what I'm in love with, Cain. And it's the only side that I want to see when you're with me. Be the other Cain when you're flying your vipers and blasting the Cylons to infinity, as long as you never keep this other side of you hidden from me." "I won't," he said, "I swear by all the Lords of Kobol I won't. You're the only woman I've ever felt comfortable with this way, and I don't ever want to lose you." "You never will," Bethany let out another contented sigh as she rested her head oe eyes. The resemblance was so great, and so powerful, that Cain could understand why he'd never been able to lean on his daughter for support during those terrible, difficult, times for him. The very sight of Sheba could only make him think sadly of all the many yahrens of waste, and all the yahrens of guilt he carried in his heart. "Goodbye, Cain," there was a faint, pleading edge in the soft voice that belonged to a woman named Bethany. "I'll be thinking of you every night.....like I always do." He pressed the button that would freeze the image, allowing him to look at her face and study it. My God, he thought with horror. How could I have missed it? The sad loneliness she had to be feeling those last yahrens as the furlons became shorter, and the time we spent together was even less than it had ever been. And the fact that Sheba wasn't going to be around for her any longer, and was going to follow in my footsteps. God, what kind of torture did I put her through those last yahrens? As Cain reached down to press the button that would let the hologram message continue, he found that his hand was shaking. "And Cain," Bethany went on, her voice almost quivering with longing, "I....hope you know that.....being your wife all these yahrens, has been the greatest joy of my life. More meaningful than any award I ever received. And....I love you with all my heart. Always." And then, the message ended. And Commander Cain, the Juggernaut who'd stood unflinching in the face of battle for so many yahrens, lowered his head and cried. So lost was he in his sense of guilt and grief, that he didn't hear the telecom on his desk chiming for what might have been centons. When he finally noticed it, he abruptly snapped himself back to attention and picked it. "Yes?" he tried to put all of the Juggernaut in his voice, but he knew he'd fallen short, just a bit. "Commander, it's past 0600----," Colonel Tolen his shoulder, "You never will.".... ************************************************************ ******************************************* ........You never will......you never will. The ghostly echo of her words reasonated through Cain's head as he made the final adjustment to his uniform, and then cast another glance back at the Hologram projector where he had seen her image only centons ago. "But I did lose you," he whispered aloud. "I lost you without getting a chance to say goodbye, and to......" he took a breath, "To ask you to forgive me for all the things I didn't do for you." He sat down in his chair again and rubbed his temples. He was past his revised deadline for reporting to the Pegasus' bridge, but he didn't care. His mind was still filled with the distant memories of the past. The happiness they'd brought him......and the guilt they now evoked ************************************************************ ********************************put her through those last yahrens? As Cain reached down to press the button that would let the hologram message continue, he found that his hand was shaking. "And Cain," Bethany went on, her voice almost quivering with longing, "I....hope you know that.....being your wife all these yahrens, has been the greatest joy of my life. More meaningful than any award I ever received. And....I love you with all my heart. Always." And then, the message ended. And Commander Cain, the Juggernaut who'd stood unflinching in the face of battle for so many yahrens, lowered his head and cried. So lost was he in his sense of guilt and grief, that he didn't hear the telecom on his desk chiming for what might have been centons. When he finally noticed it, he abruptly snapped himself back to attention and picked it. "Yes?" he tried to put all of the Juggernaut in his voice, but he knew he'd fallen short, just a bit. "Commander, it's past 0600----," Colonel Tolen sounded slightly concerned. "Yes, yes, I'm sorry. I'll be down in about fifteen centons, I had to attend to some....business." He then hung up the telecom without waiting for a response from his executive officer. And then, he let out a long, slow exhale, to try and collect himself. When he'd done that, he found that he couldn't avoid the temptation to play back the hologram again. Listening to the voice of his wife in the last message he'd ever received from her. The last image of her that he'd ever seen alive. "Bethany," Cain whispered, "Forgive me. By all the Lords of Kobol, forgive me for not being there. You were always the one I ended up hurting most." At that moment, the only things Cain could think of was how many times he had never been there for her, and how he had done her so many injustices. How his obsessive lust for battle had kept him away from home for more than two- thirds the length of their thirty yahren marriage, and how he*********** ........ "It's so good to see you both!" Ila exclaimed happily as she saw a beaming Cain and Bethany standing in the entryway of the apartment. "Come in and sit down." "Actually, we don't have time to come in," Bethany's expression and tone were coy. "We stopped by because we wanted to ask you and Adama to come with us." "Come with you?" her childhood friend lifted an eyebrow. "To where?" "To the District Justice Center," Cain said, trying to keep himself contained. "We....need two witnesses." Ila's mouth fell open, "Good Lords of Kobol, you don't mean to tell me that you two----," she trailed off, unable to say it. "Yes," Bethany beamed proudly as she wrapped an arm around Cain's midsection "We're getting married and that means the rest of Cain's furlon can be our honeymoon." "I don't believe it!" Ila shook her head, "Let me get Adama!" As she disappeared inside the apartment, Cain and Bethany gazed at each other and shan sounded slightly concerned. "Yes, yes, I'm sorry. I'll be down in about fifteen centons, I had to attend to some....business." He then hung up the telecom without waiting for a response from his executive officer. And then, he let out a long, slow exhale, to try and collect himself. When he'd done that, he found that he couldn't avoid the temptation to play back the hologram again. Listening to the voice of his wife in the last message he'd ever received from her. The last image of her that he'd ever seen alive. "Bethany," Cain whispered, "Forgive me. By all the Lords of Kobol, forgive me for not being there. You were always the one I ended up hurting most." At that moment, the only things Cain could think of was how many times he had never been there for her, and how he had done her so many injustices. How his obsessive lust for battle had kept him away from home for more than two- thirds the length of their thirty yahren marriage, and how he'd missed all the important things in her life. He hadn't been there when Bethany went through a difficult pregnancy that resulted in her being unable to have children again after Sheba was born. He hadn't been there to share in any of her triumphs as one of the finest, no damn it, he thought *the* finest stage actresses in the history of Caprican theater. Never being there for any of the opening nights, or the awards ceremonies that had allowed her to enjoy fame and glory of her own, independent of her identity as Commander Cain's wife. And the cruelest cut of all. He hadn't been there when she needed him most. When she was suddenly stricken with an incurable disease called Gamma Syndrome, that resulted in horrible suffering for more than a sectan, with steady deterioration of the brain, producing wild, feverish delirium before the release of death finally came. He had been on deep patrol with the Pegasus at the time, far removed from an outpost where a message could red another quick kiss. "The sealing license may cost us fifty cubits," Bethany said, "But the reaction on her face was priceless." "There are some things money can't buy," Cain chuckled as he kissed her again and glanced inside, "I only hope Adama isn't annoyed by the fact that our sealing ceremony will be totally civil in nature, with none of the usual religious trappings." "Fairly devout man?" she asked. "Very." Bethany sighed, "I don't like to call myself a Skeptic, because I can't buy the idea that the universe is all based on random chance, but.....I've never felt comfortable with all the trappings of traditional religion. I envy those who can have a deep, secure faith, but.....I don't think I could ever be like that." "Likewise," Cain sighed. "No warrior can ever be a total Skeptic, but.....I think you're right, there's too much about all the ceremony of formal religion that just strikes me as a waste. Especially sealing ceremonies." 'd missed all the important things in her life. He hadn't been there when Bethany went through a difficult pregnancy that resulted in her being unable to have children again after Sheba was born. He hadn't been there to share in any of her triumphs as one of the finest, no damn it, he thought *the* finest stage actresses in the history of Caprican theater. Never being there for any of the opening nights, or the awards ceremonies that had allowed her to enjoy fame and glory of her own, independent of her identity as Commander Cain's wife. And the cruelest cut of all. He hadn't been there when she needed him most. When she was suddenly stricken with an incurable disease called Gamma Syndrome, that resulted in horrible suffering for more than a sectan, with steady deterioration of the brain, producing wild, feverish delirium before the release of death finally came. He had been on deep patrol with the Pegasus at the time, far removed from an outpost where a message could have been relayed to him. By the time he'd received the news that his wife was dying, he'd frantically tried to return in time, only to arrive eighteen centars after she'd slipped away for good. Her last words, the delirious cries of pleading and longing for her husband to take her hand and talk to her, and give her some support and relief at that terrible instant. And the more he thought about it, the more he could understand why Sheba had initially hated Cassiopeia so much. After all the yahrens of not showing enough attention to his wife, Cain had scarcely wept more than two sectars for her when he suddenly found relief in the arms of a socialator. Though he never would have put Cassiopeia in the same category as all the socialators he'd known in his younger days, he could now see why it had seemed so selfish of him to seek someone like Cassiopeia out. Even though the deeper reason for why he'd turned to someone like Cassiopeia had been his inability to confront the g A half-centon later, a still incredulous Ila had emerged with Adama in tow. The black-haired lieutenant's expression was considerably milder than his wife's. "Congratulations," he smiled and embraced his friend. "I had a feeling this was going to happen, the micron you said you were going out with each other." "Spoken like a true tactician," Cain returned it. "We've got an airtaxi waiting outside. There isn't a micron to waste!" And so, the four of them had ridden to downtown Caprica City, where Cain and Bethany were married in a brief civil ceremony that lasted all but five centons. The two of them then spent the next four sectars together, and Cain knew that he'd never have another complaint about the length of rotation furlons again....... ......What a happy time, Cain wistfully thought as the cold reality of the present came back to him. When everything was so innocent and new for us. Before all the....complications. From that point on,have been relayed to him. By the time he'd received the news that his wife was dying, he'd frantically tried to return in time, only to arrive eighteen centars after she'd slipped away for good. Her last words, the delirious cries of pleading and longing for her husband to take her hand and talk to her, and give her some support and relief at that terrible instant. And the more he thought about it, the more he could understand why Sheba had initially hated Cassiopeia so much. After all the yahrens of not showing enough attention to his wife, Cain had scarcely wept more than two sectars for her when he suddenly found relief in the arms of a socialator. Though he never would have put Cassiopeia in the same category as all the socialators he'd known in his younger days, he could now see why it had seemed so selfish of him to seek someone like Cassiopeia out. Even though the deeper reason for why he'd turned to someone like Cassiopeia had been his inability to confront the g throughout their thirty-three yahrens of marriage, Cain found himself only able to spend the total equivalent of one-third of that time with Bethany. And while he had always been true to his word and showed only the side of himself that Bethany had fallen in love with, when they were together, there had never been any escaping the burden Bethany had to carry with being the wife of the most renowned warrior in the Colonies. And with it, all the times that Cain hadn't been able to be there for her. At that instant, he could now remember word-for-word all of the important events in her life that he had found out about only through the form of a distant holotape message relayed to him when he'd been far out in deep space, on some kind of assignment with the Pegasus. "You won't believe it! The Colony Award for best actress of the yahren! I won!" "Dr. Craigmar told me the good news this morning. I'm pregnant!" "We have a beautiful, baby daughter, Cainuilt by leaning on his daughter, who ultimately had too much of her mother in her to let him do that and not feel the guilt only grow worse. The end result had been an ugly situation with Sheba and Cassiopeia that he had failed to take action on, to try and put an end to. All part of his desire to avoid confronting the painful realites of what troubled him deep inside. And Cassiopeia had also sensed that he'd not been able to come to terms properly with his wife's death, which had prevented their relationship from going further than it had gone. Even though he had seen things mercifully resolved between Sheba and Cassiopeia before he had been parted from them nine sectars ago, Cain knew he still hadn't settled all of the terrible matters in his heart that troubled him still. Especially the way he had left things so unfinished with Bethany. But unlike the situation with Sheba and Cassiopeia, he knew there was no hope ever of seeing those matters resolved. Bethany uilt by leaning on his daughter, who ultimately had too much of her mother in her to let him do that and not feel the guilt only grow worse. The end result had been an ugly situation with Sheba and Cassiopeia that he had failed to take action on, to try and put an end to. All part of his desire to avoid confronting the painful realites of what troubled him deep inside. And Cassiopeia had also sensed that he'd not been able to come to terms properly with his wife's death, which had prevented their relationship from going further than it had gone. Even though he had seen things mercifully resolved between Sheba and Cassiopeia before he had been parted from them nine sectars ago, Cain knew he still hadn't settled all of the terrible matters in his heart that troubled him still. Especially the way he had left things so unfinished with Bethany. But unlike the situation with Sheba and Cassiopeia, he knew there was no hope ever of seeing those matters resolved. Bethany . She has your eyes and she's a feisty little one!" "You were wishing me luck again, Cain, and it paid off. I am now the first woman in the history of the Caprican National Theater to win four Colony Awards." "Sheba's been accepted to the Academy with full scholarship honors." The greatest triumphs of his wife's life, and not once had he been able to share the immediate joy with her. Always learning of it after the fact. Why shouldn't it have been surprising then, that it was via a hologram message, not from Bethany, but from a very distraught Sheba, that first gave him the news. "Daddy, you have to get home as fast as you can! Mom, she's......she's dying, Daddy. Something called Gamma Syndrome. I.....Lords of Kobol, Daddy, she's only got at most a few sectans to live, and she's losing her grip on reality. She needs you there, Daddy. I know you're so far away, but please, please by all the Lords get home as fast as you can!" He had was gone forever, without any chance for him to have made the amends he knew he should have made with her. And on this, the anniversary of the day he had met his wife, and on a day when he had forgotten it was approaching, he could only feel that sensation of guilt and shame he carried inside him open up anew. As he finally headed for the turbowash, he cast another glance at the calendar and let out a said sigh. "The 238th day," he said aloud. "Oh God, I wish it was thirty-five yahrens ago." He stepped into the turbowash and as he felt the soothing jets of hot water hit his body, his mind was far away from the responsibilities he and the crew of the Pegasus were facing that day. Instead, he found himself closing his eyes, trying to summon a picture of what it had been like back then. He was five yahrens out of the Academy, and as a lieutenant had already caught everyone's attention as the finest young warrior of his generation..... "Lieutenant Cain, rwas gone forever, without any chance for him to have made the amends he knew he should have made with her. And on this, the anniversary of the day he had met his wife, and on a day when he had forgotten it was approaching, he could only feel that sensation of guilt and shame he carried inside him open up anew. As he finally headed for the turbowash, he cast another glance at the calendar and let out a said sigh. "The 238th day," he said aloud. "Oh God, I wish it was thirty-five yahrens ago." He stepped into the turbowash and as he felt the soothing jets of hot water hit his body, his mind was far away from the responsibilities he and the crew of the Pegasus were facing that day. Instead, he found himself closing his eyes, trying to summon a picture of what it had been like back then. He was five yahrens out of the Academy, and as a lieutenant had already caught everyone's attention as the finest young warrior of his generation..... "Lieutenant Cain, rdropped everything, and frantically put into a liberty port where he'd left his battlestar behind and taken a series of fast transport vehicles to get back to the Colonies as was humanly possible. He had been so distraught by the news that he had considered using the Pegasus herself to get back, but for all his unorthodox ways, even he knew what kind of penalties he could suffer for taking a battlestar out of action for a personal reason. And so, he had tried to get back, hoping he'd be there before the end would come......only to arrive in the Caprica City hospital where Sheba had been waiting for him, and to tell him that he'd been too late. That Bethany, suffering from a debilitating brain disease that had been causing progressive memory loss at first, and then a state of feverish delirium, had died only sixteen centars before. Just long enough for her to be removed from her hospital bed. Her last words, in her feverish state of incoherence, a pleading cry for her husbandeporting sir!" "At ease," there was an edge of distaste in the voice of Commander Summner, the Pegasus' commanding officer for more than thirty-five yahrens, as he looked at the rigid, attentive form of the young warrior who had distinguished himself so many times since he'd been assigned to the venerable battlestar, four yahrens earlier, after a tour of duty on the Cerberus. In that time, Summner had come to admire Cain as the best warrior he'd ever seen in more than sixty yahrens of active duty in the military, but on this occasion, he was anything but pleased. "Lieutenant," the commander rose from his chair, "Do you know why I summoned you?" "No sir," Cain remained at attention. Although he had a brash streak within him when it came to his assessment of superior officers that he held a dislike for, Summner was a definite exception. One of the reasons why he'd stayed with the Pegasus was because he admired Summner's tenacity for battle, and disdain for followingeporting sir!" "At ease," there was an edge of distaste in the voice of Commander Summner, the Pegasus' commanding officer for more than thirty-five yahrens, as he looked at the rigid, attentive form of the young warrior who had distinguished himself so many times since he'd been assigned to the venerable battlestar, four yahrens earlier, after a tour of duty on the Cerberus. In that time, Summner had come to admire Cain as the best warrior he'd ever seen in more than sixty yahrens of active duty in the military, but on this occasion, he was anything but pleased. "Lieutenant," the commander rose from his chair, "Do you know why I summoned you?" "No sir," Cain remained at attention. Although he had a brash streak within him when it came to his assessment of superior officers that he held a dislike for, Summner was a definite exception. One of the reasons why he'd stayed with the Pegasus was because he admired Summner's tenacity for battle, and disdain for following, calling his name over and over again. But he'd been too late. Too late to just see her one last time and hold her hand, and give her some reassuraning words of love. Too late to tell her how sorry he was for all the things he'd missed out on in the many yahrens of their marriage. Too late to let her know how sorry he'd been for not realizing the anguish she'd gone through in the latter yahrens, when his absences grew more frequent, and she had to start dealing with the reality of Sheba growing up and choosing his path of becoming a warrior as well. A decision that Bethany had never once expressed a critical word about, but one that he now realized had left her troubled inside, because it would only add to her growing sense of loneliness. It was only after she was gone, that he could look back and realize there were so many signs he'd missed that had signaled her inner anguish. The sad, downcast quality of her eyes. The way she'd hold him so tightly whenever they the letter of tactical warfare guides. Unlike other commanders he knew, Summner just allowed a warrior's instincts to carry the day to victory, and the end results always bore that judgment out, as far as Cain was concerned. Because of that, Cain literally idolized his commander and loved him like a father. "You ought to know why," Summner looked him in the eye, "Your squadron is scheduled for a six sectar furlon. But according to the reports I'm getting from Captain Janos and Colonel Arius, you plan on staying with the Pegasus for the next combat tour." "That's true, sir." The Pegasus commander shook his head, "Now why in the name of Hades after more than three yahrens of continuous combat duty, with only short liberties amounting to one sectar in all that time, would you want to stay aboard for another combat tour?" "A practical reason, sir. I've been studying the situation in the Tarsus Nebulae, which you indicated is where our next assignment will be." the letter of tactical warfare guides. Unlike other commanders he knew, Summner just allowed a warrior's instincts to carry the day to victory, and the end results always bore that judgment out, as far as Cain was concerned. Because of that, Cain literally idolized his commander and loved him like a father. "You ought to know why," Summner looked him in the eye, "Your squadron is scheduled for a six sectar furlon. But according to the reports I'm getting from Captain Janos and Colonel Arius, you plan on staying with the Pegasus for the next combat tour." "That's true, sir." The Pegasus commander shook his head, "Now why in the name of Hades after more than three yahrens of continuous combat duty, with only short liberties amounting to one sectar in all that time, would you want to stay aboard for another combat tour?" "A practical reason, sir. I've been studying the situation in the Tarsus Nebulae, which you indicated is where our next assignment will be." 'd first meet or say goodbye to each other during a furlon, as though she never wanted to let go of him again. Her unspoken, but subliminally evident lack of enthusiasm for the fact that Sheba had chosen to follow his footsteps and as a result, be parted from her as often as he was. He had to admit that he'd kept his word to Bethany in that while he was home, he'd been exactly the kind of man she wanted him to be. The loving, sensitive husband and father who put the Juggernaut aside for those occasions of family and togetherness. But now, he realized that his problem had been that he'd compartmentalized himself too much, and had not let enough of that other side of him, the one Bethany had loved, stay within him during the separations, which might have made him more sensitive to his wife's plight. True, he'd always been faithful to her, and had never once fallen prey to any temptations that had crossed his path, but only too late did he realize that there were other are "Yes, I can just imagine you spent the whole last sectan reading everything about the Tarsus Nebulae, and all the intelligence reports on Cylon strength in that area." Summner's voice had an edge of sarcasm. "Well, Cain, you can forget it, because you're not going on this combat tour, and that decision of mine is irrevocable." "But sir!" Cain protested, "I----," "Don't speak, unless I grant you permission!" the Commander interrupted sharply. "Now listen to me, Lieutenant, and listen good! According to regulations, when one squadron has been on continuous duty for more than two yahrens, that means they *must* take an extended furlon of six sectars and rotate with another squadron that has also been on similar furlon. Your squadron was due for that six sectars ago, but because of the problems we encountered in the Antiochean Cluster, I went against the rules and decided your group needed to stay because it was more up to the combat challenge. But this time, I'm "Yes, I can just imagine you spent the whole last sectan reading everything about the Tarsus Nebulae, and all the intelligence reports on Cylon strength in that area." Summner's voice had an edge of sarcasm. "Well, Cain, you can forget it, because you're not going on this combat tour, and that decision of mine is irrevocable." "But sir!" Cain protested, "I----," "Don't speak, unless I grant you permission!" the Commander interrupted sharply. "Now listen to me, Lieutenant, and listen good! According to regulations, when one squadron has been on continuous duty for more than two yahrens, that means they *must* take an extended furlon of six sectars and rotate with another squadron that has also been on similar furlon. Your squadron was due for that six sectars ago, but because of the problems we encountered in the Antiochean Cluster, I went against the rules and decided your group needed to stay because it was more up to the combat challenge. But this time, I'mas where he hadn't honored her properly. And for those reasons, his guilt would seemingly never go away. Damn, he sighed with a heavy heart as he checked his chronometer and realized he was late by nearly forty centons to the Bridge. If he didn't get there soon, Tolen might well send Security up to see if he'd suffered some kind of physical collapse. "Forgive me, Bethany," he said aloud. "Forgive me." He started and made his way to the door, and then abruptly stopped in his tracks, for seemingly no reason. This time, his face was a study of concentration, as if he were somehow listening to someone even though there was no one in the room, and no voice he could hear. But there was in fact a presence in the room at that instant. A totally unseen presence that had stood before him the entire time and had heard everything he'd said aloud and studied all of his thoughts. If Cain had been able to see the presence, he would have seen a figure garbed entirely not going to push you, or your group any further. Silver Spar Squadron is taking a six sectar furlon, and Green Squadron is returning for this combat engagement." "Sir, I understand the need for the rest of the men in Silver Spar to take their extended furlon, but-," "Lieutenant, I told you not to speak!" Summner's voice grew more harsh. "When Silver Spar takes a furlon, that means all of you, not just the ones deemed less important in your eyes. Tomorrow morning, you and your men are going home, and that is final." Cain stiffened slightly in disappointment. "Request permission to speak, sir?" he didn't conceal the hurt he felt. "Granted," Summner leaned back and relaxed. "Sir," the young lieutenant kept his tone respectful, "I appreciate your perspective, but I see little practical value in my taking such an extended absence. If it's possible, could I rejoin the Pegasus after a shorter duration----." "No," Summner cut him off. "Sin not going to push you, or your group any further. Silver Spar Squadron is taking a six sectar furlon, and Green Squadron is returning for this combat engagement." "Sir, I understand the need for the rest of the men in Silver Spar to take their extended furlon, but-," "Lieutenant, I told you not to speak!" Summner's voice grew more harsh. "When Silver Spar takes a furlon, that means all of you, not just the ones deemed less important in your eyes. Tomorrow morning, you and your men are going home, and that is final." Cain stiffened slightly in disappointment. "Request permission to speak, sir?" he didn't conceal the hurt he felt. "Granted," Summner leaned back and relaxed. "Sir," the young lieutenant kept his tone respectful, "I appreciate your perspective, but I see little practical value in my taking such an extended absence. If it's possible, could I rejoin the Pegasus after a shorter duration----." "No," Summner cut him off. "Sinin white and with an expression of pure love and tenderness. "Oh Cain," she sighed, "How I wish I could appear directly to you and let you know it's all right. But that's not allowed of any of us. All we can be is an unseen presence, standing beside you in these lonely centons, and hoping that what we can say to you will penetrate the unconscious mind. For so long, I've waited for the right time to do this, and now, that time has come." She then drew close to him, reaching out, as if to touch him, even though it was something her ethereal form wasn't capable of doing. "Don't let guilt destroy you any more," her words were both tender and forceful at the same time. "From where I am now, I can only look back and see how blest I was in life to have you for my husband. And how having you for only a third of the time we were married was more meaningful to me than if I'd had someone else who was never a warrior, and had always been home." She drew closerce we'll be out of range of the Colonies by then, there is no way of accomodating you. You ought to know better than to ask a foolish question like that, Lieutenant." Cain shook his head in frustration, "Whose idea was it that such a long furlon was needed for anyone? Hades Hole, six sectars is long enough for one's skills to grow rusty so that by the time he returns, he's totally off kilter when it comes to doing the job right!" "A valid point, Lieutenant, but what you leave out is the fact that a long furlon under the rotation system, is what's needed to keep morale high in a squadron that spends so much extended time away from home. The last two sectans before you return to duty, you'll be taking refresher courses out of District Headquarters on your particular home colony, and you'll need to make a once a sectar check-in in the earlier periods, but giving the warriors free rein to do as they please for the bulk of that time has never hurt warrior efficiency in alce we'll be out of range of the Colonies by then, there is no way of accomodating you. You ought to know better than to ask a foolish question like that, Lieutenant." Cain shook his head in frustration, "Whose idea was it that such a long furlon was needed for anyone? Hades Hole, six sectars is long enough for one's skills to grow rusty so that by the time he returns, he's totally off kilter when it comes to doing the job right!" "A valid point, Lieutenant, but what you leave out is the fact that a long furlon under the rotation system, is what's needed to keep morale high in a squadron that spends so much extended time away from home. The last two sectans before you return to duty, you'll be taking refresher courses out of District Headquarters on your particular home colony, and you'll need to make a once a sectar check-in in the earlier periods, but giving the warriors free rein to do as they please for the bulk of that time has never hurt warrior efficiency in al to him, "You have so many challenges and opportunities left ahead of you in your life, Cain. And you can't let any part of the past distract you from facing those challenges, and that includes your guilt over my death and the pain you feel over being separated from Sheba. So right now, I'm hear to tell you that you don't need forgiveness from me, because there isn't anything about the life I had with you that I'd ever change. We were blest by the Lords to be brought together, and that's all that matters." She then paused for an instant, as Cain remained locked in his position. "And as for Sheba.....I wish I could tell you whether or not you'll see her again, which I know you long for more than anything else, but the future is not for me to let you know about. All I can tell you is that.....she's doing fine right now, in her new life aboard the Galactica. I can't ever tell you anything specific, but.....please for her sake, put your mind at ease about her, and just stayl the yahrens I've been in the service. It's a good system, and that means even warriors who think themself to be indispensable should partake in it as well." Cain again shook his head, "One night of liberty in a spaceport I can handle. A six sectar furlon is another matter. I don't have any family to visit. How do I keep myself occupied without going mad?" "Try to enjoy the things in life that matter more than being a combat flyer," Summner said, "There's a lot of stuff going on in Caprica City . Take your girlfriend out and have some fun." The young lieutenant glanced oddly at him, "Sir, do you honestly think I have a girl waiting at home for me, in light of what I do during liberties in a spaceport?" "Yes, yes, I'm sorry I said that. In that case, Lieutenant, do the honorable thing and find a steady girl while you're home. The last thing I'd want to know is that you spent six sectars doing the kind of things you do on one-night liberties." l the yahrens I've been in the service. It's a good system, and that means even warriors who think themself to be indispensable should partake in it as well." Cain again shook his head, "One night of liberty in a spaceport I can handle. A six sectar furlon is another matter. I don't have any family to visit. How do I keep myself occupied without going mad?" "Try to enjoy the things in life that matter more than being a combat flyer," Summner said, "There's a lot of stuff going on in Caprica City . Take your girlfriend out and have some fun." The young lieutenant glanced oddly at him, "Sir, do you honestly think I have a girl waiting at home for me, in light of what I do during liberties in a spaceport?" "Yes, yes, I'm sorry I said that. In that case, Lieutenant, do the honorable thing and find a steady girl while you're home. The last thing I'd want to know is that you spent six sectars doing the kind of things you do on one-night liberties." focused on the things you need to do right here and now." For the first time, Cain's bearing seemed to recover some of its old poise. There was a smile from the unseen presence and then she said what for her, would be her final words on this occasion. "Goodbye, Cain. My love will always be with you. Both here, and in the life beyond." And at that instant, her presence faded from the room. Had Cain turned around at that instant and looked out the porthole he would have seen several flashes of brilliant white light darting across the stars. But instead, the Juggernaut's attention was directed forward, and with it, the realization that he'd been wasting valuable time. Along with a realization that all the terrible feelings of guilt and regret that had been filling his heart and soul, had suddenly for some inexplicable reason, lifted completely. As if dissipated like a sun destroying the early morning mist. With that sudden renewed strength fill "That's precisely my point, sir," Cain said, "That's why I'm not cut out to have such an extended leave. Liberty breaks are great as a safety valve for a warrior, but they should come only in short intervals, spaced widely apart. Back home, I won't have a disciplined routine to keep me out of trouble." "Well, consider this a new experience in military discipline for you, Cain," Summner folded his arms, "You're going to learn for yourself how a warrior handles a long period of idleness, and learns to develop an orderly routine on his own. That's another reason why these long furlons are thought of highly, because they make a warrior think more on his feet when he doesn't have a hovering presence of superiors constantly about him." Summer paused for effect and then went on, "And there's another reason why I want you to take this now, Cain. No matter how good I think you are, if you didn't get away for an extended period, you'd burn yourself out eventually, even if "That's precisely my point, sir," Cain said, "That's why I'm not cut out to have such an extended leave. Liberty breaks are great as a safety valve for a warrior, but they should come only in short intervals, spaced widely apart. Back home, I won't have a disciplined routine to keep me out of trouble." "Well, consider this a new experience in military discipline for you, Cain," Summner folded his arms, "You're going to learn for yourself how a warrior handles a long period of idleness, and learns to develop an orderly routine on his own. That's another reason why these long furlons are thought of highly, because they make a warrior think more on his feet when he doesn't have a hovering presence of superiors constantly about him." Summer paused for effect and then went on, "And there's another reason why I want you to take this now, Cain. No matter how good I think you are, if you didn't get away for an extended period, you'd burn yourself out eventually, even if ing him, he turned back and saw the digital chronometer on his desk again, and this time found himself smiling. "Happy Anniversary, Bethany," he said without any trace of guilt, and only joy for all that he'd shared with her. And then he stepped out into the corridor, and with the old spring in his step back, the Juggernaut prepared to face another new challenge for the day. you did get a night's liberty somewhere. And if that were to happen to my best warrior in a critical mission, the results would be disastrous." Cain lowered his head slightly, which caused Summner to get to his feet, come over to him and place a hand on his shoulder. "Listen Cain," a paternal edge entered his voice, "I think the universe of your abilities. I really think you have a chance to keep rising through the ranks so fast, that you could end up with a command of your own in literally no time at all. You might even be the one who ends up taking over this old girl when I finally retire." The young lieutenant's head perked up slightly. "But take it from someone older and wiser than you. If none of us took the time to relax and get away from the war for a while, we'd all be burnt out automatons sooner or later. The Cylons would be able to march right through without a fight until they reached the gates of the Caprican Presidium. By taking this furlon, you'you did get a night's liberty somewhere. And if that were to happen to my best warrior in a critical mission, the results would be disastrous." Cain lowered his head slightly, which caused Summner to get to his feet, come over to him and place a hand on his shoulder. "Listen Cain," a paternal edge entered his voice, "I think the universe of your abilities. I really think you have a chance to keep rising through the ranks so fast, that you could end up with a command of your own in literally no time at all. You might even be the one who ends up taking over this old girl when I finally retire." The young lieutenant's head perked up slightly. "But take it from someone older and wiser than you. If none of us took the time to relax and get away from the war for a while, we'd all be burnt out automatons sooner or later. The Cylons would be able to march right through without a fight until they reached the gates of the Caprican Presidium. By taking this furlon, you'